Whenever I lecture, I leave this presentation cycling as the auditorium is filling. It’s a collection of aphorisms, jokes, thoughts and the occasional saccharine piece of wisdom. I call it: EPIGRAMMATICAL

IGNORANCE IS A CHOICE

TIMIDITY IS LAUGHABLE

TRIANGULAR SANDWICHES TASTE BETTER THAN SQUARE ONES

CONSISTENCY IS THE LAST REFUGE OF THE UNIMAGINATIVE

‘ GURU’ IS JUST A SHORTER WORD FOR ‘CHARLATAN’

WE ARE ALL CAVEMEN IN GOOD SUITS

GENERALISATIONS ARE ALWAYS FALSE

PROFITS FORETELL THE FUTURE

ALL HUMAN COMMUNICATION IS SEDUCTION

I WANT TO LEAVE A STAIN ON THE SILENCE

Don’t worry what people think about you, because they aren’t thinking about you …

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE UNLESS YOU ARE DIABETIC …

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A JOGGER SMILE?

THE PROBLEM WITH THE RAT-RACE IS THAT, EVEN IF YOU WIN, YOU ARE STILL A RAT …

Mathematics and alcohol do not mix well - don’t drink and derive

YOUR BODY CAN BE A TEMPLE OR AN AMUSEMENT PARK

If you have to lie to get your foot in the door, this isn’t the job for you

A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky animals.

BY A PROCESS OF ELIMINATION, DISHONESTY MUST BE THE SECOND-BEST POLICY

I USED TO PLAY SPORTS, BUT THEN I REALISED THAT YOU CAN BUY TROPHIES …

MUD THROWN IS GROUND LOST

Be nice to the i.T. Department – without a functioning pc and network connection, you are toast.

IT’S NOT THE HOURS YOU WORK THAT PEOPLE NOTICE – IT’S WHAT TIME YOU LEAVE AT

BOOMERANGS WERE INVENTED BY LONELY FRISBEE ENTHUSIASTS

EXCELLENCE MAKES PEOPLE NERVOUS

LIFE IS SALES (Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something)

INSTANT GRATIFICATION TAKES TOO LONG!

Diplomacy is the art of saying, “Nice doggie” until you can find a stick

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did - but she did it going backwards and in high heels

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

IF YOU TRUST GOOGLE MORE THAN YOUR DOCTOR, THEN MAYBE IT'S TIME TO SWITCH DOCTORS

TO SUCCEED IN THIS LIFE ALL YOU NEED ARE IGNORANCE AND CONFIDENCE IN EQUAL MEASURE

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, don’t get angry when you get an answer you don't want to hear

PRESIDENTS AND PRIME MINISTERS SHOULD BE FLUENT IN AT LEAST ONE LANGUAGE