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How to Write a Fucking Blog Post
How to Write a Fucking Blog Post
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How to Write a Fucking Blog Post

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This is a tongue-in-cheek guide I wrote to help members of our team put blog posts together. Much love to Zach Golden from www.whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com.

This is a tongue-in-cheek guide I wrote to help members of our team put blog posts together. Much love to Zach Golden from www.whatthefuckshouldimakefordinner.com.

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  • 1. HOW TO WRITE A FUCKING BLOG POST<br />Choose one fucking point to make. ONE. Write it the fuck down.Did you not hear me? I said ONE, motherfucker. You put those other points in your back fucking pocket and write about them later. It’s a blog post not motherfucking War and Peace, bitch.Pick one fucking story or analogy or example—ONE, MOTHERFUCKER—to make your point. Do not mix your fucking metaphors.Make a fucking OUTLINE on motherfucking paper with a goddamned pen or pencil before you start writing shit. Put your main fucking point at the top. Write out two or three supporting fucking thoughts to emphasize or explain your main fucking point.Rewrite that fucking outline fifty fucking times until you know exactly what you’re going to say and how to say it.Watch those words come motherfucking naturally as you turn that outline into paragraphs. You a pimp now.If you wrote fucking words before writing an outline punch yourself in the nuts (or lady bits), delete that shit, and go back to the outline.Use the motherfucking NARF*, bitches. Don’t go all ADD and start looking around for pictures and links and graphics and checking your motherfucking Twitter until that shit is written.Prune that shit. You wrote too fucking much. Less is motherfucking more. Prune it again.Proofread, bitch. Use an active fucking voice and get all those fucking “that’s” out of your fucking post.Motherfucking read it out loud. OUT LOUD. If it sounds stupid out loud it’s stupid on paper.Take a fucking stand and say some serious shit. Nobody likes to read wishy-washy fucking shit.Quote some bitches or link to people smarter than your sorry ass.Give people something fucking useful in exchange for the time they spent reading that piece of shit you just wrote.Make it fucking visual. Put a fucking picture in there. Highlight some shit. Put in some motherfucking emphasis.Get some other bitches to read that shit. Take criticism like a fucking champ. Rewrite that shit for clarity.Preview that shit. Click your fucking links. Post it like a fucking P-I-M-P. Toot your horn. Drink some beers and celebrate.<br />*NARF is some shit where instead of Alt-Tabbing out to Chrome and looking for that link you need and then spending 30 minutes watching shit on YouTube, you write NARF and come back later and CTRIL+F for NARF and fill in all your fucking NARF’s with real shit.<br />

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