1001 Best Things Ever Said about    WORK      (and the Workplace)          Chosen and Arranged           by Ernie J. Zelin...
1001 Best ThingsEver Said about  WORK(and the Workplace)Chosen and Arranged by   Ernie J. Zelinski
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                    COPYRIGHT © 2008                      by E...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                   Introduction"It is a good thing for an educate...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                            Table of ContentsNote: To go direc...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)           Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to a...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job           Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly t...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)          Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to an...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job          Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)          Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to an...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                      AbilityThe difference between what we do an...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobDo not let what you cannot do interfere withwhat you can do.— ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The only way of discovering the limits of thepossible is to ventu...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                       ActionThe great end of life is notknowl...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)         Aggravations of WorkIf you have a job without aggravatio...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhen you go in search of honey you mustexpect to be stung by b...
Retired Happy, Wild, and Free!The Worlds Best Retirement Book                       Shows You How               • A Classi...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                 Ambition               At the age of six I wa...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Ambition if it feeds at all, does so on theambition of others.— S...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                Artists at Work                       I dont k...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)When actors begin to think, its time for achange. They are not fi...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job             Bad Days at WorkThere are days when ittakes all y...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Its a good rule to follow the first law of holes:if you are in on...
RETIRE TODAY! You Must Fire Your Boss and Take Control of Your Destiny. To Do This, You Need The World’s Best Retirement B...
An Unsolicited Testimonial for     The World’s Best Retirement Book                 A truly upbeat read! The author, who  ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWork is not a curse, but drudgery is.— Henry Ward BeecherTo do...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)        Breaking New GroundFaced with having to change our views ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe difficult and risky task of meeting andmastering the new ....
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operatedby pygmies.— Honaré de B...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                       The trouble with life in the           ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                     Careers   A career is a job that has gone on...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe difference between a job and a career isthe difference bet...
HERE IS GREAT NEWS FOR YOU!A much happier you and a moresatisfying life are just around the corner.This is your chance to ...
My Guarantee If You Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free                  If you are not thrilled with How to     ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobDont waste time learning the "tricks of thetrade." Instead lea...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)      Change in the WorkplaceOnly man is not content to leave thi...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThings are bad enough around here withoutsome management guru ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)A committee of three gets things done if twodont show up.— Unknow...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobCommunication in the Workplace   No one ever listened himself ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)When angry, count ten, before you speak; ifvery angry, a hundred....
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf at first you dont succeed, you may be atyour level of incom...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)It is easier to appear worthy of a position onedoes not hold, tha...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobChoose the right moment to bad-mouth yourrivals. A "good" rat ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                  ComputersThe best computer is a man,and its the...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo err is human — and to blame it on acomputer is even more so...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The computer is a moron.— Peter DruckerThe real danger is not tha...
Warning! Warning! Warning!   What you dont know about what makes people   happy in retirement can greatly hurt you!   Reti...
A Retirement Letter from a Reader of   How to Retire Happy, Wild, and FreeDear Ernie.I enjoyed your book How to Retire Hap...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job     Creativity in the WorkplaceCreativity   is    the        ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)People will accept your idea much morereadily if you tell them th...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job            Crisis ManagementIts easier to stay out oftrouble ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)        Dating People at Work           Employees make the best d...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhat is worth doing is worth the trouble ofasking somebody to ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)I made up my mind long ago that life was tooshort to do anything ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf you cant keep up, drag them down to yourlevel.— Laurence J....
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                 Dream JobsI used to work at The International Ho...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job  What I aspired to be  And was not, comforts me.  — Robert Br...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Being a well-dressed man is a career, and hewho goes in for it ha...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job              Earning a LivingThere is no more fatal blunderer...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Work like you dont need the money. Love likeyouve never been hurt...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobEccentricity is not, as dull peoplewould have us believe, a fo...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)We are obliged to regard many of our originalminds as crazy at le...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo make headway, improve your head.— B. C. ForbesIts what you ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)You may be a redneck if . . . you have spentmore on your pickup t...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWe all need an education in the obvious.— Oliver Wendell Holme...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Make good use of bad rubbish.— Elizabeth BeresfordNever trouble a...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe really efficient laborer will be found not tocrowd his day...
Are You Ready to Claim Your Freedomfrom Corporate Life?  CLICK HERE NOW to  Purchase How to Retire  Happy, Wild, and Free ...
Retired Happy, Wild, and Free!The World’s Best Retirement Book                            Shows You How                   ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)My father taught me to work, but not to love it.I never did like ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf people really liked to work, wed still beplowing the land w...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)No longer diverted by other emotions, I workthe way a cow grazes....
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIn the past a man was expected to give hisseat on a bus to a w...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Women now get menswages, but they alwayshave.— Unknown wise perso...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobSome of us are becoming the men we wantedto marry.— Gloria Ste...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                Evils of WorkWork is a necessary evil to be avoid...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job           The Joy of Not Working    A Book for the Retired, U...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Nothing makes a man so selfish as work.— George Bernard ShawOne o...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI am careful not to confuse excellence withperfection. Excelle...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)God created man, but I could do better.— Erma BombeckIf you dont ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobGood judgment comes from experience; andexperience comes from ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)An expert is one who knows more and moreabout less and less [unti...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job                       FailureWe live in an age of publicity a...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Many of lifes failures are people who did notrealize how close th...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job               When a man blames others for               his ...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Only those who dare to fail greatly can everachieve greatly.— Rob...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe more I want to get something done, theless I call it work....
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Do not keep company with people who speak of careers. Not only a...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe one important thing I learned over theyears is the differe...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Fun at work means enjoying what you do somuch that the weekends c...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhen a true genius appears in the world, youwill know him by t...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Being a specialist is onething, getting a job isanother.— Stephen...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIn the afterlife you dont have to worry aboutlooking for work....
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) If you just got fired, Ernie J. Zelinski says, “Congratulations....
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThere is nothing worse than being a doer withnothing to do.— E...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)If you dont set goals, you cant regret notreaching them.— Yogi Be...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI always wanted to be a somebody but Ishould have been more sp...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Seek above all for agame worth playing.Such is the oracle tomoder...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobGive a civil servant a good case and hellwreck it with clichés...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)    Happiness in the WorkplaceGet happiness out ofyour work or yo...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobMost people perform essentially meaninglesswork. When they ret...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)It is your work in life that is the ultimateseduction.— Pablo Pic...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobSometimes I get an irresistible urge to workhard like everyone...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Im impressed with people from Chicago.Hollywood is hype, New York...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobEveryone who does not work has a schemethat does.— Unknown wis...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The feeling of being hurried is not usually theresult of living a...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobNo man who is in a hurry is quite civilized.— Will DurantPeopl...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)  How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free  Retirement Wisdom That You ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobOne ought, every day at least, to hear a littlesong, read a go...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)  If you are losing your leisure, look out! You  are losing your ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe two best things I ever did for my healthwas quit smoking a...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Access to talented and creative people is tomodern business what ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI never hesitated to promote someone I didntlike. The comforta...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)If each of us hires people smaller than we are,we shall become a ...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo get away from ones working environmentis, in a sense, to ge...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                  HouseworkHousework can kill you if done right.—...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobHousekeeping aint no joke.— Louisa May AlcottWhy dust the hous...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.— Oscar WildeA civi...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobHe deserves Paradise                who      makes      hiscom...
1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)                       Ideas                A man with a new idea...
Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobAn original idea: That cant be too hard. Thelibrary must be fu...
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  1. 1. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about WORK (and the Workplace) Chosen and Arranged by Ernie J. Zelinski
  2. 2. 1001 Best ThingsEver Said about WORK(and the Workplace)Chosen and Arranged by Ernie J. Zelinski
  3. 3. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job COPYRIGHT © 2008 by Ernie J. Zelinski MOST RIGHTS RESERVEDYou have permission to post, e-mail, and pass this valuableE-book along for free to anyone you like, as long as you makeno changes to its contents or format. The right to use materialfrom this E-book in other forms is prohibited. You can havethe movie rights, however, provided that you share half of theprofits with Ernie Zelinski and give him the starring role alongwith Sharon Stone. Direct all other inquiries to: Ernie Zelinski VIP BOOKS P.O. Box 4072 Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, T6E 4S8 Phone 780-434-9202 www.the joyofnotworking.com www.retirement-quotes.com ii
  4. 4. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Introduction"It is a good thing for an educated man," declaredWinston Churchill, "to read books of quotations."Anatole France advised, "When a thing has been saidand said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it."Not to be outdone, George Bernard Shaw onceremarked, "I often quote myself. It adds spice to myconversations." No doubt few things spice up an article, a book, aconversation, or a speech more than a well-chosenquotation. Given that work is one of the most writtenand talked about subjects in Western society, thereshould be a free E-book of great quotations aboutwork and the workplace. This is the book! Organized into over 125 categories for easyreference, this is the ultimate guide about work forthe professional speaker, journalist, author, careeradvisor, life coach, and connoisseur of greatquotations. It also makes great reading for just abouteveryone. This book has it all: Wisdom. Ridicule. Irony.Sarcasm. Paradox. Nonsense. Comedy. Mockery.Social commentary. Valuable insight. All told, youhave in your possession the 1001 best things eversaid about work and the workplace. iii
  5. 5. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Table of ContentsNote: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Ability ...........................................................................1 Accomplishing the Impossible .................................2 Action...........................................................................4 Aggravations of Work ................................................5 Ambition .....................................................................8 Artists at Work ........................................................ 10 Bad Days at Work ................................................... 12 Boring Work ............................................................. 13 Breaking New Ground ........................................... 15 Bureaucracy............................................................. 16 Busyness ................................................................. 17 Careers..................................................................... 19 Career Advice ......................................................... 20 Change in the Workplace ..................................... 23 Committees.............................................................. 24 Communication in the Workplace ........................ 26 Competence ........................................................... 27 Competition ............................................................. 29 Computers .............................................................. 31 Creativity in the Workplace.................................... 34 Crisis Management................................................. 36 Dating People at Work .......................................... 37 Delegation................................................................ 37 iv
  6. 6. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Difficulty at Work ..................................................... 39 Diplomacy in the Workplace ................................ 40 Dream Jobs ............................................................ 41 Dress in the Workplace.......................................... 42 Earning a Living ..................................................... 44 Eccentrics at Work ................................................. 45 Education and Training .......................................... 47 Efficiency and Efficient Workers ........................... 50 Enjoyment of Work ................................................. 52 Equality .................................................................... 55 Evils of Work ........................................................... 59 Excellence at Work ................................................. 61 Experience ............................................................... 63 Experts and Specialists in the Workplace........... 64 Failure ...................................................................... 66 Freedom and Work ................................................. 69 Friends and Work.................................................... 70 Fun in the Workplace ............................................. 71 Geniuses at Work ................................................... 73 Getting Employment .............................................. 74 Getting Fired ........................................................... 76 Goals ......................................................................... 78 Government Workers ............................................. 81 Gratitude for Work .................................................. 82 v
  7. 7. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Happiness in the Workplace ................................ 83 Hard Work ................................................................ 85 Hard Work and Wealth........................................... 87 Haste ......................................................................... 88 Having a Balanced Lifestyle .................................. 90 Health in the Workplace......................................... 93 Hiring the Right People ......................................... 94 Holidays and Vacations ........................................ 97 Housework ............................................................... 99 Humor in the Workplace ......................................100 Ideas .......................................................................103 Idleness ..................................................................105 Ignorance ...............................................................107 Imagination ............................................................107 Incompetence .......................................................109 Innovation ..............................................................110 Integrity in the Workplace ....................................111 Intellectual Work ..................................................112 Intelligence in the Workplace .............................113 Jobs ........................................................................114 Job Security ..........................................................116 Knowledge .............................................................117 Laziness .................................................................117 Leadership .............................................................120 vi
  8. 8. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Leisure and Work .................................................124 Leisurely Lifestyle .................................................126 Life and Work ........................................................128 Life-Long Career ...................................................129 Loving Your Work .................................................129 Luck.........................................................................132 Management ..........................................................133 Manual Labor ........................................................136 Marriage and Work ...............................................138 Meetings .................................................................139 Mistakes ................................................................140 Morality of Work ....................................................142 Motivation to Work ................................................142 Multi-Tasking ........................................................143 New Ventures ........................................................145 Not Working for a Living ......................................145 Obvious Solutions .................................................146 Opportunity ...........................................................146 Overwork ..............................................................147 Paperwork ..............................................................150 Patience ................................................................151 Perfection ...............................................................152 Persistence ...........................................................154 Plans .......................................................................155 vii
  9. 9. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Power......................................................................156 Praise and Recognition........................................157 Pride........................................................................158 Problem Solving ...................................................158 Procrastination ......................................................161 Productivity in the Workplace ...........................163 Professions and Professionals ...........................165 Progress ................................................................167 Promotions ............................................................169 Punctuality in the Workplace ..............................170 Purpose of Work ..................................................171 Research and Reports .........................................173 Results ...................................................................174 Retirement from Work ..........................................175 Rewards from Work .............................................178 Risk Taking ............................................................179 Rocking the Boat ..................................................180 Rules in the Workplace .......................................181 Rules of Work .......................................................182 Quitting Work ........................................................183 Salaries and Wages ............................................185 Schedules .............................................................186 Secrets to Success at Ones Work.....................187 Self-Employment...................................................188 viii
  10. 10. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Table of Contents (Continued)Note: To go directly to any of the subjects listed below, placeyour cursor on the respective subject. Shabby Work .........................................................189 Speech Making ....................................................190 Statistics .................................................................192 Stress in the Workplace ......................................193 Success ..................................................................194 Talent .....................................................................197 Teamwork ..............................................................198 Time Management ...............................................200 Unemployment .....................................................202 Unions .....................................................................204 Unusual Ways to Earn a Living .........................205 Vocations ..............................................................207 Wasted Time ........................................................208 Winners and Losers ............................................209 Workaholics ...........................................................211 Working for Free ...................................................213 Working Fools ........................................................213 Worry and Work ....................................................214 Work Ethic .............................................................216 Working Smart and Not Hard..............................217 Writers at Work ....................................................219 Zen at Work ...........................................................221 About the Author ...................................................222 ix
  11. 11. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) AbilityThe difference between what we do and whatwe are capable of doing would suffice to solvemost of the worlds problems.— Mohandas GandhiExecutive ability is deciding quickly andgetting somebody else to do the work.— John G. PollardYoure no good unless you are a goodassistant; and if you are, youre too good to bean assistant.— Martin H. Fischer 1
  12. 12. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobDo not let what you cannot do interfere withwhat you can do.— John WoodenThere are two kinds of people who neveramount to much: those who cannot do whatthey are told, and those who can do nothingelse.— Cyrus CurtisWith my brains and your looks, we could goplaces.— Actor John Garfield in the movie ThePostman Always Rings Twice Accomplishing the ImpossibleMan is the only creature that strives tosurpass himself, and yearns for theimpossible.— Eric HofferThe difficult we do immediately, theimpossible takes a little longer.— World War II military slogan 2
  13. 13. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The only way of discovering the limits of thepossible is to venture a little ways past theminto the impossible.— Arthur C. ClarkeA great pleasure in life is doing what peoplesay you cannot do.— Walter GagehotMan is always more than he can know ofhimself; consequently, his accomplishments,time and again, will come as a surprise to him.— Golo MannAccomplishing the impossible means only thatthe boss will add it to your regular duties.— Doug Larson 3
  14. 14. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job ActionThe great end of life is notknowledge but action.— Thomas Henry HuxleyAction should culminate inwisdom.— Bhagavad GitaInaction may be the highestform of action.— Jerry BrownThere is nothing brilliant nor outstanding in myrecord, except perhaps this one thing: I do thethings that I believe ought to be done .... Andwhen I make up my mind to do a thing, I act.— Theodore RooseveltSo many worlds, so much to do,So little done, such things to be.— Lord Tennyson 4
  15. 15. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Aggravations of WorkIf you have a job without aggravations, youdont have a job.— Malcolm ForbesBoy, the things I do for England.— Prince Charles (on sampling snake meat)You are no bigger than the things that annoyyou.— Jerry BundsenIts only work if somebody makes you do it.— Calvin in Calvin and Hobbes cartoonEmployees who think they know everythingare very irritating to those of us who do.— Unknown wise personNever complain about your troubles; they areresponsible for more than half of your income.— Robert Updegraff 5
  16. 16. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhen you go in search of honey you mustexpect to be stung by bees.— Kenneth KaundaLittle things affect little minds.— Benjamin DisraeliYou can and you must expect suffering.— Mother TeresaWhen youre going through hell, keep going.— Albert EinsteinMen are disturbed not by things that happen,but by their opinion of the things that happen.— EpictetusFew things are harder to put up with than agood example.— Mark TwainNothing is troublesome that we do willingly.— Thomas Jefferson 6
  17. 17. Retired Happy, Wild, and Free!The Worlds Best Retirement Book Shows You How • A Classic by Ernie Zelinski • Over 100,000 Copies Sold Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free at Fine Bookstores or Through These Direct Links: www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com
  18. 18. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Ambition At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. — Salvador DaliAmbition often puts men upon doing themeanest offices; so climbing is performed inthe same position with creeping.— Jonathan SwiftGod is not dead but alive and well andworking on a much more ambitious project.— GraffitiAmbition — it is the last infirmity of nobleminds.— J. M. BarrieAmbition is the last refuge of the failure.— Oscar Wilde 8
  19. 19. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Ambition if it feeds at all, does so on theambition of others.— Susan SontagThe slave has but one master, the ambitiousman has as many as there are persons whoseaid may contribute to the advancement of hisfortunes.— Jean de La BruyèreNo bird soars too high, if he soars with hisown wings.— William BlakeAmbition is a Dead Sea fruit, and the greatestperil to the soul is that one is likely to getprecisely what he is seeking.— Edward DahlbergIf men cease to believe that they will one daybecome gods then they will surely becomeworms.— Henry Miller 9
  20. 20. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Artists at Work I dont know anything about music. In my line you dont have to. — Elvis Presley Working in the theater has a lot in common with unemployment. — Arthur GingoldYou can make a killing as a playwright inAmerica, but you cant make a living.— Sherwood AndersonI always suspect an artist who is successfulbefore he is dead.— John Murray FitzgibbonIt is very good advice to believe only what anartist does, rather than what he says about hiswork.— David Hockney 10
  21. 21. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)When actors begin to think, its time for achange. They are not fitted for it.— Stephen LeacockIndividuality of expression is the beginningand end of all art.— Johannes Wolfgang von GoetheModern art is when you buy a picture to covera hole in the wall and then decide that thehole looks much better.— Unknown wise personExtraordinary how potent cheap music is.— Noël CowardNo one has ever written, painted, sculpted,modeled, built, or invented except literally toget out of hell.— Antonin ArtaudIf more than ten percent of the public likes apainting, it should be burned.— George Bernard Shaw 11
  22. 22. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Bad Days at WorkThere are days when ittakes all youve got justto keep up with thelosers.— Robert OrbenSmile. Tomorrow will beworse.— Unknown wise personIf a project is going wrong, always blame oneof your colleagues — but not an intelligentone.— Joep SchrijversSwallow a toad in the morning if you want toencounter nothing more disgusting the rest ofthe day.— Nicolas ChamfortA bad workman always blames his tools.— French proverb 12
  23. 23. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Its a good rule to follow the first law of holes:if you are in one, stop digging.— Denis HealeyIt is always with the best intentions that theworst work is done.— Oscar Wilde Boring Work If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches. — Rainer Maria Rilke A tremendous number of people in America work very hard at something that bores them. Even a rich man thinks he has to go down to the office everyday. Not because he likes it but because he cant think of anything else to do. — W. H. Auden 13
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  25. 25. An Unsolicited Testimonial for The World’s Best Retirement Book A truly upbeat read! The author, who semi-retired at age 30 and in debt, claims you are never too young to retire. He paints a picture that is so appealing you will wish you had retired years ago. He hits topics such as lifelong learning, relocation, the importance of friendships, and creative travel options. His seven- page list of “activities for your get-a- life tree” will help you start and keep you active for a very long time. — Life Planning NetworkPurchase How to Retire, Happy, Wild, and Free atthese direct links: www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com
  26. 26. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWork is not a curse, but drudgery is.— Henry Ward BeecherTo do the same thing over and over again isnot only boredom; it is to be controlled byrather than to control what you do.— HeraclitusI had a boring office job. I cleaned thewindows in the envelopes.— Rita RudnerYou are what you do. If you do boring, stupid,monotonous work, chances are youll end upboring, stupid, and monotonous.— Bob BlackThe less of routine, the more of life.— A. B. AlcottNothing is interesting if youre not interested.— Helen MacInness 14
  27. 27. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Breaking New GroundFaced with having to change our views orprove that there is no need to do so, most ofus immediately get busy on the proof.— John Kenneth GalbraithIf people knew what they had to do to besuccessful, most people wouldnt.— Lord Thomson of FleetThe man who follows the crowd will usuallyget no further than the crowd. The man whowalks alone is likely to find himself in placesno one has ever been.— Alan Ashley-PittWe know that the nature of genius is toprovide idiots with ideas twenty years later.— Louis AragonIt takes a strong fish to swim against thecurrent. Even a dead one can float with it.— John Crowe 15
  28. 28. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe difficult and risky task of meeting andmastering the new . . . is not undertaken bythe vanguard of society but by its rear. It is themisfits, failures, fugitives, outcasts and theirlike who are among the first to grapple withthe new.— Eric HofferSome men see things as they are and ask,"Why?" I see them as they have never beenand ask, "Why not?"— George Bernard Shaw BureaucracyGuidelines for Bureaucrats: 1. When incharge, ponder. 2. When in trouble, delegate.3. When in doubt, mumble.— James H. BorenBureaucracy defends the status quo long pastthe time when the quo has lost its status.— Laurence J. Peter 16
  29. 29. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operatedby pygmies.— Honaré de Balzac BusynessSome folks can look so busy doing nothin thatthey seem indispensable.— Kin HubbardThe curse of me and my nation is that wealways think things can be bettered byimmediate action of some sort, any sort ratherthan no sort.— Ezra PoundBeing busy does not always mean real work.The object of all work is production oraccomplishment and to either of these endsthere must be forethought, system, planning,intelligence, and honest purpose, as well asperspiration. Seeming to do is not doing.— Thomas Edison 17
  30. 30. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry. — John Jensen So little time and so little to do. — Oscar LevantIt is not enough to be busy . . . . the questionis: what are we busy about?— Henry David ThoreauA great many people have come up to me andasked how I managed to get so much doneand still look so dissipated.— Robert BenchleyThe writing of more than 75 poems in anyfiscal year should be punishable by a fine of$500.— Ed Sanders 18
  31. 31. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Careers A career is a job that has gone on too long. — Jeff MacNelly People dont choose their careers; they are engulfed by them. — John Dos PassosSometimes you wonder how you got on thismountain. But sometimes you wonder, "Howwill I get off?"— Joan ManleyWhen I was a boy I was told that anybodycould become President: Im beginning tobelieve it.— Clarence DarrowMy uncle was the town drunk — and we livedin Chicago.— George Gobel 19
  32. 32. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe difference between a job and a career isthe difference between forty and sixty hours aweek.— Robert Frost Career Advice Find a calling you love and you will never work a day in your life. — Confucius Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because theyre looking for ideas. — Paula Poundstone The world is divided into people whodo things and people who get the credit. Try, ifyou can, to belong to the first class. Theresfar less competition.— Dwight MorrowIn politics stupidity is not a hardship.— Napoleon 20
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  34. 34. My Guarantee If You Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free If you are not thrilled with How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free, just send your copy back to me along with your proof of purchase within 60 days and I will return your money promptly. (My address is in the book and in the front of this E-book.) I can make this guarantee because of all the great testimonials that I have received about How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. Alternatively, I can send you an autographed copy of my new book 101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting (over 35,000 copies sold already and published in 5 languages). If you are not entirely satisfied with this book either, you can return it to me as well and I will return double your money.
  35. 35. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobDont waste time learning the "tricks of thetrade." Instead learn the trade.— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.A musician must make music, an artist mustpaint, a poet must write, if he is to beultimately at peace with himself.— Abraham MaslowNever get married while youre going tocollege; its hard to get a start if a prospectiveemployer finds youve already made onemistake.— Kin HubbardThe deepest personal defeat suffered byhuman beings is constituted by the differencebetween what one was capable of becomingand what one has in fact become.— Ashley MontaguIf you dont like your job you dont strike. Youjust go in every day and do it really half-assed.Thats the American way.— Homer Simpson 22
  36. 36. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Change in the WorkplaceOnly man is not content to leave things asthey are but must always be changing them,and when he has done so, is seldom satisfiedwith the result.— Elspeth HuxleyIf you want to make enemies, try to changesomething.— Woodrow WilsonWhat we would like to stay the same ischanging and what we would like to changeinsists on staying the same.— Unknown wise personYou think that you understand the situation,but what you dont understand is the situationhas just changed.— Workplace graffitiThe more things change, the more they staythe same.— French proverb 23
  37. 37. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThings are bad enough around here withoutsome management guru coming around tochange things.— Workplace graffiti CommitteesHaving served on various committees, I havedrawn up a list of rules: Never arrive on time;this stamps you as a beginner. Dont sayanything until the meeting is half over; thisstamps you as wise. Be as vague as possible;this avoids irritating the others. When in doubt,suggest a subcommittee be appointed. Be thefirst to move for adjournment; this will makeyou popular; its what everyone is waiting for.— Harry Chapman 24
  38. 38. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)A committee of three gets things done if twodont show up.— Unknown wise personWhat is a committee? A group of the unwilling,picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.— Richard HarnessA committee is a group of importantindividuals who singly can do nothing but whotogether agree that nothing can be done.— Fred AllenA committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideasare lured and quietly strangled.— Sir Barnett CocksIf you see a snake, just kill it — dont appoint acommittee on snakes.— H. Ross PerotA committee should consist of three men, twoof whom are absent.— Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree 25
  39. 39. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobCommunication in the Workplace No one ever listened himself out of a job. — Calvin Coolidge Its not what you say but the way you say it. — French proverbWords that do not match deeds are notimportant.— Ernesto Che GuevaraI wish people who have troublecommunicating would just shut up.— Tom LehrerI dont want any yes-men around me. I wanteverybody to tell me the truth even if it coststhem their jobs.— Samuel GoldwynWhen your work speaks for itself, dontinterrupt.— Henry J. Kaiser 26
  40. 40. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)When angry, count ten, before you speak; ifvery angry, a hundred.— Thomas JeffersonDrawing on my fine command of the Englishlanguage, I said nothing.— Robert BenchleyIf you have something of importance to say,for Gods sake start at the end.— Sarah Jeannette DuncanIf you have any problems at all, dont hesitateto shut up.— Robert Mankoff CompetenceHe who knows best knows how little heknows.— Thomas Jefferson 27
  41. 41. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf at first you dont succeed, you may be atyour level of incompetence already.— Laurence J. PeterIf theres one pitch you keep swinging at andkeep missing, stop swinging at it.— Yogi BerraThe trouble with the world is that the stupidare cocksure and the intelligent full of doubt.— Bertrand RussellHe mastered whatever was not worth theknowing.— James Russell LowellEven a thief takes tenyears to learn his trade— Japanese proverbCompetence, like truth, beauty and contactlenses, is in the eye of the beholder.— Laurence J. Peter 28
  42. 42. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)It is easier to appear worthy of a position onedoes not hold, than of the office which onefills.— François, Duc de La RochefoucauldIn most hierarchies, supercompetence is moreobjectionable than incompetence.— Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull CompetitionThe price which society pays for the law ofcompetition, like the price it pays for cheapcomforts and luxuries, is great; but theadvantages of this law are also greater stillthan its cost- for it is to this law that we oweour wonderful material development, whichbrings improved conditions in its train.— Andrew Carnegie 29
  43. 43. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobChoose the right moment to bad-mouth yourrivals. A "good" rat will attack only three timesa month, for up to five minutes at a time.— Joep SchrijversNobody talks more of free enterprise andcompetition and of the best man winning thanthe man who inherited his fathers store orfarm.— C. Wright MillsNever battle with a man who has nothing tolose, for then the conflict is unequal.— Baltasar GracianThe general fact is that the most effective wayof utilizing human energy is through anorganized rivalry, which by specialization andsocial control is, at the same time, organizedco-operation.— Charles Horton CooleyThe Way of the sage is to act but not tocompete.— Lao Tzu 30
  44. 44. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) ComputersThe best computer is a man,and its the only one that canbe mass-produced byunskilled labor.— Werner von BraunA computer will do what youtell it to do, but that may bemuch different from what youhad in mind.— Joseph WeizenbaumTo err is human, but to really foul things uprequires a computer.— from 1978 Farmers AlmanacWhy shouldnt a PC work like a refrigerator ora toaster?— Walter MossbergSome things were never meant to be solved.— Unknown wise person in response 31
  45. 45. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo err is human — and to blame it on acomputer is even more so.— Robert OrbenComputers make it easier to do a lot of things,but most of the things they make it easier todo dont need to be done.— Andy RooneyBefore we work on artificial intelligence whydont we do something about naturalstupidity?— Steve PolyakIn a few minutes a computer can make amistake so great that it would take many menmany months to equal it.— Merle L MeachamComputers can solve all kinds of problemsexcept the unemployment problem theycreate.— Laurence J. Peter 32
  46. 46. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The computer is a moron.— Peter DruckerThe real danger is not that computers willbegin to think like men, but that men will beginto think like computers.— Sydney J. HarrisThe bigger the bore, the greater theknowledge of computers.— Unknown wise personComputers are useless. They can only giveyou answers.— Pablo Picasso 33
  47. 47. Warning! Warning! Warning! What you dont know about what makes people happy in retirement can greatly hurt you! Retirement is a double-edged sword. You either make it work for you — or it will cut your happiness in half. The more you know about the secrets to a successful retirement, the happier you will be once you retire. Thats why you need The Worlds Best Retirement Book by Ernie Zelinski. How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won’t Get from Your Financial Advisor is a provocative, entertaining, down-to- earth, and tremendously inspiring book that will help you get more joy and satisfaction out of all your retirement activities.Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Freeat fine bookstores throughout the universe orthrough this direct link: www.Amazon.com
  48. 48. A Retirement Letter from a Reader of How to Retire Happy, Wild, and FreeDear Ernie.I enjoyed your book How to Retire Happy,Wild, and Free.It sure is “Retirement Wisdom That YouWont Get from Your FinancialAdvisor.” Published in 7I am going to give it to my Foreign Languagesfinancial advisor to read next. PurchaseI cant wait for another book by The World’s Bestyou. Retirement BookHave a great fall and winter. (240 pages) at www.amazon.comThanks, or www.barnesandnoble.com with the direct links.Mavis MarkoSaskatoon, Saskatchewan
  49. 49. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Creativity in the WorkplaceCreativity is the suddencessation of stupidity.— Dr. E. LandIts not enough to be the best atwhat you do. You must beperceived as the only one whodoes what you do.— Jerry GarciaYou have to be original. Ifyoure like everyone else, whatdo they need you for?— B. PetersWhen all is said and done, monotony mayafter all be the best condition for creation.— Margaret SackvilleThe human mind treats a new idea the waythe body treats a strange protein; it rejects it.— P. B. Medawar 34
  50. 50. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)People will accept your idea much morereadily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklinsaid it first.— David H. CominsThe difference between genius and stupidity isthat genius has its limits.— Unknown wise personRULE 1: Break every company rule exceptthis one if you want to be creative. RULE 2:Ignore Rule 1 if you want to continue workinghere.— Workplace graffitiIn an industrial society which confuses workand productivity, the necessity of producinghas always been an enemy of the desire tocreate.— Raoul VaneigemIts not creative unless it sells.— Motto of Benton & Bowles Advertising Agency 35
  51. 51. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Crisis ManagementIts easier to stay out oftrouble than get out oftrouble.— Unknown wise personAlways take anemergency leisurely.— Chinese proverbIf you keep your head when all about you arelosing theirs, you dont understand theproblem.— Unknown wise personThere cant be a crisis next week. Myschedule is already full.— Henry KissingerOf all the thirty-six alternatives, running awayis best.— Unknown wise person 36
  52. 52. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Dating People at Work Employees make the best dates. You dont have to pick them up and theyre always tax deductible. — Andy Warhol Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers. — P. J. ORourkeThere is nothing so awkward as courting awoman whilst she is making sausages.— Laurence Sterne DelegationYou call this a script? Give me a couple of5,000-dollar-a-week writers and I will write itmyself.— Joe Pasternak (movie producer) 37
  53. 53. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhat is worth doing is worth the trouble ofasking somebody to do it.— Ambrose BierceNothing is impossible for the man who doesnthave to do it himself.— A. H. WeilerOne of the best ways of avoiding necessaryand even urgent tasks is to seem to be busilyemployed on things that are already done.— John Kenneth Galbraith 38
  54. 54. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)I made up my mind long ago that life was tooshort to do anything for myself that I could payothers to do for me.— W. Somerset MaughamNever learn to do anything: ifyou dont learn, youll alwaysfind someone else to do it foryou.— Mark TwainI dont even butter my bread. I consider thatcooking.— Katherine CebrianSuccess means only doing what you do well,letting someone else do the rest.— Goldstein S. Truism Difficulty at WorkThe brain is a wonderful organ. It startsworking the moment you get up in the morningand does not stop until you get to the office.— Robert Frost 39
  55. 55. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf you cant keep up, drag them down to yourlevel.— Laurence J. PeterIf theres a harder way of doing something,someone will find it.— Ralph E. RossWhen the going gets tough, the smart get lost.— Robert Byrne Diplomacy in the Workplace Diplomacy is letting someone else have your way. — Lester Pearson A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. — Caskie Stinnett 40
  56. 56. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Dream JobsI used to work at The International House ofPancakes. It was a dream, and I made ithappen.— Paula PoundstoneYou have to know exactly what you want outof your career. If you want to be a star, youdont bother with other things.— Marilyn HorneYou are never given a wish without also thepower to make it true. You may have to workfor it, however.— Richard Bach 41
  57. 57. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job What I aspired to be And was not, comforts me. — Robert Browning The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. — Arnold Toynbee I have the same goal Ive had ever since I was a girl. I want to rule the world. — Madonna The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. — Arnold ToynbeeCLICK HERE IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO WORK ATAN UNREAL JOB OR RUN A FUNKY BUSINESS Dress in the Workplace I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. — Warren Buffett 42
  58. 58. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Being a well-dressed man is a career, and hewho goes in for it has no time for anythingelse.— Heywood Broun Youd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. — Dolly Parton I was trying to think the other day about what you do now in America if you want to be successful. Before, you were dependable and wore a good suit. Looking around, I guess that today you have to do all the same things but not wear a good suit. I guess thats all it is. Think rich. Look poor. — Andy WarholFashion is a form of ugliness so intolerablethat we have to alter it every six months.— Oscar Wilde 43
  59. 59. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job Earning a LivingThere is no more fatal blunderer than he whoconsumes the greater part of his life gettinghis living.— Henry David ThoreauMost people are too busy earning a living tomake any [real] money.— Joe KarboI say to hell with the work you haveto do to earn a living! That kind ofwork does us no honor; all it doesis fill up the bellies of the pigs whoexploit us. But the work you dobecause you like to do it, becauseyouve heard the call, youve got avocation — thats ennobling! Weshould all be able to work like that.Look at me, Saturno — I dontwork. And I dont care if they hangme, I wont work! Yet Im alive! Imay live badly, but at least I donthave to work to do it!— Luis Buñuel 44
  60. 60. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Work like you dont need the money. Love likeyouve never been hurt. Dance like nobody iswatching.— Mark TwainDont be a salary slave! If you are going to doanything in this world, you must start beforeyou are forty, before your period of initiativehas ended. Do it now!— Robert CochraneA lot of us are working harder than we want,at things we dont like to do. Why? It figures!In order to afford the sort of existence wedont care to live.— Bradford AngierThat man who knows too many trades . . . .his family starves.— Chinese proverb Eccentrics at WorkThat so few now dare to be eccentric, marksthe chief danger of the time.— John Stuart Mill 45
  61. 61. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobEccentricity is not, as dull peoplewould have us believe, a form ofmadness. It is often a kind ofinnocent pride, and the man ofgenius and the aristocrat arefrequently regarded as eccentricsbecause genius and aristocrat areentirely unafraid of anduninfluenced by the opinions andvagaries of the crowd.— Dame Edith SitwellNo one can be profoundly originalwho does not avoid eccentricity.— André MauroisEccentricity has always abounded when andwhere strength of character has abounded;and the amount of eccentricity in a society hasgenerally been proportional to the amount ofgenius, mental vigour, and moral couragewhich it contained.— John Stuart MillThose who are different change the world.Those who are ordinary keep it that way.— Unknown wise person 46
  62. 62. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)We are obliged to regard many of our originalminds as crazy at least until we have becomeas clever as they are.— G. C. LichtenbergDo not fear to be eccentric in opinion, forevery opinion now accepted was onceeccentric.— Bertrand Russell Education and TrainingTraining is everything. The peach was once abitter almond; cauliflower is nothing butcabbage with a college education.— Mark TwainWhen a subject becomes totallyobsolete we make it a required course.— Peter DruckerIt dont make much difference whatyou study, so long as you dont like it.— Finley Peter Dunne 47
  63. 63. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo make headway, improve your head.— B. C. ForbesIts what you learn after you know it all thatcounts.— John WoodenThe dog too old to learn new tricks always hasbeen.— Unknown wise personLearn as if you were going to live forever. Liveas if you were going to die tomorrow.— Unknown wise personA man who has never gone to school maysteal from a freight car; but if he has auniversity education, he may steal the wholerailroad.— Theodore RooseveltAn education obtained with money is worsethan no education at all.— Socrates 48
  64. 64. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)You may be a redneck if . . . you have spentmore on your pickup truck than on youreducation.— Jeff FoxworthyEconomics 101 wont get you off welfare, butat least you will know why you are there.— Graffiti at a universityAll intellectual improvement arises fromleisure.— Samuel Johnson I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the damn good would that do? — Ronnie Shakes A learned blockhead is a greater blockhead than an ignorant one. — Benjamin Franklin 49
  65. 65. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWe all need an education in the obvious.— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. Efficiency and Efficient WorkersWhen action grows unprofitable, gatherinformation; when information growsunprofitable, sleep.Ursula K. Le GuinWhat I do, I do very well, and what I dontdo well, I dont do at all.— Unknown wise personIt is not worth while to go round the world tocount the cats in Zanzibar.— Henry David ThoreauMost people are such fools that it is really nogreat compliment to say that someone isabove the average.— W. Somerset Maugham 50
  66. 66. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Make good use of bad rubbish.— Elizabeth BeresfordNever trouble another for what you can doyourself.— Thomas JeffersonAstronomers, like burglars and jazzmusicians, operate best at night.— Miles KingsonWhen you are doing something difficult,tedious, or extremely time-consuming, askyourself what would happen if you didnt do it.If the answer is nothing, or next to nothing,stop doing it.— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real JobOne principal reason why people are so oftenuseless is that they neglect their ownprofession or calling, and divide and shift theirattention among a multitude of objects andpursuits.— Nathaniel Emmons 51
  67. 67. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe really efficient laborer will be found not tocrowd his day with work, but will saunter to histask surrounded by a wide halo of ease andleisure.— Henry David ThoreauIf a thing is worth doing, it is worth doingbadly.— G. K. ChestertonNever let your boss know that you exist.— Workplace graffiti Enjoyment of Work Work is work if youre paid to do it, and its a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it. — Finley Peter Dunne Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. — H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 52
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  70. 70. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)My father taught me to work, but not to love it.I never did like to work, and I dont deny it. Idrather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk,laugh — anything but work.— Abraham LincolnNo one hates his job so heartily as a farmer.— H. L. MenckenI never thought of achievement. I just did whatcame along for me to do — the thing thatgave me the most pleasure.— Eleanor RooseveltLife without absorbing occupation is hell.— Elbert HubbardNever continue in a job you dont enjoy. Ifyoure happy in what youre doing, youll likeyourself, youll have inner peace. And if youhave that, along with physical health, youllhave more success than you could possiblyhave imagined.— Roger Caras 53
  71. 71. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIf people really liked to work, wed still beplowing the land with sticks and transportinggoods on our backs.— William Feather Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. — Ralph Waldo Emerson I am afraid that the pleasantness of an employment does not always evince its propriety. — Jane AustenIm a free soul who hates paying attention tothings I am not interested in. Consequently, Ihave rarely been comfortable in the role ofemployee.— Steve SolomonId rather be a failure at something I enjoythan a success at something I hate.— George Burns 54
  72. 72. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)No longer diverted by other emotions, I workthe way a cow grazes.— Käthe KollwitzThe miracle is not that we do this work, butthat we are happy to do it.— Mother Teresa Equality in the WorkplaceYou cant hold a man down without stayingdown with him.— Booker T. WashingtonAlways suspect any job men willingly vacatefor women.— Jill Tweedie 55
  73. 73. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIn the past a man was expected to give hisseat on a bus to a woman. Today it would bemuch more courteous for that man to give herhis job.— P. J. ORourkeAll this talk about equality. The only thingpeople really have in common is that they areall going to die.— Bob DylanMen now monopolize the upper levels . . . .depriving women of their rightful share ofopportunities for incompetence.— Laurence J. PeterInferiors revolt in order that they be equal, andequals that they be superior.— AristotleEquality is what does not exist among mortals.— e. e. cummings 56
  74. 74. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Women now get menswages, but they alwayshave.— Unknown wise personThat all men are equal is aproposition to which, atordinary times, no saneindividual has ever givenhis assent.— Aldous HuxleySometimes the best man for the job isnt.— Unknown wise personIm all for ERA. I want to see women equal tomen — not so damn superior like theyvebeen.— Nipsey RussellMen are vain; but they wont mind womenworking so long as they get smaller wages forthe same job.— Irvin S. Cobb 57
  75. 75. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobSome of us are becoming the men we wantedto marry.— Gloria SteinemBeware of the man who praises womensliberation; he is about to quit his job.— Erica JongIdiots are always in favour of inequality ofincome (their only chance of eminence), andthe really great in favour of equality.— George Bernard ShawWhether women are better than men I cannotsay — but I can say they are certainly noworse.— Golda MeirTake your secretary to lunch. Hell appreciateit.— Unknown wise personSix feet of earth make all men equal.— James Howell 58
  76. 76. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Evils of WorkWork is a necessary evil to be avoided.— Mark TwainWork is the curse of the drinking class.— Oscar WildePerpetual devotion to what a man calls hisbusiness, is only to be sustained by perpetualneglect of many other things.— Robert Louis StevensonLet us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out ofthe blessing of idleness and won for us thecurse of labor.— Mark Twain 59
  77. 77. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job The Joy of Not Working A Book for the Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked • Its about learning to live every part of your life to the fullest. • Its about being more productive by working less. • It’s about pursuing interesting leisure activities that make a difference in your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being! • It’s about being financially independent with less money. Over 225,000 copies Sold Published in 17 LanguagesPurchase The Joy of Not Working at: www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com 60
  78. 78. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Nothing makes a man so selfish as work.— George Bernard ShawOne of the saddest things is that the only thingthat a man can do for eight hours a day, dayafter day, is work. You cant eat eight hours aday nor drink for eight hours a day nor makelove for eight hours- all you can do for eighthours is work. Which is the reason why manmakes himself and everybody else somiserable and unhappy.— William Faulkner Excellence at WorkPerfection is our goal, excellence will betolerated.— J. Yahl 61
  79. 79. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI am careful not to confuse excellence withperfection. Excellence, I can reach for;perfection is Gods business.— Michael J. FoxArrogance is too often the companion ofexcellence.— Unknown wise personOnly the mediocre are always at their best.— Jean GiraudouxHe writes so well he makes me feel likeputting my quill back in my goose.— Fred AllenIf my film makes one more person miserable,Ill feel Ive done my job.— Woody AllenHe did nothing in particular, and did it verywell.— W. S. Gilbert 62
  80. 80. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)God created man, but I could do better.— Erma BombeckIf you dont do it excellently, dont do it at all.Because if its not excellent, it wont beprofitable or fun, and if youre not in businessfor fun or profit, what the hell are you doinghere?— Robert TownsendIf you want a thing done well, do it yourself.— Japanese proverb ExperienceExperience is one thing youcant get for nothing.— Oscar WildeExperience teaches you torecognize a mistake whenyouve made it again.— Unknown wise person 63
  81. 81. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobGood judgment comes from experience; andexperience comes from bad judgment.— Unknown wise personSixty-five is the age when one acquiressufficient experience to lose ones job.— Unknown wise person Experts and Specialists in the WorkplaceThe expert: an ordinary man, away fromhome, giving advice.— Unknown wise personMake three correct guesses consecutively andyou will establish a reputation as an expert.— Laurence J. PeterIf your mind is empty, it is always ready foranything; it is open to everything. In thebeginners mind there are many possibilities;in the experts mind there are few.— from Zen, Beginners Mind 64
  82. 82. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)An expert is one who knows more and moreabout less and less [until he knows a lot aboutnothing].— Nicholas Murray ButlerAlways listen to experts. Theyll tell you whatcant be done and why. Then do it.— Robert HeinleinNo man can be a pure specialist without beingin the strict sense an idiot.— George Bernard ShawAn expert is a man who hasstopped thinking. Why shouldhe think? He is an expert.— Frank Lloyd WrightThe function of the expert isnot to be more right thanother people, but to be wrongfor more sophisticatedreasons.— Dr. David Butler 65
  83. 83. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job FailureWe live in an age of publicity and hype.Theres something about success thatdehumanizes you, whereas failure remindsyou of who you really are.— Norman JewisonIf at first you do succeed — try to hide yourastonishment.— Harry F. BanksWe are all failures — at least the best of usare.— James M. BarrieAn essential aspect of creativity is not beingafraid to fail.— Dr. Edwin LandIf you get on the train today, youll overpayyour fare. But if you dont, youll be left behindin the dust.— Chinese proverb 66
  84. 84. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Many of lifes failures are people who did notrealize how close they were to success whenthey gave up.— Thomas EdisonHe that fails in his endeavors after wealth orpower will not long retain either honesty orcourage.— Samuel JohnsonI dont measure a mans success by how highhe climbs but how high he bounces when hehits bottom.— George PattonThere are two kinds of failures: those whothought and never did, and those who did andnever thought.— Laurence J. PeterBe willing to lose a battle in order to win thewar.— H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 67
  85. 85. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real Job When a man blames others for his failures, its a good idea to credit others with his successes. — Howard W. Newton If at first you dont succeed, youre about average. — Unknown wise person Failure has gone to his head. — Wilson MiznerA failure is a man who has blundered, but isnot able to cash in the experience.— Elbert HubbardAnybody seen in a bus over the age of 30 hasbeen a failure in life.— Loeila, Duchess of WestminsterIf at first you dont succeed, try, try, again.Then quit. Theres no use being a damn foolabout it.— W. C. Fields 68
  86. 86. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Only those who dare to fail greatly can everachieve greatly.— Robert F. KennedyNo man is a failure who is enjoying life.— William FeatherI have not failed. Ive just found 10,000 waysthat wont work.— Thomas Edison Freedom and WorkTo be at ease is better than to be at business.— Baltasar GraciánA [typical] worker is a part-time slave.— Bob BlackIf a man does only what is required of him, heis a slave. If a man does more than is requiredof him, he is a free man.— Chinese Proverb 69
  87. 87. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe more I want to get something done, theless I call it work.— Richard BachThe seat of freedom is reserved for the manwho lives by his own work, and in that work,does what he wants to do.— George Robin Collingwood Friends and WorkThe path of social advancement is, and mustbe, strewn with broken friendships.— H. G. Wells When you are young and without success, you have only a few friends. Then, later on, when you are rich and famous, you still have a few . . . if you are lucky. — Pablo Picasso I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one. — Clarence Darrow 70
  88. 88. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Do not keep company with people who speak of careers. Not only are such people uninteresting in themselves; they also have no interest in anything interesting. Keep company with people who are interested in the world outside themselves. The one who never asks you what you are working on; Who never inquires as to the success of your latest project; Who never uses the word career as a noun — he is your friend. — Roger RosenblattFor More Great Quotations on Friends andFriendship Go to: www.Friendship-Heaven.com Fun in the Workplace When work is a pleasure, life is a joy! When work is a duty, life is slavery. — Maxim Gorky Work is either fun or drudgery. It depends on your attitude. I like fun. — Colleen C. Barrett 71
  89. 89. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe one important thing I learned over theyears is the difference between taking oneswork seriously and taking ones self seriously.The first is imperative and the second isdisastrous.— Margot Fonteyn When youre starting to have a good time, youre doing your job wrong. — Workplace graffiti If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. — Katharine HepburnThe formula for complete happiness is to bevery busy with the unimportant.— A. Edward NewtonWork hard and smart, but have fun as well.The more fun you have the more productiveyou will be.— Abe Bakhsheshy 72
  90. 90. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Fun at work means enjoying what you do somuch that the weekends come too soon.— Del Rae GrosePeople rarely succeed unless they have fun inwhat they are doing.— Dale Carnegie Geniuses at Work Whats the use of being a genius if you cant use it as an excuse for being unemployed? — Gerald Barzan The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. — Sid CaesarMen of lofty genius are most active when theyare doing the least work.— Leonardo da Vinci 73
  91. 91. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobWhen a true genius appears in the world, youwill know him by this sign, that all the duncesare in confederacy against him.— Jonathan SwiftOne of the strongest characteristics of geniusis the power of lighting its own fire.— John FosterThe successful people are the ones who canthink up things for the rest of the world to keepbusy at.— Don MarquisIn the republic of mediocrity, genius isdangerous.— Robert Ingersoll Getting EmploymentWe judge ourselves by what we feel capableof doing, while others judge us by what wehave already done.— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 74
  92. 92. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Being a specialist is onething, getting a job isanother.— Stephen LeacockNever turn down a jobbecause you think its toosmall, you dont know whereit can lead.— Julia MorganDo not despise the bottom rungs in the ascentto greatness.— Publilius SyrusThe person who knows "how" will always havea job. The person who knows "why" willalways be his boss.— Diane RavitchDear, never forget one little point. Its mybusiness. You just work here.— Elizabeth Arden 75
  93. 93. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobIn the afterlife you dont have to worry aboutlooking for work.— Ed Wood Getting FiredIm a man without a corporation.— Robert Duvall on being fired in the movieNetworkNothing bads going to happen to us. If we getfired, its not failure; its a midlife vocationalreassessment.— P. J. ORourkeI was fired from my last job for being toocreative. I tried to design an off switch for aperpetual motion machine.— Cartoon in The Joy of Thinking BigI slip from workaholic to bum real easy.— Matthew Broderick 76
  94. 94. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) If you just got fired, Ernie J. Zelinski says, “Congratulations.” Indeed, in his international bestseller you will read why getting fired can be the best thing that ever happened to you: The Joy of Not Working A Book for Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked • Over 225,000 copies sold • Published in 17 languages • Featured in USA TODAY, The Washington Post, Oakland Tribune, and the Boston HeraldPurchase through these direct links: www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com 77
  95. 95. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThere is nothing worse than being a doer withnothing to do.— Elizabeth LaytonGetting fired is natures way to telling you thatyou had the wrong job in the first place.— Hal LancasterWhen I got fired from the government, Ishould have known at the time that I wasdestined for much greater things — indeed, itwas! I now haven’t worked at a real job fortwenty-five years.— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real Job GoalsPerfection of means and confusion of goals seem— in my opinion — to characterize our age.—Albert EinsteinAs long as you are going to be thinkinganyway, think big.— Donald Trump 78
  96. 96. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)If you dont set goals, you cant regret notreaching them.— Yogi BeraIf you dont know where you are going, everyroad will get you nowhere.— Henry KissingerI shall make electricity so cheap that only therich can afford to burn candles.— Thomas EdisonI want to put a ding in the universe.— Steve Jobs 79
  97. 97. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI always wanted to be a somebody but Ishould have been more specific.— Lily TomlinThe future belongs to those who believe in thebeauty of their dreams.— Eleanor RooseveltMake no little plans: they have no magic to stirmens blood . . . . Make big plans; aim high inhope and work.— Daniel BurnhamIts just as difficult to reach a destination youdont have, as it is to come back from a placeyouve never been.— Zig ZiglarGive me a stock clerk with a goal and I willgive you a man who will make history. Giveme a man without a goal and I will give you astock clerk.— J. C. Penny 80
  98. 98. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Seek above all for agame worth playing.Such is the oracle tomodern man. Havingfound the game, play itwith intensity; play as ifyour life and sanitydepend on it. (They dodepend on it).— D. S. Ropp Government WorkersIf there is anything a public servant hates todo its something for the public.— Kin HubbardThe only essential government worker drivesthe snowplow.— Workplace graffitiI will undoubtedly have to seek what is happilyknown as gainful employment, which I amglad to say does not describe holding publicoffice.— Dean Acheson 81
  99. 99. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobGive a civil servant a good case and hellwreck it with clichés, bad punctuation, doublenegatives, and convoluted apology.— Alan Cark Gratitude for WorkThank God every day when you get up thatyou have something to do that day which mustbe done whether you like it or not. Beingforced to work and forced to do your best willbreed in you temperance and self-control,diligence and strength of will, cheerfulnessand content, and a hundred virtues which theidle will never know.— Basil CarpenterThe best way to appreciate your job is toimagine yourself without one.— Oscar WildeThe ugliest of trades have their moments.Were I a grave digger, or perhaps a hangman,there are some people I could work for with agreat deal of pleasure.— Douglas Jerrold 82
  100. 100. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Happiness in the WorkplaceGet happiness out ofyour work or you maynever know whathappiness is.— Elbert HubbardIf happiness is there for the taking why dont Isee it all around me? Ever met a happyemployee? A manager with integrity? A self-motivated and smiling colleague? No. Theonly happy people are the prophets whospread the message.— Joep SchrijversIt is neither wealth nor splendor, but tranquilityand occupation, which give happiness.— Thomas JeffersonIn order that people may be happy in theirwork, these three things are needed: Theymust be fit for it: they must not do too much ofit: and they must have a sense of success init.— W. H. Auden 83
  101. 101. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobMost people perform essentially meaninglesswork. When they retire that truth is borne uponthem.— Brendan FrancisTo love what you do and feel that it matters —how could anything be more fun?— Katharine GrahamKill my boss? Do I dare live out the Americandream?— Homer SimpsonSuccess is not the key to happiness.Happiness is the key to success. If you lovewhat you are doing, you will be successful.— Albert SchweitzerIf a man has important work, and enoughleisure and income to enable him to do itproperly, he is in possession of as muchhappiness as is good for any of the children ofAdam.— Richard Henry Tawney 84
  102. 102. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)It is your work in life that is the ultimateseduction.— Pablo Picasso Hard WorkI understand. You work very hard two days aweek and you need a five-day weekend.Thats normal.— Neil SimonIve met a few people in my time who wereenthusiastic about hard work. And it was justmy luck that all of them happened to be men Iwas working for at the time.— Bill GoldHard work never killed anybody, but why takea chance?— Charlie McCarthy (Edgar Bergen)Learn young about hard work and manners —and youll be through the whole dirty messand nicely dead again before you know it.— F. Scott Fitzgerald 85
  103. 103. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobSometimes I get an irresistible urge to workhard like everyone else, but I just lie downuntil the feeling goes away, and then Im okay.— Cartoon caption in The Joy of Not WorkingThe less effort, the faster and more powerfulyou will be.— Bruce LeeNobody works as hard for his money as theman who marries it.— Kin HubbardA life spent in constant labor is a life wasted,save a man be such a fool as to regard afulsome obituary notice as ample reward.— George Jean NathanHard work pays off in the future. Lazinesspays off now.— Graffiti 86
  104. 104. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Im impressed with people from Chicago.Hollywood is hype, New York is talk, Chicagois work.— Michael DouglasNinety-eight percent of the adults in thiscountry are decent, hard-working, honestAmericans. Its the other lousy two percentthat get all the publicity. But then — weelected them.— Lily TomlinHe worked like hell in the country so he couldlive in the city, where he worked like hell so hecould live in the country.— Don Marquis Hard Work and WealthCreating wealth does not require hard work,self-sacrifice or getting up ridiculously early,just quality of thought, imagination, andenthusiasm for what you do.— from Anxiety Culture 87
  105. 105. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobEveryone who does not work has a schemethat does.— Unknown wise personI dont want to be the richest man in thegraveyard.— Song by Ben Kerr (Toronto busker) Haste Whoever is in a hurry, shows that the thing he is about is too big for him. — Lord Chesterfield The hurrier we go, the behinder we get. — Old Dutch proverbIf you are in a hurry you will never get there.— Chinese proverb 88
  106. 106. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)The feeling of being hurried is not usually theresult of living a full life and having no time. Itis on the contrary born of a vague fear that weare wasting our life. When we do not do theone thing we ought to do, we have no time foranything else — we are the busiest people inthe world.— Eric HofferThree Ways to Handle a Task Fast: 1. Do ityourself. 2. Hire an expert to handle it for you.3. Decide that it isnt worth doing and strike itoff your to-do list.— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real JobNever let a computer know youre in a hurry.— Unknown wise personTher nis no werkman, whatsoevere he be,That may bothe werke wel and hastily.— Geoffrey ChaucerThey stumble that run fast.— William Shakespeare 89
  107. 107. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobNo man who is in a hurry is quite civilized.— Will DurantPeople forget how fast you did a job — butthey remember how well you did it.— Howard Newton Having a Balanced Life-StylePeople who know how to employ themselves,always find leisure moments, while those whodo nothing are forever in a hurry.— Jeanne-Marie RolandEmploy thy time well, if thou meanest to gainleisure.— Benjamin Franklin 90
  108. 108. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free Retirement Wisdom That You Won’t Get from Your Financial Advisor! • Its about putting money in proper perspective so that you don’t need a million dollars to retire. • Its about taking charge of your mental, physical, and spiritual health. • It’s about, above all, making your retirement years the best time of your life! Over 100,000 copies Sold Published in 7 Foreign LanguagesPurchase How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free at: www.Amazon.com www.BarnesandNoble.com 91
  109. 109. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobOne ought, every day at least, to hear a littlesong, read a good poem, see a fine picture,and, if it were possible, to speak a fewreasonable words.— Johann Wolfgang von GoetheLets realize a five-day workweek society.— Poster by the Japanese Ministry of Labor Drive thy business, or it will drive thee. — Benjamin Franklin It is paradoxical but nonetheless true that the nearer man comes to his goal to make his life easy and abundant, the more he undermines the foundations of a meaningful existence. — Franz AlexanderSuccess is important only to the extent that itputs one in a position to do more things onelikes to do.— Sarah Caldwell 92
  110. 110. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) If you are losing your leisure, look out! You are losing your soul. — Logan Pearsall Smith Always do one thing less than you think you can do. — Bernard Baruch Health in the Workplace Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. — Constitution: World Health Organization People who dont know how to keep themselves healthy ought to have the decency to get themselves buried, and not waste time about it. — Henrik Ibsen DON’T CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE IN OPTIMUMHEALTH AND YOUR WORK BLOWS YOU AWAY 93
  111. 111. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobThe two best things I ever did for my healthwas quit smoking and get fired from my lastreal job, never to return to another.— from Real Success WITHOUT a Real JobNever hurry. Take plenty of exercise. Alwaysbe cheerful. Take all the sleep you need. Youmay expect to be well.— James Freeman Clarke Hiring the Right People There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. — Robert HalfRésumé: A written exaggeration of only thegood things a person has done in the past, aswell as a wish list of the qualities a personwould like to have.— Bo Bennett 94
  112. 112. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Access to talented and creative people is tomodern business what access to coal and ironore was to steelmaking.— Richard FloridaWhen you hire people that are smarter thanyou are, you prove you are smarter than theyare.— R. H. GrantHire disrespectful people.— Tom PetersDo not hire a man who does your work formoney, but him who does it for love of it.— Henry David ThoreauIf you have a yes-man or yes-woman workingfor you, one of you is redundant.— Unknown former Xerox managerIf nobody dropped out at the eighth grade,who would hire the college graduates?— Unknown wise person 95
  113. 113. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobI never hesitated to promote someone I didntlike. The comfortable assistant — the nice guyyou like to go on fishing trips with — is a greatpitfall. Instead I looked for those sharp,scratchy, harsh, almost unpleasant guys whosee and tell you about things as they reallyare. If you can get enough of them aroundyou, and have patience enough to hear themout, there is no limit to where you can go.— Tom Watson, Sr.He’d suck my brains, memorize my Rolodexand use my telephone to find some other guywho’d pay him twice the money.— Ned Dewey (Harvard Business Schoolgraduate, class of ’49, in 1986 speaking aboutrecent graduates)One eagle is worth more than two turkeys.— Former IBM executiveEvery organization has an allotted number ofpositions to be filled by misfits.— Marshall Owen 96
  114. 114. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)If each of us hires people smaller than we are,we shall become a company of dwarfs.— David Ogilvy Holidays and Vacations If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. — William Shakespeare A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. — George Bernard ShawAs to that leisure evening of life, I must saythat I do not want it. I can conceive of nocontentment of which toil is not to be theimmediate parent.— Anthony TrollopeA vacation is over when you begin to yearn foryour work.— Morris Fishbein 97
  115. 115. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobTo get away from ones working environmentis, in a sense, to get away from ones self; andthis is often the chief advantage of travel andchange.— Charles Horton Cooley A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. — Robert OrbenIf some people didnt tell you, youd neverknow theyd been away on a vacation.— Kin HubbardNo man needs a vacation so much as theman who has just had one.— Elbert HubbardEvery man who possibly can should forcehimself to a holiday of a full month in a year,whether he feels like taking it or not.— William James 98
  116. 116. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) HouseworkHousework can kill you if done right.— Erma BombeckThe phrase "working mother" is redundant.— Jane Sellman You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. — Joan Rivers Housework cant kill you, but why take a chance. — Phyllis DillerThe labor of keeping house is labor in its mostnaked state, for labor is toil that neverfinishes, toil that has to be begun again themoment it is completed, toil that is destroyedand consumed by the life process.— Mary McCarthy 99
  117. 117. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobHousekeeping aint no joke.— Louisa May AlcottWhy dust the house when you can just wait acouple of years and get a snow blower?— Unknown wise person Humor in the WorkplaceThe best ideas come as jokes.Make your thinking as funny aspossible.— David OgilvyIts an odd job, making decentpeople laugh.— MolièreHumor is an affirmation ofdignity, a declaration of manssuperiority to all that befallshim.— Romain Gary 100
  118. 118. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace)Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.— Oscar WildeA civil servant doesnt make jokes.— Eugène IonescoWhat I want to do is to make people laugh sothat theyll see things seriously.— William K. ZinsserEverything is funny as long as it is happeningto somebody else.— Will RogersHe who laughs, lasts.— Mary Pettibone PooleHe who laughs last, thinks slowest.— Unknown wise personNo man with a sense of humor ever founded areligion.— Robert G. Ingersoll 101
  119. 119. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobHe deserves Paradise who makes hiscompanions laugh.— The Koran Time spent in laughter is well invested. — Unknown wise person Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. — Victor BorgeTheres no trick to being a humorist when youhave the whole government working for you.— Will RogersDefining and analyzing humor is a pastime ofhumorless people.— Robert BenchleyEven the Gods love jokes.— Plato 102
  120. 120. 1001 Best Things Ever Said about Work (and the Workplace) Ideas A man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. — Mark Twain Throwing away ideas too soon is like opening a package of flower seeds and then throwing them away because theyre not pretty. — Arthur VanGundyIf an idea does not appear bizarre, there is nohope for it.— Niels BohrDont worry about people stealing your ideas.If your ideas are any good, youll have to ramthem down peoples throats.— Howard AikenNothing is more dangerous than an idea whenits the only one you have.— Emile Chartier 103
  121. 121. Ernie J. Zelinski, Author of Real Success Without a Real JobAn original idea: That cant be too hard. Thelibrary must be full of them.— Stephen FryThe critical ingredient is getting off your buttand doing something. Its as simple as that. Alot of people have ideas, but there are fewwho decide to do something about them now.Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. Thetrue entrepreneur is a doer.— Nolan BushnellAn idea that is not dangerous is unworthy ofbeing called an idea at all.— Oscar WildeMake visible what, without you, might perhapsnever have been seen.— Robert BressonIdeas are a dime a dozen and they arentworth a plugged nickel if you dont do anythingwith them.— Unknown wise person 104

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