How to Coach Employees with Compassion (Part 1)

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Suzanne Rotondo and Gretchen Schmelzer
Master coach faculty members for Teleos’ flagship coach development and certification program

In the first of a three-part series on coaching, Suzanne and Gretchen will discuss, “What Neuropsychology Tells Us About the Positive Impact of Coaching with Compassion.”

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  • How many of you know the requirements of “good nutrition?” How many of you follow this all of the time?
  • Our left brains may take in information, but our right brains needs to embed the learning through relationships and practice leading to integration and growth.We are a social species, people learn through relationships
  • How to Coach Employees with Compassion (Part 1)

    1. 1. Coaching with CompassionTeleos Leadership Institute<br />Powered by:<br />
    2. 2. Rypple Leadership Series<br />Your Host<br /> Our Guests<br />Nick Stein<br />Director of Content & Media <br />Rypple<br />@stein_nick<br />Suzanne Rotondo & Gretchen Schmelzer<br />Executive Director & Senior Consultant<br />Teleos Leadership Institute<br />
    3. 3. Coaching with Rypple<br />
    4. 4. Rypple Leadership Series<br />Your Host<br /> Our Guests<br />Nick Stein<br />Director of Content & Media <br />Rypple<br />@stein_nick<br />Suzanne Rotondo & Gretchen Schmelzer<br />Executive Director & Senior Consultant<br />Teleos Leadership Institute<br />
    5. 5. Polling<br />Where in the world are you? <br />How many people do you manage?<br />Have you ever had a good coaching manager?<br />
    6. 6. To get the most out of today’s webinar<br />Be here.<br />Be open.<br />Have a notebook and a pen to write.<br />Be willing to commit to action.<br />
    7. 7. About Teleos Leadership Institute<br /><ul><li>Founded in 2001 by scholar/practitioners in leadership. We emphasize mindfulness, hope and compassion as key to success.
    8. 8. We are executive coaches and also train and supervise other executive coaches, both one on one and inside large organizations that want to have a coaching culture.
    9. 9. Based on research in neuropsychology, group dynamics, emotional intelligence, organizational development, and more.
    10. 10. Based in Philadelphia, USA. Teleos works in many fields: UNDP, Unisys, Google, US Steel, UniCreditBanc, Prudential UK, Nature Conservancy</li></ul>Teleos is the team behind <br />New York Times bestselling business books and numerous articles on leadership in Harvard Business Review.<br />
    11. 11. Coaching with Compassion Timeline<br />
    12. 12. What we’ll cover today<br />Mindset of a coaching manager<br />How people really change and develop<br />What exactly coaching managers do, and how they do it <br />Why compassion matters: neuropsychology<br />Ask you to go through some of the exercises that you can then take your direct reports through<br />We’ll get specific with a process.<br />
    13. 13. Mindset of a Coaching Manager<br />Invests their energy in another person to help them reach their desired potential—both personally and professionally.<br />
    14. 14. Mindset of Coaching Manager<br />Beyond tracking performance and results, finds the highest and best points of intersection between the aspirations/goals of direct report(s) and what the organization needs.<br />
    15. 15. What Does a Coaching Manager Do?<br />Creates conditions for a person to maximize her/his performance and potential<br />Helps a person move from her/his current situation to where s/he wants to be<br />Behaves in ways that engender trust and trustworthiness: respectful, curious, timely, consistent, present, caring<br />
    16. 16. A Coaching Manager is (not)…<br />
    17. 17. WHO HELPED ME?<br />Think of the people who helped you the most in your life and career, the people about whom you would say, “Without this person, I would not be the person I am today.”<br />What did they say and do? How did you feel at the time? What did you learn from them? <br />
    18. 18. What did they do?<br />Saw true potential in you<br />Wanted what’s best for you and advocating for it<br />Showed you valuable lessons about how to be a leader and/or a person<br />Told you the truth, even when it was tough<br />Gave you opportunities<br />Believed in you<br />
    19. 19. 3 MYTHS ABOUT HOW PEOPLE TYPICALLY CHANGE<br />
    20. 20. Myth #1: Information Is Enough<br />THE TRUTH: <br />Most of the time, when a person is not performing well, it’s NOT an information problem.<br />Then what is it?<br />
    21. 21. Information VS Growth<br />COGNITIVE<br />Mind/Body/Heart/Spirit<br />
    22. 22.
    23. 23. People Don’t Learn on Their Own<br /><ul><li>We are wired to learn through relationship
    24. 24. We learn from watching others/self
    25. 25. We learn from feedback</li></li></ul><li>Neuropsychology: Mirror Neurons<br /><ul><li>Lie next to motor neurons
    26. 26. When we scenario plan or watch others, our brains fire as if we were doing the act
    27. 27. We are wired for “co-experience” with others
    28. 28. This is key to empathy and compassion</li></li></ul><li>Myth #2: Emotions Don’t Matter<br />THE TRUTH: <br />Emotions are contagious, they affect our behavior constantly.<br />Resonance is contagious…so is dissonance<br />
    29. 29. Neuropsychology: Emotions are contagious<br /><ul><li>The brain has an “open loop” system
    30. 30. We are “wired” to pick up subtle clues from one another</li></li></ul><li>So why compassion?<br />Our brains are wired for fight or flight.<br />Our brains shut down from stress. Work and life can be stressful. So...cognition becomes impaired, we go myopic.<br />Positive emotions prime the pump for information to be taken in. <br />Compassion promotes expansiveness in the brain > change is now possible.<br />
    31. 31. Myth #3: They didn’t change because they didn’t try hard enough<br />THE TRUTH:<br />Lasting change must be tied to desire, not “shoulds.”<br />New habits take time<br />and practice. <br />
    32. 32. Neuropsychology: Neurogenesis<br /><ul><li>In order to lay down new neural pathways, you need to repeat new behaviors.
    33. 33. 100 x makes a habit or ninety days for new learning (10,000 hours makes an expert)
    34. 34. People love change when it’s tied to something they want</li></ul>Desire for Y x Practice of Y = New Behavior Y<br />
    35. 35. Meeting One<br />Before Meeting:<br />Mindset and preparation for meeting<br />During Meeting:<br />Establish trust, set the emotional climate<br />Start the conversation: What are my aspirations?<br />Assignment: 3 Reflection Exercises<br />
    36. 36. Step 1: Your Prep as a Coach<br />
    37. 37. Step 2: Establish Trust, Set the Emotional Climate<br />
    38. 38. THE CONVERSATION:<br />“Hi, I’ve been thinking about this meeting for a while, and have been looking forward to having some time with you. I want to talk to you about your aspirations for your work here and your ultimate goals—both professionally and personally. <br />Before our next meeting I’m going to ask you to do some reflections about what you really want. Let’s find some developmental goals that really excite you and find the best way to get there.”<br />“How does this sound to you?”<br />
    39. 39. Prepare your Coachee for Conversation:<br />Three reflection exercises:<br />27 things<br />At My Best<br />Noble purpose <br />
    40. 40. 27 Things<br />List 27 things you want to do before you die on a piece of paper<br />What seems to be most important to you?<br />What values are driving your choices?<br />
    41. 41. At My Best<br />Describe a time at work when you were firing on all cylinders. <br />What did you do? How did you feel? What did you contribute or accomplish?<br />What were the circumstances that helped make this possible?<br />
    42. 42. My Noble Purpose<br />If I could accomplish one thing in my life, it would be…<br /> If I could make an important contribution to my work, it would be… <br />Something I wish I could change in my work is…<br /> If I had the power to make any change at all in the world, it would be...  <br />My noble purpose is...<br /> <br /> <br />
    43. 43. Meeting Two: Follow–up Conversation<br />
    44. 44. Meeting Two: Use Scaffolding<br />Listening<br />paraphrasing <br />Restating<br />Inquiry<br />“So, here’s what it sounds like is really important to you over the medium and long term. Did I get that right?”<br />
    45. 45. THE CONVERSATION:<br />“Now, you’ve done some reflections. How did that go for you?<br />What did you think about or discover?”<br />Remember: Power of leader, your whisper is a scream<br />
    46. 46. Inquiry<br />Open-ended and clarifying questions (here are some examples) <br />Help me understand that? <br />What do you mean by that? <br />Can you tell me more about that?<br />“Is there anything else you want me to understand about that?”<br />
    47. 47. Step 3 closing: Prep for Next Meeting<br />
    48. 48. THE CONVERSATION:CLOSING<br />“I really appreciated this time with you, it was really interesting to learn about what you want out of work and your life. I’m looking forward to seeing how to help you make this happen.<br />For our next meeting, the next step is getting a sense of how things are going today—what’s working. Your task before the next meeting is to reflect on the strengths that you bring to your role and the ones that maybe you have that you don’t get to share here.”<br />
    49. 49. Summary<br />
    50. 50. Change IS A PROCESS, it takes time<br />.<br />
    51. 51. Coaching with Compassion Timeline<br />
    52. 52. Upcoming Rypple Webinars<br />Lead with Purpose<br />Teleos Coaching Series Part 2<br />Tuesday, November 1, 2011<br />John Baldoni<br />Baldoni Consulting LLC<br />Tuesday, Novembers 29, 2011<br />Suzanne Rotondo<br />Teleos Leadership Institute<br />
    53. 53. Q & A<br />
    54. 54. Contact Us<br />www.teleosleaders.com<br />srotondo@teleosleaders.com<br />gschmelzer@teleosleader.com<br />Teleos Leadership Institute<br />7837 Old York Road<br />Elkins Park, PA 19027<br />267.620.9999<br />
    55. 55. References<br />Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2005). Resonant Leadership: Renewing Yourself and Connecting With Others Through Mindfulness, Hope, and Compassion. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.<br />Boyatsis, R., Mckee, A., & Johnston, F. (2008). Becoming a Resonant Leader. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.<br />Boyatzis, R. E., Jack, A., Cesaro, R., Passarelli, A. & Khawaja, M. (2010).  Coaching with Compassion: An fMRI Study of Coaching to the Positive or Negative Emotional Attractor. Presented at the Annual Meeting of the Academy of Management, Montreal.<br />Boyatzis, R.E., Passarelli, A.P., Koenig, K., Lowe, M., Mathew, B., Stoller, J. & Phillips, M. (under review). Examination of the Neural Substrates Activated in Experiences with Resonant & Dissonant Leaders. Leadership Quarterly.<br />Boyatzis, R.E., Smith, M. and Blaize, N. (2006) “Developing sustainable leaders through coaching and compassion, Academy of Management Journal on Learning and Education. 5(1): 8-24.<br />Cattaneo, L. & Rizzolatti, G. (2009). The mirror neuron system. Neurobiological Review, 66(5), p. 557-560<br />
    56. 56. References<br />Decety, J. & Michalska, K.J. (2010). Neurodevelopmental change in circuits underlying empathy and sympathy from childhood to adulthood. Developmental Science. 13: 6, 886-899.<br />Doidge, Norman: The Brain That Changes Itself. New York: Penguin, 2008.<br />Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R., & McKee, A. (2002). Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.<br />Isen, Alice M. (2002). "A Role for Neuropsychology in Understanding the Facilitating Influence of Positive Affect on Social Behavior and Cognitive Processes."Handbook of Positive Psychology. C. R. Snyder and S. J. Lopez. Oxford (Eds), England and New York, NY, Oxford University Press: Chapter 38: (pp 528-540).<br />LeDoux, J. (2002). Synaptic self: How our brains become who we are. NY: Viking.<br />Kegan, Robert . (1994). In Over Our Heads: The Mental Demands of Modern Life, Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.<br />Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebra’s don’t get ulcers (third edition).NY: Harper Collins.<br />

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