Dare to-discipline

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This is a brief synopsis of the bestselling book :"The New: dare to Discipline". I have no affiliation with the author Dr. Dobson, or his work that I have discussed here. This is a presentation made …

This is a brief synopsis of the bestselling book :"The New: dare to Discipline". I have no affiliation with the author Dr. Dobson, or his work that I have discussed here. This is a presentation made as a part of the psychotherapy seminar: book review series. In my personal oppinion, you should not take every word that is written in the book. Just like most other written things in this world, this should be evaluated and weighed according to the current time and situation. A good decision about parenting should be made, taking into account your own religious cultural and ethnic background, and most importantly the individiual needs of your child. This book does not provide a panacea for child rearing, nor it should be treated as a rule book, but it certainly lays out some basic principles, which shall remain applicable, no matter what tthe circumstances are viz, the need for structure, consistency with regards to parenting, not only in the punishments but in rewards, and how small gratifications and rewards which we do for the children anyways, can be utilized and will go a long way in making good citizens out of them.

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  • 1. The new: Dare to Disciplineby: Dr. James Dobson PhDPsychotherapy Seminar book review by•Pallav Pareek M.D.
  • 2. About the Author James Clayton "Jim" Dobson, Jr. born 4/21/1936 in Shreveport LA, in a very religious family Attended Point Loma Nazarene (formerly Pacific Bible College) PhD. Child development from University of Southern CA 1967 Author of 25 books as the solo author including: Bringing up boys…., What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women etc. Although never an ordained minister, he was called "the nations most influential evangelical leader" by Time His Radio show : Focus on the family 1977- 2010, has been included in the national radio hall of fame 2010: Family talk with Dr. James Dobson: currently aired on over 300 stations
  • 3. About the Book Originally published as Dare to Discipline in 1970 Revised as The new Dare to discipline in1992 There are no grey areas for Dr. Dobson, and so are no grey areas for people who like/dislike his work. People either absolutely hate/love his work www.goodreads.com labels it as “All who work with children or youth will welcome this sound discussion about maintaining order, developing responsibility, and building character. “
  • 4. What is the theme Just like his religious upbringing, DTD is about old school evangelical Christian way of bringing up children. This is a book which argues for the prinicple concept of corporal punishment (as a ++) Parents have well defined roles as do their children……..
  • 5. Some important questions Why are boundaries so important? Do children really want limits set on their behavior? Is it okay to spank my child? Should Teens be spanked Are rewards important? If so should everything be rewarded Is rewarding a form of Bribe?
  • 6. Framework of Book: Chapters1. The Challenge2. Common Sense in your child3. More common sense about children4. Questions and Answers5. The Miracle tools part 16. The Miracle tools part 27. Discipline and learning8. The Barriers to learning, part 19. The Barriers to learning, part 210. Discipline in morality11. A moment for mom
  • 7. The Challenge The social backdrop from the original DTD has changed……..But children haven’t changed, nor they ever will. I’m even more convinced now that the principles of good parenting are eternal, having originated with the Creator of families…… Much has been written about the dangers of harsh, oppressive, unloving discipline; these warnings are valid and should be heeded. However, the consequences of oppressive discipline have been cited as a justification for the abdication of leadership. That is foolish. There are times when a strong willed child will clench his little fists and dare his parents to accept his challenges. He is not motivated by frustration or inner hostility, as it is often supposed. He merely wants to know where the boundaries lie, and who’s available to enforce them.
  • 8. Common sense and more..1. Developing respect for children is the criitical factor in child management2. The best opportunity to communicate often occurs after a disciplinary event3. Control without nagging: e.g. Henry ppp-37- 384. Don’t saturate the child with materialism5. Establish a balance between love and discipline ……and between parents.
  • 9. Summary: Dobson’s own words Lest I be misunderstood, I shall emphasize my message by stating it’s opposite. I am not recommending your home be harsh and oppressive. I am not suggesting that you give you children spanking every morning with their ham and eggs………by contrast I am recommending a simple principle; when you are defiantly challenged, win decisively. When the child asks “who’s in charge?” tell him. When he mutters “Who loves me?” take him in your arms and surround him with affection…… (pp51)
  • 10. Q&AChapter four deals with questions parents frequentlyhave (just like our column) for example1. What should be accomplished between 18mo and 5 years…(pp55)2. How should we discipline an adopted child, child with disability (pp57)3. I have never spanked my 3yo. I am afraid it will teach him to be a violent person….(pp60)4. Is there anyone who should never spank a child? (pp63)5. Spanking when to begin, when to stop….(pp65)6. How do you feel about…..each member has an equal vote on decisions affecting the entire family (pp67)7. How long should a child be allowed to cry after being disciplined or spanked? Is there a limit?8. Should teenagers be spanked? (pp72)
  • 11. The Miracle Tools:1&2•Rewards should be instant•Rewards need not be material in nature•Almost any behavior that is learned throughreinforcement can be eliminated if the reward is withheldlong enough(e.g. Walleyed pike vs. the minnows)•Parents and teachers are also vulnerable toreinforcement.•Parents often reinforce undesirable behavior and weakenthe behavior they value. (eg of Mr. & Mrs. Weakknee: Rickycries at bedtime when parents have company around)
  • 12. Discipline in learning Major part of this section is spent criticizing: concepts like Permissive education, The open classroom , The Summer-hill school Proponents of these schools of thought: AS Neill, Herbert R Kohn Very ardently supports strict disciplinarian approach for learning: cites Newsweek article in May 1971 “Leaning can be fun”, and then December 1975 article “Why Johnny can’t write” . Writes a letter to the editor: Perhaps Johnny couldn’t write because he spent too much time having fun in (…1971)the classroom” Criticizes approach of Miss. Peach: who said on day one “I am so glad we had a chance to get together. This is going to be such a fun year for you; we’re going to make soap and soup, and we’re going to paint a mural that will paint the entire wall. We’ll take field trips and play games…..this is going to be a great year. You’re going to love me and I am going to love you, and we’ll just have a ball” Condones the approach of Mrs. Justice: who’s day 1 speech was “This is going to be a good year, and I am glad you are my students. I want you to know that each one of you is important to me. I hope you will feel free to ask questions, and enjoy learning in this class………..Well we have some work to do so let’s get started. Would you take out your math books and turn to page 4”
  • 13. The Barriers to learning 1&2 The Late Bloomer The Slow Learner The Underachiever
  • 14. Discipline in MoralityWhat is discussed? Conclusions….. “In defense of a little  Here is this section the author, gives a very religious outlook on virginity” issues, such as premarital sex, abortions, sex education and Who should impart sex cohabitation in college education? dorms….etc.  How much of this is applicable in When to say what? this day and time is difficult to say. If all the things suggested by the author were to be applied, it will need a sea change in the whole cosmos around us…which is neither practical nor should be tried……
  • 15. A moment for mom1. Reserve some time for yourself2. Don’t Struggle with things you can’t change e.g. Mother in law 3. Don’t deal with big problems late at night4. Try making a list5. Seek divine assistance
  • 16. Disclaimer I have no affiliation with the book or the author. I do not agree or disagree with his thoughts. This presentation has been made as a part of the book review club, under the psychotherapy seminar series.If there is a question or concern regarding this presentation , please feel free to email me at pallavpareek@gmail.com