Communication is the key to success
PASS IT ON!
 We spend over 70% of our WAKING HOURS communicating with others
 Effect...
How Americans Communicate
A study commissioned by the National
Communication Association
Americans understand how importan...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Who do American’s feel most comfortable
communicating with?
 93% said children:
This changes ba...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Effective
Communication in the
Workplace
 69% said they felt most
effective when
communicating ...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Other people Americans feel effective communicating
with (Most comfortable at top; least at the ...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
Communicating with diverse social/demographic groups.
Americans said they are most effective at ...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE
What kinds of communication
are Americans most
comfortable with?
65%: Talking with friends
76%: ...
HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE –
Why do Americans get divorced
Communication affects all aspect of our lives. With
the divorce ...
Communicating in Small Groups
The seven roadblocks
to effective communication
1. Shyness
2. Lack of perceptive: letting bi...
Roadblock #1 - Shyness
Shyness: A complex human condition that ranges from brief periodic
spells of uncomfortableness to s...
Roadblock #1- Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
Zimbardo’s list of consequences:
1. Social Problems: Limited contact with ot...
Roadblock #1- Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?
 Start young: Accept children for who th...
Roadblock #1 - Shyness
Consequences of Shyness
in Groups
IN GROUPS:
 Shy people can get ignored
 Other’s in the group ma...
Roadblock #2 – Lack of
Perception
Perception: We are bombarded with thousands of messages or stimuli a day
(visual, verbal...
Review Questions
True or False
Shyness, unfortunately, is something we are born with and can do little
about.
True or Fals...
Roadblock #3 - Lack of
Empathy
 Empathy: is a feeling of oneness with others
 The closer we come to understanding others...
Listening – 10 minute break
Q: How many of you think you are good
listeners?
Q: What characteristics do good listeners
hav...
Roadblock #4 – Poor
Listening Skills
“It’s good to shut up
sometimes.”
Marcel Marceau - Entertainer
Roadblock #4 – Poor Listening
Research from Paul Rankin, Ohio State
University revealed:
70 percent of an adult’s waking h...
Road block #4
- Why is effective listening so
hard?
 Our hardwiring: We think much faster than we hear
 We speak 125 wor...
The difference between
hearing and listening
 We are all born with the ability to hear, listening is a learned skill
 He...
Listening –
Being an Empathetic Listener
Empathizing: Empathizing is the most complex and
difficult type of listening. It ...
Researcher, Jack Kelley describes the
difference between good listeners and
bad listeners
 Good Listeners: Open to new id...
Listening Professor Alton Barbour at the University of
Denver conducted a country-wide survey of many
industries “Listenin...
Barriers to Effective Listening
1. Prejudging the communicator or the
communication:
 You dislike or disagree with speake...
Barriers to Effective Listening
2. Rehearsing a Response - This barrier is perhaps the
most difficult to overcome.
 We sp...
Guide to being an
Effective Listener
 Stop
 Look
 Listen
 Ask questions
 Paraphrase content
 Paraphrase feelings
Guide for Being an Effective
Listener
Stop:
 Eliminate distractions (cell phones, pagers, computers, etc) so you can
conc...
Guide to Being an Effective
Listener
Listen:
 Be an active listener
 You may not always agree with what
the person is sa...
Guide to being an active
listener
Ask Questions:
 Help others to focus by using questions that
clarify perceptions.
Four ...
Guide to being an Active
Listener
Paraphrase Content:
 After the person is done talking (Don’t interrupt) Restate in your...
Listening to Succeed -
Challenges for Groups
• When more people are in
a group it is easier to sit
back and be a passive
l...
Benefits of Being
an Active Listener
 Effective listening can build supportive,
cohesive groups
 Effective listening is ...
In-class group Exercise –
Worth 5 points
Abigal and
Road block #5 – Being closed
 One of the most important ways to establish and maintain
trusting relationships with others...
Road block #5 – Being closed
Solution: Open Up and understand
the levels of Self-Disclosure
Author Powell says that there ...
Road block #5 – Being closed
Solution: Self-Disclosure
Level 1: Peak Communication. People seldom reach this level.
This i...
Road block #5 – Being closed
Groups and Self-Disclosure
 Groups are very effective in allowing us to
learn about ourselve...
Road block #6:
Lack of trust in Others
Q: How many of you have a basic trust toward
other humans? Why? Why not?
 I believ...
Road block #6:
Lack of trust in Others
 According to Psychologist
Julian B. Rotter; trust is: “ a
generalized expectancy;...
Communicating in Small Groups
- Trust
 According to communication theorist John G.
Babarro: The degree of trust you place...
Communicating in Small
Groups- Trust
 To be able to trust others, to be willing to take a
risk, you need to have degree o...
Communicating in Small Groups-
Trust
 Julian Rotter believes that a high level of trust
is a desirable attitude for a per...
Group Discussion
Johari’s Window
Chapter 3
Review Questions
True or False
You are born shy
True or False
The concepts of listening and hearing are intercha...
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  1. 1. Communication is the key to success PASS IT ON!  We spend over 70% of our WAKING HOURS communicating with others  Effective communication is crucial to developing and maintaining relationships at home, work, but yet most Americans don’t understand how we communicate or how to become a more effective communicatorS  NCA research on How Americans Communicate  Understand the 7 road blocks that get in the way of effective communication and what you can do to clear them up
  2. 2. How Americans Communicate A study commissioned by the National Communication Association Americans understand how important communication is to leading a fulfilling life, but yet do not always feel comfortable or effective  62% of Americans admitted being “somewhat” comfortable communicating  About 57% of Americans admitted feeling “effective” in their communications  Women feel more comfortable communicating than men  65% of Americans prefer face-to-face communication
  3. 3. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE Who do American’s feel most comfortable communicating with?  93% said children: This changes based on the subject matter: 83% most comfortable discussing school and only 52% were comfortable discussing sex  87%: with spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend  77%: with parents  78%: with siblings  62%: with in-laws
  4. 4. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE Effective Communication in the Workplace  69% said they felt most effective when communicating with coworkers  37% said they felt least effective when communicating with their boss
  5. 5. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE Other people Americans feel effective communicating with (Most comfortable at top; least at the bottom)  Hair Stylists  Physician  Pharmacist  A religious leader  A law enforcement officer  A person wanting to sell you something Q: Can you relate?
  6. 6. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE Communicating with diverse social/demographic groups. Americans said they are most effective at communicating: 62%: person of the same race 57%: People over 65 years of age 52%:A person of a different race 52%:With Women 47%: With Men 45%: With people under 21 years of age Q: Do you find any of this surprising? What do you think this says about Americans? How do you think this affects are society as a whole?
  7. 7. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE What kinds of communication are Americans most comfortable with? 65%: Talking with friends 76%: When nice topics are being discussed, rather than critizing or get into arguments 60%: Giving directions to others 40%: Making decisions 48%: Telling a joke 51%: Trying to persuade others 35%: Raising complaints at work
  8. 8. HOW AMERICANS COMMUNICATE – Why do Americans get divorced Communication affects all aspect of our lives. With the divorce rate being almost 50%, this survey provides some interesting insights about what Americans feel that the major cause of divorce is:  44% feel: A lack of communication  38% feel: Money problems  14% feel: Interference of relatives/in-laws  12% feel: Sexual problems  9% feel: Previous relationships of marriage  7% feel: Children
  9. 9. Communicating in Small Groups The seven roadblocks to effective communication 1. Shyness 2. Lack of perceptive: letting biasness get in the way 3. Lack of empathy 4. Poor listening skills 5. Being closed (lack of self-disclosure) 6. Lack of trust in others 7. Aggressiveness
  10. 10. Roadblock #1 - Shyness Shyness: A complex human condition that ranges from brief periodic spells of uncomfortableness to severe cases of fear of other people. We are not born shy. There are events in people’s life's that create an environment for shyness to grown. Shyness is a learned behavior: Either derived from pleasure or reward from the behavior associated with shyness Philip Zimbardo, author of The Shy Child lists four fears that lead a child to his or her shyness: 1. Negative Evaluation: the fear that others will critize or put them down (Husbands experience with father) 2. Social Situations: The fear of responding in an inappropriate manner in a social situation (Saying something wrong, not wearing the right clothes, stuttering, etc.) 3. Rejection: The fear of being rejected by someone who is liked or controls a desired resource 4. Intimacy: Fear of being involved in intimate situations
  11. 11. Roadblock #1- Shyness Consequences of Shyness Zimbardo’s list of consequences: 1. Social Problems: Limited contact with others 2. Poor Self-Projection: Shy person doesn’t understand true intentions of others; and others misunderstand them 3. Overly Self-Conscious: Preoccupied with his or her reactions to various situations; on guard with others 4. Non-Assertive: Allows others to make decisions for them “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That’s why they don’t get what they want. “ ~ Madonna
  12. 12. Roadblock #1- Shyness Consequences of Shyness HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?  Start young: Accept children for who they are not by what they do  Think positive: Shy people usually have a lack of self-esteem. They need to use positive self talk and focus in their strength  Use active listening: Many shy people are afraid to start conversations. When talking to others be involved and show you are listening.  Use S.O.F.T.E.N.: - Smile – - Open your posture (No folded hands, arms and legs) - Forward lean - Touch – Hand, forearm, pat on the back - Eye Contact - Nod  Simplify: Set realistic goals for overcoming your shyness. Don’t make your goals so impossible that you will quit trying  Take a chance: Do you something you fear everyday  Go to www.shyness.com and learn about how to cure shyness. The Shyness Clinic in Palo Alto offers workshops and counseling led by Zimbardo
  13. 13. Roadblock #1 - Shyness Consequences of Shyness in Groups IN GROUPS:  Shy people can get ignored  Other’s in the group may feel they are antisocial, and may be hostile toward them  Shy people may go along with the group decision because they won’t stand up for themselves or are afraid to ask questions  Shy people may be more defensive because they very self conscious TO BE A MORE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR:  Be aware that a shy person is not purposely reserved, but that things from their past can get in their way.  Be patient; give them a chance to build trust and comfort with the group  Ask them questions, to find commonalities that they share with the group  Ask them their opinions  Avoid using sterotypes when dealing with or talking about shy people
  14. 14. Roadblock #2 – Lack of Perception Perception: We are bombarded with thousands of messages or stimuli a day (visual, verbal, smell, taste, hot or cold, internal or external and more) To deal with this our conscious and unconscious selects, sorts and organizes this information. Because there is so much information we tend to organize it a manner that we are comfortable and familiar. We often reconstruct events in how we think they should have been. Problems with limited perception:  Bias: People usually see what they expect to see– and ignore what they don’t expect  Dependency on past experiences – it happened that way before, so it should happen the same way again  Limits your life: Lack of appreciation of other cultures music, food, art. We also avoid people and events that we assume will fit our negative perception based on bias or past experiences HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?  Be open-minded…give something new a chance  Remember that one bad experience does not mean you will have another bad experience in a similar situation  Ask others around you how they remember an event so that you give your self several viewpoints of what happened before you rewrite history
  15. 15. Review Questions True or False Shyness, unfortunately, is something we are born with and can do little about. True or False Perception is the process where we attach meaning to an environment.
  16. 16. Roadblock #3 - Lack of Empathy  Empathy: is a feeling of oneness with others  The closer we come to understanding others; we are said to have empathy.  Difference between Empathy and Sympathy: Empathy is understanding vs. Sympathy which is feeling sorry of them.  Example: You have a paper that is due, but you spent too much time with friends and it is late. Your instructor might have empathy for your plight, but very little sympathy. Problems with not being empathetic?  Lack of compassion for others  Unable to be responsible for our communication, as we don’t understand others and their motivations  Not perceived as a good listener HOW CAN YOU REMOVE THIS ROADBLOCK?  The more we understand where someone is coming from, the better we can tailor our communication  Learn to listen to what the person is “really” saying (read between the lines)  If you can be empathic to others, you will be kinder to yourself
  17. 17. Listening – 10 minute break Q: How many of you think you are good listeners? Q: What characteristics do good listeners have?  Listening self evaluation/results  Listening Quiz/Listening is the hardest task
  18. 18. Roadblock #4 – Poor Listening Skills “It’s good to shut up sometimes.” Marcel Marceau - Entertainer
  19. 19. Roadblock #4 – Poor Listening Research from Paul Rankin, Ohio State University revealed: 70 percent of an adult’s waking hours is spent communicating.  9% writing  16% reading  30% speaking  45% listening
  20. 20. Road block #4 - Why is effective listening so hard?  Our hardwiring: We think much faster than we hear  We speak 125 words per minute  Our brain can process 600 words per minute  7 seconds is average length of human attention  In that down time, our mind wanders, we day dream, make other plans…and most of all we are not being effective listeners  Immediately after hearing a message, most people retain barely 50% of the content.  Eight to twelve hours later, they barely retain 25% percent of the content.
  21. 21. The difference between hearing and listening  We are all born with the ability to hear, listening is a learned skill  Hearing is being aware of sound generated by the environment Example: Hearing: A baby crying, breaks squealing from a car, a police siren or a crash in the kitchen. Hearing is “hearing” the sounds.  Listening is a skill which allows us to interpret or analyze those sounds that create meaning Example:  Listening: is the skill that allows to create meaning. Based on the type of cry from the baby, or the length of the siren, or sound of the crash in the kitchen – all might mean there is trouble, which has meaning to us.
  22. 22. Listening – Being an Empathetic Listener Empathizing: Empathizing is the most complex and difficult type of listening. It involves:  Concentration  A sensitivity to the emotional content of messages  Listening to the unstated purpose (or reading between the lines)  Withholding judgment  Seeing the world from the speaker’s perspective  Sensing the unspoken words  Responding with acceptance
  23. 23. Researcher, Jack Kelley describes the difference between good listeners and bad listeners  Good Listeners: Open to new ideas, emotionally stable, mature, sophisticated, outgoing, bright, dominant, enthusiastic, trustful, and have self- control.  Bad Listeners: Aloof, dull, emotional, submissive, glum, timid, lax, suspecting, simple and tense.  What is implied: The good listener is actively involved in the communication process; the bad listener not involved in the communication process.
  24. 24. Listening Professor Alton Barbour at the University of Denver conducted a country-wide survey of many industries “Listening Habits That Irritate Me.” He found that no matter the industry, the same habits irritated people. Listening Habits That Irritate Me 1. The other person interrupts me when I talk. 2. The other person doesn’t look at me when I talk, so I am not sure if he or she is listening. 3. The other person talks down to me. 4. The other person does distracting things when talking to me (picking fingernails, cleaning glasses, fidgeting with pencils, looking at watch) 5. The other person waits for me to get through talking only so he or she can interject something of his or her own, instead of responding to what I said. 6. The other person acts as if they are doing me a favor by talking with me.
  25. 25. Barriers to Effective Listening 1. Prejudging the communicator or the communication:  You dislike or disagree with speaker.  You anticipate what the person will say and then you tune them out.(Especially politicians who hold different views from our own)  You prejudge others based on culture, religion, age, sex or race. To consider: Good ideas come from everyone…even people you don’t like.
  26. 26. Barriers to Effective Listening 2. Rehearsing a Response - This barrier is perhaps the most difficult to overcome.  We spend time rehearsing what we will say before the other person is finished speaking.  One of the reasons is the Speech-rate-ratio: The difference between speech rate and thought rate.  Reason for ticker tape information on CNN and other channels.
  27. 27. Guide to being an Effective Listener  Stop  Look  Listen  Ask questions  Paraphrase content  Paraphrase feelings
  28. 28. Guide for Being an Effective Listener Stop:  Eliminate distractions (cell phones, pagers, computers, etc) so you can concentrate and give speaker full attention.  Be present - (eliminate self talk) Look:  Listen to what isn’t being said as an additional component  Look for nonverbal clues that will help you understand what the speaker is feeling  The face provides the most important information about how a person is feeling.  The body can also communicates feelings and emotions, if you know what to look for  The voice quality, pitch, rate, volume, and use of silence also give information about how a person is feeling.
  29. 29. Guide to Being an Effective Listener Listen:  Be an active listener  You may not always agree with what the person is saying, but try to give them a chance to be heard  Match a person’s verbal with nonverbal to decipher both the content and emotion of the person’s message Ask yourself. “How would I feel if I were in that person’s position?”
  30. 30. Guide to being an active listener Ask Questions:  Help others to focus by using questions that clarify perceptions. Four purposes of questions: 1. To obtain additional information 2. To find out how a person feels 3. To ask for clarification of a word or phrase 4. To verify your conclusion about the person’s meaning are feeling.
  31. 31. Guide to being an Active Listener Paraphrase Content:  After the person is done talking (Don’t interrupt) Restate in your own words what you think the other person is saying. (Different from parroting)  The goal of active listening is to understand both the feelings and the content of another person’s message Paraphrase Feelings:  You could follow your paraphrase with a comment on feeling, such as “ I imagine you must be feeling ______(frustrated, confused, happy, sad, perplexed, etc.) Followed with “Is that true.”  Give the person a chance to respond to your paraphrase. Other things you can do:  Rubber band snap (handout and challenge to do for the rest of class)  Don’t fake listening in any situation as the speaker will usually know  Be a scientist: Examine the communication process happening around you. Put what you’ve learned to work
  32. 32. Listening to Succeed - Challenges for Groups • When more people are in a group it is easier to sit back and be a passive listener • When many different opinions in a group/easier to create barriers to effective listening
  33. 33. Benefits of Being an Active Listener  Effective listening can build supportive, cohesive groups  Effective listening is also the cornerstone of critical listening -- the skill required to make decisions and to solve problems effectively  Effective listening will cut down mistakes at work, improve your grades, enhances your relationships, and more importantly give you the tools for greater success! ; - )
  34. 34. In-class group Exercise – Worth 5 points Abigal and
  35. 35. Road block #5 – Being closed  One of the most important ways to establish and maintain trusting relationships with others is through self-disclosure/The deliberate communication of information about yourself to others.  Challenges with this: When you reveal personal, private information, you open yourself to the possibility that others might reject you.  John Powell: Author of the book Why I am afraid to tell you who I am? says people hesitate to disclose much about themselves because “If I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and it’s all I have.”  Self-disclosure should be timed to suit the occasion and the expectations of the individuals involved. Expression: TMI (Too much Information) Example of an instructor’s past graduate school experience
  36. 36. Road block #5 – Being closed Solution: Open Up and understand the levels of Self-Disclosure Author Powell says that there are 5 predictable levels that individuals and groups go through: Levels go from lowest to highest form of communication Level 5: Cliché Communication: Signals a desire to initiate a relationship: Smiling; making eye contact; saying “Hi” “Nice to see you.” Level 4: Facts and biographical information: You reveal nonthreatening informational bout yourself, such as name, hometown, or occupation Level 3: Personal attitudes and ideas: After introducing yourself and getting down to business, you then respond to various ideas and issues, noting where you agree and disagree with others. Level 2: Personal feelings. Talking about your personal feelings; and sharing how you feel about others; This level really makes one vulnerable.
  37. 37. Road block #5 – Being closed Solution: Self-Disclosure Level 1: Peak Communication. People seldom reach this level. This is a level of self-disclosure where people do not have a fear of rejection and are not afraid to reveal ideas, opinions, feelings, and not afraid to have to agree or disagree. Are most of all they are not afraid to say “no.” How to change this roadblock:  Be aware of the different levels of disclosure and try to share information about yourself that you feel comfortable with  Don’t reveal too much, too soon or you can turn people off  Take other people’s leads…what do they reveal and when  Establish trust with others so that all parties can communicate with peak communication “ If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.” ~ Geena Davis - Actor
  38. 38. Road block #5 – Being closed Groups and Self-Disclosure  Groups are very effective in allowing us to learn about ourselves and what roles we might play in a group  Joseph Luft, the creator of the Johari Window, researched the relationship between self- disclosure and the success of the group  He created a description of the process which occurs and called it the Johari Window  There are four areas of self disclosure between the person and those around him or her that are part of the Johari Window  The more open a person is the more successful the group  Group Discussion on Johari’s window
  39. 39. Road block #6: Lack of trust in Others Q: How many of you have a basic trust toward other humans? Why? Why not?  I believe everyone is trustworthy…Sometimes as an instructor this is hard; as you hear many excuses from students; most the time true, but often not…  Often we make assumptions about the trustworthiness of others based on bias, past experiences, culture, religion, race, sex “Assumptions are the termites of a relationships” ~ Henry Winkler…Actor
  40. 40. Road block #6: Lack of trust in Others  According to Psychologist Julian B. Rotter; trust is: “ a generalized expectancy; that the word, the promise, the verbal or written statement of another individual or group can be relied upon?”
  41. 41. Communicating in Small Groups - Trust  According to communication theorist John G. Babarro: The degree of trust you place in another is to a large extent based on your perception of the individual’s character  These character-based sources of trust include trust in the integrity of the person, trust in his or her motives, trust in his or her consistency of behavior, and trust in his or her openness and discretion.
  42. 42. Communicating in Small Groups- Trust  To be able to trust others, to be willing to take a risk, you need to have degree of confidence in yourself.  Shy people are less trusting, as they have a problem with self-esteem  Abraham Maslow, feels that this is not positive, and stresses the importance of a trusting attitude. Maslow feels there are two motivating factors for choices in our life. 1. Growth choices: People who trust themselves make “growth” choices (self-actualized; living life to its full potential) 2. Fear choices: Non-trusting people, make choices out of fear and misunderstanding, and therefore learn little about themselves.
  43. 43. Communicating in Small Groups- Trust  Julian Rotter believes that a high level of trust is a desirable attitude for a person  He found that low trusting people were more likely to be taken advantage of than high trusting people – such as by a con-artist  The high trusting person has a positive outlook and decides the con-artist is bad and doesn’t want any involvement  The high trustee creates a more trusting situation that does the low trusting person  Groups need to have trusting individuals if the group is to be healthy  If people are not trusting they will take advantage of the group  Take the high road and give your group members a chance
  44. 44. Group Discussion Johari’s Window
  45. 45. Chapter 3 Review Questions True or False You are born shy True or False The concepts of listening and hearing are interchangeable Multiple – Choice According to Abraham Maslow, the trusting person makes choices in life referred to as: A. self-actualized choices B. fear choices C. intelligent choices D. growth choices E. A and C True or False According the author John Powell, the highest level of self-disclosure is clique communication True of False According to Julian Rotter, people who are more trusting are more susceptible to con artists
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