The Three Languages of Appreciation
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The Three Languages of Appreciation

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The Three Languages of Appreciation The Three Languages of Appreciation Presentation Transcript

  • Sponsored by:The Three Languages ofAppreciationsGilbert Brenson-LazanMay 8, 2013Twitter Hashtag - #npwebPartOf:
  • Sponsored by:Advising nonprofits in:• Strategy• Planning• Organizational Developmentwww.synthesispartnership.com(617) 969-1881info@synthesispartnership.comINTEGRATED PLANNINGPartOf:
  • Sponsored by:PartOf:Coming this June
  • Sponsored by:Today’s SpeakerGilbert Brenson-LazanFounding PartnerAmauta International, LLCAssisting with chat questions:Jamie Maloney, 4GoodFounding Director of Nonprofit Webinars and Host:Sam Frank, Synthesis PartnershipPartOf:
  • THE THREELANGUAGES OFAPPRECIATIONGILBERT BRENSON LAZAN
  • 8IN YOUR HEAD……there is acomputer and acaveman, eachwith a desire todirect you andinteract withothers.
  • 9EACH ONE OFFERS RESOURCES• Offers Logic• Global Vision• Impartiality• Organization• Analysis• Objectivity• Efficiency• PredictabilityWE NEED BOTH SETS:• Offers Emotion• Intuition• Affection• Passion• Synthesis• Warmth• Efficacy• Spontaneity
  • 10EACH ONE NEEDS SUPPORT…• Needs Emotion• Intuition• Affection• Passion• Synthesis• Warmth• Efficacy• Spontaneity• Needs Logic• Global Vision• Impartiality• Organization• Analysis• Objectivity• Efficiency• Predictability…THAT ONLY THE OTHER CAN GIVE IT:
  • 11LEADERSHIP MUST SATISFY……BOTH PERSONAL ANDORGANIZATIONAL NEEDS.
  • 12A LEARNING EXERCISE12You will now see the ten most important personal needsyour direct reports feel and try to satisfy through work.Which three, in your opinion,are the most important?
  • 13TEN HUMAN NEEDS SATISFIED ATWORK*KOVACH, 201113What directreports needGoodsalaryJob SecurityPromotionGoodworkingconditionsRespectfulCorrectionAppreciation forbeing anddoingEmpathysupport forpersonalchallengesFeeling partof theprocess andteamInterestingandchallengingworkCompanyReliability
  • 14KOVACH STUDIES (Rev. 2011)1) An interesting and challenging job2) Recognition/appreciation of who I am and what I do3) Feeling part of the process and team4) Feel job security5) A good comparative salary6) Promotions in the company7) Good working conditions8) Business reliability and honesty9) Receive respectful correction10) Support for my challenges and personal problems
  • 15AFFIRMATION AND APPRECIATIONHow much should we recognize and affirm our people and how muchshould we correct their work? What is the ideal ratio?People need to feel appreciated for them to fell good abouttheir work…and need to receive constructive feedback inorder to do well in their work.
  • 168X1Research (Losada & Heaphy, 2004) have relatedquantity and quality of recognition with individualand team productivity.These studies show that the most productivepeople receive eight affirmative signs of recognition(greetings, thanks, praises, etc.) for every time theyreceive a correction.AFIRMACIÓN CORRECCIÓN
  • 17PRODUCTIVITYOPTIMAL PRODUCTIVITY – 8:1MEDIUMPRODUCTIVITY4:1MEDIUMPRODUCTIVITY12:1LOWPRODUCTIVITY<1:1LOWPRODUCTIVITY>16:1
  • 18THE APPRECIATIVE MINDSETFocuses much more on the positive aspects: strengths,successes, future potential and abundance…than in thenegative aspects: weaknesses, failures, past errors anddeficiencies.THE RESULT IS A 57% PRODUCTIVITY INCREASE(Blanchard, 2012)
  • 19APPRECIATION LANGUAGES1.Active Perception2.Linguistic Affirmation1.Servant LeadershipTHERE ARE DIFFERENT LANGUAGESTO AFFIRM AND TOEXPRESS APPRECIATION
  • 201. ACTIVE PERCEPTION
  • 21WHICH IS THE DARKEST SQUAREARE YOU SURE?
  • 22HERIBERTO’S MULE BUYS A MULE WORTH $1000 ON THE OPEN MARKET, FORONLY $500, SELLS IT TO HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR $600, BUYS IT BACK FOR $700 IN ORDER TO… …RESELL IT TO A GRINGO FOR $800.HOW MUCHDID HEMAKE OR LOSE?
  • 23HOW DO WE ACTIVELY PERCEIVE?EARS HEAR AND EYES SEEWHAT THE MIND WANTSTO HEAR AND SEEPay attention.Show you arepaying attentionAsk about unclearmeaningsParaphrase & trackwhat you hearPostpone judgmentwithout interruptingRespondproperly
  • 24LISTENEARSEYESATTENTION &CONCENTRATIONHEART:EMOTIONS
  • 252. AFFIRMATION
  • 26THE RIGHT TOUCHPHYSICAL CONTACT MUST BE APPROPRIATE NOT ONLY FOR YOUBUT FOR THE OTHER PERSON AS WELLThe most primary and impacting communication, theright touch, continues being one of the most important.Used sincerely, spontaneously and culturallyappropriate, these gestures may be powerfulappreciation communicators.A pat on theback tocongratulateA longhandshakeA fraternalcelebrationhugA hand ontheshoulder
  • 27AFFIRMING & CORRECTINGUnconditionallyAffirmative“You’re very …”♥ConditionallyAffirmative“You’re doingwell…”UnconditionallyCorrective“You are a%X$&*!”ConditionallyCorrective“You can dobetter…”BEING AND DOINGPOSITIVEANDNEGATIVE
  • 28THE “WARM FUZZY”REMEMBER THAT A “WARM FUZZY” IS ONLY EFFECTIVEWHEN SINCERE, TIMELY AND SPECIFIC.The maximum positive psychological impact is the result ofrecognizing what is done (positive specific behavior),combined with one of being (underlying personal quality),in a timely, sincere and frequent way.Colloquially, we call these affirmations:“WARM FUZZIES”“Ana, you are a veryprofessional Assistant.I appreciate yourdedication to prepare mymonthly reportsaccurately and on time”“Mario, you inspireeveryone with yourenthusiasm and passion inyour conversations withsupervisors. You are anexcellent leader!”
  • 29APPRECIATIVE QUESTIONS”Changing the approach towards appreciationallows us leaders to form networks ofconversations based on new emerging possibilitiesand not just correcting past errors.”(Brown & Isaacs, 1996)• Considering all your achievements this past year, whatare you most proud of?• What did you do especially well to achievement it?• What special quality of yours made it possible?• What do you most want to do even better in next year’sperformance?• Which of your talents or qualities will facilitate this?
  • 30IMMEDIATE REINFORCEMENTNoddingwith yourheadSmiling“OfCourse!“VeryWell!”MINI-INTERVENTIONS OFAPPROVAL OR APPRECIATION“And….?
  • 31NON-MANDATORY OPTIONStories about otherpeople that have beensuccessful in similarsituationsThe Caseof OthersPersonal errors andlessons learnedIn other work orprofessional situationsPersonalExperienceStories or parallelsituations in other lifeareasMetaphorsResort to past successstories and positivetraditions in theorganizationOrganiza-tionalLegendsOPTIONALITY ISTHE COMMONDENOMINATORADVICE & DIRECT ORDERSARE USUALLY NOT AS EFFECTIVE AS:PersonalErrors
  • 323. SERVANT LEADERSHIP
  • 33EXPRESSION OF GRATITUDE“Gratitude gives meaning to our past,brings peace to our present andcreates a vision for our future.”- Melody Beattie“Gratitude is not only thegreatest of all virtues, but isalso the mother of the rest.”- CiceroGratitude ….is afundamental act ofregenerating meaning and ofreconciling us with our past,present and futureexistence.”- Dr. Rafael Echeverría♥
  • 34PERSONALIZED GIFTThe spontaneous giving or a small, thoughtful gift isespecially appreciated and has a great positive impact:Somethingto havewith yourcoffeeA magazineorinterestingbookTHE MONETARY VALUE IS INSIGNIFICANT;THE EMOTIONAL VALUE IS EVERYTHINGA travelsouvenirA DVD thepersonlikesTicketsfor anevent
  • 35HELPFUL INITIATIVEAnother way of showing appreciation is assuming the initiative ofbeing helpful during the conversation:• Offer counterpart something to drink and/or eat• Phone to offer going to your direct report’s office when needing tospeak• Ask for permission before “helping”, “advising” or giving feedback• Stay a while to accompany or support direct reports that stayovertime to complete urgent work
  • 36SHOW VULNERABILITY• THEY ASK FOR FEEDBACK sincerely and accept it well• SHARE THEIR FEELINGS even those not “convenient”for their image• THEY RECOGNIZE THEIR ERRORS both publically andprivately• THEY EXCUSE THEMSELVES OR ASK FORGIVENESSafter recognizing their error• THEY ASK FOR HELP when needed or convenientVULNERABILITY IS THE ABILITY AND DISPOSITION TORECOGNIZE AND SHARE OUR IMPERFECTIONS….THAT WHICH MAKES US HUMAN.Successful leaders show their when:
  • 37EXERCISE IN PAIRSOUR VULNERABILITY• How much do I show my vulnerability in my day-to-day work?• What within me impedes me from doing so?• How can I start sharing my vulnerability andencourage others to do so?• What will be the outcome of doing so?
  • Thanks for yourparticipation.Gilbert Brenson Lazanhttp://amauta-international.comE-mail: amauta@me.com
  • Sponsored by:Find listings for our current seasonof webinars and register at:NonprofitWebinars.comPartOf: