Assertiveness   art of being tactful
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Assertiveness art of being tactful






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  • Assertiveness should not be confused with Aggression.Aggressiveness is when one expresses their feelings, needs and rights without regard or respect for the needs, rights and feelings of others
  • Inform participants that when faced with difficult situations, four behavior types are observed:. They are Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive & Assertive. Administer Self Assessment for them to become aware of the degrees to which they express each of these behaviors.
  • At its heart, tact and diplomacy is the skill of being sensitive to the feelings and opinions of other people. Those who possess it in great quantity are naturally able to sense what is really going on in the minds of others, and then respond with a certain delicacy of feeling that influences many people extremely well. The downside is that too much tact and diplomacy can irritate rather than influence other peopleThink before you speak. Allow yourself a pause to consider how your words could be perceived, and to prevent yourself from making hasty comments.Consider the other person's viewpoint and acknowledge it. For example, say: "Wow. I see how your neighbor's behavior could be annoying to you.“Consider cultural differences and try to act in a sensitive way without being asked.Be discreet For example, correct someone in private, or pull someone aside to tell them about the spinach in their teeth. This also applies to delivering feedback that could be negative. Be gracious even when you're irritated. Keep your cool and speak kindly and sincerely. Assume the best.Deflect negative comments.Gently correct gossip. Example: "I'm sorry you heard that about Jane Doe. When I spoke to her, she said that it was just a rumor about her getting fired.“Say something positive. "Mary Sue may be late a lot, but she does really good work." or "Bill Jones has always been civil to me personally.“Change the subject. "You know, your comment about the boss reminds me of something. There's an office party coming up, right? Are you bringing anyone?" Say nothing. Ask the person nicely to stop. Say "I'm really not interested in gossiping about our neighbor", or "I'd prefer not talk about that in the office."Think of positive things to say . If your office is chaos, and someone asks you how it is, comment on your nice cubicle mate or an exciting new project.Be neutral if pressed. If asked about the tenor of your chaotic office, say "It's very busy", or "It's higher-paced than I'm used to".

Assertiveness   art of being tactful Assertiveness art of being tactful Presentation Transcript

  • AssertivenessThe Art Of Being Tactful
  • Learning Objectives Understand & Distinguish the difference between Assertive, Aggressive, Passive Behaviors. Improve Self-Awareness and recognize one‟s improvement areas. Learn techniques to be Assertive, saying „NO‟ - setting boundaries. Handling „sensitive‟/ „heated‟ / „potentially disruptive‟ conversations How to offer Win-Win Solutions? 2 2
  • Activity: The Balloon FightActivity: Group ActivityTime: 5 MinsInstructions: •Everyone gets a balloon. • Destroy all other teams balloonsScoring: •Destroying the balloon: 1 point •Being the last team with maximum inflated balloons: 3 Points 3 3
  • Defining Assertive• Assertiveness is the ability to express one‟s feelings and assert one‟s rights while respecting the feelings and rights of others.• Assertive communication is appropriately direct, open and honest, and clarifies one‟s needs to the other person.• Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned.• Assertiveness should not be confused with aggression. Situation Self Talk Rights Expectation Behaviour Outcome 4 4
  • Assertive Vs Aggressive Expression of ones feelings and assert Expression of ones feelings, needs and one‟s rights while respecting the rights without regard/respect for feelings and rights of others. needs, rights and feelings of others. Appropriately direct, open and honest, Employ and clarifies one‟s needs to the other disrespectful, manipulative, demeaning, person. or abusive tactics Assume the best about others. Treat Make negative assumptions others with dignity. motives and think in retaliatory terms Win- Win Win- Lose Goals met or negotiated Aggressor goals not always achieved Rich & enduring interpersonal Stressed relationships with others and self relationships 5 5
  • When Can You Be Assertive? When You Want something Don’t Want Something Are Happy Are Angry Want to give feedback Want to Negotiate Are Hurt Face Criticism 6 6
  • What Will It Do For You?• Helps you become self confident• Increase Self – Esteem• Gain Respect of others• Improve Communication Skills• Improve Decision Making Ability 7 7
  • Behavior Types: Self Assessment Passive Aggressive Assertive Passive Aggressive 8 8
  • A Person Exhibiting Passive Behavior• Communicates inferiority.• Often feels „used‟ by others, keeps quiet when others take advantage.• Does not complain when product/services are sub-standard.• Is reluctant to express opinions and feelings, keeps his/her own views private.• Finds it difficult to say „NO‟ to others when demands are made on time/resources.• Agrees with the „majority‟ views/desires, even though they conflict with personal wishes 9 9
  • Why Do People Behave Passively?• Fear of Upsetting Others• Fear of Rejection• Feel responsible for others feelings• Inappropriate Inner Voices (Usually from past experiences or childhood) 10 10
  • Passive Thought Patterns1. Self Defeating Games I. Filtering II. Peronalizing III. Generalizing IV. Dooms Daying V. Labeling VI. Mind- Reading2. Circle of Musts3. Prison of Inappropriate Obligation 11 11
  • About Success and Failure Negative thoughts about self FailureActual Failure Low Self Esteem Expectations Positive thoughts to Fail about self Actual Success High Self Esteem Success Expectations to Succeed 12 12
  • A Person Exhibiting Aggressive BehaviorCommunicates an impression of superiority and disrespect for others‟ views.Often argues, gets angry and thinks others should be „put in their place‟.Has no problem complaining when expectations are not met.Usually gets their „own way‟ in situations.Expects others to accommodate themHas strong views on subjects & no problem expressing them.Finds fault with others easily and often. 13 13
  • A Person Exhibiting Passive-Aggressive Behavior Appears passive on the surface but is really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect or „behind the scenes‟ way. Usually feels powerless, stuck, resentful, and incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentment. Uses facial expressions that don‟t match how they feel, e.g. smiling when angry. Uses sarcasm. Denies that there is a problem. Appears cooperative while purposely being annoying & disruptive. 14 14
  • A Person Exhibiting Assertive Behavior Can express his/her own desires, feelings, needs & concerns to others with minimum embarrassment to all. Can control own feelings & emotions even when difficult. Aware of needs and desires of others. Can converse and work well with people at all levels. Can appreciate views of others and accept reasonable views. Can disagree with others and continue to retain friendship and respect, “Agree to Disagree”. Able to yield to others without feeling inadequate. Can refuse a request without feeling guilty or obliged. 15 15
  • Assertive Behavior: The Bill of Assertive Rights1. I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts, and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence.2. I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my behaviour.3. I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to others problems.4. I have the right to change my mind.5. I have the right to say, ``I dont know. My Right s 16 16
  • The Bill of Assertive Rights6. I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.7. I have the right to be independent of the good will of others before coping with them.6. I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.7. I have the right to say, ``I dont understand.8. I have the right to say, ``I dont care. My Right s 17 17
  • Activity: Overcoming Roadblocks to AssertivenessActivity: Group ActivityTime: 10 MinsInstructions: •Study the Roadblocks to Assertiveness on Page __of your participant handout. • Develop an assertive counterpart for each roadblock. 18 18
  • The Assertive Conversation: LADDER Look at your needs, wants, rights & feelings about the L situation. Establish a goal for what you wish to accomplish. Arrange a meeting that is convenient, where you and the A other person can speak comfortably. D Define the problem clearly to the other person. Be specific Describe your feelings with “I” messages that let you take D responsibility for your feelings, not blaming others for how you feel. Express and explain your remarks in an assertive manner E using clear sentences. Be aware of your eye contact, hand gestures, posture, voice tone, facial expression. R Reinforce your remarks by noting the positive outcomes. 19 19
  • The I" Statement „I‟ statements are among the most powerful you can make, for yourself and others. In „I‟ statements you are affirming who you are & what you want. Using them is the hallmark of assertiveness. The ways in which „I‟ statements can be used:  Situation  Interpretation and understanding  Feelings and emotions  Wants and needs  Future actions 20 20
  • Generating Win Win Solutions1. Identify your problem and unmet needs2. Set a specific time to deal with conflict (one that puts both parties in a positive climate)3. Describe problem and needs4. Check back with other, in order to ensure understanding5. Ask other what his or her needs are6. Paraphrase to make sure you understood7. Negotiate a solution8. Follow up on solution that was decided upon 21 21
  • Negotiating a Solution Together1. Identify and define conflict2. Generate a number of possible solutions together3. Evaluate the alternative solutions together4. Decide on the best solutions togetherAsk the following questions:• What do we want in common?• What can we achieve that would put each of us in a somewhat more advantageous position?• What does each party contribute to the success of the other?• What can we compromise? 22 22
  • Employing TactTact is more than the words a person chooses to use. It is the entire behavior that is displayed during an interaction. It is the ability to listen, refrain from negative judgments, and demonstrate empathy and understanding for other individualsTips on developing the art of using Tact:• Think before you speak• Consider the other persons viewpoint and acknowledge it.• Consider cultural differences and try to act in a sensitive way without being asked.• Be discreet. Especially when delivering constructive feedback.• Be gracious even when youre irritated. Keep your cool.• Deflect negative comments• Think of positive things to say.• Be neutral if pressed 23 23
  • Assertiveness Techniques: Giving Assertive InstructionThe process of asking for what you want is very simple.The components are:1. The person‟s name2. What you want3. Why you want it4. When you want it AND5. The assumptive „Thank you‟ 24 24
  • Assertiveness Techniques: Negative Assertion• Negative assertion is where you use the power of your protagonist to turn the situation to your advantage.• Here, all you do is accept the part of the statement, name or label that is true, in a matter of fact way.Example1 :• Other: ‘If you think that, you must be stupid’• You: „I admit I‟m not the brightest person around‟Example 2:• Other: ‘And you are always making mistakes’• You: „Yes, I do make mistakes occasionally‟ 25 25
  • Assertiveness Techniques: Fogging Used when someone is putting pressure on you to do something that is not in your best interest, and you would rather not do it.Process: - Listen to what the person says, decide whether you wish to comply. - If not, then using their words, or similar, acknowledge their need but state your case. - This is a very polite method of saying „No‟.Example: Other: „I want it now‟ You: „I can see why you would want that but my priority is ....‟ 26 26
  • Assertiveness Techniques: The Power Of Saying NoA List To Consult Before Saying Yes:• Do I really want this or am I pleasing someone else?• What is the benefit to me of saying „yes‟?• What is the cost of saying „no‟?• If I do it will I enjoy it?• Do I have to say „yes‟ or „no‟ right now; is it to my advantage to delay my decision?• How do I feel about the request?• Do I need more information before I make my decision?• Do I want an alternative? 27 27
  • How to Say No• Just say „no‟. Do not preface it with an „I‟m sorry but ...‟ or tentative language „I would really like to but ...‟• Give an explanation of your feelings: „It does not feel right to ...‟, „I don‟t like to ...‟, „I would feel compromised to ...‟• Give an explanation of your reasons: „Because I must do such and such‟, „Because I am already committed‟, „Because I don‟t have the time‟• If appropriate thank the person: „Thank you for thinking of me‟, „Thank you for the invitation‟ 28 28
  • So Remember• I Statements• A respectful tone of voice• Eye-Contact• Appropriate Body Language• Clear organised ideas• Facts at hand 29 29
  • Activity: Role PlayActivity: Paired ActivityTime:Role Play 7 Mins eachFeedback: 3 Mins eachInstructions: • Participants to sit in pairs • Each participants states a situation in which they need to be assertive. • Participant to use assertive skills and role play the scenario with partner • Partner to give feedback 30 30
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  • ® Leading People. Leading Organizations. Thank you 32 32