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presents: Managing Difficult PersonalitiesA Workshop for School Facility Managers’ Personnel Management Academy December 2010 presenter: Alan Krieger, Krieger Solutions, LLC www.kriegersolutions.com
Workshop Goals What makes people difficult /causes conflict Conflict prevention strategies Refocus goals with difficult people Use communication skills Adapt their own communication Understand how differences in style impact motivation
What Makes a Person “Difficult”? Disrupts the staff from doing their job And thereby negatively impacts productivity Makes the staff and/or customers uncomfortable And puts the organization at risk It is this negative impact of the behavior that is the problem.
The Goal in Dealing with DP1. Reduce the negative impact, AND2. Have the person be as satisfied as possible The goal is NOT to change the DP’s personality or have them see the “truth”.
Three Keys to Dealing with DPA. Understanding conflictB. Communication skillsC. Problem solving strategies
Different Styles, Different Communication Focus TASK ORIENTED Tells T Analyzes A Get things done Get things rightF Wants: Results / Autonomy Wants: Accuracy / Details SA Likes: Short, quick, direct Likes: Answers; Time for LS conversations questions/discussions OT Dislikes: Indecision, Work W Dislikes: Poor quality /E not getting done E Rushed decisionsR RP Engages E Mediates M PA AC Do it differently Do it together CE E Wants: Meaning / Creativity Wants: Teamwork / HarmonyD D Likes: Opportunity to talk; to Likes: Being friendly, Taking persuade; to change a personal interest in Dislikes: Routine, rigidity, coworkers Isolation Dislikes: Conflict / Rapid change PEOPLE ORIENTED
Difficult Styles How the styles degrade TASK ORIENTED Analyzes A Tells TS FL Detail person Decisive AO SW Slow to make decisions Director TE ER Perfectionist Autocrat RP PA Mediates M Engages E AC CE Support/Relate Influencer ED Buckle under Entertainer D Passive Distracter PEOPLE ORIENTED
Difficult Styles TASK ORIENTED Perfectionist A Autocrat T Get things right Get things doneS Wants: Complete accuracy / Wants: Control / Results FL Too much detail Likes: Short, quick, direct AO S Likes: Answers; Time for conversationsW TE extensive discussions Dislikes: Chaos, inaction ER Dislikes: Poor quality / R Rushed decisionsP PA AC Passive person M Distracter E CE E Do it together Do it differentlyD D Wants: Approval / Harmony Wants: Attention / Creativity Likes: Being friendly, Treated Likes: Opportunity to talk; to very politely persuade; to change Dislikes: Angering others / Dislikes: Rigidity, Being out Any change of the spotlight PEOPLE ORIENTED
CONFLICT DIAGRAM SOURCE OF CONFLICTLimited Resources Different Values Time Someone’s individual Convictions Money needs don’t get met: Priorities Equipment accuracy Styles action collegiality creativity CONFLICT
CONFLICTOne or both parties feel: - powerless -disrespected - not appreciated- fearful -over stressed - treated unfairly
POSITION:The desired solution someonebrings to the discussion.INTEREST:The desired result theperson is looking for.COMMON GROUND:Points of view on which two peopleagree.
IMPORTANT CONCEPT: People don’t change easily. It’s hard to take away something that is part of them. It’s hard to put in something that isn’t there.Work with what you have and find thehidden assets.
Discussion questions:1. Pat’s TEAM style? His Positions? Interests? His Assets? Weaknesses?2. Ann’s TEAM style? Her Positions? Interests? Her Assets? Weaknesses?3. Common ground?4. Win-win solution that draws on common ground and assets?
Discussion questions: What is Joe’s TEAM style? What are the clues? What does Joe do to get Pat to a win-win situation?
What are possible strategiesfor preventing conflict?
CONFLICT PREVENTION STRATEGIES Listening Trust Feedback Work with Strengths and Preferences Positions vs. Interests Keep communication open Stay non-defensive
HOW DO YOU CHANGE OR MANAGE A DIFFICULT PERSON’S BEHAVIOR?LOOK FOR THE WIN-WIN: (C.U.P.)PART I: Confrontation initiated by DP: 1. Show Concern/Respect 2. Next, seek to Understand perceptions and expectations 3. Then move into Problem solving
CUP Step 1: Show Concern/RespectQuiet listening: Listen fully – limit your talking Body Language Defuse tension by listening Build a connection Stay calm and respectful Don’t share your point of view yet Listen with eyes and ears
CUP Step 2: Seek to UnderstandActive Listening: Sort facts and feelings Don’t push - let them vent Listen for positions and interests Ask about strengths and preferences using clarifying questions Paraphrase to clarify or confirm – listen fully Don’t argue mentally Don’t share your point of view yet
CUP Step 3: Problem Solve Define conflict as mutual problem Know what you want Summarize other’s interests / perceptions Share your interests, expectations and perceptions Focus on common interests/goals Tentatively suggest a solution, and/or … Brainstorm – collaborate with other in lead Follow-up and revise as needed. Give positive feedback!
Changing Behavior Part II: FLEA1. Feedback – describe impact2. Listen and recycle3. Establish standards and problem solve4. Act and follow up
CORRECTIVE FEEDBACK GUIDELINES Private setting; confidential When you both have the time to talk Be very specific; focus on behaviors Focus on the behavior as the problem, not the person Be constructive – focus on change, not blame; move quickly to problem solving Plan ahead
FEEDBACK STRATEGY:Situation / Behavior / Impact 1. Note the situation 2. State the problem behavior 3. Describe the impact 4. Pause to actively listen Focus on reducing negative impact
PREPARE YOURSELF FOR F.L.E.A1. Try to understand the other person’s • Behavior / Impact /Motivation2. Clarify standards (expectations) & Brainstorm possible strategies3. Plan to act: • What you’ll say • How they might react / TEAM issues • Role play / Choose time and place
ACTION PLAN List three important things you learned. Think of 1 or 2 difficult people. What are their TEAM styles? Choose 1 or 2 strategies you can use to be more effective.Practice this regularly!