1
If it is hard to say “no”, say 
“I do not want to say yes!” 
Patricia Morgan
3 
You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame. 
Erica Jong
4 
Between two 
evils, I always 
pick the one I never tried before. 
Mae West
May you hum 
to yourself, “I am so 
beautiful, 
to me. Oh! Yes, I am!” 
Patricia Morgan
6 
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood
7 
When I learned to breathe deeply, 
I saved my 
children’s lives. 
Patricia Morgan
8 
I figure if the kids are alive 
at the end of the day, I’ve done my job. 
Roseanne Barr
9 
What is the golden rule for cows? 
Do unto udders as you would have udders do unto you! Groaning? Farm girl in me did n...
I was raised by a mother who said, “Dust? Why, that is just clean dirt!” 
Patricia Morgan
11 
I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. 
Roseanne Barr
12 
Laugh and the world laughs with you. 
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. Laurie Kuslansky
Never forget, you are a some-bunny 
to someone. 
Yes you are! 
Patricia Morgan
14 
If you can not be kind, at least 
be vague. 
Judith Martin
15 
The world’s biggest joke just might be how seriously you take yourself! Patricia Morgan
16 
You are only young once, but you can be immature forever. 
Germaine Greer
17 
A Friend Is Like 
Good Panty Hose... 
• Hard to find 
• Supportive 
• Always lifts you up 
• Makes you look better 
• ...
18 
Tried on a thong 
yesterday. 
I’m still trying to dig it out. 
“Maxine” J. Wagner
19 
When you’re not thin and blonde, 
you come up with 
a personality 
real quick. 
Kathy Najimy
20 
I discovered Victoria’s Secret! 
She has no thing for women my age, my size, my modesty . . . 
Patricia Morgan
21 
If you can not be a good example, then you will just have to be a horrid warning. Catherine Aird
22 
I would 
have been much more 
successful if I had married 
a wife like me! 
Patricia Morgan
23 
Never go 
to bed mad. 
Stay up and fight! 
Phyllis Diller
24 
The best Floor Play there 
ever was and is. 
Patricia Morgan
25 
It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom 
as long as you don’t do it in the street 
and frighten the horses. 
Beat...
26 
There is no 
sexpiration date. 
AND you can aim to become Old Fart’s Tart. 
Patricia Morgan
27 
This is what I think of 
aging gracefully! 
Patricia Morgan
28
29 
Never forget; we have come a long way! 
Photo Courtesy Glenbow Archives NA-206-27
Ask about my 
WOW 
Presentations 
designed for women 
403-242-7796 
Patricia Morgan
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Smiles and Uplifts Particularly for Women

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Humorous quotations are from funny women and Patricia Morgan. Fun images are from Patricia's personal files. Enoy!

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Smiles and Uplifts Particularly for Women

  1. 1. 1
  2. 2. If it is hard to say “no”, say “I do not want to say yes!” Patricia Morgan
  3. 3. 3 You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: No one to blame. Erica Jong
  4. 4. 4 Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. Mae West
  5. 5. May you hum to yourself, “I am so beautiful, to me. Oh! Yes, I am!” Patricia Morgan
  6. 6. 6 The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood
  7. 7. 7 When I learned to breathe deeply, I saved my children’s lives. Patricia Morgan
  8. 8. 8 I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I’ve done my job. Roseanne Barr
  9. 9. 9 What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do unto you! Groaning? Farm girl in me did not resist!
  10. 10. I was raised by a mother who said, “Dust? Why, that is just clean dirt!” Patricia Morgan
  11. 11. 11 I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. Roseanne Barr
  12. 12. 12 Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. Laurie Kuslansky
  13. 13. Never forget, you are a some-bunny to someone. Yes you are! Patricia Morgan
  14. 14. 14 If you can not be kind, at least be vague. Judith Martin
  15. 15. 15 The world’s biggest joke just might be how seriously you take yourself! Patricia Morgan
  16. 16. 16 You are only young once, but you can be immature forever. Germaine Greer
  17. 17. 17 A Friend Is Like Good Panty Hose... • Hard to find • Supportive • Always lifts you up • Makes you look better • Covers your behind
  18. 18. 18 Tried on a thong yesterday. I’m still trying to dig it out. “Maxine” J. Wagner
  19. 19. 19 When you’re not thin and blonde, you come up with a personality real quick. Kathy Najimy
  20. 20. 20 I discovered Victoria’s Secret! She has no thing for women my age, my size, my modesty . . . Patricia Morgan
  21. 21. 21 If you can not be a good example, then you will just have to be a horrid warning. Catherine Aird
  22. 22. 22 I would have been much more successful if I had married a wife like me! Patricia Morgan
  23. 23. 23 Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight! Phyllis Diller
  24. 24. 24 The best Floor Play there ever was and is. Patricia Morgan
  25. 25. 25 It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses. Beatrice S. Campbell
  26. 26. 26 There is no sexpiration date. AND you can aim to become Old Fart’s Tart. Patricia Morgan
  27. 27. 27 This is what I think of aging gracefully! Patricia Morgan
  28. 28. 28
  29. 29. 29 Never forget; we have come a long way! Photo Courtesy Glenbow Archives NA-206-27
  30. 30. Ask about my WOW Presentations designed for women 403-242-7796 Patricia Morgan
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