Improving Your Childs Self Esteem


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Improving Your Childs Self Esteem

  1. 1. Improving Your Child’s Self Esteem Dr. Moya O’Brien Clinical Psychologist
  2. 2. What is Self Esteem? <ul><li>Feeling good about yourself </li></ul><ul><li>Putting a high value on your worth </li></ul><ul><li>Thinking or thoughts in your head about your self </li></ul><ul><li>Is different depending on circumstances and relationships </li></ul>
  3. 3. Aspects of our Self Esteem <ul><li>Relationships Mother / Father, Daughter Son, Sister /Brother, Friend, Aunt / Uncle </li></ul><ul><li>Physical Self </li></ul><ul><li>Work / School </li></ul><ul><li>Hobbies Leisure Activities </li></ul>
  4. 4. Why is Self Esteem Important? <ul><ul><li>Feelings Associated with High Self Esteem </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Confidence </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Pleasure </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Sense of Optimism </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Happiness </li></ul></ul></ul>
  5. 5. Child with High Self Esteem <ul><li>Expects to succeed </li></ul><ul><li>Is willing to try new things </li></ul><ul><li>Demonstrates respect for others and expects the same for themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Feels entitled to ask for what she needs </li></ul><ul><li>Effectively solves problems or conflicts </li></ul><ul><li>Is socially competent </li></ul><ul><li>Takes responsibility </li></ul>
  6. 6. Child with Low Self Esteem <ul><li>Is restrained </li></ul><ul><li>Is unsure or tentative </li></ul><ul><li>Burdened </li></ul><ul><li>Inhibited </li></ul><ul><li>Vulnerable </li></ul><ul><li>Under value themselves </li></ul><ul><li>Is a people pleaser </li></ul><ul><li>Blames others </li></ul>
  7. 7. How is our Self Esteem Determined? <ul><li>How is it nurtured or developed? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it effected by our experiences? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it effected by success or failure? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it effected by praise or criticism? </li></ul><ul><li>Is it effected by life events? </li></ul>
  8. 8. Tools of Self Esteem <ul><li>Identify the child’s internal critic </li></ul><ul><li>Combat internal critic by becoming a “Health mental coach” </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Focus on effort and persistence </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Focus on self evaluation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do not give in to child’s negative thoughts </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Keep communication positive, do not use sarcasm, threats or negatives </li></ul></ul>
  9. 9. Parenting to support positive self esteem <ul><li>Set limits and be consistent </li></ul><ul><li>“ If ----- Then ------” </li></ul><ul><li>Be firm but kind </li></ul><ul><li>Let small stuff go </li></ul><ul><li>Separate the deed and the doer </li></ul><ul><li>Love child – communicate this </li></ul><ul><li>Offer choice and respect choice </li></ul><ul><li>Model self worth </li></ul><ul><li>Unconditional love – mirror of positive regard </li></ul><ul><li>See your child as a unique individual not an extension of you </li></ul>
  10. 10. Parenting to Promote Self Esteem <ul><li>Show them they are valued by giving them your time. </li></ul><ul><li>Point out that they may not be perfect but neither is anyone else. </li></ul><ul><li>Show you appreciate their efforts and persistence and that sometimes you may fail before you succeed. </li></ul><ul><li>Give them responsibility (that is appropriate to their age) so they can show that they can follow through and be relied on. </li></ul><ul><li>Listen - don't finish their sentences for them. </li></ul><ul><li>Help your child to remember the good times and successes when they experience bad times. </li></ul><ul><li>Help them accept the things they cannot change. </li></ul><ul><li>Tell them they are special. </li></ul><ul><li>Use encouragement more often then praise. </li></ul>
  11. 11. Critical elements for successfully building Self Esteem <ul><li>Positive atmosphere </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunity for active involvement and participation </li></ul><ul><li>Valued for their contribution </li></ul><ul><li>Valued for their difference </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities to learn and make mistakes </li></ul><ul><li>Give praise and encouragement  </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities to evaluate own performance </li></ul><ul><li>Opportunities to develop skills and learn life lessons </li></ul>
  12. 12. Parent Behaviours that Encourage Self Esteem <ul><li>Active Listening </li></ul><ul><li>Allow choice with in reason </li></ul><ul><li>Value opinions even if different to your own </li></ul><ul><li>Make individual time </li></ul><ul><li>Respect boundaries </li></ul><ul><li>Use encouragement </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Putting up pictures on wall or fridge </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Collecting medals, certificates / good reports </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Going to match's, concerts, end of year displays etc </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Putting photos of achievements on walls or in albums </li></ul></ul>
  13. 13. Books on Self Esteem <ul><li>Self Esteem Books Young Children </li></ul><ul><ul><li>The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper, George Hauman </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The Lovables in the Kingdom of Self-Esteem by Diane Loomans </li></ul></ul><ul><li>General Parenting Books </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Parenting Teenagers: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Teens by Don Dinkmeyer </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting by Don Dinkmeyer </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Parenting Young Children: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) of Children Under Six by Don, Sr. Dinkmeyer </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Self Esteem Adults </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Mathew McKay & Patrick Fanning. </li></ul></ul>