Memoir
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Memoir

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Memoir Document Transcript

  • 1. Holmes 1Rachael HolmesProfessor BoltonJanuary 30, 2012English 101 Reality’s Unspoken Events As I sat back and observed my surroundings, I started to notice what was actuallyoccurring before my eyes. The nights were getting shorter sitting in the cold waiting room,and the prayers were getting longer in our worrying minds. My mind wondered to the past. I remembered the good old days when I was his “little black girl” as he liked to sayit, and recall that scornful look I used to give him when he called me that name. I remembermy mother always saying to my grandfather, “Daddy, Rachael does not like that name.” Ialways smile when I think of the bond we held; oddly that bond was never spoken of. Aftergiving my grandfather a hug, I would plop down with excitement on my grandparents’huge bed, a smile always spread across his wrinkly face. It was as if I could smell the sweetpeppermint candy through the jar. I can still hear the wrappers crinkling and us crunchingdown on the delicious treat. After we would finish I would always say “I love you,Granddaddy.”Then reality came back into existence, and I thought of that machine assomething I could not rely on, an interference of nature, and a disappointment to reality. The only event that repeatedly played through my head was that machine, themachine that kept his joyous life on an old string. I became reliant on that machine to keephim alive, and I let the fear of losing him run away. I just knew he would make it out okayand life would go on as I knew it, but it didn’t.There were many times when we would go back and forth to the hospital, and I would have
  • 2. Holmes 2no worries because I had faith in God and that machine. All of my family members wouldcome out the emergency room smiling with happiness instead of crying with sorrow. Then,out of nowhere, the machine failed him, and in the blink of an eye. He was snatched frommy sight just that quickly. I truly wished be able to say “I love you Granddaddy” just one last time. Although Iknew he couldn’t hear me, I said it anyway, I spoke to his lifeless body, and I spokethrough my pain saying “I love you Granddaddy.” I was not prepared for him to leave meand I just clung to his body, looking up hoping he would wake up and smile. Then my auntgently grabbed me saying, “Come on Rachael; It’s ok”, she and led me from the dark room.Then I pictured God telling him, “Well done my child, well done.” I should not haverelied on what I thought would help, that machine, because it seemed impossible that itwould fail, but it did. Why did it have to interfere with the basics of life and take away who I trulyneeded? That machine was supposed to help the breath flow through the body. The phonecall my cousin received on that wet rainy day made my mood even gloomier. I rememberlike it was yesterday, we were driving back to the hospital for a visit and that’s when thephone rang. She sounded so calm saying, “Ok, I’m on my way” but I knew everythingwould not be ok, and then she turned to me with an unsure look whispering “Granddaddyjust died”. She could not speak up because her daughter and nephew were in the back seat,not aware of the inaudible news. All I could do was reflect back on the saying “Every timeit rains someone dies.” Ironically someone had just told me that a week before, but Ididn’t pay it any attention. Then I thought of the unknown machine they had his bodyconnected to and was literally lost for words.
  • 3. Holmes 3 That machine took life and made it unbearable and soon nature took its course. Myfirst experience even noticing the machine did not seem so hard to take in. There was a timewhen breath was in his body and he just laid there not saying anything but I knew he wasalive. Then I remember my last encounter with the machine; it was after being pushed outthe room…unfortunately. As I was assisted to put on gloves and a disposable lab gown inorder to get my last view of my only grandfather, I just held my tears in. All I could see wasa variety of tubes in and out of his body and trying to block everyone’s’ conversation out. Istared it down wondering why he needed a machine’s support for his own given life. It didnot make any sense to me and I wanted answers, I hated seeing him in so much pain. I canremember hearing him moaning “hm…” and listening to the sheets rustle. I wanted to beable to help, I wanted to be able to know what was wrong but there was no hope. I did not want to have to accept the bad news; I just wanted to wake up from ahorrible dream. I wanted to go back to the time when he walked up to me not rolled in awheel chair. I wanted to hear him say my mother’s name one more time, “Margie”, forsome reason hearing him say that made me smile. In that moment I had to realize that whatI wanted did not matter, what mattered was that he was not in any more pain. My heart wassustained, and all I could do was endure the waterfalls because I could no longer be strong.I took in what had occurred, contemplated the events that had taken place, and just walkedaway. His heart was weak, the machine then became his heart, and it failed on him in histime of need. Technology that day truly made me see a different perspective of this event. In the beginning, of course I was devastated, but the way I saw things drasticallychanged. Even though this was a hurtful run in with technology, I still appreciate the effortit gave for the life of a human being. It did not hurt me physically, but it did affect me
  • 4. Holmes 4mentally and emotionally. It made me want to strive to do better in terms of creating abetter machine. That is why I chose the pathway to helping people through nursing. I knowhe would be proud and happy because of my success.