Transcript of "A Buffyverse Apocalypse: Chapter Fifteen"
A Buffyverse Apocalypse: Chapter Fifteen
Blah blah blah read earlier stuff.
Okay, I kid. :) But no, I’m not explaining everything that happened, so I suggest you go back and read Chapter
Fourteen, at the very least, cause a lot of this chapter builds on that one.
And, as always, I don't own Joss Whedon or any characters/places from Buffy/Angel.
“So, I’d like to apologize for some lies that I may have possibly told while talking to people in private about the
contents of this chapter. See, I wanted to surprise people a bit with my plans, right? And, um, I’m not so good at
vagueness, even though Marina kept saying I should be vague and stuff instead of blatantly lying.
So, uh, I might have lied. A couple of times. To a few people.
Not going to tell you what the lies are here - if I didn’t lie to you, you don’t need to know (though you may be able to
guess), and if I did, you’ll find out during the course of the chapter. Probably pretty soon, actually.
So, yeah, I’m sorry and all that, and enjoy the chapter!”
“There, I told them. Are you happy now?” “But I promised to save you from pitchforks when
people come after you! So you shouldn’t come after me
“…Maybe.” with one!”
“But I told them! And, and I know I shouldn’t have lied, “Fine, but only because I expect Liam returned to me
I just…you know perfectly well why I did!” without delay as soon as you’re done.”
“I find your excuses unacceptable.” “Look, you have him in this hood and you can keep him
until the Apocalypse is over. I’m going to need him
“I know! I’m sorry! Can you please just not get out the
“LESS TALKING MOAR WRITING!”
“Maybe if you grovel a bit.”
After they got back to Revello Drive, Lilah and Tara immediately headed out again - to go get some new clothing.
While Lilah liked the coat, she liked it as a coat - and not as her everyday clothing. And Tara liked her pants, but
simply could not take herself seriously in that shirt.
At April Fools, Tara bought a new outfit and chose a new hairstyle, while Lilah simply got new clothing.
“You know, you’d look much better with some makeup, Tara.”
“Lilah, I’m not a makeup sort of person.”
“Oh, come on. It’s professional!”
Tara made a face. “Not everyone wears makeup.”
“If you want a good job, you’ll look your best.”
“Lilah. I want to be a Criminal Mastermind. I don’t NEED to look good.”
“So? You need to lift something first.”
“True. Still not wearing makeup.”
Lilah reached forward and brushed some lint off of Tara’s skirt. “Well, the outfit suits you, anyway. And I like the
“…Thanks.” Tara brushed some of her hair behind her ear. “You keep saying I should look professional - shouldn’t
you? You have to lift a restriction too.”
“Me?” Lilah laughed. “If I can’t get a job looking like this, it’s not the right job for me.”
When they got back to the house, Tara headed up to the computer. There weren’t any jobs in Criminal, but that was
okay. She didn’t need to be a Criminal Mastermind immediately, especially as it wouldn’t help the family all that
On the other hand, there was a job in Politics - as a Judge. And that would be useful. She immediately took it.
She also noticed what other jobs were available, then headed downstairs for some food.
“Lilah,” she said, when her sister sat down next to her. “Weren’t you wearing shorts earlier?”
“I got cold. I want to look good, you know, and goose bumps really don’t.”
“Where’d you get the pants, anyway?”
“They were in the closet, so they must have belonged to somebody. Not sure who, though.”
Tara shrugged. “They fit you.”
Lilah smirked. “Thanks.”
“By the way, I was just looking at the job listings.”
“Yeah, I took a job as a Judge.”
“Good for you.”
“You might want to take a look. There’s one there that might interest you.”
“I’m not interested in a job at the moment, Tara.”
“You’ve got to lift, same as the rest of us. Just go look, okay?”
As Lilah changed the subject to something she was much more interested in, the girls were joined by their father,
who’d just woken up.
“Welcome home, girls.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Tara said, smiling brightly at him. “It’s good to be here.”
He sat down. “So, are we going to see a husband and grandchildren soon?”
“Soon,” Tara said, holding up a hand. “I want to settle in first.”
“You know, I asked your mother to move in as soon as I could.”
“Well, I’m not you, Dad.” She put down her fork. “I may like money the way you do, and family the way you do, but
I’m still not you, and I don’t want to ask Joe to move in right this second, okay?”
Lilah rolled her eyes. “She’s scared of woohoo. Weirdo.”
Tara glared at her sister. “I am not scared of woohoo.”
“Yeah, you really are.”
Tara looked down at her pancakes. She didn’t say anything. As much as she hated to admit it, Lilah was right.
Lilah, meanwhile, grinned at their father. “Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll force her into it, if I have to.”
After breakfast, Lilah headed upstairs to look at the jobs and Tara went to grab a book, as she didn’t have work
“Huh, you were right. This does look like it’s meant for me.”
“Told you so.”
Lilah pressed the accept button.
Then she headed downstairs and took the family car to her first day of work as a Freelance Photographer, completely
ignoring the disagreement Miss Kitty Fantastico was having with one of the neighborhood wolves.
Tara, meanwhile, finished her book, then took over the computer - she still had a novel to finish, after all!
When Lilah came home from work, she came with a promotion.
Not that she cared about that.
“Hey, Sean, it’s been way way way too long since I got any woohoo, so-” She listened to the voice on the other end
of the line. “It’s been a whole day! That’s way too long. Want to come over? Okay, good.”
When Sean showed up, she greeted him enthusiastically, then dragged him up to bed. He went willingly.
After Lilah and Sean vacated the bed, Lynne and Rupert chose to sleep in it - since Tara hadn’t moved Joe in, they
were still the reigning couple in the house, and the master bedroom was still theirs.
And Tara and Lilah occupied the beds they’d used as children and teens.
When Tara woke up, it was to her first day of work in Politics.
And when she came home later, it was with a promotion to Senator.
Lilah, on the other hand, had a day off, so she spent most of it relaxing.
Well, trying to relax.
Her stomach had been feeling off all day, probably from the slightly rotten salmon she’d eaten the night before when
she really hadn’t felt like cooking after her woohoo with Sean.
Either way, she hadn’t been all that hungry, so when she started getting hungry in the late afternoon, she was quick
to make sandwiches.
That didn’t help a whole lot, though, so she headed upstairs to relax on her bed and read a book.
After a while, she felt something odd, so she put her book away and stood up.
Meanwhile, Tara had eaten dinner, taken a shower, played some chess, and done everything possible to delay calling
Joe to invite him over.
She’d promised she’d call him and invite him to move in today.
Didn’t mean she felt anywhere near ready.
She was heiress. She had to get married, and have children, and lead the family. She could lead the family.
Getting married? That one she wasn’t sure about.
But it had to be done, and it had to be done by her.
She sighed and stood up, heading for the phone.
She wasn’t ready. But it had to be done, and it had to be done now.
As Tara headed for the phone, Lilah walked into the kitchen.
“Lilah,” Tara said, “what did you do?” She considered picking up the phone and calling Joe for a moment, but decided
to deal with this first.
“Look, let me get some food, because I am suddenly starving, and then we’ll talk.”
“…Fine. But you owe me an explanation.”
“So,” Tara said as she sat down with Lilah, who was eating her chili like she hadn’t seen food in months, “why are you
“I thought you knew how woohoo worked, Tara, even if you’ve never done it yourself. You’ve read my comments on
your novels, after all.”
“Yes, I know how woohoo works, but Aunt Fred invented protection. Didn’t you use it?”
Lilah shrugged. “Didn’t need it in college, and I guess I forgot last night with Sean.”
Tara put her head in her hands. “You’re not supposed to be pregnant. You’re really not supposed to be pregnant.”
“No,” Lilah said, “but I am.”
“And now,” Lilah stated, “we have to decide what to do about it.”
Tara looked away, not speaking. She wasn’t sure what to say, and she knew Lilah wasn’t either.
Lilah, on the other hand, chose to ignore the silence by eating and pretending she wasn’t speaking because her
mouth was full. It only sort of worked.
When she was done, she left the bowl on the table in front of her. Tara wouldn’t mind her making a mess. “Darts?”
she asked as she stood up.
“Okay,” Tara said. It would give her the opportunity to talk to Lilah while distracting herself with something else, if
Tara took the darts first, while Lilah watched her. They played a few rounds in silence, while both of them tried to
figure out what to say.
“So what are we going to do about this?” Tara asked finally, as she threw a dart.
“Well, the way I see it, we have a few options,” Lilah said. “First, you still invite Joe over, marry him, are heiress,
and I move out with the kid after I lift Slacker.”
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t really want to either.”
Lilah gathered the darts that Tara had thrown, wrote down Tara’s score, and went to take her turn.
“Second option is that you still invite Joe over, marry him, and are heiress, but I stay here with the kid, though my kid
can’t lift a restriction.”
“What if you have twins?”
“Then you’ll have to take cheesecake with your last kid to make sure it’s twins. You can fit more people in the house if you
“What if I have twins before that? That trick won’t work, then.”
“I don’t know, Tara. We don’t…you’re going to have to wait for Mom or Dad to die anyway, before having all the kids. Me
and this one, you and Joe, Riley, Mom and Dad…that’s already seven people, til Riley moves out, or one of them dies.”
“I don’t want Mom and Dad to die.”
“Me neither. But there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“Yeah.” Tara watched Lilah throw another dart. “Not sure about that one, Lilah, because of the twins thing. Option
“Getting rid of the kid somehow.”
“No. Just no.”
Lilah nodded. “I considered it. But I don’t think I can. It’s my kid, you know? Didn’t expect it, but…”
Lilah finished her turn, wrote her score, and then handed the darts to Tara. She made sure to stand well out of the
As Tara aimed her dart, she spoke. “I don’t like any of those options, really. The second one is the best. But the
twins thing is an issue. We’re twins, after all, and so are Dad and Uncle Will, and Grandma and Great-Aunt Cordy
were too. The chance of one of us having natural twins is pretty high.”
“There’s a fourth option you haven’t mentioned.”
“We can switch the heirship to you.”
“No, it’s a good idea!”
“Tara. I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to lead the family. You’re engaged to Joe.”
“Not officially. I never asked him.”
“You never asked him?”
Tara looked at her fingernails like they were the most fascinating things in the world. “I was terrified, okay? Like you said, about
the woohoo. And the kissing. And everything else. I was going to ask him tonight because I have to, cause I’m heiress. But if
you become heiress, I won’t have to.”
“But I don’t want to be heiress. I told you that.”
“So we split the job.”
“And how are we going to do that?”
“Well, I keep the leading the family part. I don’t mind doing that at all and you don’t want to.”
“And you do the whole baby making part. You like woohoo, and you don’t seem to mind being pregnant, do you?”
“Not really, now that I know what it is. I thought it was food poisoning at first.”
“Right. So you do that part.”
“You’re forgetting one thing, Tara. I have no interest in getting married, and I don’t want a spouse.”
“Who says you need a spouse?”
“What do you mean?”
“Seriously, who says you need a spouse? There’s no rules saying you HAVE to have one, just that there can’t be
more than one - not that there can’t be less. We can raise the kids ourselves. Admittedly, it would mean there
would need to be five kids instead of four, to lift that last restriction, but like I said, chances are good you’d have at
least one set of twins. You have the kids, we raise the kids - yes, I would stay in the house - and I do the leading of
the family. We split the heirship, though you take the title officially.”
“…I’m liking this idea. Would I have to have all the kids with the same man?”
“I don’t think so.”
Lilah smirked. “Woohoo with more than one man and no way to argue about it? I’m in.”
Tara pulled Lilah into a hug. “Thank you. I didn’t really want to be heiress, you know. I always thought it should
have been Wesley, not me, but he wasn’t an option by the time I knew he could have been an option.”
“I still say you need to get over the fear of woohoo and love and all that.”
“Maybe one day. But for now, you can do that part, and I’ll do the business side of things.” Tara held Lilah tight. “I
love you, sis.”
“Love you too. Now let me go - the kid is getting smushed and kicking my bladder.”
Tara laughed and let Lilah go. “Thanks. Really, thanks.”
Lilah smiled. “You too.”
After their conversation, Tara immediately headed up to bed - it was getting late, after all.
Lilah, however, stopped at the bathroom first. Then she joined her sister. As she climbed into bed, she wondered
where their parents had been all night, and why they’d missed the conversation.
Oh well, they were old. They’d probably just gone to bed early.
The next day, Lilah took the car to work, as the carpool wouldn’t come now that she was pregnant.
And when she came home, she was a Professional Party Guest, lifting the Slacker restrictions.
She would never have to go to work while pregnant again unless she wanted to.
Her father had taken the usual limo to his job as the Chief of Staff of Sunnydale General, but he returned at about
the same time as Lilah did.
Of course, he immediately noticed her stomach.
“Are you pregnant?”
“How did this happen?”
“Well, when a man and a woman love each other very much…”
She sighed. “It was an accident, okay? I wasn’t careful enough.”
“Does Tara know?”
“I told her last night. I’m surprised you and Mom didn’t hear us in the kitchen.”
He shrugged. “I’m a heavy sleeper these days, and the floors are thick. We must have already been in bed by the
time you went downstairs.”
“And what did Tara say?”
“Tara managed to convince me to split the heirship with her. I have the kids, she leads the family.”
“Are you going to marry the father, then, and have him as your spouse?”
“Nope. I’m not getting married at all. There’s not going to be a spouse. Instead, I’ll have five kids.”
“Don’t you want to get married, though?”
“No, Dad. I haven’t found a man - or a woman - who makes me want to spend my life with them. Woohoo is fun,
and kissing is fun, but I don’t need a life partner or whatever, the way you and Mom are. What works for you isn’t
going to work for me, and that’s fine, because I’m me and not you. None of us are, Dad.”
“What do you mean?”
“You and Mom are perfect together, and that’s great for both of you. But none of us kids have found the same sort of
relationship, and none of us need to.”
“Wesley and Lauren have.”
“They’re the exception. And they’re not exactly like you. You and Mom never really felt a need for five kids, but you
had us anyway for the good of the family. I wouldn’t be surprised if Wesley and Lauren want a litter. As for the rest
of us…Lorne is fine with no commitments, as am I, and Riley has shown more interest in aliens than in other people.
Tara’s been trying her hardest to live up to the idea of what you and Mom have, but it hasn’t been working for her
because she’s terrified of relationships and woohoo, and doesn’t want either all that much. She said to me last night
that she always thought Wesley should be heir, probably because he’s the only one who wanted to get married, but
that option was gone before she knew it was there. I think she felt forced into the heirship because Riley and I both
clearly didn’t want it.”
“Tara felt forced into it?”
Lilah shrugged. “I can’t say what she’s thinking, of course. But she definitely felt like she had to have a relationship
because she was heiress. She was the happiest I’ve seen her in ages last night, you know, after I agreed to take on
the baby-making part of the heirship.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“She didn’t expect you to. But it’s still true.”
“I never meant to hurt her.”
“She knows that, Dad. You should still talk to her, though.”
“And you’re okay with this?”
“Strangely enough, yeah. I’ve never hated kids. I just never wanted to get married. And Tara will be here with me,
doing all the businessy shit.”
“I love you, Lilah,” Rupert said as he hugged her. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah, Dad. Love you too.”
At six, Tara came home, Mayor of The Hellmouth. It wasn’t what she wanted out of life, but she enjoyed the job
And, it meant things were better for the family - though the lessened building restrictions didn’t have much effect, as
larger furniture was still immovable. But being able to use Influence would certainly be nice (she’d been wanting to
influence someone to clean forever), and she knew Riley would be happy to be able to visit Kyoto.
As night fell, Rupert found Tara in the kitchen, where she’d been having dinner.
“Tara. I spoke to Lilah today.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t know - did you ever want to be heir? Or was it because no one else wanted to?”
“Combination. I’m fine with leading the family, but the whole woohoo thing…”
“Not what you want.”
“Was everything you told us about Joe a lie?”
Tara shrugged. “No. Yes. I don’t know. I like him, Dad, but as a friend. I started flirting with him after I was
named heir, but I had no clue what I was doing and neither did he, I don’t think, and I never wanted to go farther. I
never even discussed the idea of marriage with him, let alone being an apocalypse spouse. Oh, Lilah and Riley tried
to push it, but…”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I’m still sorry I never realized what was going on inside your head.”
“And you’re fine with Lilah taking over the official role of heirship?”
“Completely. I’ll still get to do what I want, and stay with her.” She smiled. “It’s not even the kids that scare me,
Dad, it’s the husband. You know I like Andrew.”
“You’ll help Lilah with the kids, then?”
“Good.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Tara, don’t feel bad about not telling your mother and me. Lilah told me
I’ve been expecting you to be just like me, and in some ways I have.”
“I am a lot like you, Dad.”
“A lot, yes. But not exactly.”
She pulled him into a hug. “Thanks, Dad. I’ll try not to keep secrets from you in the future.”
He pulled back and held her shoulders. “It’s not me you shouldn’t be keeping secrets from. It’s your sister, the
“She is, isn’t she?”
“Yes, and you’d better support her!”
She smiled. “Don’t worry. I will.”
Later that night, Lynne caught Tara on one of the balconies. “I spoke to your father this evening-”
“Mom,” Tara said, interrupting. “It’s okay. I’ve talked about it with Lilah and Dad, and I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to us.”
“I never did. I just didn’t want to let you down, Mom.”
“And you didn’t. I do hope you’ll find someone to be happy with, though.”
“Maybe someday. But for now, I’m fine with you guys, Lilah, and her future kids.”
Then they both headed down to talk to Lilah’s stomach and let the baby-to-be know that its grandmother and aunt
were cheering for it.
And, after, Lilah popped into her third trimester.
And at the end of the evening, Tara headed upstairs to check the computer - where she found a job as a Smuggler.
Maybe it wasn’t as glamorous as being the Mayor of the Hellmouth. But it was what she wanted.
Soon after, Will decided to host a family gathering, using the new
bubble blower that he’d acquired and placed on the lawn.
Everyone had a good time - many of the generation 5 cousins
made best friends, a lot of romance occurred between the
couples of generation 4, and the bubble blower saw plenty of use.
After a storm came and Will got soaked, though, he took a
shower and changed into his regular clothing.
When the sun was out and he came back down, he found Lilah standing outside.
“Lilah! Don’t you have a hug for your old uncle?”
“Oh, fine,” she said, but smiled as she hugged him. “And you’re not old.”
“I am. But that’s alright.”
“And I see you’re pregnant!”
“Yeah, didn’t Dad tell everyone?”
“He did, but he always forgets how much I like babies.”
“Hello, little one, I’m your Great-Uncle Will, but you can just call me Uncle Will. I can’t wait to meet you!”
Lilah laughed. “I think he’s - or she’s - glad to meet you too. I’m getting kicked!”
He stood back up and looked at her perceptively. “Don’t feel bad about not wanting to get married.”
“I’m not feeling bad, Uncle Will.”
He smiled. “Yes you are. Don’t. Marriage isn’t for everyone - it wasn’t for me, it wasn’t for your Aunt Willow, it
wasn’t for my mother, though she ended up with my father because she had to. It’s not for your brother, or your
sister, or you. And that’s fine.”
“Even though I’m heiress?”
“You can still have the kids, and that’s more important. I bet this one is going to be a cutie!”
She grinned. “I bet you’re right.”
“Want to go on the bubble blower, now that we’ve gotten the serious conversation out of the way?”
And so they did.
And I joined them. Hey, it was fun!
Over at Wesley and Lorne’s, Lorne began working on his
quest to take every member of the sorority to bed. He’d
already managed Jessie Pilferson - his second target was
Meanwhile, Andrew made friends with, played chess with,
and cheated at chess with the ones who Lorne hadn’t
flirted with yet.
His parents weren’t sure what they thought of Lorne
flirting with multiple women in front of Andrew, but they
were too busy saving the world to really try to stop him.
And Wesley played WHAP with the friend he’d brought home from along with the A plus.
And the family spent their nights in peaceful togetherness - Lorne on the telescope, Andrew skilling, and Wesley and
Lauren cuddling while watching old movies.
When Riley woke up, he knew his Junior year was going to be good.
He’d received word that Tara had lifted Politics and Lilah had lifted Slacker - which was going to let him pursue one of
A trip to Kyoto.
He began the day by digging for treasure - he’d found a secret hut on Lihue, and he had reason to believe there was
a similar place in Kyoto.
He was lucky enough to find a map to a secret pagoda fairly quickly.
Then he scheduled the vacation shuttle to pick him up as soon as possible.
As soon as possible turned out to be very soon.
Once he got to Kyoto, he immediately headed out to see the sights, and discovered that the locals had an unusual
way of greeting each other.
Then he wandered, doing and seeing as much as he could.
While Riley had enjoyed his first day in Kyoto, he felt rather out of place in his customary clothing. Rather, he felt
like a tourist, and he didn’t like that feeling.
It hadn’t been a big deal in Lihue, but in Kyoto, it was odd.
Therefore, he went clothes shopping.
And bought a kimono, in the local style.
Then he wandered around the town some more.
In the afternoon, he took a nap, then ordered room service of a type he’d never had before - chef salad.
It felt incredibly odd to be eating vegetables that were actually fresh and locally grown.
And afterwards, he headed out to the hidden pagoda.
While there, Riley shared a cup of tea with the wise old man
who lived there.
Then he told him all about his previous travels to Lihue.
And in return, the wise old man told him a story of his own,
about a girl and a dragon.
And then he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“Wow,” Riley said, “I have got to learn how to do that.”
The next day was spent touring again, starting with a stop at the
Riley also learned how to play mahjong and how to give
He also found a guy who was almost completely covered up, who asked him a very odd question. He guessed, and
apparently he was right, so the guy - who called himself a ninja - promised to teach him a secret, as long as Riley
promised to keep it secret.
He did, of course - so the ninja taught him to teleport.
Riley found it very very fun.
And then he checked out and headed back to UC Sunnydale, though he decided to keep the kimono. He rather liked
how comfortable it was.
Then he invited the whole family over for a gathering.
“You got me a present? Thanks, Riley!”
“It made me think of you, Tara.”
“Hey,” Lilah said, from behind her twin, “where’s my present?”
“Don’t worry, I got you something too.”
“Good. Because I totally deserve a present.”
Then he told everyone the legend that the wise old man had told him.
He didn’t teach them to teleport, though; that was his, and his alone.
The rest of the year was fairly boring, other than the time when the cow who had caused so many problems for
Wesley decided to sleep over.
Riley immediately chased her off.
When all was said and done, though, he’d finished the year with a 4.0 GPA.
Back on The Hellmouth, Tara was still working on her second novel.
And still getting exasperated at the vulgarity of some of Lilah’s comments.
“So,” Lilah said during a game of red hands after Tara’s dinner break, “I invited Joe over.”
“You need to talk to him and tell him what’s going on. Yeah, you’re not gonna marry him. But he deserves to know.”
“Don’t worry, you’re not the only one about to have an awkward conversation. I also invited Sean over.”
“Hey Tara, what’s up?”
Tara smiled at Joe. She did like him, but in a friends sort of way. “A lot, actually.”
“Well, you know how we’ve been sort of kind of dating?”
“Is that what we’ve been doing?”
“I don’t even know, Joe.”
He shrugged. “We’ve been flirting, yeah, but it was never official.”
“I know, and it was my fault.”
“Does that mean you want to start officially dating?”
“No,” she said. “No. I don’t. I - Joe, this is about me, not you. I’m not in love with you. I like you as a friend, I do,
but I can’t see myself actually dating, or having a relationship, with anyone. Not just you, but anyone. I started
flirting with you because I was appointed heiress, and I needed a spouse, and you were my best male friend who’s not
a brother or cousin. I tried to make myself fall in love with you, but it didn’t work. I do find you somewhat
attractive…as much as I find anyone attractive. It isn’t much, and it isn’t love. It’s friendship.”
Joe looked at her quizzically. “You were going to ask me to marry you?”
“Because I felt like I had to.”
“We weren’t anywhere near that stage, Tara. We never even kissed, for crying out loud!”
“I know. I didn’t know how to get us to that stage, and I didn’t really want to.”
“Are we breaking up, then?”
“Were we ever really together?”
“I don’t know, Tara. I like you, and I liked flirting with you, but I never thought about marriage. Though that makes
some of what your siblings said about working hard and lifting restrictions make more sense.”
“It does, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. Look, Tara, I like you, and the flirting was fun. Let’s either keep it to that or just be friends.”
“I can do friends.”
“Good,” he said.
“So,” Tara said, leaning forward, “now that we’re not dating, what do you think about my sister?”
“What do you mean?”
“She thinks you’re hot, but she wasn’t chasing you because you were mine. Since you’re not, and we’re both fine
with that, what do you think about her?”
He shrugged. “I like her, but I’ve never looked at her that way.”
“Oh, she’ll get you into bed soon enough, now that we’re not together.”
“You know, your sister is scary.”
“Oh, believe me, I know,” she said. Then she pulled him into a hug. “Come by another day? I have to get to work in
“I will, Tara.”
They pulled apart. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
“It was no problem.”
While Joe had arrived and left while it was still afternoon, Sean had come later - just before dark. Lilah invited him
up to her favorite spot: the double bed.
“So,” Sean said.
“Yes. It’s yours.”
“How do you know?”
“Cause you’re the only person, let alone male, who I woohooed between college and when I started showing.”
They sat in awkward silence for a while.
After a while, she pulled him into a cuddle. He looked at her quizzically.
“I feel more comfortable talking while touching. Look,” she said, “I’m not looking for a commitment. Yes, it’s your
kid. Or kids. It could be twins, for all I know. But that doesn’t mean I want to marry you, or have you move into
the house and lift a restriction, or be there as more than a sort of uncle to the kid. I thought you should know about
the kid, but I don’t need anything from you.”
“Oh good,” he said. “I’m not at all ready to settle down.”
“Didn’t think you were. I did call you for meaningless woohoo, last time.”
“Are you expecting me to father more kids?”
She shrugged. “If it happens, it happens. But right now, what I really want is even more meaningless woohoo. Care
to give that to me?”
“I would be glad to.”
Afterwards, Lilah went downstairs to make dinner.
She couldn’t really concentrate on the lobster, though, because her stomach was making all these funny movements.
“OH FUCKING SHIT THIS IS FUCKING PAINFUL!” she yelled, as she felt the baby trying to come out.
“Calm down, honey, it’ll all be over soon,” her mother said, holding up a hand.
“IT HAD DAMN WELL BETTER BE!”
As Tara walked to her first night of work in the Criminal career, she could see - and hear (most definitely hear) - her
sister screeching as she gave birth. She was very very happy that that wasn’t her.
Lilah puffed a few more times, twirled, and, as Sean panicked behind her, gave birth to a baby boy.
“So you’re my first kid, huh? I’m going to name you Connor. Connor Angel Whedon.”
While Connor had her black hair, he’d inherited both the skintone (skin 3) and the green eyes from his father.
She handed the baby to her father. “Dad, can you take him? I need to sleep.”
“Not a problem, honey. I’ll just play with this little one for a bit.”
Eventually, however, Rupert had to go to bed - he had work in the morning, and wanted to be well-rested.
Lynne did have work the next day, but as a Celebrity Chef, she worked in the afternoon and evening, not the
morning. Therefore, she took Connor.
After giving him his first bottle, she put him in his crib. She needed to sleep too, though not as desperately as her
husband or daughter, and knew she’d be the most likely to hear him crying in the middle of the night. Rupert, after
all, was a deep sleeper, and Lilah was on an entirely separate floor. Therefore, it was best to be well-rested
She was right - Connor did wake up screaming in the middle of the night due to a dirty diaper.
She changed him, fed him, cuddled him, and put him back to bed.
And in the morning, Tara came home from work permaplat, a Criminal Mastermind at last.
Then she went to bed.
Lilah had the day off, but was kept busy answering phone calls.
“Hey Joe. Yeah, Tara’s fine. Nice of you to call and check up on her. No can do. She’s asleep. Well, working as a
Criminal Mastermind means late hours, right? Yeah, she got the job. Me? I’m good. Had the kid. Connor Angel
Whedon. He’s sleeping now. Look, do you want to come over? It’s easier to talk about stuff in person. Good.”
As she hung up the phone, she smiled. Tara had given her the go-ahead when they’d spoken that morning - as Lilah
was waking up and Tara was going to sleep.
Joe wasn’t going to know what hit him.
Lilah greeted Joe by jumping on him and kissing him.
He let out a startled “Mmph!” as she did so.
“Whoa, what was that?”
“Joe, I’ve been attracted to you since college, but I wasn’t going to do anything about it because of Tara.”
“And she told you that we’re not together.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Joe. I’m always sure about woohoo.”
Lilah grabbed him and dipped him. “Let’s make out.”
Joe thought for a second. He liked Tara, but she was right - they were better as friends. And here was a beautiful
woman who was basically seducing him…with his sort-of-ex’s permission.
He leaned his head forward a bit and kissed her.
Unfortunately, their make out session was interrupted.
“Miss Kitty Fantastico, it is your time.”
Miss Kitty looked up at the odd ghostly figure. “I am the only one who decides what I do, human.”
“I am not a human. I am the Grim Reaper. It is your time to die.”
“Oh, very well. But there had better be lots of toys, food, and comfortable beds there!”
“Do not worry. There are.” And with that, Miss Kitty Fantastico was gone. The entire family mourned her passing.
Lilah considered going back to Joe, but her son was crying, so she went upstairs and picked him up, changed him,
and fed him a bottle.
“You know,” she said to Connor. “You are kind of cute. I don’t think I’m going to mind having five of you too much.
And being pregnant wasn’t too bad, other than the whole giving birth part.” He patted the side of her face. “Even that
was worth it, really. I’m your mommy, by the way. Me and your Auntie Tara are going to raise you. Yeah, I know
that’s not the norm. But you’ll be just fine, Connor Angel Whedon.” She lifted him high into the air and he giggled.
“Flying is fun, isn’t it? But now it’s time for your nap, and it’s time for Mommy to get you a brother or sister.”
Lilah found Joe sitting in the hot tub downstairs. She swiftly cuddled up to him. “So, what do you say to some of
that woohoo right about now?”
“Alright,” he said. “But not with anyone else in the tub.” He waved at the two random walkbys who were sitting with
them. “Get out of here!”
Lilah smiled. “Awww, come on, you don’t want an audience?”
“No. If I’m with you, I’m with you. Not with everyone and their mother.”
Later that evening, Tara returned from her first full day of work as a Criminal Mastermind. She felt a bit odd in the
outfit, and knew her hair looked weird with it, but she was proud to have earned that title.
While Tara worked and Lilah worked on baby number two, the proud grandparents played with their new grandson.
“Hi, Connor, I’m your grandpa!” Connor laughed and reached for Rupert’s waving hands. “Who’s a cute little
Connor? Yes you are!”
Lynne bounced Connor a little. “I think he likes the voices, dear.”
Rupert smiled at her, then turned back to the baby. “And that’s your grandma holding you! Aren’t you a cutie?”
The next morning, Tara took care of her nephew while everyone else worked or slept. He seemed to enjoy being
Then she went upstairs to work on her novel - and found a new career listing for Lilah while she was at it. And a new
one for herself. She’d enjoyed being a Criminal Mastermind for a bit, but the outfit really wasn’t all that comfortable -
and really wasn’t her.
Therefore, Lilah began a new career as a Concert Pianist, while Tara started work as an International Sim of Mystery.
She wasn’t a huge fan of the outfit, though.
Lynne spent a large part of the afternoon on the phone with her older grandson, Andrew. She was glad to be able to
spend time talking to her older grandson, the one who didn’t live with her.
Soon after, Lilah came home from work and immediately ran upstairs and threw up. Yeah, that woohoo had been
Then, she changed her dress, got into the car, and returned to work as a Symphony Conductor.
That night was Connor’s birthday. As both Lilah and Tara were still at work, and Sean wasn’t around, Lynne got the
honor of bringing him to the cake.
Connor grew into a very cute toddler who immediately needed a makeover.
As Lynne dressed Connor in his Great-Great-Uncle Liam’s old Hawaiian shirt, and did his hair, she reflected on how
much he looked like both of his parents. He had his father’s skin and eye color, and nose, but his brow and hair color
were definitely his mother’s. Everything else was too hard to tell at this age.
Lilah came home soon after with a promotion to Rock God, fulfilling her second Lifetime Want. She stopped by the
nursery and looked at her very cute son, now a toddler.
Then she went to use the bathroom and bumped into her second trimester.
“You know, I can deal with the kids. I can deal with the pregnancy, and even the giving birth. I can definitely deal
with the woohoo. What I cannot deal with? Is this stupid dress.”
And hour later, Tara came home a Space Pirate, bringing back a Jumbok to replace the one that had been destroyed
by a random stray.
Then she headed upstairs to play with her nephew.
Who was not at all happy to wake up wet and hungry with no one there in the middle of the night.
Luckily, Grandpa Rupert came by soon after and got him out of the crib and to the potty.
“Wow, you’re getting big, aren’t you?”
“Big!” Connor yelled.
“Yup, big. Cute, too.”
“And smelly. Potty time for you!”
Elsewhere on The Hellmouth, various things were happening.
Fred discovered a new addiction to videogames.
Xander’s ghost decided he liked bubble baths, while a very stinky Buffybot watched, amazed that someone would like
Will babysat his brand new great-nephew, Warren Mears Whedon.
Warren’s lineage is:
Joss --> Buffy --> Anya --> Danny --> Warren
Wesley danced dorkily while Lauren jammed on the guitar.
Lorne continued his two hobbies of the moment: dating and stargazing. He was far more successful at the former
than the latter.
And there was a mysterious fire of mysteriousness.
No, I have no clue what caught on fire, or how. There wasn’t a lightning strike, or anything else…
Luckily, Lorne was able to put the floor out.
The next day, Wesley, Lauren, Lorne, and Andrew hosted another family gathering.
The bubble blower saw much use, as did the rock guitar.
“So how’s your pregnancy going?” Lilah asked Harmony during a friendly game of red hands.
“I don’t know how you can stand to have more than one of these!”
“It’s not so bad.”
“I spent the entire first day vomiting, my second day eating, and I’m barely awake enough to come here now.”
Lilah shrugged. “I only vomited twice - once in each pregnancy - and haven’t felt too bad otherwise.”
“I guess everyone handles pregnancy differently,” Harmony said, “but man, am I ever glad I can stop at one.”
Across the room, another game of red hands was going on.
“It’s weird that you’re all old and stuff,” Andrew said to his cousin Johnny, who had just grown into a teen the day
before. “And that I’m still not.”
“You’ll be a teen soon too.”
“Yeah. But it’s weird that I’m not and you are!”
“I’ll agree with that!”
Joss --> Buffy --> Anya --> Charlie --> Johnny
Andrew grew up that afternoon, in fact, into somewhat geeky clothing that actually suited him quite well.
Andrew rolled Fortune, but I reassigned him Popularity based on how he acted in game. Despite a personality of
10/3/9/4/1, Andrew is the neighborhood phone stalker - I actually asked once “Why isn’t Andrew the one calling?”
and then went “oh, right, HIS HOUSE.” He also rolled consistent friending wants, and other than cheating at chess, is
generally very friendly.
Technically, I don’t have to roll for aspirations at all, but I like the randomness, so unless a kid distinctly tells me that
they have to have a certain aspiration (as Andrew did), I will continue to roll.
“So,” Lauren said, after Andrew’s birthday celebration, “I noticed that your sister and your cousin are both pregnant.”
“Is this meaning to imply that you want another kid?”
“Sounds good to me!”
Riley’s senior year at college was fairly boring.
He wrote term papers, did assignments, hung out with walkbys, did tai
It wasn’t the most exciting life, but it was necessary.
Oh, and he graduated with a 4.0. Though he could have stayed at UC Sunnydale for three more days, he had no
interest in doing so. Instead, he wanted to go somewhere else.
He immediately headed out again, stopping at places he hadn’t been on his previous trip with his sisters.
Then, he’d had to do what they wanted as well as what he wanted, but now it was just him, and he could go to and
do anything that caught his fancy.
Including staying in a kimono.
Besides, no one dressed like the natives here, and no way was he wearing a grass skirt, so he might as well look like
he was from Kyoto, right?
Hands down, his favorite activity of the vacation was learning to fire dance.
Though meeting the ghost of Captain Dregg was a close second.
Soon enough, however, it was time for him to return to UC Sunnydale, and then to The Hellmouth.
He liked his new shirt, but the pants were horrific.
On his return, he was greeted by his mother. “It’s good to have you home, Riley.”
“I’m only here until I lift a career, Mom. Then I’m going on more adventures.”
“Still, it’s good for you to be here. And you’ll be a good male influence for your nephew. I think he could use one.”
“What about Dad?”
“Oh, he’s there, but he’s much older, you know. And Sean - the father - is in and out, but mainly to woohoo your
“Why am I not surprised?”
Lynne stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “Because you shouldn’t be.”
Riley then headed upstairs to change his clothing and try to find a job - either to lift or to fulfill his LTW. While he was
successful at the former, he was unfortunately unsuccessful at the latter.
While Riley was upstairs, the rest of the family was in the nursery, playing with Connor.
Though everyone but Lynne left when it was time for potty training.
When Lynne had to go to work, Lilah took over watching her son, choosing to spend some time tickling him.
Then she took a shower and complained about her aching back.
While this pregnancy was going fairly well, something about this kid felt heavier than the last one.
Since Riley didn’t have a job yet, he spent the night stargazing.
He was no more successful at it than his brother.
And, as he was still awake in the morning, he ended up giving Connor his first bath.
Connor wasn’t so sure about that whole water thing.
Then he put Connor in his crib and headed downstairs.
“So what’s up, Dad?” Riley asked as they all sat down on the lawn.
“Well, now that generation five is on the way, and generation three is on the way out - don’t look at me that way,
kids. I’m going to die soon, and I’ve accepted that. My time has been longer than it should be, as it is, because I
needed to be here when you two-” he gestured at Tara and Lilah “-moved home. There are a few things I want to
discuss with you before I die, though.”
“Like what, Dad?” Lilah asked.
“Businesses?” Tara asked, suddenly perking up.
“We have two. The graveyard is one, and you were all too young to remember this, but I needed to earn $100,000
before I became an Elder - it was my Lifetime Want.”
“I vaguely remember it,” Lilah said. “Didn’t you leave us all home with Riley in charge for a while?”
“We did. Lorne came along, however, to help.”
Tara nodded. “That sounds right.”
“So what does all this have to do with us?” Lilah asked.
“Well, I’d like to give you kids the businesses. I think I know who should get them, but promise to tell me if any of
you are unhappy?”
All three of them nodded.
“First, the shop I used for my Lifetime Want. As Tara is the most interested in business, I think she should have it.
It’s not much, but you can change it into whatever you want.”
“Me?” Tara asked.
“You’re the only one who has any interest in running a shop,” Riley pointed out. Lilah nodded in agreement.
“Thanks, Dad!” Tara said. “What about the other business, the graveyard?”
“I think that one should go to Riley.”
A slow smile spread across Riley’s face, and his sisters exchanged a glance, speaking without words. “Cool with us,”
Lilah said. Tara nodded.
“You’re fine with not getting a business, Lilah?”
“Yeah. I have no interest in either of those places, whatsoever. Now, another place to woohoo…”
Rupert laughed. “I’ll keep you in mind if I somehow acquire a business like that.”
While this conversation was going on, Lynne taught her grandson to walk.
He had somehow managed to pull his hat off, and she wasn’t sure where it was, but he looked cute without it
Rupert came upstairs once his conversation was over to find Lynne lifting the toddler and cooing at him.
“Hello, dear,” he said. “Don’t you two look sweet together?”
“Guess who can walk?” she asked, as Connor giggled as he pretended to fly.
Rupert reached up and tickled his grandson. “You’re a good boy, yes you are.”
After kissing his wife and his grandson, Rupert headed outside to earn some money on the videogame machine he’d
brought home from work.
His death hit everyone hard, though Riley was glad to finally
get his Lifetime Want, being a Space Pirate - he’d found the job
after the meeting, and gone to work immediately.
It didn’t quite balance out missing his father’s death, however.
But at least the new generation was there, and cute!
First, Lilah gave birth to Robin Wood Whedon. She tried to find someone to hand him to, but no one around would
take him - neither of her parents or siblings were there - so she put him on the ground. Her stomach felt like it was
going to burst, and she was terrified she was going to drop him.
She soon found out why this baby had felt heavier than the last one - it wasn’t just one baby, it was two.
Shortly after Robin arrived, she gave birth to Richard Wilkins Whedon.
“Damn it, Joe, why did you have to get me pregnant with twins?” she muttered, as she lifted Richard up.
Luckily, she had help taking care of the babies soon after.
She also remembered that twins meant one less pregnancy, which was a good thing.
Both Robin and Richard got Joe’s brown eyes, but other than that they look completely different. Robin has Joe’s skin
4 and Lilah’s black hair, while Richard has Lilah’s skin 1 and Joe’s red hair. Yes, red. He’s a dyer.
Riley, meanwhile, was occupied with things other than babies - such as finding a job.
A useful job.
One in Athletic.
Which would not only be useful for the family and allow them to rebuild the house.
It would also allow him to complete one of his goals in life - visiting Yellowstone National Park.
And when everyone else went to bed, Lilah found herself taking care of both of the twins. Connor was at least fairly
self-sufficient as long as he had his bottle.
They’d added another crib to the nursery, in front of the old pet bed, but there was barely room to move around now.
The next day, Riley started work as an Assistant Coach.
Lynne woke up late. She’d had trouble sleeping the night before without Rupert in the bed, and had been woken by
the babies’ cries. Lilah seemed to have that situation in hand, though, so she’d laid in bed, trying to sleep.
She hadn’t made the bed in years, but she made it that day - Rupert had never left the bed unmade in all their years
together, and she wanted to keep their room the way he’d liked it.
Then, after a shower, she fed and bathed her grandsons, then put them down for a nap.
Lilah, meanwhile, called over another old friend - Michael Boyd, the llama.
And Riley returned home with a promotion.
And three days off.
While he knew he would enjoy his days off, he was also slightly disappointed that this meant he would have to wait
longer to move out.
As night fell, Lilah climbed into the hot tub and asked Michael to join her. She wanted woohoo, and still needed two
more kids - he could serve both purposes.
“Huh,” she said, as he joined her in the tub. “You’re green.”
Michael shrugged. “I am. Does it bother you?”
“Not at all. I find it…exotic.” She gave him a slow, sexy smile.
“So, want to woohoo?” she asked as she draped her arm over his shoulders.
“I, um, sure?”
After four bouts of woohoo - twice in the hot tub, once in the car, and once in the bed, - Lilah was pretty sure she
was pregnant again. Therefore, she left Michael in the bed and headed out to the nursery when she heard Connor
yelling to be let out of his crib.
“So,” she said, as she picked him up, “I hope you’ll like having another brother or sister.”
All over The Hellmouth, people knew that Rupert had died - if only by noticing their bank accounts and the new
money that had come from his inheritance.
Not that anyone needed money these days.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only one to go, that day.
Will knew that both of his siblings - all of his siblings - had died, and he knew that he was next.
He could feel his age in his bones, and he knew his time was soon.
Therefore, he spent as much time as he could with his great-nephew, Anya’s grandson, Warren. He was the closest
thing Warren had to a grandparent, and he would do that job the best he could.
Then he went and jumped on the couch for a while.
And the next day, he invited Goopy over for one last date.
And when the Reaper came, he wasn’t surprised.
There were also visits from family.
“So I hear you’re pregnant again,” Wesley said after he greeted his sister.
“I think so, based on the vomiting.”
“Lauren is too.”
“She got jealous?”
He shrugged. “We wanted another kid anyway, and seeing you, Harmony, and Bridget all pregnant…”
“Made her want to get pregnant now?”
Lilah sighed and stretched. “Give me a back massage, Wesley? Pregnancy isn’t easy on my back.”
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Lauren agrees with you!”
“She’s a lucky woman, Wesley. A lucky woman.”
Wesley and Lauren’s second child came soon after.
It was a baby girl, who they named Drusilla Aurelius Whedon.
Unsurprisingly, she got both parents’ black hair and brown eyes.
Wesley was very happy to hold her while Lauren recovered from the birth, and to take care of her the rest of the
Turn the page for more info!
So I know I probably shocked most of you with some of the plot that showed up in this chapter, especially those of
you I lied to about it.
The thing is…look, it’s complicated as to why I did what I did, and there will be a full meta on the subject going up on
my livejournal - rosefyre.livejournal.com - in the very near future. As in, if it’s not up by the end of the weekend, I
need yelling at.
There will also be a behind the scenes coming soon, with some of what was actually going on that didn’t get shown in
As you know, we lifted a couple of restrictions this update, and the house therefore now has a large number of
random objects sitting out on the lawn - mostly career rewards that Rupert had earned, though some come from
Lynne and Tara.
At the main house, these are all legal objects - rewards for careers that have been lifted. At the cousin houses, this
is not so. I have decided not to care if the career rewards are actually legal for the cousins to have, and simply stuck
them all out.
No, we haven’t redone the house yet, due to various large objects all over the place that are unmovable due to the
Athletic restrictions. But Riley is working on that, and I have hopes for him lifting it soon!
Unfortunately for all of you, soon isn’t actually going to be all that soon.
I am next in line for the Boolpropian Round Robin Legacy, after Jamie finishes her turn, and am therefore about to
devote all of my simming energies to prepping for that, so that I hopefully am not late AND avoid dying of homework
and simming during March/April.
Darla, here, was very useful in helping me start that preparation. :)
So what I’m saying? Don’t expect another chapter until at least late April. Probably May.
Because after the Dorans? Comes final projects. And graduation. And having to find a job.
We also have one uber cute toddler! And a picture where Lilah’s pregnant-with-twins stomach looks insanely huge!
That means it’s time for some stats!
Connor Angel Whedon:
I’ll post about cousins as I show them to you in my behind the scenes.
Lifts that have been lifted: Music (Joss)
Hopelessness (Joss) Military (Martin)
Alien Tech (Liam) Culinary (Buffy)
Pet Showbiz (Kobe)
Service (Kim) Paranormal (Will)
Security (Miss Kitty Fantastico) Medical (Fred)
See you all for Chapter Sixteen, and the Boolpropian Law (Wesley)
Round Robin Legacy! Show Business (Lorne)
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