14 Must Read Clues To Improving Your Career Prospects

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A satirical look at interviewing tips for marketing jobseekers. Presented by Only Marketing Jobs

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14 Must Read Clues To Improving Your Career Prospects

  1. 1. Interview tips for marketing jobseekers 14 must-read to improving your career prospects
  2. 2. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 1: turn up early Turning up late for an interview is inexcusable and you don’t deserve a job. Arrive early, freshen up and read the paper. You’ll feel pleased, clean and intelligent.
  3. 3. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 2: do your research The first proper question any interviewer should ask is: “What do you know about our company?’ If you answer “not a lot,” expect to kicked out onto the street.
  4. 4. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 3: dress to impress Being creative doesn’t afford you different rules. Look like a vagabond and you’ll be treated like one. Want to be spat at in the street?
  5. 5. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 4: flirt with the receptionist …and show respect because when your interviewer sees you out they’ll turn to the receptionist and say “what did you think of him?” and if the answer is “complete tosser” you won’t get the job – even if the interview went well.
  6. 6. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 5: ask questions Incurious people are stupid. Don’t just nod, prod. Interviews are a two-way thing and asking open questions highlights your interest and sparks engagement. If the interviewer wants a lap-dog, walk out.
  7. 7. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 6: don’t be a whore Selling your skills is one thing, but have some integrity. Prostituting yourself will be a short-term fix to a longer-term problem. Stick by your morals - even if it means risking the interview
  8. 8. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 7: sort out your social media Yes, it’s the buzz and an obvious bandwagon to jump on, but unless you’re visible to the entire world people will get suspicious. Truly. Warning: Be careful what people might find*... *Most employers don’t want this
  9. 9. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 8: never interview first* You’re one of a string of hopefuls on the shortlist and interview times are being arranged. Don’t be the first to be seen! You might as well stroll into the room and kick the interviewer in the nuts. He’ll remember you more if you do. *unless you’re the only one interviewing, of course
  10. 10. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 9: resist temptation Lots of good stuff comes out of Holland but Dutch Courage before an interview isn’t one of them. Turn up stinking of booze and you’ll be drowning your sorrows 15 minutes later. Booze = loose.
  11. 11. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 10: sincere salutation Wet fish and limp lilies are repulsive attempts at a handshake. Offer one of these to your interviewer and you can expect a slap in the face in return. Poets shake hands like that. Shakespeare: limp-wristed
  12. 12. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 11: avoid a wandering eye Retaining eye contact is essential. Looking around the room makes you look awkward, uninterested and shifty. Shifty people are crooks. Or second-hand car salesmen. Or Ken Livingston. Well, would you trust him?
  13. 13. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 12: don’t turn the air blue Swearing during an interview shows you are a dim-witted dullard and highly ignorant. Instead use expressive words to show your intelligence and heighten your enthusiasm. Remember, you’re not a mechanic.
  14. 14. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 13: pull out the punches Interviewers respect gutsy performers. They imagine what you’ll do for their business. So get into the ring and give it all you’ve got. Eye of the tiger.
  15. 15. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Tip 14: be courteous It is a good idea to follow-up your interview with a display of gratitude. Post a note, send an email or if you’re really clever write something cool on Twitter to say what an amazing company you’ve just met. Whatever, don’t grovel and be true.
  16. 16. www.onlymarketingjobs.com Follow us and get more great stuff 08452 011552

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