Self Esteem


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The encore presentation for the career readiness group.

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Self Esteem

  1. 1. Self - Esteem<br />“Self-esteem is more than merely recognizing one’s positive qualities. It is an attitude of acceptance and non-judgement towards self and others.” <br />- Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning<br />
  2. 2. What is Self-Esteem?<br />As a group at your table or in pairs define self-esteem.<br />What is it?<br />What increases self-esteem?<br />What decreases self-esteem?<br />
  3. 3. Defining Self-Esteem<br />Nathaniel Branden, PhD, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem<br />Self-esteem is:<br /> the ability or willingness to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness.<br />confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think.<br />confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. <br />the belief that success, achievement, fulfillment—happiness—are right and natural for us. <br />grounded in reality and built over time<br />
  4. 4. What Self-Esteem is NOT<br />Self-esteem is not the euphoria that may be temporarily induced by a drug, a compliment, love affair, or happy event. <br />It is not an illusion or hallucination. <br />If it is not grounded in reality, if it is not built over time through experience and careful thought, it is not self-esteem.<br />
  5. 5. Exercise<br />Visualizing strong self-esteem<br />
  6. 6. Reflection<br />On a piece of paper, reflect on your visualization:<br />Why do you want self-esteem?<br />What will strong self-esteem give you?<br />What will you be able to do?<br />How grounded in reality is your vision?<br />
  7. 7. Misconceptions<br />Self-esteem does not come from others, peers or outside ourselves<br />Alcohol and drugs to not increase self-esteem<br />“Self-esteem is best nurtured by selfless (!) service to the community.”<br />“Stop struggling to achieve self-esteem. Turn your problems over to God. Realize that you are a child of God—and that is all you need to have self-esteem.” <br />the measure of our personal worth is our external achievements<br />Inflated egotism, delusions and unrealistic perceptions are not self-esteem.<br />
  8. 8. Some Definitions<br /><ul><li>Self-esteem</li></ul>Self-acceptance<br />Self-confidence<br />Self-respect<br />
  9. 9. Self-esteem<br /><ul><li>The belief that success, achievement, fulfillment—happiness—are right and natural for us. </li></ul>Related to “Unconditional High Regard” of ourselves and others.<br />
  10. 10. Self-acceptance<br />The knowledge that no one is perfect and the acceptance of ourselves with our strengths and weaknesses. <br />AND—our MISTAKES!<br />Self-forgiveness plays a role in this<br />
  11. 11. Self-confidence<br />The belief and knowledge that we can learn or complete a task. <br />Our willingness and ability to risk and try new things<br />Built overtime through a history of success and on going learning.<br />
  12. 12. Self-respect<br />Self-respect – the relationship between our actions, values, and actual behaviour.<br />Built from our integrity.<br />
  13. 13. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem<br /> six practices essential for the nurturing and sustaining of healthy self-esteem: <br />the practice of living consciously, <br />the practice of living of self-acceptance,<br />the practice of living of self-responsibility, <br />the practice of living of self-assertiveness, <br />the practice of living of purposefulness, <br />and the practice of integrity.<br />
  14. 14. Living Consciously<br />respect for facts; <br />being present to what we are doing while are doing it; <br />seeking and being eagerly open to any information, knowledge, or feedback that bears on our interests, values, goals, and projects; <br />seeking to understand not only the world external to self but also our inner world, so that we do not out of self-blindness.<br />
  15. 15. Self-Acceptance<br />the willingness to own, experience, and take responsibility for our thoughts, feelings, and actions, without evasion, denial, or disowning—and also without self-repudiation;<br />giving oneself permission to think one’s thoughts, experience one’s emotions, and look at one’s actions without necessarily liking, endorsing, or condoning them; <br />the virtue of realism applied to the self.<br />
  16. 16. Self-Responsibility<br />realizing that we are the author of our choices and actions; <br />that each one us is responsible for life and well-being and for the attainment of our goals; that if we need the cooperation of other people to achieve our goals, we must offer values in exchange;<br />and that question is not “Who’s to blame?” but always “What needs to be done?” (“What do I need to do?”)<br />
  17. 17. Self-Assertiveness<br />being authentic in our dealings with others;<br />treating our values and persons with decent respect in social contexts; <br />refusing to fake the reality of who we are or what we esteem in order to avoid disapproval;<br />the willingness to stand up for ourselves and our ideas in appropriate ways in appropriate contexts.<br />
  18. 18. Living Purposefully<br />identifying our short-term and long-term goals or purposes and the actions needed to attain them (formulating an action-plan); <br />organizing behavior in the service of those goals; <br />monitoring action to be sure we stay on track;<br /> and paying attention to outcome so as to recognize if and when we need to go back to the drawing-board.<br />
  19. 19. Personal Integrity<br />our behaviour and actions are reflections of our values and beliefs—we live what we believe;<br /> telling the truth, honoring our commitments, exemplifying in action the values we profess to admire.<br />
  20. 20. Increasing Self-Esteem<br />Different for everyone—observe yourself!<br />re-writing outdated core beliefs<br />giving our best to a task<br />facing a difficult truth with courage<br />taking responsibility for our actions<br />speaking up when we know that that is what the situation warrants, <br />refuse to betray our convictions,<br />persevere even when persevering is not easy<br />
  21. 21. What Lowers Self-esteem<br />Negative core beliefs<br />Shame over past actions<br />Living opposite to our values<br />Staying silent or participating in something we know is wrong<br />
  22. 22. Core Beliefs<br />Messages we received from authority figures when we were young (teachers, parents, religious leaders, friends, siblings, bosses, other adults).<br />Statements: I AM_________________<br />
  23. 23. Finding Core Beliefs<br />Start with the statement, “I am...”<br />Write out as many beliefs about yourself as you can (positive and negative)<br />Be honest about what you believe deep down about yourself<br />(feel free to write in your first language)<br />
  24. 24. Re-Writing Core Beliefs<br />Where did this message come from? Was it something you were told or developed from experience?<br />Look at your life and skills today? Is that belief still true for you today as an adult?<br />Which statements can you say are false right away? Re-write them in a statement that correctly describes your skills.<br />How are you going to grow to be this corrected statement?<br />
  25. 25. The Really Tough Core Beliefs<br />What would it take to change this belief?<br />How could you prove to yourself it is not true?<br />What can you do to increase your self-respect and acceptance?<br />
  26. 26. Mistakes and Shame<br />Most of us have made mistakes and done things we are ashamed of.<br />When we continue to hold onto our mistakes and shame and punish ourselves, it lowers ours self-esteem.<br />
  27. 27. Exercise<br />Fold a piece of paper in half, long ways.<br />On the left, make a list of the mistakes or actions you are ashamed of that are currently lowering your self-esteem.<br />(feel free to write in your first language).<br />
  28. 28. Steps Towards Healing Self-Esteem<br />Review the 6 Pillars—how well are you living them? <br />Which one is your weakest?<br />What action can you commit to for 32 days that would improve this pillar?<br />At the end of 32 days, pick another pillar and work on that one.<br />
  29. 29. Make Amends<br />What mistakes or actions have you done that you are not proud of?<br />How could you correct this mistake or make amends?<br />How can you find peace with this past action?<br />What will you commit to doing differently?<br />
  30. 30. Get the Lesson<br />What did you learn from your mistake or action?<br />What did it teach you about your values?<br />What “gifts” have come from this mistake?<br />How has it shaped who you are?<br />What do you do differently now?<br />
  31. 31. Exercise Part 2<br />On the right side of your page, write the lessons or gifts you gained from your experiences.<br />
  32. 32. Self-Forgiveness<br />Look at your list of mistakes<br />If your best friend, child, spouse or someone you loved made this mistake under the same circumstances, do you feel she or he should be punished for ever?<br />Have you paid for your mistake long enough?<br />Have you changed or do you still do this action?<br />Would you forgive your friend?<br />If yes, then it is time to forgive yourself.<br />If no, what would it take to be able to forgive yourself? <br />Commit to that action.<br />
  33. 33. What are YOU Keeping?<br />Tear your sheet in half so the mistakes and the lessons are on separate sheets<br />You have a choice:<br /> 1. Keep the mistakes/shame and throw away the lesson<br /> 2. Keep the lesson and let go of the mistake<br />