This three paragraph summary provides the key details from the long document: A nurse, Sue Kidd, is called to help a patient, Mr. Williams, who has had a minor heart attack. Mr. Williams asks the nurse to call his daughter Janie to let her know about his condition. When the nurse calls Janie, she is distraught because she and her father had a big fight a year ago and have not spoken since. Janie rushes to the hospital to see her father. However, when the nurse returns to Mr. Williams' room, he has gone into cardiac arrest. The medical team works to revive him but is unsuccessful and Mr. Williams passes away. When Janie arrives, devast

1. Removing Mountains
of Offense
by Mark Hamby
Recommended Reading:
True Faced; How to Act Right When Your Spouse
Acts Wrong; Let Go by Fenelon; War of Words;
Families Where Grace is in Place; Sir Knight of the
Splendid Way; Ishmael; Self Raised.

3. Woe unto the world
because of offenses!
for it must needs be that
offenses come; but woe
to that man by whom the
offense cometh!
Matthew 18:7

4. “William Temple, Archbishop of
Canterbury, once said worship is
submission of your nature to God; it is
the quickening of conscience by His
holiness, nourishment of mind by His
truth, purifying of imagination by His
beauty, opening of the heart to His
love, and submission of will to His
purpose; all of this gathered up in
adoration is the greatest of all
expressions of which we are capable.”

5. I heard this quote from a woman who had
been delivered from a lesbian lifestyle. Her
humility and love for our savior and her
thankfulness for her deep deliverance
humbled me more than any other testimony
I had ever heard. For a moment, I thought I
had been transferred in time, listening to
the woman of Tyre of whom Jesus said,
“Woman, great is thy faith.” She summed
up the Archbishops sentiments by saying, “I
think it is about redemption, being used in
the hand of God to help other people.”

6. “And on the morrow, when they were come
from Bethany, he was hungry: And seeing
a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if
haply he might find any thing thereon: and
when he came to it, he found nothing but
leaves; for the time of figs was not yet. And
Jesus answered and said unto it, No man
eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his
disciples heard it.”
Mark 11:12-14

7. “And they come to Jerusalem: and
Jesus went into the temple, and began
to cast out them that sold and bought
in the temple, and overthrew the tables
of the moneychangers, and the seats
of them that sold doves; And would not
suffer that any man should carry any
vessel through the temple.”
Mark 11:15-16

8. “And he taught, saying unto them, Is
it not written, My house shall be
called of all nations the house of
prayer? but ye have made it a den of
thieves. And the scribes and chief
priests heard it, and sought how they
might destroy him: for they feared
him, because all the people were
astonished at his doctrine.”
Mark 11:17-18

9. “And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw
the fig tree dried up from the roots. And Peter
calling to remembrance saith unto him, Master,
behold, the fig tree which thou cursedst is withered
away. And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have
faith in God. For verily I say unto you, That
whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou
removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall
not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those
things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall
have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you,
What things so ever ye desire, when ye pray,
believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have
them.”
Mark 11: 20-24

10. "And whenever you stand praying, if you
have anything against anyone,
FORGIVE him,
that your Father in heaven may also
forgive you your trespasses.
But if you do not forgive, neither will your
Father in heaven forgive your
trespasses."
Mark 11:25-26

11. Children in homes where there is conflict
or even alcoholism do better than
children in homes where there is divorce
or legalism…
…as long as there is forgiveness.

12. Unresolved Sin
Involuntary Response
Inevitable Effects

13. Involuntary Response
Guilt Hurt
Sinned Sinned Against
(real or imagined) (real or imagined)
Shame or Blame
(false guilt produces the same and robs of joy; ie. rape)
(Not fair! Always ignites the nature of sin already in us. ie. Joseph, Daniel, etc.)

14. Inevitable Effects
Shame, Blame, Fear, Anger,
or Denial

15. Shame
•Shame leads to hiding
•Hurt leads to blame and then to hate
•Shame blinds you to your new nature and God’s
nature. You loose perspective.
Adam saw his nakedness and he hid himself.
Remedy
Hope deferred…(Prov 13:12)
Hope makes us not ashamed (Rom 5)

16. Hiding
I was AFRAID, so I HID myself.
If the penalty for disclosure is the same as
getting caught, why would I ever disclose my
failure.
ie. Don’t respond to a child in his…
Hiding drains us. Requires constant vigilance
and maintenance. Rest alone will not restore
or replenish this depletion. This leads to:

17. Blame
•The woman you gave me.
•The serpent beguiled me.
Remedy
Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but
contrarywise, blessing…For he that will love life and see good
days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they
speak no guile: Let him turn from evil, and do good, let him
sek peace, and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over
the righteous and his ears… Bless them that curse you, do
good to them that hate you and pray for them who
despitefully use you and persecute you.
(IPet 3; Mt. 5:44)

18. Controlling behavior,
(Walls or Windows used to protect oneself),
isn’t a response to something
happening in the present. It was
triggered by some sin in the past that
never was resolved.

19. I Attempt to Control Others.
It is impossible to submit to another, to trust
another, or allow ourselves to need another
persons love, when we have to be in control.
Control validates our rightness and our anger.
Controllers elevate what they believe to be
right at the expense of anything or anyone. In
order to market their claim on exclusive rights,
they defame the competition. ie. 1 14yr boys.

20. Fear
I was afraid, so I hid.
Fear removes the opportunity to be helped. It
further entrenches us.
Remedy
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts
out fear: because fear has torment. He that
fears is not made perfect in love. We love
Him, because He first loved us. I Jn.

21. 1. I am unable to be loved or love.
2. I become vulnerable to wrong life
choices.
3. I attempt to control others.

22. Unable to be Loved or Love.
Unresolved sin always causes preoccupation
with our own lives. We become self
directed, self attentive, and self protected –
unable to offer love to others.
Preoccupation with ourselves flames the
ambers of distrust and restricts our ability to
give love to others…we become takers not
givers.

23. Anger
• And Cain was very angry.
• And the Lord said to Cain, “If you do well,
shall you not be accepted?”
Anger brings an heroic sense of purpose to our guilt
or hurt. It give us energy, explosive and
unpredictable energy that gives the appearance of
freeing us, then enslaves us and drains us.
Distorts perspective: because I’m hurt, I must be
right.
ie. Car in grass, Mother, quad, ad.
Remedy
Be angry and sin not.

24. Denial
• Where is your brother?
• I don’t know, am I my brothers keeper?
If we are the offender, denial allows us to deny that
we’ve done anything wrong. If the offended, it
allows us to deny that the sin against us has
affected us. “come on, you're making a big deal
out of nothing. I said I was sorry!”
Remedy
Objective truth of a third party will help you see the truth that can set you free. ie counselor.

26. “Do not make My Father’s house a
house of merchandise!” Jn 2:16
“My house shall be called a house
of prayer, but you have made it a
den of thieves.” Matt 21:13
“Behold! Your house
is left to you
desolate.”
Matt 23:38

27. “For in this manner, in former times, the
holy women who trusted in God also
adorned themselves, being submissive
to their own husbands,…
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife,
as to the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers may not be hindered.”
I Peter 3:5,7

29. • The hospital was unusually quiet that bleak January evening, quiet and still like
the air before a storm. I stood in the nurses' station on the 7th floor and glanced
at the clock. It was 9 p.m. I threw a stethoscope around my neck and headed for
room 712, last room on the hall. Room 712 had a new patient. Mr. Williams. A
man all alone. A man strangely silent about his family.
• As I entered the room, Mr. Williams looked up eagerly, but dropped his eyes
when he saw it was only me, his nurse. I pressed the stethoscope over his chest
and listened. Strong, slow, even beating. Just what I wanted to hear. There
seemed little indication he had suffered a slight heart attack a few hours earlier.
• He looked up from his starched white bed. "Nurse, would you--" He hesitated,
tears filling his eyes. Once before he had started to ask me a question, but had
changed his mind. I touched his hand, waiting. He brushed away a tear. "Would
you call my daughter? Tell her I've had a heart attack. A slight one. You see, I live
alone and she is the only family I have." His respiration suddenly speeded up. I
turned his nasal oxygen up to eight liters a minute. "Of course I'll call her." I said,
studying his face. He gripped the sheets and pulled himself forward, his face
tense with urgency. "Will you call her right away--as soon as you can?" He was
breathing fast--too fast. "I'll call her the very first thing," I said, patting his
shoulder. I flipped off the light. He closed his eyes, such young blue eyes in his
50-year-old face. Room 712 was dark except for a faint night light under the sink.
Oxygen gurgled in the green tubes above his bed. Reluctant to leave, I moved
through the shadowy silence to the window. The panes were cold. Below a foggy
mist curled through the hospital parking lot. "Nurse," he called, "could you get me
a pencil and paper?" I dug a scrap of yellow paper and a pen from my pocket and
set it on the bedside table.

30. • I walked back to the nurses' station and sat in a squeaky swivel chair by the
phone. Mr. Williams daughter was listed on his chart as the next of kin. I got
her number from information and dialed. Her soft voice answered. "Janie, this
is Sue Kidd, a registered nurse at the hospital. I'm calling about your father.
He was admitted tonight with a slight heart attack and--" "No!" she screamed
into the phone, startling me. "He's not dying is he?" "His condition is stable at
the moment," I said, trying hard to sound convincing. Silence. I bit my lip.
"You must not let him die!" she said. Her voice was so utterly compelling that
my hand trembled on the phone. "He is getting the very best care." "But you
don't understand," she pleaded. "My daddy and I haven't spoken in almost a
year. We had a terrible argument on my 21st birthday, over my boyfriend. I
ran out of the house. I--I haven't been back. All these months I've wanted to
go to him for forgiveness. The last thing I said to him was, 'I hate you.'"
• Her voice cracked and I heard her heave great agonizing sobs. I sat,
listening, tears burning my eyes. A father and a daughter, so lost to each
other. Then I was thinking of my father, many miles away. It has been so long
since I had said, "I love you."
• As Janie struggled to control her tears, I breathed a prayer. "Please, God, let
this daughter find forgiveness." "I'm coming. Now! I'll be there in 30 minutes,"
she said. Click. She had hung up. I tried to busy myself with a stack of charts
on the desk. I couldn't concentrate. Room 712. I knew I had to get back to
712. I hurried down the hall nearly in a run. I opened the door.

31. • Mr. Williams lay unmoving. I reached for his pulse. There was none.
• "Code 99. Room 712. Code 99. Stat." The alert was shooting through the hospital
within seconds after I called the switchboard through the intercom by the bed. Mr.
Williams had had a cardiac arrest. With lightning speed I leveled the bed and bent
over his mouth, breathing air into his lungs. I positioned my hands over his chest and
compressed. One, two, three. I tried to count. At 15 I moved back to his mouth and
breathed as deeply as I could. Where was help? Again I compressed and breathed.
Compressed and breathed. He could not die! "O God," I prayed. "His daughter is
coming. Don't let it end this way." The door burst open. Doctors and nurses poured
into the room pushing emergency equipment. A doctor took over the manual
compression of the heart. A tube was inserted through his mouth as an airway.
Nurses plunged syringes of medicine into the intravenous tubing. I connected the
heart monitor. Nothing. Not a beat. My own heart pounded. "God, don't let it end like
this. Not in bitterness and hatred. His daughter is coming. Let her find peace." "Stand
back," cried a doctor. I handed him the paddles for the electrical shock to the heart.
He placed them on Mr.William's chest. Over and over we tried. But nothing. No
response. Mr. Williams was dead. A nurse unplugged the oxygen. The gurgling
stopped. One by one they left, grim and silent. How could this happen? How? I stood
by his bed, stunned. A cold wind rattled the window, pelting the panes with snow.
Outside--everywhere--seemed a bed of blackness, cold and dark. How could I face
his daughter? When I left the room, I saw her against the wall by a water fountain. A
doctor who had been inside 712 only moments before, stood at her side, talking to
her, gripping her elbow. Then he moved on, leaving her slumped against the wall.
Such pathetic hurt reflected from her face. Such wounded eyes. She knew. The
doctor had told her that her father was gone.
• I took her hand and led her into the nurses' lounge. We sat on little green stools,
neither saying a word. She stared straight ahead at a pharmaceutical calendar, glass-
faced, almost breakable-looking. "Janie, I'm so sorry," I said. It was pitifully
inadequate. "I never hated him, you know. I loved him," she said. God, please help
her, I thought.

32. • Suddenly she whirled toward me. "I want to see him." My first
thought was, Why put yourself through more pain? Seeing him will
only make it worse. But I got up and wrapped my arm around her.
We walked slowly down the corridor to 712. Outside the door I
squeezed her hand, wishing she would change her mind about
going inside. She pushed open the door. We moved to the bed,
huddled together, taking small steps in unison. Janie leaned over
the bed and buried her face in the sheets. I tried not to look at her,
at this sad, sad good-bye. I backed against the bedside table. My
hand fell upon a scrap of yellow paper. I picked it up. It read:
• My dearest Janie, I forgive you. I pray you will also forgive me. I
know that you love me. I love you too. Daddy
• The note was shaking in my hands as I thrust it toward Janie. She
read it once. Then twice. Her tormented face grew radiant. Peace
began to glisten in her eyes. She hugged the scrap of paper to her
breast. "Thank You, God," I whispered, looking up at the window. A
few crystal stars blinked through the blackness. A snowflake hit the
window and melted away, gone forever. Life seemed as fragile as a
snowflake on the window. But thank You, God, that relationships,
sometimes fragile as snowflakes, can be mended together again--
but there is not a moment to spare.
• I crept from the room and hurried to the phone. I would call my
father. I would say, "I love you.“
• Guideposts Magazine, 1979.

33. Mark,
About a month ago I emailed you because my husband had left me for another woman.
Thank you for the books you recommended. I have finished "When people are big..." , I have
ordered the ones you carry and I am still looking for "REKINDLED BY JENKINS"(this title is hard to
find, do you happen to have an ISBN).
Well, my husband and I talked several times over the phone and I expressed to him that I did not
want him to come right back here from her house but I wanted some time for both of us to get
counseling and give us some time separate before coming home. We have argued a lot over the
past eight years we have been together (that is putting it mildly) and I wanted some time for us to
change old patterns.
My husband came back last Monday. My son and I had gone to the library and when we got back
there was my husband unloading his car. He told us he was sorry and that he left her and he
wanted to make it work. I asked him why he just came home and he said he wanted to see us.
Part of me was very glad to see him but I was also angry that he came back without even talking to
me first.
Since he has come home he met with a counselor once (although he said it didn't do any good). He
doesn't show a lot of brokenness. I want to be careful here because I know we can't see the heart
but there is an arrogance there that I don't understand. He even told me I didn't have a choice, that
I had to take him back because that is what God says for me to do.
My parents, my sister, my brother (who is a pastor) all are telling me that I need to protect my son
and not to stay around. Others i have talked to say I should be glad over every little step (including
my pastor). Please help me understand. Am I to wait and just see what he does. Do I move out.
Do I look at every little step as something wonderful even though there is a wall there that he has
where he isn't even really repentant but just expecting me to take him back? I so want to honor
God, but I don't want to be blind and not protect my son or not make boundaries for me either.
I would appreciate any guidance. I am very confused and I don't know what to do.
Thank you,