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Why people are disrespectful

Why people are disrespectful

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  • 1. HOSTILE OR A RESPECTFUL WORKPLACE? Presented by LifeServices EAP Margie Roop, LPCC-S,CEAP; SAP 1-800-822-4847 www.lifeserviceseap.com
  • 2. Training Objectives  Increase understanding of difference between disrespectful (hostile) and respectful behavior.  Increase understanding of the impact disrespectful behavior has on you, your work and others.  Identify your role and responsibility in creating and maintaining a respectful workplace.  Learn tools for creating a more respectful work environment.
  • 3. Why Should I Care?  Increased commitment to job/higher job satisfaction  More productive on the job  Higher satisfaction with personal/professional development  Higher trust of supervisor/coworkers  More comfortable in providing feedback and ideas  Avoid a lawsuit!
  • 4. Why should I care?  Feel more secure about my job.  Alignment of my career plans with that of institution  Less absenteeism  Improved morale  Fewer work-family conflicts/stress
  • 5. Factors to consider:  Past experiences-how you were influenced?  Norms/values that you adopted  Polices/regulations/procedures/laws  Own needs/motivations/self-confidence  Cultural/socialization-sex, religion, ethnicity  Position in organization
  • 6. Why people are disrespectful PersonalityTraits Motives  Insecure  Depressed  Lack of empathy  Clueless/lack of insight  Paranoia  Self-loathing  Power & control  “Pump self up”  Self-righteousness  Be left alone: repel others  Confidence  Be seen in the spotlight
  • 7. How do you feel when someone is: •Derogatory about your ethnic background? •Gender? •Age? •Physical characteristics? •Religion? •Physical appearance? •Physical abilities? •Intellectual abilities? •Be honest!
  • 8. Do you…  Feel uncomfortable? Angry?  Speak up?  Walk away?  Struggle with what IS appropriate and not?  Find yourself unbothered?  Avoid those who offend?  Enjoin those disrespecting others?
  • 9. When someone else is the object of offense, do you…  Laugh along with everybody else?  Walk away?  Confront the offender?  Report this behavior to superiors?  Just think the person is “thin-skinned?”
  • 10. Examples of Disrespectful Behavior  Body language  Disrespectful listening  Gossip/putting others in bad light  Invasion of privacy/personal space  Avoid/ignore others  Putdowns/hurtful statements or humor
  • 11. More on the Continuum:  Fault-finding; negativity  Criticism or mocking in front of others  “Know-it-all”/superiority attitude  Obvious (to others) power struggles  Unwanted imposition of beliefs/values  Misuse of power/position  Sexual Harassment; Hostile Work Environment  Sex, Age, Disability, or Religious Discrimination
  • 12. Continuum……  Misdirected anger-”projection”  Discrimination/harassment  Outbursts of anger/rage  Veiled threats  Direct threats  Physical violence
  • 13. Why Disrespectful Behavior is Not Addressed  “It’s Justified.” “She deserved it.”  Role modeling/normative for that workplace  Own needs/motivations/feel self-confident  Not taking responsibility for own behavior  Ignore it and it’ll go away.  Ignorance
  • 14. More reasons…  Lack of tools/training  Don’t understand nor care about impact on workplace/individuals.  Lack of confidence in other’s responses (no support within work group including management).  Fear of hurting other’s feelings; not being taken seriously; being blamed  Fear of retaliation.
  • 15. More on “Projection”  A classic defense mechanism  Persons externalize negative feelings about themselves onto others.  Personal foundation is flawed, so insecurity is great.
  • 16. Projection: Classic Defense Mechanism  Persons have need to feel better about themselves; only way they know (learned behavior) is through disrespecting others.  It’s easier to focus “self-negativity” or self- loathing onto others than to face it themselves.
  • 17. Why do people not feel good about themselves? We could fill libraries on this! Pick your issue!  Victim of domestic violence, physical, emotional, or sexual abuses?  Living with an alcoholic, drug abuser, gambler, “spend-a-holic” or otherwise disrespectful spouse?  What other stressors can you think of?
  • 18. The Individual Impact  Stress/anxiety  Fatigue/apathy  Avoidance  Withdrawal  Self-esteem  Retaliation  Less job commitment  Anger  Powerlessness  Less productive  Fear  Lose trust/respect  Less communication  Absenteeism
  • 19. The Workplace Impact  Productivity  Job turnover  Customer service  Grievances  Misuse of time  Absenteeism  Morale  Fear/uncertainty  Conflict  Less group work  Communication  Factions  Power struggles  Less caring  Suspicion/hostility  Less committed
  • 20. The Impact on Institution  Public relations  Morale  Legal expenses  Recruitment  Higher use of medical benefits  Productivity  Factions  Loss of trust/respect  Grievances  Turnover costs  Safety issues
  • 21. How do you respond when…..  When you see offending behavior at WORK what do you do?  Ignore?  Deny it?  Chime in?  Laugh?  DoYOU tell offending jokes?  DoYOU bully others?
  • 22. What to do…. Helpful? Or, harmful?  Get educated on what IS or IS NOT appropriate!  Do not ignore it!  Say something right away to the offending party or parties to STOP IT!  Speak to offending party (ies) in more depth in a confidential setting.  Report it to management.
  • 23. Everyone: Needs to Lead the way! •Ignoring the problem will only make things worse… •You will lose respect. •You could incite workplace violence. •If you join offending parties in offensive behaviors, you are complicit and could get sued!
  • 24. Management  Educate your staff on what is/is not appropriate.  Show them that you take this behavior seriously.  Utilize discipline as appropriate up to and including the management referral  Seek advice from your HR Department!
  • 25. One-on-One HowYOU communicate What you communicate  Makes all the difference in the world.  Either demonstrates your knowledge or your ignorance.  Sets the tone for your department.  Employees either feel safe or fearful.  Are you sending a message that to “be part of the group” one must be offensive to others?  Either produces or reduces departmental stress.  Either enhances or destroys departmental morale.
  • 26. Continuum of Respectful Behavior Your Everyday Behavior Towards persons who offend  Personal responsibility  Integrity  Positivity  Honesty  Accessibility  Inclusion  Credibility  Objectivity  Active listening  Assertive communication  Limit setting  Seeking assistance with management  Management Referral to EAP?
  • 27. Active Listener?  Body language  Encouraging words  Inviting, open-ended questions  Restate what was said.  Check out for mutual understanding.  Summarize
  • 28. Assertive Communicator?  Objectivity  Clarify your wants/needs  Responsibility for OWN behavior communication  Speak directly with person involved  “I” statements
  • 29. Assertive Communicator?  Identify type of communication occurring.  Stay focused on issue.  Problem-solving  Establish boundaries/consequences.  Mutual understanding of conversation
  • 30. Problem Solver?  Identify the real problem or its source.  Identify all possible solutions.  Discuss possible outcome of each solution.  Mutually agree upon a solution and implement it.  Develop implementation plan.  Evaluate
  • 31. Can you reframe a situation?  Identify situation that produces uncomfortable or distressing feelings.  Identify your automatic focus, thoughts, and feelings about situation.  Identify a more useful way to view this situation which offers you choices and the potential for growth.
  • 32. Do YOU feel lack of power?  DoYOU feel bullied by your employees?  Feel pressure to “chime in” to their behaviors?  Feel ostrisized when you don’t laugh at their inappropriate jokes?  Feel powerless to do anything about it?
  • 33. A good rule of thumb: What if it were: •Your wife or husband •Your son or daughter •Your mother or father •How would you feel? •What makes it different to have someone else be the butt of disrespect? •Why do your co- workers not deserve a respectful workplace?
  • 34. You have got to take a stand!  If you are struggling with “doing things differently” now that you’ve heard this lecture-FANTASTIC!  If it makes you feel uncomfortable-BETTER YET!  If you want some help figuring things out and wanting direction-WAYTO GO!
  • 35. Call LifeServices EAP!  For affirmation of your thoughts & feelings.  For education on how to best approach situations both in the workplace and family or social situations.  You deserve a safe & respectful workplace!! Call LifeServices EAP 1-800-822-4847 24 hours a day!
  • 36. Go out, do great things & enjoy your life!