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NBC Today show text of live segment NBC Today show text of live segment Document Transcript

  • Dr. Edelman on NBC The Today Show - Do You Keep Secrets from Your Mate?6 secrets you should keep from your mateDont tell each other everything. Heres what should stay hush-hushTODAYUpdated: 10:06 a.m. ET May 15, 2007Do you love to be open and honest with your partner? Well, perhaps you shouldnt tell them everything.Dave Zinczenko of Mens Health magazine and clinical psychologist, Dr. Sherri Edelman tell us the 6secrets couples should keep classified from each other.You dont turn me on right now.Dave says: No matter how gorgeous your partner is, there are going to be moments when they dont seemto resemble the attractive person you were first enamored with. Theyre wearing the black belt andburgundy shoes (Forty-five percent of women say that fashion sense is extremely important forattraction.) or they just got a haircut from Edward Scissorhands. But physical attraction waxes and wanes,and there will be moments of both in any relationship,Sherri says: I agree, but if it is directly related to the woman (i.e. he loves your hair down, and you alwayswear it up, or if he loves lingerie and you always wear flannel pajamas), these issues can be tactfullyaddressed.Story continues below ↓advertisementI flirt with others at work.Dave says: Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significantothers spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day flirting with attractive females, especially when they look, smell andbehave at their very best. (Forty-two percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a peer atwork — without ever making a move.)
  • Sherri says: I agree. A woman would not benefit from knowing this. However, 8 — 12 hours of flirting aday is extreme. Also, flirting is a term that could mean different things to different people. A mansintention is what is important. What need is he getting met by this? Is it reflecting something missing inthe relationship like attention, interest in his work or compliments?Thats not how my Mom or Dad would have done it.Dave says: Its true for men that in the majority of cases, we are intimidated by your parent who providedthe role model that we now have to fill. And number one, well never be able to measure up to your momor dad on a few levels; number two, we were raised by a different set of parents that taught us a differentway of doing things. If you want to impart your parents wisdom to your partner, its fine to tell themstories about how your folks did things, but never make it a comparison between how your parents livedlife, and how your partner is living lifeI cant stand your friends.Dave says: According to 83 percent of the men we surveyed, boxing out a mans friends is a relationshipdeal-breaker. And 62 percent of women consider it a deal-breaker if a guy doesnt get along with herfriends.Sherri says: I agree this is a problem. This needs to be handled carefully. A woman can have her views andopinions, and may not want to be “attached at the hip” with his friends, but character assassinationshould definitely be avoided.Discuss:Is it okay to keep secrets from your spouse or partner?I still think about my ex.Dave says: While it is natural to think about your ex, more and more the internet has made exes a biggerthreat than ever before. The phenomenon of Googling ones ex, which the majority of Americans admit to,can really make your spouse jealous and fearful. Especially since the phenomenon of people reunitingwith very old flames has recently exploded (because of the Internet).Sherri says: An occasional thought like “I wonder if she ever took that position in Boston?” or “Did the
  • mortgage ever go through on that house she loved and was trying to buy?” is much different thanpreoccupation, obsessive thinking, fantasizing and longing. Any kind of communication like texting,IM/chat, emailing, etc. could border on emotional cheating and be considered by some women asthreatening so collaborative discussion is needed.My friends know all about our sex life.Dave says: Her entourage knows all about you. As hard as she might try — which probably isnt hard at all— a girl cant keep a new fling to herself. Early in a relationship, you dominate her life, so her friends arealready calling and e-mailing for daily updates. If she were any less discreet, shed have a blog with yourname in the URL.Sherri says: Sharing very intimate details crosses the line (sexual intimacy). Girls beware! Be careful whoyou trust...if you tell all, you may tempt a girl "friend" to seduce your man!© 2007 MSNBC InteractivePOSTED BY TRIUNE AT 3:40 PM