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The majority of people have very low standards in life therefore they don’t achieve
much. They don’t dream big because they think it’s unrealistic. So they only expect
to have an average life and average life they get.
It’s easy to see how much the person will achieve in life by looking at his
standards. If the person hopes to someday own a second-hand car, that shows that
he has low standards. Such poor standards will never allow him to see any
opportunities for buying a new car.
Settling down for the second best should never be anyone’s goal. Everyone can and
is entitled to get only the best, yet because most people don’t raise their standards,
they keep experiencing average stuff in their lives.
Raising standards means refusing to accept something that is not what you want.
That should by no means be interpreted as pushing against that which you don’t
want, because that will keep you stuck forever. It only means that you no longer
agree to tolerate something that you’re not satisfied with and you focus on and
demand better conditions. It means burning bridges to distance yourself from the
average life and reaching for the better life.
Raising standards means distancing yourself from the people you no longer
resonate with and being open to more enriching relationships.
Raising standards means quitting your job and focusing on building your own
business to experience real freedom.
Raising standards means moving out of the environment you never liked and
having courage to move into much more pleasant surroundings.
Raising standards means refusing to buy cheap stuff that makes you feel average.
Raising standards means being able to say “no” when you want and not feel guilty
Raising standards means knowing your worth and refusing to settle down for things
that don’t appeal to you.
I raised my standards by refusing to work for someone else. I didn’t care if that
would mean having no money for some time, I just couldn’t put up with being
someone’s slave anymore. To me, working for someone else meant loss of freedom
and being used as a tool for someone else to succeed. Life eventually gave me
what I was asking for – it always does, just some people don’t wait long enough to
receive what they asked for.
I get a lot of emails from people asking me for advice for one particular problem –
they do everything right, yet nothing seems to change. They visualise, they think
positively and do all the other stuff that is necessary to improve their lives, yet
things remain exactly as they were. So here’s my solution to this problem: you
need to give some time for everything to change. Nothing can change instantly in
your environment when you start thinking positively. Give some time and you will
definitely get what you demand.
Anyone who succeeds in whatever they pursue do so because they refuse to accept
less than what they want. For example, R. Kiyosaki (self-made millionaire)
absolutely refused to work for someone else.
(By the way, his story really inspired me and contributed to my self employment.
Some of my friends became self-employed too after reading his books. If you
haven’t read his first book “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, you definitely should, especially if
you want to work for yourself.)
He and his wife were even on the streets once, yet they still continued to build
their own business. Then they lived in the basement of their friend’s house (as far
as I remember), but they still refused to work for someone else.
They also tithed and paid themselves first whenever they earned some money.
They refused to give all their money to pay bills – they tithed and paid themselves
first, and only then paid their bills. It was really tough but they continued to build
their own business, tithe and save. And finally both of them became extremely
Here’s what lowers your standards:
Fearing when the next bill arrives.
Giving up when some difficulty presents itself.
Letting other people decide how you live your life.
Accepting your situation and doing nothing to change it if it’s not what you really
Being in a relationship with a person who is not worthy of you.
Settling down for the average out of the fear of the unknown.
Accepting the second best.
Allowing others to treat you with disrespect.
People who have low standards have low self esteem. If you have low self esteem,
you’re not going to naturally demand the best, because you will not feel worthy of
it. So to have high standards in life you should firstly have high self esteem.
You develop high self esteem when you stop listening to what others have to say
about your life and start making decisions yourself. When you do that, you
understand that people are so confused and almost all of them have low self-
This happens because when you start making your own decisions, people will start
asking you for advice and they will consider you to be a better decision maker than
they are. So then you will realise that people don’t really trust their own capabilities
in making good decisions because they have poor opinion about themselves.
Most people have the same amount of knowledge as you do. So you shouldn’t think
that others know more about life. Yet many people think that others know more
and those people think they know more than them. I know this sounds a bit
unclear so here’s the picture to illustrate this thought:
I too used to think that others knew more than I did. I used to listen to others no
matter if their opinions resonated with me or not – somehow I thought they knew
more. How wrong I was!
People with low self esteem lower your self-esteem (if you let them) because they
cannot notice your worth if they don’t recognise their own worth. If you didn’t
understand the previous sentence straight away, read it again – you will get more
insight into the human nature. This understanding should enable you to disregard
the remarks and opinions of others about how you should live your life.
When you make your own decisions, you become more and more assured about
your abilities and you start appreciating yourself more. And this makes your self-
esteem rise. This also develops your leadership skills.
How to Know if Your Standards are High
You know that you raise your standards when you shift your focus from things you
don’t like to things that you like.
Raising standards means completely ignoring what is and pursuing what you want.
Raising standards means having courage to demand for more than you have and
not feel apologetic about it.
Raising standards means not considering alternative options “just to be on the safe
When your standards are high, you don’t care how long it will take to get what you
want. But you know that you will eventually get it. You feel confident and assured
because you clearly know what you want. Because of the clarity in your mind you
consistently take appropriate action to achieve your goal and that gives you even
more assurance that you will definitely get what you want.
So when you completely focus on what you want out of life and have confidence
and assurance that you will get what you want, you know that your standards are
Another sign that shows that you have high standards is when you refuse to even
look at alternative options. You are only prepared to accept what you want and no
less than that.
Raise Standards for Relationships
I see a lot of people who have low standards when it comes to relationships. I
know exactly what they go through. I know exactly why they stay with partners
they are no longer compatible with. And that is not a comfortable situation – you
kind of know that you should leave, but you don’t, out of fear that if you leave, you
will stay single for the rest of your life or that you will not be able to find anyone
better. But the truth is, the sooner you let go of the old relationship, the quicker
you will attract someone much more compatible.
I was in a relationship with the person I had nothing in common with for three
years. It’s so easy to get into the relationship and then see it going nowhere but
then you are so used to another person that you feel unable to leave. You feel as
though you are trapped – but that’s of course not the case, although it feels so.
You feel that you’ve put so much into the relationship and you’ve wasted so much
of your time, so it seems so uncomfortable to leave now. But that’s exactly the
reason you should leave – because the more you are with the person you don’t
love, the more of your precious time you’re wasting. Just think about it… The
sooner you will leave, the quicker you will find someone that is worthy of you.
I stayed with that person for three years because of my comfort zone. We drove
each other mad because we were so different. He would stay at home watching TV
all day long and I would be working on my business and meeting with my clients
during that time.
He used to spend all his money on latest TV and video equipment and I used to
spend money on plane tickets to other countries. When we travelled together, that
almost always ended in some kind of disaster – we would end up exploring
countries separately because we had completely different interests.
I was into exciting and fun stuff, he was into conventional and safe stuff. I had trust
in people, he thought that it wasn’t wise to trust someone you don’t know well. You
can probably name anything you want and there would be differences in our
perceptions about it.
We had absolutely nothing in common, and at the beginning of our relationship we
used to come up with alternatives. But the longer we stayed together, the less we
were willing to think of alternative solutions, so then we started to have arguments.
When that happened, I started to travel more and be away from home as often as
I could because I didn’t want to come home and see him being negative or upset
about something. I knew that both of us caused this, we were just too different. He
is a beautiful person in all aspects, but we are complete opposites and that hardly
ever works out.
I could no longer put up with such situation because I knew I was lowering my
standards. He wasn’t the person I wanted to spend my time with – I always knew
that I would never be happy with him. So I decided to leave him. It was really
hard, but I knew that I was selling myself short and the more I stayed with him,
the more I felt that I was missing out big time.
When I left him, I felt such a relief. I have never felt better in my life – it was as
though a burden had been lifted off my shoulders. When I left him I started
experiencing so many amazing things in my life. I cannot believe I was missing out
on all of this for the whole three years.
But what about people who’ve been together not for three, but for ten or more
years? My advice is that if you’re not happy together, you will be much happier
without each other. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in a relationship – the
longer you stay, the more miserable both of you will become.
But what if children are involved? The advise remains the same – you should
separate. Do you think the child will have a happy childhood seeing both parents
arguing or being miserable? Children pick up on how you feel towards each other
even when you don’t say anything. So if the child grows up in such broken family,
his/her life is likely to be broken too.
If you separate, it can be hard on a child at first, but at least it’s only a one time
incident. If you stay together, on the other hand, he will have to suffer many years
seeing both of you arguing and being unhappy with each other. And that is a really
bad environment to grow in.
You shouldn’t use your child as an excuse to end the relationship that no longer
works. People gradually change and sometimes they change to such a degree that
they are no longer compatible with their other halves. And that’s normal, it just
means it’s time to move on.
So many great people end up with partners that disrespect them and drive them
crazy. This is also because such people have scarcity mindsets – they think that if
they leave their partners, they will never be able to find anyone better.
But that’s of course not the case because there are plenty of amazing people out
there. But if you have scarcity-based thoughts, a world of scarcity will be reflected
to you, where “everyone good is taken” and the ones that are left are worse than
the person you are currently with.
If you are currently with the partner that is not worthy of you, leave him/her at
once. Being alone you will feel much better than with someone you cannot stand,
and if you keep your standards high, you will eventually meet someone that
respects and adores you.
But if you separate and get scared that now you will not find anyone, you will make
mistakes. Your standards will lower and you will end up in a relationship similar to
your previous one. You should always have strong faith that everything will work
out to your benefit even if nothing changes for some time.
Mostly when people are single and they are unable to meet anyone for a while,
their standards start to fall. Because they have scarcity-based thoughts, they are
still unable to attract anyone. So they get more desperate and they get themselves
into a really unpleasant vibration that repels almost everyone! So you should never
lower your standards, even when at first you seem not to be able to meet anyone
that you like.
When there is a demand, there must be a supply. So when you demand the best,
the best must come to you sooner or later.
Check Your Life for Low Standards
If you want your life to change, you absolutely must raise your standards. Be with
people that deserve your attention. Do what you really want to do and not what
others expect of you. It’s not selfish, it shows your high standards.
To raise your standards, you should identify what you no longer want to accept in
your life. Check where your standards are low. It could be in your relationships,
business, health or time for yourself. For example, if you have low standards for
your health, that could mean that you are overweight or you always suffer from
some kind of illness.
If you have low standards for your hobbies, it could mean that you don’t reward
yourself for your efforts or that everything else comes first before you can do
something that you really enjoy.
Once you’ve identified the areas of life where your standards need to be higher,
write down what you will no longer tolerate from now on. Absolutely refuse to
settle for less than you deserve. And only you can decide what you deserve – no
one else can.
Listen to me, there is no need to have low standards when you can get everything
you want in life. Why would you sell yourself short? The world is full of amazing
opportunities and life-changing experiences. Don’t block yourself from all of that by
having low standards.
This article was written by a success coach Simona Rich.
Visit her website for many more transformational self
improvement articles at personal-development-coach.net.
Follow Simona Rich on twitter at twitter.com/simonarich.