RIGHTEOUS ROMANCE – CONTINUED
“Song of Songs” – Part 2
“Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me!”
MAY 25, 2014
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH
MEMORY VERSE FOR MAY
8 He hath shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you,
But to do justly,
To love mercy
And to walk humbly with your God.
“Song of Songs”
• Author – King Solomon
• Date – 10th Century B.C.
• Literary Style – sensuous & suggestive imagery from nature
1 Kings 4:29
29 And God gave Solomon wisdom and exceedingly great understanding, and
largeness of heart like the sand on the seashore.
1. Allegorical – Symbolic representation
2. Dramatic – A play or drama for performance
3. Love Song – Lyrical song about love (ballad)
1. Love between the Lord & Israel (Passover reading)
2. Love between Christ and the Church
“I am the rose of Sharon,
And the lily of the valleys.” Song of Solomon 2:1
3. Love between Christ and the individual soul
MEANING & MESSAGE
1. Guide for love – physical and verbal
2. Marriage is exclusive and binding
3. Love between man and woman is valid and beautiful
4. Sexuality is not a sacred ritual as practiced in the pagan culture
The Characters in “Song of Songs”
1. The Beloved (Shulammite Girl)
– Allegory: God, Christ
2. The Lover (King Solomon)
– Allegory: Israel, Church, Soul
3. Friends – Chorus (Women) (Daughters of Jerusalem)
• Read Song of Songs 1:1 – 2:7
• Looked at imagery of comparing physical beauty & handsomeness to
things of beauty in nature:
– Kisses, fragrance, perfume, skin tone, mare harnessed to one of
Pharaoh’s chariots, henna blossoms, eyes like doves, our bed is
verdant, lily among thorns,
– “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”
Question from last Sunday
If man and woman are so attracted to each other as described in the “Song of
Songs”, how can there ever be any conflict between them?
Answer: God made them different and differently.
• Bruce Christopher Seminars: “The Differences Between Men and Women”
• His Brain, Her Brain: How Divinely Designed Differences Can Strengthen
Your Marriage. Authors: Walt and Barbara Larimore (Zondervan, 2009)
Differences in Communication
• Words used per day = 7,000
• Focus on facts
• High ability to “Zone Out”
• Can actually not be thinking about something
• Want bottom line before details
• Speak directly and use words literally
• Words used per day = 20,000
• Focus on feelings
• Low ability to “Zone Out”
• Mind is always in gear
• Build story with details to get to the bottom line
• Tend to speak indirectly
– Examples: “Fine”, “Go ahead”
Differences in Approaching Sex
• Physically oriented
• Stimulated by images and sight (visual)
• Relationally oriented
• Stimulated by feelings, smell, touch and words
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman,
and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:
"This is now bone of my bones,
and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
Frank Pollard’s comment: Adam said, “WOW” when he first saw Eve!!
Differences in Processing Information
• Highly systemized
• High ability to compartmentalize (box)
• Low ability to multitask
• High ability to control emotions
• Tendency to act first and think later when faced with stress
• An aggressive response to risk
• Tendency to compete with other males
• Highly empathetic
• Low ability to compartmentalize
• High ability to multitask
• Low ability to control emotions
• Tendency to think and feel before acting in response to stress
• A cautious response to risk
• Tendency to cooperate with other females.
Differences in Problem Solving
• Thinking about one issue at a time, usually on their own
• Strong desire to make decisions and take action
• Men want to just fix the problem
• Need to talk through problems
• Want to talk about how they feel about situations
• Women need men to listen and not always fix problem
Hints in Problem Solving: For Wives/Women
1. Give husbands the time and space to think through issues on his own.
2. Be willing to work with him to find solutions you can both act on.
3. Give him a task!
4. Speak to him in direct ways he can clearly understand
Hints in Problem Solving: For Husbands/Men
1. Listen to your wife when they are sharing their thoughts and feelings about
issues you face.
2. Ask questions to clarify the meaning of what she is saying.
3. Your wife does not always want you to fix the problem.
4. Sometimes just listening is needed.
Understand Conquest vs. Nurture
• Motivated by conquest – taking charge
• Defined by work and accomplishments
• Strong desire to succeed in their pursuits
• Motivated to nurture – providing care
• Defined by the people for whom they care
• Strong desire to care take others
Understand Provision vs. Security
• Wired to provide financially for his family
• Feelings of inadequacy when financial challenges
• Wired to provide emotional security of a peaceful home
• Have significant power to help man with feelings of inadequacy
Understanding Respect vs. Love
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the
wife must respect her husband. (NIV)
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (NKJV)
• LOVE – feelings of tender affection, romantic desire, longing, and
• RESPECT – esteem; a feeling or an attitude of admiration and consideration
Meaning of Ephesians 5:33?
• Wife – Primary need: Her husband’s love
– Wants husband to express love for her frequently through words
– God created woman with this need
• Husband – Primary need: Respect of wife
– Wants wife to respect and admire him
– God created man with this need
Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires and The Respect He Desperately
Needs by Emerson Eggerich, (Integrity Publishers) 2004
The Crazy Cycle: “Without love, a wife reacts without respect; and without
respect, a husband reacts without love.”
How To Spell “LOVE” To Your Wife
Closeness – She wants you to be close.
Openness - She wants you to be open to her.
Understanding – Don’t try to fix her; just listen.
Peacemaking – She wants you to say, “I’m sorry.”
Loyalty – She needs to know you’re committed.
Esteem – She wants you to honor and cherish her.
How To Spell “RESPECT” To Your Husband
Conquest – Appreciate his desire to work & achieve.
Hierarchy – Appreciate his desire to protect & provide.
Authority – Appreciate his desire to serve & lead.
Insight – Appreciate his desire to analyze.
Relationship – Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
Sexuality – Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
For Men Who “Zoned Out” Earlier!
What Women Want – How To Show Love!
1. Pay attention to them – LISTEN!
2. Pursue them like when dating.
3. Hold and hug them.
4. Help with household chores.
– Men look sexy in an apron or with a broom.
5. Tell them they are beautiful – regularly!
Song of Songs 8:5-7
“Don’t Sit Under The Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Me”
1. Love is as strong as death…
2. It burns like blazing fire…
3. Many waters cannot quench love…..
4. Money cannot buy love.
Song of Songs 8:5b-7
5b Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot sweep it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of one's house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.
Serve instead of seeking to be served.
Be willing to make the necessary sacrifices.
Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition – It’s 100%