HOSTILE OR A RESPECTFUL
Presented by LifeServices EAP
Margie Roop, LPCC-S,CEAP; SAP
Increase understanding of difference between
disrespectful (hostile) and respectful behavior.
Increase understanding of the impact
disrespectful behavior has on you, your work and
Identify your role and responsibility in creating
and maintaining a respectful workplace.
Learn tools for creating a more respectful work
Why Should I Care?
Increased commitment to job/higher job
More productive on the job
Higher satisfaction with personal/professional
Higher trust of supervisor/coworkers
More comfortable in providing feedback and ideas
Avoid a lawsuit!
Why should I care?
Feel more secure about my job.
Alignment of my career plans with that of
Fewer work-family conflicts/stress
Factors to consider:
Past experiences-how you were influenced?
Norms/values that you adopted
Cultural/socialization-sex, religion, ethnicity
Position in organization
Why people are disrespectful
Lack of empathy
Clueless/lack of insight
Power & control
“Pump self up”
Be left alone: repel others
Be seen in the spotlight
How do you feel when someone is:
•Derogatory about your
Feel uncomfortable? Angry?
Struggle with what IS appropriate and not?
Find yourself unbothered?
Avoid those who offend?
Enjoin those disrespecting others?
When someone else is the
object of offense, do you…
Laugh along with
Confront the offender?
Report this behavior to
Just think the person is
Examples of Disrespectful
Gossip/putting others in
statements or humor
More on the Continuum:
Criticism or mocking in front of others
Obvious (to others) power struggles
Unwanted imposition of beliefs/values
Misuse of power/position
Sexual Harassment; Hostile Work Environment
Sex, Age, Disability, or Religious Discrimination
Outbursts of anger/rage
Why Disrespectful Behavior
is Not Addressed
“It’s Justified.” “She deserved it.”
Role modeling/normative for that workplace
Own needs/motivations/feel self-confident
Not taking responsibility for own behavior
Ignore it and it’ll go away.
Lack of tools/training
Don’t understand nor care about impact on
Lack of confidence in other’s responses (no
support within work group including
Fear of hurting other’s feelings; not being taken
seriously; being blamed
Fear of retaliation.
More on “Projection”
A classic defense
negative feelings about
Personal foundation is
flawed, so insecurity is
Projection: Classic Defense
Persons have need to feel better about
themselves; only way they know (learned
behavior) is through disrespecting others.
It’s easier to focus “self-negativity” or self-
loathing onto others than to face it
Why do people not feel good about
We could fill libraries on this! Pick your issue!
Victim of domestic
emotional, or sexual
Living with an alcoholic,
drug abuser, gambler,
What other stressors can
you think of?
The Individual Impact
Less job commitment
The Workplace Impact
Misuse of time
Less group work
The Impact on Institution
Higher use of medical
Loss of trust/respect
How do you respond when…..
When you see
offending behavior at
WORK what do you
DoYOU tell offending
DoYOU bully others?
What to do….
Helpful? Or, harmful?
Get educated on what IS or IS
Do not ignore it!
Say something right away to
the offending party or parties
to STOP IT!
Speak to offending party (ies)
in more depth in a
Report it to management.
Everyone: Needs to Lead
•Ignoring the problem
will only make things
•You will lose respect.
•You could incite
•If you join offending
parties in offensive
behaviors, you are
complicit and could
Educate your staff on what is/is not
Show them that you take this behavior
Utilize discipline as appropriate up to and
including the management referral
Seek advice from your HR Department!
HowYOU communicate What you communicate
Makes all the difference in
Either demonstrates your
knowledge or your
Sets the tone for your
Employees either feel safe
Are you sending a message
that to “be part of the
group” one must be
offensive to others?
Either produces or reduces
Either enhances or
Continuum of Respectful
Your Everyday Behavior Towards persons who offend
Seeking assistance with
Management Referral to
Inviting, open-ended questions
Restate what was said.
Check out for mutual understanding.
Clarify your wants/needs
Responsibility for OWN behavior
Speak directly with person involved
Identify type of communication occurring.
Stay focused on issue.
Mutual understanding of conversation
Identify the real problem or its source.
Identify all possible solutions.
Discuss possible outcome of each solution.
Mutually agree upon a solution and
Develop implementation plan.
Can you reframe a situation?
Identify situation that produces
uncomfortable or distressing feelings.
Identify your automatic focus, thoughts, and
feelings about situation.
Identify a more useful way to view this
situation which offers you choices and the
potential for growth.
Do YOU feel lack of power?
DoYOU feel bullied by your employees?
Feel pressure to “chime in” to their
Feel ostrisized when you don’t laugh at their
Feel powerless to do anything about it?
A good rule of thumb: What if it
•Your wife or husband
•Your son or daughter
•Your mother or father
•How would you feel?
•What makes it different
to have someone else be
the butt of disrespect?
•Why do your co-
workers not deserve a
You have got to take a
If you are struggling with “doing things
differently” now that you’ve heard this
If it makes you feel uncomfortable-BETTER
If you want some help figuring things out and
wanting direction-WAYTO GO!
Call LifeServices EAP!
For affirmation of your thoughts & feelings.
For education on how to best approach
situations both in the workplace and family or
You deserve a safe & respectful workplace!!
Call LifeServices EAP
1-800-822-4847 24 hours a day!