Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court
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Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court

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Rather than parsing Barack Obama's history as a legal scholar, it may be instructive to go back to the one tactical move that didn't pan out in his first hundred days: Naming sexpot hair-daddy Dr. ...

Rather than parsing Barack Obama's history as a legal scholar, it may be instructive to go back to the one tactical move that didn't pan out in his first hundred days: Naming sexpot hair-daddy Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CNN as his Surgeon General. Clearly Obama wants more than great minds and experience in high office. He wants people that have been on television. While the pundits throw out their ideas, here is our look at the top thirteen celebrity and television judges that President Obama may be considering for the Supreme Court Vacancy.

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Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court Presentation Transcript

  • Top Thirteen Television Judges Barack Obama Should Name to the Supreme Court brought to you by PinkoMag.com
  • Judge Judy Sheindlin We thought she was a conservative, but Judge Judy is totally going down on Florence Henderson in that photo. She’s tough, tested and would add some serious sass to the bench.
  • Former Mayor Ed Koch He’s gay! He’s 90! He’s adorable! And Koch had a stint hosting People’s Court in the mid 90’s.
  • Judge Lance Ito Pros: Diversity on the court; awesome beard. Cons: Uhm ...
  • Paula Abdul Drunk. Drugged. Emotional. Irascible. Inappropriate. She’s Antonin Scalia.
  • Judge Greg Mathis Longtime host of DIvorce Court, Greg Mathis has a huge fucking gavel. Look at that thing. He’ll bash some “intelligent design” lawyer right in the goddamned mouth.
  • The Honorable Liz Donnelly, S.V.U. She’s so fierce.
  • Magistrate Samuel Sewall He was the judge in the Salem Witch Trials. Someone played him in that movie we watched in 9th grade with the slutty moaning salem teen witch girls but I can’t figure out from IMDB who the actor is.
  • Nancy Grace Heroine to tot moms and teen girls with too many vowels in their names everywhere, Grace was a Fulton County prosecutor for almost a decade. She was also repeatedly fined for prosecutorial misconduct, nearly disbarred and accused of “illegal conduct.” A darling to conservatives, naming Grace to the Supreme Court would be the judicial equivalent of having Rick Warren read the invocation at his inauguration.
  • Judge Harry Stone Did anyone else watch Night Court? I loved that show. Stone was fair; he was principled; and most important he was zany. A prank or two would totally lift Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s spirits.
  • Judge Marilyn Milian The sexxxxxiest judge on television, People’s Court Host Honorable Marilyn Milian doesn’t take shit from anyone - defendants or her cousin Christina. Unfortunately for President Obama she has actually waterboarded sev- en people, including Sean Hannity, Pollster Mark Penn and author Mitch Albom.
  • Richard Zavaglia Well now I’m really reaching, but Zavaglia played Judge Tamerlane in my FAVORITE LIFETIME WOMAN SCORNED MOVIE OF ALL TIME OMFG, “A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story,” followed by a cameo in Part 2: “Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick, The Last Chapter,” starring Meredith Baxter Birney of Television’s Family Ties. He’s lit- erally doing dinner theater in South Florida now. If Barack Obama wants a judge who will consider the impact of the law on people’s daily lives, I think Dick Zavaglia is it. (P.S. The actual Betty Broderick is up for parole in 2010! She is so guest blogging.)
  • Judge Joseph Wapner A classic. The safe pick, ethnic slur in his last name nothwithstanding, Wapner has written two books for citizens about navigating small claims court.
  • Miss J. You heard me. What - Nigel? Twiggy? Not U.S. Citizens. (Not that that’s stopping Obama from considering Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm. Or from being President, for that matter.) Miss J. is already dressed for the part, sporting big ties and the occasional robe. And we know from America’s Next Top Model that justice would be handed down with flair, humor and a refreshing bluntness.