Trust in Intimate Relationship
It is a probability that most of us have been touched by the hurt of betrayal or abandonment in
an intimate relationship, whether by a parent, lover, friend, wife, or husband.
On the cover of tabloids we see stories daily of people cheating on one another and leaving
long-term relationships for someone new. These popular negative messages and familiar
experiences can make anyone feel pessimistic about love and become fearful if there really is a
relationship that could be worthy of their trust.
Trustworthy relationships do exist and in them we find both individuals and relationships that
are thriving. But how does one go about finding and experiencing a trusting, intimate
Creating a trustworthy relationship can be accomplished with the following steps:
Piercing Through the Veil of the First Intoxication
Our eyes can be blinded by love. In a cloud of initial admiration we can get swept away in just
the possibility of love. The intoxication of this experience is powerful, and for the moments we
are in it we can feel like life is at its best. In these moments we can project all of our dreams
onto the person we desire. And whether this individual is able to or not, they become pinned as
the highway to our happiness and fulfillment.
Attraction to one or several qualities in another can be immediate; however, it is important to
regard what lies beneath the initial appeal.
Trust Our Own Knowing
Intuition can be one of our greatest allies when seeking an intimate relationship that is worthy
of our trust. First intuitions can be right and often we forget them quickly.
Trust your own knowing of what feels right to you and what doesn't. Don't be afraid to question
your perceptions. You will most often find out that there is validity to your hunches.
Seeing clearly what is right in front of us is an important skill for creating an intimate
relationship that we can trust.
Many of us have found ourselves falling into that well intended pitfall of seeing the potential in
someone. Our projections of someone can leave us living in the hope of the future and illusions
instead of trusting what is present right now.
Figuring out who we can trust can be difficult when we ourselves are challenged with being
blind-sighted. For instance, we might be kept from seeing someone's potential (or limitations)
as an emotionally committed partner if he or she has a hard time communicating their
affectionate and love to us or can't keep their eyes and hands off other people. Another example
would be banking solely on the potential in an individual's worldly success if he or she were not
already committed to a path of success in their lives.
People are capable of amazing feats of change, especially when they are committed to selfreflection and growth. However, awareness and discernment of what values, strengths,
patterns, pursuits and actions are present within a person in the present moment will more
accurately define who that person is and will become.
By taking our rose-colored glasses off and taking a good thorough look at what is right in front
of us we are more capable of gauging a person we can trust.
Act with Integrity
If you seek a trustworthy intimate partner, be the person you wish to be in relationship with.
Speak honestly, keep your word, and act with integrity with yourself and the person you love as
well as with other people.
It is important to resource ourselves with real nourishment, self-love, exercise, spiritual
wisdom, and also with healthy foods, thoughts, and activities. If we do not fill ourselves with
real nourishment we come to a relationship from a place of emptiness. Emptiness produces
wanting and neediness that creates a variety of behaviors that push away what we really want
in a loving, trusting, healthy relationship.
For instance, emotional neediness can alienate a potentially wonderful intimate partner and
good friend. Physical wanting can turn into provoking the sexual attention of your coworkers,
flirting with your friend's partners, and having indiscriminant sex. These behaviors are signs of
emptiness and a lack of self-love that produces distrust of your character and the opposite of
what you really desire.
Take care of yourself so that your inner being is harmonious and integrated.
If you have been hurt by an untrustworthy partner it is hard to want to trust again or to fully
commit to being trustworthy yourself, however that just creates a pattern of disharmony and
untrustworthiness in your life. Even though it may be challenging, create a trustworthy identity
through your words and actions that will develop more trust in yourself and draw more trust
into your life.
Surround Yourself with Trustworthy People
Take the time to assess the people in your life and be honest with yourself if each friend and
close relationship that you have surrounded yourself with acts with trustworthiness.
By analyzing your relationships you will see how much trust is already in your life and where
you need to create more. Creating a support system of trustworthy people will help you
cultivate better discernment for developing a trustworthy, intimate relationship.
If you are seeking a loving relationship that you can trust, you must make decisions more
thoughtfully, more wisely, with deeper connectivity to your intuition rather than your
hormones or mental rational. Be clear about what is present in a prospective partner and
relationship, act with trustworthiness and integrity, and surround yourself with people you can
Developing trust more fully allows us the opportunity to experience feeling safe in loving
relationships. Then we can begin to open our hearts, relax our bodies, and share our dreams to
our greatest ability with a partner truly worthy of our trust.
Karinna Kittles-Karsten, The Love Educator, is the founder of SacredLove.com an online
dating, love school and fun couples membership site. She is also an internationally recognized
relationship expert, speaker, author of the best-selling book, Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art
of Love, and the creator/host of the popular DVD Sacred Love-Making. Visit