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Winning 
With People 
1 
By John C. Maxwell 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
2 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
Prof. Sameer Mathur 
Indian Institute of Management, 
Lucknow 
Marketing Professor 2013 – 
Marketing Professor 2009 – 2013...
Discover the 
People Principles 
That Work for You 
Every Time 
John C. Maxwell 
4 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon ...
Contents 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The Readiness Question: Are We 
Prepared for Relationships? 
The Connection Question...
Contents 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The Trust Question: Can We 
Build Mutual Trust? 
The Investment Question: Are 
We Wi...
Erudition 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Better ways to prepare for 
relationships. 
How to examine ourselves. 
Sameer Mathu...
Erudition 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
How to connect with others by 
focusing on them. 
How to put ourselves in other 
pe...
Erudition 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Ways to build mutual trust. 
How to make an investment in 
other people. 
Sameer Ma...
Erudition 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Better ways to create 
synergistic, win-win 
relationships. 
How to increase your o...
1 
Are We Prepared 
11 
for 
Relationships? 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
12 
Not everyone has the skills to 
initiate, build and sustain good, 
healthy relationships. Many 
people grow up in dysf...
13 
Some people are so focused on 
them-selves and their needs that 
others might as well not even 
exist. Still others ha...
Because of huge relational blind 
spots, they don’t know themselves 
or how to relate to people in a 
healthy way. It take...
The Lens Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Who you are determines what 
you see and the way you see it. 
What is arou...
The Lens Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If you are a critical person, you 
will see others as critical. If you 
ar...
The Lens Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People unaware of who they 
are and what they do often 
damage relationshi...
The Mirror Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Self-Awareness: 
Human nature seems to endow 
people with the ability to...
The Mirror Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Self-Image: 
Your image of yourself restricts 
your ability to build hea...
The Mirror Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If those with a poor self-image 
do somehow achieve success, it 
won’t l...
The Lens Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Self-Honesty: 
Comedian Jack Parr quipped, 
“Looking back, my life seems 
...
The Lens Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
What can save us is a 
willingness to get honest 
about our shortcomings, ...
The Mirror Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Self-Improvement 
Critic Samuel Johnson advised that “he 
who has so lit...
The Mirror Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Self-Responsibility 
No significant accomplishments can be 
achieved by ...
The Pain Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
“If you hate a person, you hate 
something in him that is part of 
yoursel...
The Pain Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When hurting people lash out, it 
is in response to what’s 
happening insi...
The Pain Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The problem is that people who 
don’t believe in themselves will 
never su...
The Pain Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Not only do hurting people hurt 
others, but they are also easily 
hurt by...
The Pain Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If you find yourself dealing with 
a hurting person, don’t take it 
person...
The Hammer Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
“If the only tool you have is a 
hammer, you tend to see every 
problem ...
31 
People require more judicious 
treatment than that. When little 
things bother us, our primary 
objective must be putt...
The Hammer Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Total Picture: 
If you come to conclusions long 
before the problem has ...
The Hammer Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Timing: 
“The real art of conversation is 
not only to say the right thi...
The Hammer Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Tone: 
People often respond to our 
attitudes and actions more than 
to ...
The Hammer Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Temperature: 
The size of a problem often 
changes based on how it is 
h...
The Elevator Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People can be the wind beneath 
our wings or the anchor on our 
boat. ...
The Elevator Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
In relationships, receiving is 
easy. Giving is much more 
difficult. ...
38 
Lifters commit themselves to 
daily encouragement. 
Lifters know the little difference 
that separates hurting and 
he...
39 
Lifters initiate the positive in a 
negative environment. 
Lifters understand life is not a 
dress rehearsal. 
Sameer ...
40 
2 
The Connection Question: 
Are We Willing to 
Focus on Others? 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) ww...
41 
All human beings possess a 
desire to connect with other 
people. The need for connection 
is sometimes motivated by t...
42 
To fulfill our desire for 
relationships, we must stop 
thinking about ourselves and begin 
focusing on the people wit...
43 
When you stop worrying so much 
about yourself and start looking at 
others and what they desire, you 
build a bridge ...
The Big Picture Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People who remain self-centered 
and self-serving will 
always have...
The Big Picture Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
To help them break that pattern 
of living, they need to see the 
b...
The Big Picture Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Get out of your “own little 
world.” 
Go places you have never gone...
The Big Picture Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Check your ego at the door. 
If your focus is always on 
yourself, ...
The Big Picture Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Understand what brings fulfillment. 
Ultimately, the things that br...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Instead of putting others in their 
place, we must put ourselves in 
t...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
To become better at making the 
exchange, at seeing things from 
anoth...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Leave “your place” and visit 
“their place.” 
Do whatever you can to c...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Acknowledge that the other 
person has a valid view-point. 
People’s b...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Working to find the legitimacy of 
another person’s point of view 
str...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Check your attitude. 
It is always easy to see both 
sides of an issue...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
It is much harder when we have 
a vested interest in it. When 
that’s ...
The Exchange Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Ask others what they would do in 
your situation. 
The key to the exch...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Each person we meet has the 
potential to teach us something. 
All of ...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If you have a teachable attitude, 
you will be positioned well to 
lea...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Make Learning Your Passion. 
Management expert Philip 
Crosby notes, “...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They come to rely on clichés and 
habits. Once they reach the age of 
...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They may progress 
organizationally, they may be 
ambitious and eager,...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Value People: 
People don’t learn from people 
they don’t value. 
Same...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Develop Relationships With 
Growth Potential 
Find people who are espe...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Identify People’s Uniqueness and 
Strengths. 
“I have never met a man ...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People grow best in their areas 
of strength and can learn the 
most f...
The Learning Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Ask Questions: 
Learning begins with listening. 
The best way to learn...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People are interested in the 
person who is interested in 
them. 
Same...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
According to Dale Carnegie, 
“You can make more friends in 
two months...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Carnegie’s teachings in How to 
Win Friends and Influence 
People incl...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Become genuinely interested 
in other people. 
People don’t care how m...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Smile: 
If you want to draw others to 
you, light up your face with a ...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Remember names. 
A person’s name is the 
sweetest and most important 
...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Be a good listener. 
Encourage others to talk 
about themselves. 
Same...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Make the other person feel 
important: 
Become sincerely interested 
i...
The Charisma Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Talk in terms of the other 
person’s interests. 
Treat others the way ...
The Number 10 Principle 
76 
All people have potential. 
Everyone you meet can be a 10. 
Believing in people usually 
brin...
The Number 10 Principle 
77 
If people believe in themselves, 
they can reach their potential 
and become the individuals ...
The Number 10 Principle 
78 
“Treat a man as he appears to 
be and you make him worse. 
But treat a man as if he already 
...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
While intellectually it’s simple 
to resolve conflict, emotionall...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Caring for people should 
precede confronting people. 
Conflict i...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Confront a person only if you 
care about that person: 
It is mor...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Meet together as soon as 
possible. 
Putting off confrontation on...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
First seek understanding, not 
necessarily agreement. 
The person...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Outline the issue: 
Be positive, describe your 
perceptions, stat...
The Confrontation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Encourage a response. 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon Univ...
The Confrontation Principle 
Agree to an action plan that 
clearly identifies the issue and 
spells out concrete steps tha...
Can We Build Mutual 
87 
3 
The Trust Question: 
Trust? 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMark...
By Philosopher and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson 
88 
“The glory of friendship is not 
the outstretched hand, not the 
kindly s...
89 
Why do many personal and 
business relationships fall 
apart? The reasons for such 
breakdowns are many, but the 
caus...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
On Becoming a Leader, Warren 
Bennis says, “Integrity is the 
basis of ...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
It is the one quality that 
cannot be acquired, but must 
be earned. It...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
That can be said not only of 
leaders and followers, but also 
of all r...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
As in construction, it’s much 
quicker and easier to tear 
something do...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If you desire to build your 
trustworthiness-and as a 
result, your rel...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Trust cannot be 
compartmentalized. 
Many people today try to 
compartm...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They believe that they can cut 
corners or compromise their 
values in ...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Trust works like a bank account. 
Mike Abrashoff, author of It’s 
Your ...
The Bedrock Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
On occasion, things will go 
wrong, and you will have to 
make a withdr...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Never let the situation mean 
more than the relationship. It is 
more...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Any time a person puts the 
situation ahead of the 
relationship, it ...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Whenever we experience a 
rough time in a relationship, we 
need to r...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Also, we must keep in mind that 
there is a big difference 
between a...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The Bob Principle 
Every problem starter is like a 
fire lighter. And...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The Bob Principle 
Every problem starter is like a 
fire lighter. And...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When we see a problem fire 
being lit, we can choose to 
douse it wit...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
If you have someone who 
creates and spreads problems, 
respond with ...
The Situation Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Not everyone will respond 
positively to your suggestions. But 
if yo...
If he can answer yes to all of these questions, then it’s appropriate for him to proceed. 
108 
T • Is it true? 
H • Is it...
The Approachability Principle 
Being at ease with ourselves 
helps others be at ease with us. 
People miss many opportunit...
The Approachability Principle 
Approachable people usually 
exhibit the following seven 
characteristics: 
Sameer Mathur, ...
The Approachability Principle 
Personal warmth. 
Approachable people truly like 
people. To be approachable, you 
need to ...
The Approachability Principle 
Appreciation for the differences 
in people. 
Approachable people appreciate 
people for wh...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Consistency of mood: 
Approachable people are even-keeled 
Same...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Sensitivity toward people’s 
feelings. 
Although approachable p...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They tune in to the moods and 
feelings of others, and then 
ad...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Understanding of human 
weaknesses and exposure of 
their own: ...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They are willing to be told not 
what they want to hear but wha...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Ability to forgive easily and 
quickly ask for forgiveness. 
Ap...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Authenticity: 
Approachable people are real. 
They engage with ...
The Approachability Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They don’t go out of their way to 
hide what they think and fee...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
We face many kinds of battles in 
life, and the “foxholes” we 
sometime...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When preparing for battle, dig a 
hole big enough for a friend. The 
fo...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
You can ask a friend to fight 
with you, but you should never 
send som...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
You might have many friends, but 
not all of them will be foxhole 
frie...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Even before the battle, simply 
knowing that someone believes 
in you a...
The Foxhole Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
That makes them not only a 
great help, but also a great 
comfort. 
Sam...
127 
The Investment Question: 
Are We Willing to 
Invest in Others? 
4 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) ...
128 
Are you willing to invest in other 
people? You may build a beautiful 
house, but eventually it will 
crumble. You ma...
129 
You may take pride in your 
accomplishments, but 
someone will surpass you. 
Relationships are like 
anything else. T...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
You can start to cultivate a 
healthy, growing relationship 
by focus...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Commitment: 
Every long-lasting relationship 
suffers strains and set...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Even the best friendships can 
expect to face conflict. The 
question...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Communication. 
A relationship begins with easy 
communication. It de...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Friendship. 
“If a man does not make new 
acquaintances as he advance...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
That goes for old friendships as 
well as new ones. We 
sometimes tak...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Memories: 
Shared memories are a 
wonderful source of connection 
and...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Growth: 
When you begin any friendship, 
it is filled with promise. B...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Spoiling Each Other: 
Voltaire wrote, “If the first law of 
friendshi...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Let your friends and family 
members know how much you 
care as often...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
All relationships need 
cultivation. You cannot neglect a 
relationsh...
The Gardening Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The nature and purpose of the 
relationship will determine the 
energ...
The 101 Percent Principle 
Sometimes building 
relationships is an uphill battle, 
and connecting with another 
person can...
The 101 Percent Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Can you build relational bridges 
in such circumstances? And if 
so...
The 101 Percent Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When the connection is difficult, 
you must find the one thing the ...
The 101 Percent Principle 
Why? Sometimes it’s due to 
natural competitiveness; people 
are often looking for an edge. 
So...
The 101 Percent Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When connection is difficult, 
you must find the one thing the 
two...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The journey with others is 
slower than the journey alone. 
Here are t...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Prioritize patience as a virtue 
worthy of developing: 
Oft-quoted Arn...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
In the long run, you will find that 
patience with people is 
benefici...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Understand that it takes time to 
build good relationships. 
Relations...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Practice the exchange principle. 
Each of us thinks our 
circumstances...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Realize that people have and 
create problems. 
When you decide to dev...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Try to give others the same kind 
of grace you’d like to receive for 
...
The Patience Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Identify areas where people 
need patience with you. 
It’s a good idea...
The Celebration Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The true test of relationships is 
not only how loyal we are when 
...
The Celebration Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The problem is that because 
people so readily identify with 
failu...
The Celebration Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Frequently the very same 
qualities that prevent people 
from achie...
The Celebration Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
How do you learn to celebrate 
with others instead of ignoring 
or ...
The Celebration Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When they achieve something 
that is important to them, 
celebrate ...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
We go to a higher level when 
we treat others better than they 
treat...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
We can take the low road where 
we treat others worse than they 
trea...
The High Road Principle 
The low road damages 
relationships and alienates 
others from us. The middle road 
may not drive...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The high road helps to create 
positive relationships and 
attracts o...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
High roaders understand that 
it’s not what happens to you but 
what ...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Newscaster David Brinkley 
observed, “A successful man is 
one who ca...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They commit to traveling the 
high road continually. Nearly 
anyone c...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
High roaders recognize their 
own need for grace, and extend 
it to o...
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
High roaders set higher 
standards for themselves than 
others would....
The High Road Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They risk more than others 
think is safe. They dream more 
than othe...
The Synergy Question: 
Can We Create a 
170 
5 
Win-Win 
Relationship? 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) ...
171 
Some relationships add value 
to both parties, and that is 
rewarding. When both parties 
enter into a relationship w...
172 
The wonderful thing about win-win 
relationships is that they 
can be forged in every area of 
life and in all kinds ...
173 
If both parties sustain a giving 
attitude and both are having 
their needs met, then the 
relationship can become 
s...
174 
In the long run, lopsided 
relationships don’t last. If one 
person is doing all the giving 
and the other is doing a...
175 
The only way to build a 
positive, long-lasting, 
synergistic relationship is to 
make sure everybody wins! 
Sameer M...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
When we help others, we help 
ourselves. Those who invest in 
others ...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They desire to make everything 
and everyone they touch 
better, and ...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Think “others first: 
” Good, healthy, growing 
relationships begin w...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Begin every relationship by 
giving the other person respect 
-even b...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Focus on the investment, not 
the return. 
Investors in people are li...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
In the long haul, they will 
benefit, but they have little 
control o...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Pick out a few people with great 
potential: 
When people prepare to ...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They diversify by investing in 
several areas. But good 
investors do...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Wise investors in people follow 
a similar pattern. Pick only as 
man...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
With their permission, begin the 
process. 
You cannot help someone w...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Enjoy a return in due season. 
When people’s motives are pure 
and th...
The Boomerang Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The return may be immediate, or 
it may take a long time, but it 
wil...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Most people underestimate the 
power and importance of 
relationship...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They try to learn the most 
recent management fad, focus 
on product...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
These things are helpful, but 
the real key is relationships. 
Never...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
As soon as you understand 
the way that relationships 
affect busine...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
People Knowledge. 
Your understanding of people 
helps build your bu...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Nor will technical expertise. 
Nor will the ability to build a 
bril...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Service Skills. 
Barry J. Gibbons, author of This 
Indecision Is Fin...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
They are about some dimension 
of the service relationship.” 
Sameer...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
How you treat the people with 
whom you do business really 
matters,...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Business Reputation. 
“Whatever business you are in, 
you are in a b...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Personal Friendship: 
Your friendship with others 
builds your busin...
The Friendship Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
The highest level of business 
relationships is reached when 
people...
The Partnership Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Working together increases 
the odds of winning together. 
Try to b...
The Partnership Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Those closest to you determine 
your level of success. Move 
from s...
The Partnership Principle 
Find capable people with the 
same passion and mission as 
yours who also need others to 
make ...
203 
Every person possesses 
one of two mind-sets: 
scarcity or abundance. People 
with a scarcity mind-set 
believe that ...
204 
People with an abundance mind-set 
believe there’s always 
enough to go around. 
Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mello...
The Satisfaction Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
In great relationships, the joy of 
being together is enough. A 
l...
The Satisfaction Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Shared memories create a 
bonded environment. 
Growing together cr...
The Satisfaction Principle 
Designing the Brand Mantra 
Mutual respect creates a healthy 
environment of trust and 
servan...
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Discover The People Principles That Work For You Every Time - Winning With People By John C. Maxwell

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Transcript of "Discover The People Principles That Work For You Every Time - Winning With People By John C. Maxwell"

  1. 1. Winning With People 1 By John C. Maxwell Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  2. 2. 2 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  3. 3. Prof. Sameer Mathur Indian Institute of Management, Lucknow Marketing Professor 2013 – Marketing Professor 2009 – 2013 Ph.D. and M.S. (Marketing) 2003 – 2009 3 http://www.BuddingMarkets.com 3 © Sameer Mathur 3
  4. 4. Discover the People Principles That Work for You Every Time John C. Maxwell 4 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  5. 5. Contents Designing the Brand Mantra The Readiness Question: Are We Prepared for Relationships? The Connection Questions: Are We Willing to Focus on Others? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 5 © Sameer Mathur 5
  6. 6. Contents Designing the Brand Mantra The Trust Question: Can We Build Mutual Trust? The Investment Question: Are We Willing to Invest in Others? The Synergy Question: Can We Create a Win-Win Relationship? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 6 © Sameer Mathur 6
  7. 7. Erudition Designing the Brand Mantra Better ways to prepare for relationships. How to examine ourselves. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 7 © Sameer Mathur 7
  8. 8. Erudition Designing the Brand Mantra How to connect with others by focusing on them. How to put ourselves in other people’s place. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 8 © Sameer Mathur 8
  9. 9. Erudition Designing the Brand Mantra Ways to build mutual trust. How to make an investment in other people. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 9 © Sameer Mathur 9
  10. 10. Erudition Designing the Brand Mantra Better ways to create synergistic, win-win relationships. How to increase your odds of winning with others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 10 © Sameer Mathur 10
  11. 11. 1 Are We Prepared 11 for Relationships? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  12. 12. 12 Not everyone has the skills to initiate, build and sustain good, healthy relationships. Many people grow up in dysfunctional households and never have positive relationships modeled for them. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  13. 13. 13 Some people are so focused on them-selves and their needs that others might as well not even exist. Still others have been hurt so badly in the past that they see the whole world through the filter of their pain. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  14. 14. Because of huge relational blind spots, they don’t know themselves or how to relate to people in a healthy way. It takes relationally healthy people to build great relationships. 14 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  15. 15. The Lens Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Who you are determines what you see and the way you see it. What is around us doesn’t determine what we see: What is within us does. And who you are determines how you see others. If you are a trusting person, you will see others as trustworthy. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 15 © Sameer Mathur 15
  16. 16. The Lens Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If you are a critical person, you will see others as critical. If you are a caring person, you will see others as compassionate. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 16 © Sameer Mathur 16
  17. 17. The Lens Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People unaware of who they are and what they do often damage relationships with others. The way to change that is to look in the mirror. Consider these truths that we must learn about ourselves: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 17 © Sameer Mathur 17
  18. 18. The Mirror Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Self-Awareness: Human nature seems to endow people with the ability to size up everybody in the world but themselves. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 18 © Sameer Mathur 18
  19. 19. The Mirror Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Self-Image: Your image of yourself restricts your ability to build healthy relationships. A negative self-image will keep a person from being successful. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 19 © Sameer Mathur 19
  20. 20. The Mirror Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If those with a poor self-image do somehow achieve success, it won’t last because they will eventually bring themselves down to the level of their own expectations. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 20 © Sameer Mathur 20
  21. 21. The Lens Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Self-Honesty: Comedian Jack Parr quipped, “Looking back, my life seems like one big obstacle race, with me being the chief obstacle.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 21 © Sameer Mathur 21
  22. 22. The Lens Principle Designing the Brand Mantra What can save us is a willingness to get honest about our shortcomings, faults and problems. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 22 © Sameer Mathur 22
  23. 23. The Mirror Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Self-Improvement Critic Samuel Johnson advised that “he who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief which he purposes to remove.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 23 © Sameer Mathur 23
  24. 24. The Mirror Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Self-Responsibility No significant accomplishments can be achieved by individual effort. However, every significant accomplishment begins with the vision of one individual. Once we possess the vision, we must take responsibility for carrying it to others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 24 © Sameer Mathur 24
  25. 25. The Pain Principle Designing the Brand Mantra “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” By German poet Herman Hesse Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 25 © Sameer Mathur 25
  26. 26. The Pain Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When hurting people lash out, it is in response to what’s happening inside them more than what’s happening around them. They feel or believe something negative within themselves. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 26 © Sameer Mathur 26
  27. 27. The Pain Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The problem is that people who don’t believe in themselves will never succeed, and they will also keep those around them from succeeding. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 27 © Sameer Mathur 27
  28. 28. The Pain Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Not only do hurting people hurt others, but they are also easily hurt by others. As you interact with others, remember this: Any time a person’s response is larger than the issue at hand, the response is almost always about something else. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 28 © Sameer Mathur 28
  29. 29. The Pain Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If you find yourself dealing with a hurting person, don’t take it personally. Look beyond the person and the situation for the problem. Try not to add to his or her hurt. Forgive those who lash out at you, try to help them and move on. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 29 © Sameer Mathur 29
  30. 30. The Hammer Principle Designing the Brand Mantra “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” Observed By Psychologist Abraham Maslow Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 30 © Sameer Mathur 30
  31. 31. 31 People require more judicious treatment than that. When little things bother us, our primary objective must be putting our personal agendas aside and building relationships. When tempted to use overkill, the following four Ts can help you temper your behavior: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  32. 32. The Hammer Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Total Picture: If you come to conclusions long before the problem has been detailed, you should listen, ask questions, listen again, ask more questions, listen some more and then respond. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 32 © Sameer Mathur 32
  33. 33. The Hammer Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Timing: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” Observed By Noted hostess and writer Lady Dorothy Nevill Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 33 © Sameer Mathur 33
  34. 34. The Hammer Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Tone: People often respond to our attitudes and actions more than to our words. Many petty conflicts occur because people use the wrong tone of voice. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 34 © Sameer Mathur 34
  35. 35. The Hammer Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Temperature: The size of a problem often changes based on how it is handled. If the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases. If the reaction is less than the action, the problem usually decreases. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 35 © Sameer Mathur 35
  36. 36. The Elevator Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People can be the wind beneath our wings or the anchor on our boat. People who add value to others almost always do so intentionally. Adding value to others requires a person to give of him or herself. That rarely occurs by accident. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 36 © Sameer Mathur 36
  37. 37. The Elevator Principle Designing the Brand Mantra In relationships, receiving is easy. Giving is much more difficult. We all want to be a positive influence in the lives of others. If you want to lift people up and add value to their lives, keep the following in mind: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 37 © Sameer Mathur 37
  38. 38. 38 Lifters commit themselves to daily encouragement. Lifters know the little difference that separates hurting and helping. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  39. 39. 39 Lifters initiate the positive in a negative environment. Lifters understand life is not a dress rehearsal. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  40. 40. 40 2 The Connection Question: Are We Willing to Focus on Others? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  41. 41. 41 All human beings possess a desire to connect with other people. The need for connection is sometimes motivated by the desire for love, but it can just as easily be prompted by feelings of loneliness, the need for acceptance, the quest for fulfillment or the desire to achieve in business. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  42. 42. 42 To fulfill our desire for relationships, we must stop thinking about ourselves and begin focusing on the people with whom we desire to build relationships. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  43. 43. 43 When you stop worrying so much about yourself and start looking at others and what they desire, you build a bridge to other people and you become the kind of person others want to be around. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  44. 44. The Big Picture Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People who remain self-centered and self-serving will always have a hard time getting along with others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 44 © Sameer Mathur 44
  45. 45. The Big Picture Principle Designing the Brand Mantra To help them break that pattern of living, they need to see the big picture, which requires perspective, maturity and responsibility. Here are some steps to follow: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 45 © Sameer Mathur 45
  46. 46. The Big Picture Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Get out of your “own little world.” Go places you have never gone, meet the kinds of people you do not know, and do the things you have not done before. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 46 © Sameer Mathur 46
  47. 47. The Big Picture Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Check your ego at the door. If your focus is always on yourself, you’ll never be able to build positive relationships. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 47 © Sameer Mathur 47
  48. 48. The Big Picture Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Understand what brings fulfillment. Ultimately, the things that bring fulfillment involve others. A person who is entirely self-focused will always feel restless and hungry because he or she separates him- or herself from what’s most important in life: people. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 48 © Sameer Mathur 48
  49. 49. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Instead of putting others in their place, we must put ourselves in their place. When we fail to see things from the perspective of others, we fail in our relationships. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 49 © Sameer Mathur 49
  50. 50. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra To become better at making the exchange, at seeing things from another person’s perspective, do the following: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 50 © Sameer Mathur 50
  51. 51. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Leave “your place” and visit “their place.” Do whatever you can to change your perspective. Listen to people’s concerns. Study their culture or profession. Read in their areas of interest. Or literally visit their place. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 51 © Sameer Mathur 51
  52. 52. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Acknowledge that the other person has a valid view-point. People’s belief systems and personal experiences are diverse and complex, and even if you do work to see things from another person’s point of view, there will still be differences of opinion. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 52 © Sameer Mathur 52
  53. 53. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Working to find the legitimacy of another person’s point of view stretches your thinking. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 53 © Sameer Mathur 53
  54. 54. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Check your attitude. It is always easy to see both sides of an issue about which we are not particularly concerned. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 54 © Sameer Mathur 54
  55. 55. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra It is much harder when we have a vested interest in it. When that’s the case, we are often more concerned with getting our way than connecting with others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 55 © Sameer Mathur 55
  56. 56. The Exchange Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Ask others what they would do in your situation. The key to the exchange principle is empathy. When you have empathy with others’ points of view, it becomes much easier to connect with them because they know that you care. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 56 © Sameer Mathur 56
  57. 57. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Each person we meet has the potential to teach us something. All of us can learn things in unlikely places and from unlikely people. But that’s only true if we have the right attitude. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 57 © Sameer Mathur 57
  58. 58. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If you have a teachable attitude, you will be positioned well to learn from others. Then all you will need to do is to take the following five steps: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 58 © Sameer Mathur 58
  59. 59. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Make Learning Your Passion. Management expert Philip Crosby notes, “There is a theory of human behavior that says people subconsciously retard their own intellectual growth. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 59 © Sameer Mathur 59
  60. 60. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They come to rely on clichés and habits. Once they reach the age of their own personal comfort with the world, they stop learning and their mind runs on idle for the rest of their days. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 60 © Sameer Mathur 60
  61. 61. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They may progress organizationally, they may be ambitious and eager, and they may even work night and day. But they learn no more.” If you desire to keep growing, you cannot sit back in a comfort zone. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 61 © Sameer Mathur 61
  62. 62. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Value People: People don’t learn from people they don’t value. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 62 © Sameer Mathur 62
  63. 63. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Develop Relationships With Growth Potential Find people who are especially likely to help you grow: experts in your field, creative thinkers who stretch you mentally, and achievers who inspire you to go to the next level. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 63 © Sameer Mathur 63
  64. 64. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Identify People’s Uniqueness and Strengths. “I have never met a man who was not my superior in some particular.” Remarked By Philosopher and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 64 © Sameer Mathur 64
  65. 65. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People grow best in their areas of strength and can learn the most from another person’s area of strength. For that reason, you can’t be indiscriminate in choosing the people you seek out to teach you. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 65 © Sameer Mathur 65
  66. 66. The Learning Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Ask Questions: Learning begins with listening. The best way to learn is to watch others and ask questions. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 66 © Sameer Mathur 66
  67. 67. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People are interested in the person who is interested in them. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 67 © Sameer Mathur 67
  68. 68. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra According to Dale Carnegie, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 68 © Sameer Mathur 68
  69. 69. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Carnegie’s teachings in How to Win Friends and Influence People include: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 69 © Sameer Mathur 69
  70. 70. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Become genuinely interested in other people. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 70 © Sameer Mathur 70
  71. 71. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Smile: If you want to draw others to you, light up your face with a smile. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 71 © Sameer Mathur 71
  72. 72. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Remember names. A person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound to that person. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 72 © Sameer Mathur 72
  73. 73. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 73 © Sameer Mathur 73
  74. 74. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Make the other person feel important: Become sincerely interested in others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 74 © Sameer Mathur 74
  75. 75. The Charisma Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. Treat others the way they want to be treated. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 75 © Sameer Mathur 75
  76. 76. The Number 10 Principle 76 All people have potential. Everyone you meet can be a 10. Believing in people usually brings out the best in them. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  77. 77. The Number 10 Principle 77 If people believe in themselves, they can reach their potential and become the individuals they were created to be. If you’ve been hurt or disappointed in the past, don’t let that negatively color your attitude in the future. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  78. 78. The Number 10 Principle 78 “Treat a man as he appears to be and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be.” By Philosopher and poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  79. 79. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra While intellectually it’s simple to resolve conflict, emotionally it can be difficult. It requires honesty, humility and dedication to the relationship. Take these steps when confronting someone: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 79 © Sameer Mathur 79
  80. 80. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Caring for people should precede confronting people. Conflict is like cancer: Early detection increases the possibility of a healthy outcome. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 80 © Sameer Mathur 80
  81. 81. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Confront a person only if you care about that person: It is more productive to go into a confrontation keeping the other person’s interests in mind. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 81 © Sameer Mathur 81
  82. 82. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Meet together as soon as possible. Putting off confrontation only causes the situation to fester. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 82 © Sameer Mathur 82
  83. 83. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra First seek understanding, not necessarily agreement. The person who gives an opinion before he or she understands is human, but the person who gives a judgment before he or she understands is a fool. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 83 © Sameer Mathur 83
  84. 84. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Outline the issue: Be positive, describe your perceptions, state how this situation makes you feel, and explain why this is important to you. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 84 © Sameer Mathur 84
  85. 85. The Confrontation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Encourage a response. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 85 © Sameer Mathur 85
  86. 86. The Confrontation Principle Agree to an action plan that clearly identifies the issue and spells out concrete steps that will be taken. The action plan should include a commitment by both parties to put the issue to rest once resolved. Designing the Brand Mantra Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 86 © Sameer Mathur 86
  87. 87. Can We Build Mutual 87 3 The Trust Question: Trust? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  88. 88. By Philosopher and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson 88 “The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  89. 89. 89 Why do many personal and business relationships fall apart? The reasons for such breakdowns are many, but the cause that outweighs all others is broken trust. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  90. 90. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra On Becoming a Leader, Warren Bennis says, “Integrity is the basis of trust, which is not so much an ingredient of leadership as it is a product. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 90 © Sameer Mathur 90
  91. 91. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra It is the one quality that cannot be acquired, but must be earned. It is given by co-workers and followers, and without it, the leader can’t function.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 91 © Sameer Mathur 91
  92. 92. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra That can be said not only of leaders and followers, but also of all relationships. Developing trust is like constructing a building. It takes time, and it must be done one piece at a time. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 92 © Sameer Mathur 92
  93. 93. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra As in construction, it’s much quicker and easier to tear something down than it is to build it up. But if the foundation is strong, there is a good chance that what is built upon it will stand. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 93 © Sameer Mathur 93
  94. 94. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If you desire to build your trustworthiness-and as a result, your relationships-remember: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 94 © Sameer Mathur 94
  95. 95. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Trust cannot be compartmentalized. Many people today try to compartmentalize their lives. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 95 © Sameer Mathur 95
  96. 96. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They believe that they can cut corners or compromise their values in one area of life and it won’t affect another area. But character doesn’t work that way. And neither does trust. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 96 © Sameer Mathur 96
  97. 97. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Trust works like a bank account. Mike Abrashoff, author of It’s Your Ship, states, “Trust is like a bank account-you have got to keep making deposits if you want it to grow. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 97 © Sameer Mathur 97
  98. 98. The Bedrock Principle Designing the Brand Mantra On occasion, things will go wrong, and you will have to make a withdrawal. Meanwhile, it is sitting in the bank earning interest.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 98 © Sameer Mathur 98
  99. 99. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Never let the situation mean more than the relationship. It is more rewarding to resolve a situation than to dissolve a relationship. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com 99 © Sameer Mathur 99
  100. 100. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Any time a person puts the situation ahead of the relationship, it happens for one reason: loss of perspective. People are always more important than mere things. Our property, our position and our agenda are transitory. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 100
  101. 101. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Whenever we experience a rough time in a relationship, we need to remind ourselves of why that relationship is significant to us in the first place. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 101
  102. 102. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Also, we must keep in mind that there is a big difference between a situation that occurs once and one that occurs again and again. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 102
  103. 103. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The Bob Principle Every problem starter is like a fire lighter. And each of us is like a person carrying two buckets. One is filled with water and the other with gasoline. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 103
  104. 104. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The Bob Principle Every problem starter is like a fire lighter. And each of us is like a person carrying two buckets. One is filled with water and the other with gasoline. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 104
  105. 105. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When we see a problem fire being lit, we can choose to douse it with water and put it out, or we can throw gasoline on it and make it worse. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 105
  106. 106. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra If you have someone who creates and spreads problems, respond with a positive comment, show your concern for the person being criticized, and encourage steps toward resolution. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 106
  107. 107. The Situation Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Not everyone will respond positively to your suggestions. But if you have a strong connection with a Bob or you are in a position of authority with him, then ask him to THINK before he speaks using this acronym: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 107
  108. 108. If he can answer yes to all of these questions, then it’s appropriate for him to proceed. 108 T • Is it true? H • Is it helpful? I • Is it inspiring? N • Is it necessary? K • Is it kind? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  109. 109. The Approachability Principle Being at ease with ourselves helps others be at ease with us. People miss many opportunities for connection and the chance to build deeper relationships because they do not make themselves approachable. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 109
  110. 110. The Approachability Principle Approachable people usually exhibit the following seven characteristics: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 110
  111. 111. The Approachability Principle Personal warmth. Approachable people truly like people. To be approachable, you need to generate personal warmth toward the people you meet. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 111
  112. 112. The Approachability Principle Appreciation for the differences in people. Approachable people appreciate people for who they are and what they have to offer. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 112
  113. 113. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Consistency of mood: Approachable people are even-keeled Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur and predictable. You know what you’ll get because they are basically the same every time you see them. 113
  114. 114. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Sensitivity toward people’s feelings. Although approachable people are emotionally steady, they might not expect others to be that way. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 114
  115. 115. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They tune in to the moods and feelings of others, and then adjust how they relate to them. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 115
  116. 116. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Understanding of human weaknesses and exposure of their own: Approachable people are honest about their abilities and shortcomings. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 116
  117. 117. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They are willing to be told not what they want to hear but what they need to hear. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 117
  118. 118. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Ability to forgive easily and quickly ask for forgiveness. Approachable people quickly ask for forgiveness and easily grant it to others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 118
  119. 119. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Authenticity: Approachable people are real. They engage with others on a genuine level, and don’t pretend to be someone they’re not. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 119
  120. 120. The Approachability Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They don’t go out of their way to hide what they think and feel. They have no hidden agenda. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 120
  121. 121. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra We face many kinds of battles in life, and the “foxholes” we sometimes inhabit come in many shapes and sizes. These foxholes can include the home, a business, a sport steam, a small group, a platoon or something else. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 121
  122. 122. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When preparing for battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend. The foxhole is for you and a friend, not a friend alone. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 122
  123. 123. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra You can ask a friend to fight with you, but you should never send someone else to fight your battles. And you should be willing to fight for any friend whose help you would request. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 123
  124. 124. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra You might have many friends, but not all of them will be foxhole friends. For that matter, you will not be that kind of an ally to everyone in your life either. Foxhole friendships are special. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 124
  125. 125. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Even before the battle, simply knowing that someone believes in you and will fight for you is uplifting. People who climb down into the fox-hole with you see things from your point of view and they express empathy for your situation. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 125
  126. 126. The Foxhole Principle Designing the Brand Mantra That makes them not only a great help, but also a great comfort. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 126
  127. 127. 127 The Investment Question: Are We Willing to Invest in Others? 4 Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  128. 128. 128 Are you willing to invest in other people? You may build a beautiful house, but eventually it will crumble. You may develop a fine career, but one day it will be over. You may save a great sum of money, but you can’t take it with you. You may be in superb health today, but in time it will decline. You may take pride in your Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  129. 129. 129 You may take pride in your accomplishments, but someone will surpass you. Relationships are like anything else. The return you get depends on what you invest. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  130. 130. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra You can start to cultivate a healthy, growing relationship by focusing on the following six things: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 130
  131. 131. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Commitment: Every long-lasting relationship suffers strains and setbacks. No two people agree on everything. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 131
  132. 132. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Even the best friendships can expect to face conflict. The question is: What are you going to do when trouble comes? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 132
  133. 133. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Communication. A relationship begins with easy communication. It deepens with more difficult communication. And it is sustained with intentional communication. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 133
  134. 134. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Friendship. “If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone; a man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur Remarked By Critic Samuel Johnson 134
  135. 135. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra That goes for old friendships as well as new ones. We sometimes take for granted the people closest to us, and as a result, we neglect to try being good friends to them first. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 135
  136. 136. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Memories: Shared memories are a wonderful source of connection and bonding for people. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 136
  137. 137. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Growth: When you begin any friendship, it is filled with promise. But you have to find ways to keep it fresh and strong so that it continues to have potential and not just good memories. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 137
  138. 138. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Spoiling Each Other: Voltaire wrote, “If the first law of friendship is that it has to be cultivated, the second law is to be indulgent when the first law has been neglected.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 138
  139. 139. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Let your friends and family members know how much you care as often as you can. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 139
  140. 140. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra All relationships need cultivation. You cannot neglect a relationship and expect it to grow. That’s not to say that all relationships are the same and need the same amount of attention. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 140
  141. 141. The Gardening Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The nature and purpose of the relationship will determine the energy and time needed to cultivate it. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 141
  142. 142. The 101 Percent Principle Sometimes building relationships is an uphill battle, and connecting with another person can be particularly difficult. How do you connect with people when you seem to have nothing in common with them? Designing the Brand Mantra Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 142
  143. 143. The 101 Percent Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Can you build relational bridges in such circumstances? And if so, can the relationships be healthy, long-lasting and productive? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 143
  144. 144. The 101 Percent Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When the connection is difficult, you must find the one thing the two of you can agree upon. You can do that with just about anybody. The problem is that many people naturally take the opposite approach; they look for differences. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 144
  145. 145. The 101 Percent Principle Why? Sometimes it’s due to natural competitiveness; people are often looking for an edge. Sometimes it’s to make themselves stand out and to find their own distinctiveness. Other times, people focus on differences because they feel threatened by others. Designing the Brand Mantra Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 145
  146. 146. The 101 Percent Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When connection is difficult, you must find the one thing the two of you can agree upon. The greater the differences, the more important it is to focus on what you agree on. Once you do, give it 100 percent of your effort. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 146
  147. 147. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The journey with others is slower than the journey alone. Here are the steps you can take to become a more patient person in relationships: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 147
  148. 148. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Prioritize patience as a virtue worthy of developing: Oft-quoted Arnold Glasgow stated, “You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not smashing it.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 148
  149. 149. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra In the long run, you will find that patience with people is beneficial to you. But you may not see a return right away. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 149
  150. 150. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Understand that it takes time to build good relationships. Relationships of any depth take time. The more people involved in the relational circle, the longer it takes. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 150
  151. 151. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Practice the exchange principle. Each of us thinks our circumstances warrant special consideration-people should be extra patient with us. Instead, put yourself in the other person’s place and be extra patient with him or her. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 151
  152. 152. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Realize that people have and create problems. When you decide to develop a relationship with another person, it’s a package deal. You don’t get to take only the good stuff and reject the bad. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 152
  153. 153. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Try to give others the same kind of grace you’d like to receive for your shortcomings. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 153
  154. 154. The Patience Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Identify areas where people need patience with you. It’s a good idea for us to know what ours are. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 154
  155. 155. The Celebration Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The true test of relationships is not only how loyal we are when friends fail, but how thrilled we are when they succeed. Everyone identifies with failure. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 155
  156. 156. The Celebration Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The problem is that because people so readily identify with failure, they sometimes have a hard time connecting with success. And if they don’t identify with success, they may resent it. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 156
  157. 157. The Celebration Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Frequently the very same qualities that prevent people from achieving success - emotional insecurity, a scarcity mind-set, petty jealousy and the like-prevent them from celebrating others’ successes. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 157
  158. 158. The Celebration Principle Designing the Brand Mantra How do you learn to celebrate with others instead of ignoring or undermining them? Realize it’s not a competition. You must be willing to look at things from other people’s point of view. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 158
  159. 159. The Celebration Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When they achieve something that is important to them, celebrate with enthusiasm. Celebrate successes others don’t yet see. Sometimes people make great strides and aren’t even aware of it. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 159
  160. 160. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra We go to a higher level when we treat others better than they treat us. If you’re slinging mud, you’re losing ground. There are really only three roads we can travel when it comes to dealing with others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 160
  161. 161. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra We can take the low road where we treat others worse than they treat us. We can take the middle road where we treat others the same as they treat us. Or we can take the high road and treat others better than they treat us. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 161
  162. 162. The High Road Principle The low road damages relationships and alienates others from us. The middle road may not drive people away from us, but it won’t attract them to us either; it is reactive rather than proactive and allows others to set the agenda for our lives. Designing the Brand Mantra Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 162
  163. 163. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The high road helps to create positive relationships and attracts others to us; it sets a positive agenda with others that even negative people find difficult to undermine. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 163
  164. 164. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra High roaders understand that it’s not what happens to you but what happens in you that really matters. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 164
  165. 165. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Newscaster David Brinkley observed, “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 165
  166. 166. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They commit to traveling the high road continually. Nearly anyone can be kind in the face of unkindness every once in a while: It’s more difficult to sustain a high road attitude all the time. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 166
  167. 167. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra High roaders recognize their own need for grace, and extend it to others. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 167
  168. 168. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra High roaders set higher standards for themselves than others would. They make excellence their goal. They care more than others think is wise. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 168
  169. 169. The High Road Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They risk more than others think is safe. They dream more than others think is practical. They expect more than others think is possible. And they work more than others think is necessary. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 169
  170. 170. The Synergy Question: Can We Create a 170 5 Win-Win Relationship? Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  171. 171. 171 Some relationships add value to both parties, and that is rewarding. When both parties enter into a relationship with an investment mind-set -after having connected and built trust with each other a win-win relationship can result. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  172. 172. 172 The wonderful thing about win-win relationships is that they can be forged in every area of life and in all kinds of relationships: between husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, and bosses and employees. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  173. 173. 173 If both parties sustain a giving attitude and both are having their needs met, then the relationship can become something truly special. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  174. 174. 174 In the long run, lopsided relationships don’t last. If one person is doing all the giving and the other is doing all the receiving, the giver will eventually become worn out. And ironically the taker will become dissatisfied because that person will feel he or she is not receiving enough. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  175. 175. 175 The only way to build a positive, long-lasting, synergistic relationship is to make sure everybody wins! Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  176. 176. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra When we help others, we help ourselves. Those who invest in others give and then receive. They believe that success comes from being helpful, caring and constructive. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 176
  177. 177. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They desire to make everything and everyone they touch better, and they understand the best way to accomplish that is to give of themselves. To enrich the world and become someone who invests in others, you must: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 177
  178. 178. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Think “others first: ” Good, healthy, growing relationships begin with the ability to put other people first. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 178
  179. 179. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Begin every relationship by giving the other person respect -even before he or she has had a chance to earn it. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 179
  180. 180. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Focus on the investment, not the return. Investors in people are like investors in the stock market Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 180
  181. 181. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra In the long haul, they will benefit, but they have little control over what that return will look like or how it will occur. But they can control what and how they invest. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 181
  182. 182. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Pick out a few people with great potential: When people prepare to make financial investments, the wise ones don’t put all their money into a single stock or fund. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 182
  183. 183. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They diversify by investing in several areas. But good investors don’t spread themselves too thin. They know they can give only so much time and attention to each particular investment. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 183
  184. 184. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Wise investors in people follow a similar pattern. Pick only as many people as you can handle with intensity, choose only people with great potential for growth, and choose only people whose need for growth matches your gifts and talents. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 184
  185. 185. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra With their permission, begin the process. You cannot help someone who does not want your help. The stronger the relationships and the greater the trust, the higher the likelihood that the investment process will work. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 185
  186. 186. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Enjoy a return in due season. When people’s motives are pure and they genuinely desire to add value to others, they cannot help others without receiving some benefit. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 186
  187. 187. The Boomerang Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The return may be immediate, or it may take a long time, but it will occur. And when it does, the relationship begins to resonate with synergy. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 187
  188. 188. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Most people underestimate the power and importance of relationships in regard to business and career. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 188
  189. 189. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They try to learn the most recent management fad, focus on product quality, or create programs and systems to improve productivity or increase repeat business. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 189
  190. 190. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra These things are helpful, but the real key is relationships. Never underestimate the power of friendship when it comes to doing business. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 190
  191. 191. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra As soon as you understand the way that relationships affect business, you begin to realize that all business relationships are not created equal. Here are the four levels of business relationships: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 191
  192. 192. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra People Knowledge. Your understanding of people helps build your business. All the product knowledge in the world won’t help someone without people skills Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 192
  193. 193. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Nor will technical expertise. Nor will the ability to build a brilliantly efficient organization. If individuals don’t possess people skills, they very quickly hit a ceiling in their effectiveness. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 193
  194. 194. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Service Skills. Barry J. Gibbons, author of This Indecision Is Final, writes, “Between 70 percent and 90 percent of decisions not to repeat a purchase of anything are not about product or price. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 194
  195. 195. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra They are about some dimension of the service relationship.” Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 195
  196. 196. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra How you treat the people with whom you do business really matters, especially in a competitive market. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 196
  197. 197. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Business Reputation. “Whatever business you are in, you are in a business of relation-ships. That’s why your reputation is your greatest asset.” By Writer Howard Hodgson Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 197
  198. 198. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Personal Friendship: Your friendship with others builds your business. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 198
  199. 199. The Friendship Principle Designing the Brand Mantra The highest level of business relationships is reached when people like your business, but more important, they like you! Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 199
  200. 200. The Partnership Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Working together increases the odds of winning together. Try to build relationships with everyone, but forge partnerships with only a few. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 200
  201. 201. The Partnership Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Those closest to you determine your level of success. Move from simply working with good, capable people to partnering with difference makers. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 201
  202. 202. The Partnership Principle Find capable people with the same passion and mission as yours who also need others to make a difference. This will lead to many rewarding relational partnerships and together you will do things that make a positive impact by helping others. Designing the Brand Mantra Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 202
  203. 203. 203 Every person possesses one of two mind-sets: scarcity or abundance. People with a scarcity mind-set believe that there’s only so much to go around so you have to scrape for everything you can and protect whatever you have at all costs. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  204. 204. 204 People with an abundance mind-set believe there’s always enough to go around. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com
  205. 205. The Satisfaction Principle Designing the Brand Mantra In great relationships, the joy of being together is enough. A lasting relationship begins as a healthy relationship. The following four factors help to create the right climate for relationships where simply being together is enough: Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 205
  206. 206. The Satisfaction Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Shared memories create a bonded environment. Growing together creates a committed environment. Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 206
  207. 207. The Satisfaction Principle Designing the Brand Mantra Mutual respect creates a healthy environment of trust and servanthood. Unconditional love creates a safe environment Sameer Mathur, Ph.D. (Carnegie Mellon University) www.BuddingMarkets.com © Sameer Mathur 207
  208. 208. Over 1 Million views from more than 100 countries Prof. Sameer Mathur Top 1% most viewed Over 250 presentations on Marketing www.BuddingMarkets.com

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