Back to school, '10

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Back to School presentation by elementary school counselors at The American School in Japan

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Back to school, '10

  1. 1. ES Counseling and Guidance
  2. 2. Steve Hisler 1 st , 3 rd , & 5 th Grades Room 15b in the Inner Circle Ext. 527 [email_address] Naho Kikuchi KG, 2 nd & 4 th Grades Room 218, 2 nd floor in the Cafeteria building Ext. 529 [email_address] Elementary School Counseling and Guidance FRIENDSHIP
  3. 3. Elementary School Friendships <ul><li>Development stages of friendships </li></ul><ul><li>Social cruelty </li></ul><ul><li>What parents can do </li></ul><ul><li>What we do in Guidance </li></ul>
  4. 4. Developmental Stages of Children’s Friendships <ul><li>Children possess different capacities for friendship </li></ul><ul><li>Children grow at different rates </li></ul><ul><li>Differences do exist between boys and girls </li></ul><ul><li>Children change as they grow; they are not static </li></ul>
  5. 5. Key Points about Social Cruelty <ul><li>Children’s need for connection, recognition and power place them in naturally opposing positions with others, creating interpersonal conflict. </li></ul><ul><li>“ Children…act differently when they are with their peers.” Group Think Diffusion of Responsibility Risky Shift </li></ul>
  6. 6. More About Social Cruelty <ul><li>*Teasing and Name Calling </li></ul><ul><li>Experiment in social power </li></ul><ul><li>*Rejection and Exclusion </li></ul><ul><li>Cardinal rule of the group: </li></ul><ul><li>“ Be like everyone else” </li></ul><ul><li>*Bullying </li></ul><ul><li>“… all children experiment with power and find it exciting.” </li></ul>
  7. 7. That said…. KIDS DO MANAGE! <ul><li>“ Conflict is inevitable in friendship” but friends have the ability to resolve troubles. </li></ul><ul><li>“… the need for connection triumphs over conflicts,” but often not without time and suffering. </li></ul><ul><li>Children’s capacity for reconciliation is just as strong as the capacity for aggression. </li></ul><ul><li>Children are nicer to each other more than they are cruel – “99% of the school day is made up of cooperative acts!” </li></ul>
  8. 8. What Parents Can Do: <ul><li>Basic Assumptions: </li></ul><ul><li>We are trying our best as parents. </li></ul><ul><li>All of our kids are “good” and “nice”. </li></ul><ul><li>We need to concentrate on our own children. </li></ul>
  9. 9. What Parents Can Do <ul><li>Don’t Worry So Much!  </li></ul><ul><li>This doesn’t mean that the pain our children suffer isn’t real. </li></ul><ul><li>Our worry is usually out of proportion to the real danger </li></ul><ul><li>It works best if we get involved with relaxed confidence rather than panic. </li></ul>
  10. 10. What Parents Can Do <ul><li>Don’t Worry So Much!  (cont.) </li></ul><ul><li>Children get over their pain quickly (most of the time). </li></ul><ul><li>Interview for coping and strategies; avoid interviewing for pain. </li></ul><ul><li>Use a problem-solving model. </li></ul>
  11. 11. What Parents Can Do <ul><li>Support Children’s Friendships </li></ul><ul><li>Set up play dates and monitor for polite play </li></ul><ul><li>Know how your child and his/her friends spend their time together </li></ul><ul><li>Socialize across cultural or racial lines. </li></ul>
  12. 12. What Parents Can Do <ul><li>Be a Good Friendship Model and Teacher </li></ul><ul><li>Children need to see what a dedicated, loyal friendship looks like. </li></ul><ul><li>Show what you do for a friend. </li></ul><ul><li>Live with respect and tolerance. </li></ul><ul><li>Teach that asking for help is OK! </li></ul>
  13. 13. What Parents Can Do <ul><li>Make Friends with the Parents of Your Child’s Friends (and enemies) </li></ul><ul><li>Make friendly conversations with other parents whenever possible. </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid making a phone call in anger. </li></ul>
  14. 14. What We Do In Guidance <ul><li>Active Listening Skills Feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Anger Management Friendship </li></ul><ul><li>Problem Solving Refusal Skills </li></ul><ul><li>Self- Esteem Cyber Safety </li></ul><ul><li>Teasing and Bullying </li></ul>
  15. 15. Our goals for students: <ul><li>1 . To take responsibility for their actions. </li></ul><ul><li>To understand the concept of respect and </li></ul><ul><li>tolerance for self and others. </li></ul><ul><li>To teach healthy ways to </li></ul><ul><li>manage everyday life skills </li></ul><ul><li>(communication, problem </li></ul><ul><li>solving, refusal skills, conflict </li></ul><ul><li>resolution, and use of </li></ul><ul><li>technology.) </li></ul>

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