Conflict resolution


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  • Matt
    Welcome to Collaborative Conflict Resolution
    At the heart of today’s session are two basic questions:
    What is the best way for people to deal with their differences?
    How do you resolve conflict and achieve a wise outcome without damaging the relationship or without conceding your interests?
  • Exercise
  • Matt
    Where do you see yourself on the conflict competency scale and what would it take to move you closer to a “high” competency level?
    What do you hope to get out of today’s session?
  • Mark
    Review of objectives
  • What useful benefits come from conflict?
  • Mark
    Conflict is a Dynamic, Unfolding Process
    The presence of a precipitating event sets into motion the dynamics of conflict, an active process capable of movement and change. Where it leads is dependent upon the participants.
    How we respond during the unfolding process when faced with someone who has different or opposing interest, goals, principles or feelings can lead to different outcomes, some harmful and some beneficial,
  • Matt
    Conflict can occur and different levels within the workplace, both interpersonally or organizationally.
  • Matt
    People don’t see the world as it is, they see it through their own lenses and filters.
    Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs. When two people differ, the difference itself exists because it exists in their thinking.
    Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem-their thinking is the problem.
  • What useful benefits come from conflict?
  • Matt
    A wise agreement can be defined as one that:
    meets the legitimate interests of both sides to the extent possible;
    resolves conflicting interests fairly;
    is durable;
    takes community interests into account.
    It does you little good if you prevail in conflict by imposing your will on the other side or by conceding your interests to maintain a good relationship.
  • Matt
    Conflict resolution takes place at two levels. At one level it addresses the substance of the conflict and at another level it focuses – usually implicitly – on the procedure for dealing with the substance.
    Why is the process important?  The Relationship
  • Constructive responses are those which keep conflict focused on the exchange of ideas.
    Task completion
    Exchange of ideas
    Expression of positive emotion
    Destructive responses are those that escalate and move conflict in a harmful direction - highly damaging
    Displaying anger or negative emotions
    Demeaning others
    Trying to win at all costs
  • Matt
    People don’t see the world as it is, they see it through their own lenses and filters.
    Differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs. When two people differ, the difference itself exists because it exists in their thinking.
    Understanding the other side’s thinking is not simply a useful activity that will help you solve your problem-their thinking is the problem.
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  • Separate people from the problem – or the relationship from the substance
    what does this mean?
    People problems often become entangled in the objective merits of the problems. Deal with each separately.
    People problems tend to fall into 3 categories: perception, emotion, and communication.
    Your perception isn’t the other person’s reality
    Speak about you – not the other person’s intentions
    When people feel their interests are threatened they get emotional
    People don’t listen or communicate effectively when emotions run high
    Recognize the people problems, theirs and yours, and deal with them separately
  • Separate people from the problem – what does this mean?
    People problems often become entangled in the objective merits of the problems. Deal with each separately.
    People problems tend to fall into 3 categories: perception, emotion, and communication.
  • Matt
    Positions often obscure what your underlying interests are
    Don’t respond to a position with a position.
  • Matt
  • Matt
    However well you understand the interests of the other side, however ingeniously you invent ways of reconciling interests, however highly you value an ongoing relationships, you will always face the harsh reality of interests that conflict. No talk of win-win strategy can conceal this fact.
  • Matt
  • Conflict resolution

    1. 1. Becoming a Conflict Capable Leader
    2. 2. Adapted from: Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument Conflict Dynamics Profile, Eckerd College Leadership Development Institute Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher & William Ury
    3. 3. Think about a recent conflict you’ve had with someone else and then describe it in one or two words
    4. 4. Where are you? CONFLICT MANAGEMENT COMPETENCY SCALE Novice ExpertExpert I could manage the conflict in my life better if…..?
    5. 5. Session Objectives  Help you become more aware of your own conflict style and behaviors  Help you recognize conflict styles and behaviors of others  Help you better assess conflict situations  Teach you practical strategies for negotiating differences and resolving conflicts  Allow you to observe and practice collaborative conflict resolution methods
    6. 6. Session Themes  Conflict is inevitable and should not be avoided  People can change the way they respond to conflict  Ineffective and harmful responses can be avoided  Effective and beneficial responses to conflict can be learned  The goal of successful conflict management is not its elimination, but to reduce its harmful effects and maximize its useful ones
    7. 7. Broadly speaking, conflict is … Any situation in which people have incompatible interests, goals, principles, or feelings
    8. 8. Workplace Conflict Organization Manager Department Employee
    9. 9. “Conflict lies not in objective reality, but in people’s heads. Truth is simply one more argument- perhaps a good one, perhaps not-for dealing with the difference” Fisher & Ury
    10. 10. Potential Consequences of Conflict Potential Benefits Potential Costs ? ?
    11. 11. Conflict must addressed on two levels Substance ------------- Process
    12. 12. Path of Conflict CONSTRUCTIVE RESPONSES Behaviors which keep conflict to a minimum DESTRUCTIVE RESPONSES Behaviors which escalate or prolong conflict PRECIPITATING EVENT TASK-FOCUSED CONFLICT (Cognitive) •Focus on task and problem solving •Positive affect •Tension decreases •Group functioning improves PERSON-FOCUSED CONFLICT (Affective) •Focus on personalities •Negative emotions (anger, frustration) •Tension increases •Group functioning decreases CONFLICT DE-ESCALATES CONFLICT ESCALATES
    13. 13. Conflict Response Categories Perspective Taking Creating Solutions Expressing Emotions Reaching Out Winning at All Costs Displaying Anger Demeaning Others Retaliating Reflective Thinking Delay Responding Adapting Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self Criticizing Constructive Destructive ActivePassive
    14. 14. Constructive vs. Destructive Role-Playing Ally and ally’s roommate are addressing conflict over dirty dishes in common areas.
    15. 15. The Retaliatory Cycle “how we make war” Repetition Perception of threat Anger (emotion) Acting (destructive response) Trigger
    16. 16. Typical Outcomes of Destructive Responses Feelings of anger and frustration Judgmental actions Getting even and keeping score Other party does not have needs met Closed channels of communication Refusing to deal with issues Decreased self-confidence Tasks not completed Team performance decreases
    17. 17. The Conciliatory Cycle “how we make peace” Person A Inhibitory Reflex Trigger Person B Person A Conciliatory Conciliatory Gesture Gesture Person B Inhibitory Reflex
    18. 18. Typical Outcomes of Constructive Responses Win-win solutions Open & honest communication of feelings Both parties’ needs are met Non-judgmental actions Not sticking adamantly to one position Actively resolving conflict (not allowing conflict to continue) Thoughtful responses (not impulsive) Team performance improves
    19. 19. Conciliatory Gestures Examples Apologizing “I’m sorry that my comments in the staff meeting embarrassed you. It was thoughtless of me.” Owning responsibility “I see now that I have contributed to this problem. I didn’t see that before.” Conceding “I’m willing to meet with you, if you are willing to do it at a time that is convenient for me.” Self-disclosing “I’ve been worried about what you might do to get back at me, and so I’ve been avoiding you.” Expressing positive feelings for the Other “You are a competent and skilled professional.” Initiating both-gain “How do you suggest we solve this?”
    20. 20. HARD SOFT Getting what you want Adversaries The goal is victory Demand concessions Hard on people and problem Distrust others Dig in Make threats Insist on your position Getting along with others Friends The goal is agreement Make concessions Soft on people and problem Trust others Change your position easily Make offers Insist on agreement Which approach best describes you?
    21. 21. SOFT HARD PRINCIPLED Friends Adversaries Problem-solvers The goal is agreement The goal is victory A wise agreement reached amicably and efficiently Make concessions Demand concessions Separate the people from the problem Soft on the people and the problem Hard on the people and the problem Soft on the people, hard on the problem Trust others Distrust others Proceed independent of trust Change your position easily Dig in Focus on interests, not positions Make offers Make threats Explore interests Search for a solution they will accept Insist on your solution Develop multiple options to choose from Insist on agreement Insist on your position Insist on using objective criteria
    22. 22. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument Please take 20 minutes to complete the assessment individually.
    23. 23. Assertiveness Cooperativeness (Gettingwhatyou (Getting along with others) Two basic aspects of conflict handling modes YourYour Conflict = Preference/Skill + SituationConflict = Preference/Skill + Situation ModeMode
    24. 24. Are any of these styles bad? List strengths and limitations of each conflict management style.
    25. 25. Assertive Cooperativeness Collaborating “Two heads are better than one” • Integrating Solutions • Learning • Merging Perspectives • Gaining Commitment • Improving Relationships
    26. 26. Collaborating Skills • The Ability to Listen • Non-threatening Confrontation • Analyzing Input • Identifying Concerns
    27. 27. Overuse of Collaborating • Too much time on trivial matters • Diffused Responsibility • Others May Take Advantage • Work Overload
    28. 28. Underuse of Collaborating • Deprived of Mutual Gains • Lack of Commitment • Low Empowerment • Loss of Innovation
    29. 29. Assertive Cooperativeness Compromising “Let’s make a deal” • Moderate Importance • Equal Power – Strong Commitment • Temporary Solutions • Time Constraints • Backup
    30. 30. Compromising Skills • Negotiating • Finding a “Middle Ground” • Making Concessions • Assessing Value
    31. 31. Overuse of Compromising • Lose Big Picture/Long Term Goals • Lack of Values/Trust • Cynical Climate
    32. 32. Underuse of Compromising • Unnecessary Confrontations • Frequent Power Struggles • Unable to Negotiate Effectively
    33. 33. Assertive Cooperativeness Competing “My way or the highway” • Quick Action • Unpopular Decisions • Vital Issues • Protection
    34. 34. Competing Skills • The Ability to Argue and Debate • The Ability to Use Rank or Influence • Asserting Your Opinions and Feelings • Standing Your Ground • Stating Your Position Clearly
    35. 35. Overuse of Competing • Lack of Feedback • Reduced Learning • Low Empowerment • Surrounded by “Yes” People
    36. 36. Underuse of Competing • Restricted Influence • Indecision • Slow to Act • Contributions Withheld
    37. 37. Assertive Cooperativeness Accommodating “It would be my pleasure” • Showing Reasonableness • Developing Performance • Creating Good Will • Keeping “Peace” • Retreating • Low Importance
    38. 38. Accommodating Skills • Forgoing Your Desires • Selflessness • Obeying Orders • Ability to Yield
    39. 39. Overuse of Accommodating • Ideas Get Little Attention • Restricted Influence • Loss of Contribution • Anarchy
    40. 40. Underuse of Accommodating • Lack of Rapport • Low Morale • Exceptions Not Recognized • Unable to Yield
    41. 41. Assertive Cooperativeness Avoiding “I’ll think about it tomorrow” • Buying Time • Low Power • Allowing Others • Symptomatic Problems
    42. 42. Avoiding Skills • Ability to Withdraw • Sidestepping • Sense of Timing • Able to Leave Things Unresolved
    43. 43. Overuse of Avoiding • Lack of Input from You • Decisions Made by Default • Issues Fester • Cautious Climate
    44. 44. Underuse of Avoiding • Hostility/Hurt Feelings • Too Many Causes • Lack of Prioritization/Delegation
    45. 45. Skits
    46. 46. Getting to Yes – The Principled Approach People Interests Options Criteria
    47. 47. 1. Separate the PeoplePeople from the Problem Perceptions Emotions Communication People Issues Substance
    48. 48. •Separate the substantive issues from the psychological issues •Deal directly with the people problem •Recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours •Acknowledge emotions as legitimate •Discuss your perceptions with the other side •Don’t assess blame •Allow the other side to let off steam •Don’t react to emotional outbursts •Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said •Speak to be understood •Agree to put emotions aside 1. Separate the PeoplePeople from the Problem
    49. 49. • Interests define the problem, positions don’t • Compromising between positions will not always lead to a wise and efficient agreement • Look beyond opposing positions for shared and compatible interests • There are usually multiple ways to satisfy an interest whereas positions can only be satisfied by one solution • Ask why • Ask why not 2. Focus on InterestsInterests, Not Positions
    50. 50.  Shared interests often lie latent in every conflict  Look beyond a single answer for shared interests  Consider multiple solutions that satisfy interests of both sides  Separate the act of inventing options from the act of judging them  invent first, decide later  Look to advance your interests by finding ways to accommodate theirs 3. Invent OptionsOptions for Mutual Gain
    51. 51.  A wise agreement should reflect a fair standard independent of the will of each side.  Fair standards for the substantive question and fair procedures for resolving conflicting interests  Ask a neutral third party to judge or mediate 4. Insist on Using Objective CriteriaCriteria
    52. 52. Successful Conflict Resolution uses all four pieces to the puzzle People Interests Options Criteria
    53. 53. START STOP MORE LESS Individual Activity