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19 September workshop

19 September workshop

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Family Matters Presentation Sept Presentation Transcript

  • 1. Welcome To Family Matters -------------------- 19 September 2010 ROFC Psalm 127:1
  • 2. Building New Bridges Towards A Better Communication in our Marriage Presented by: MVK
  • 3. Results Of Survey Done at TFT Reflecting Challenges in Marriages
    • Communication – 38.27%
    • Finances – 29%
    • Spirituality – 28%
    • Children – 18.5%
    • Neutrality – 16.04%
    • Sexual – 9.87%
  • 4. FAMILY MATTERS DIFFERENT VIEWS SURVEY ON COMMUNICATION
    • 5 QUESTIONS WERE GIVEN ABOUT COMMUNICATION
    • 300 FORMS ISSUED
    • 277 PROPERLY FILLED
    • 23 RUINED
  • 5. QUESTION 1
    • [ A ] YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ACTING ON IT, TALK IS A WASTE OF TIME
    • [ B ] YOU CAN BEST SOLVE A PROBLEM BY TALKING IT THROUGH
    • ANSWERS
    • A - 29
    • B - 248
  • 6. QUESTION 2
    • [A] WORDS CAN BE USED FOR EFFECT. EXAGGERATION IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE A POINT
    • [B] WORDS ARE TO BE USED CAREFULLY AND NOT WASTED
    • ANSWERS
    • A - 53
    • B - 224
  • 7. QUESTION 3
    • [A] YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM
    • [B] SOMETIMES WE DON’T HAVE TO INTERFERE IN OTHERS AFFAIRS
    • ANSWERS
    • A - 229
    • B - 48
  • 8. QUESTION 4
    • [A] IT IS BEST TO TALK ABOUT A MATTER EVERY TIME
    • [B] SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE LEFT TO SORT THEMSELVES
    • ANSWERS
    • A - 230
    • B - 47
  • 9. QUESTION 5
    • [A] WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER
    • [B] WE NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE OTHER TOLD US AND NEVER ASK FOR MORE
    • ANSWERS
    • A - 223
    • B - 54
  • 10. THE NUMBER ONE CHALLENGE WITH COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS IS THAT WE ALL SEE THE WORLD AND MOST THINGS DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE WE ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT
  • 11. And The ONLY Reason Most People end up seeing things from The same point of view is Simply because They AGREE to do so, so that they may ACHIEVE certain goals and this does not take away their being Different Amos 3:3
  • 12. AND EVEN THOUGH THEY REMAIN DIFFERENT Every time they tackle issues they ARM themselves with the same Mentality and perspective that is needed for the common purpose of achieving the goal at hand This makes it easy for them
  • 13. THE TOWER OF BABEL Genesis 11:6 The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them”.
  • 14. Results Of Survey Done at TFT Reflecting Challenges in Marriages
    • Communication – 38.27%
    • Finances – 29%
    • Spirituality – 28%
    • Children – 18.5%
    • Neutrality – 16.04%
    • Sexual – 9.87%
  • 15. Since Communication is The main Culprit I have opted to Rephrase all The above Challenges and interpret them as follows
  • 16. My reason for this is because there are other couples who have exactly the same challenges but they are able to tackle them using better Communication methods than the others
  • 17. Instead of – Financial Problems can we use – Lack of Proper Communication in Finances THE BIG QUESTION is it Possible that some couples use their Finances as a means of communication in their Marriages
  • 18. Instead of – Problems about Children can we use Lack of Proper Communication about how to react to challenges posed by children BIG QUESTION is it possible that some couples use their children as a means of communication
  • 19. Instead of – Neutrality can we use Lack of Communicating one’s feelings or standpoint THE BIG QUESTION is it possible that some people use Neutrality as a means of communicating with their partners
  • 20. Instead of – Spiritual Problems can we use – Lack of Proper Spiritual Communication THE BIG QUESTION is it possible that some people use their Spirituality or lack of it as a means of communicating with their partners
  • 21. Instead of Sexual Problems can we use lack of proper sexual communication THE BIG QUESTION is it possible that other people use deprivation or provision of sex as a means to communicate their stand or feelings about other issues
  • 22. Divorces at Different Years
  • 23. THE BIG QUESTION Communication Is it Skill or Gift?
  • 24. BETTER COMMUNICATION Research shows that about 80% of problems don’t even have to be solved when the couple talks through the issues and reaches MUTUAL understanding And only the Most difficult problems will require the use of problem solving methods
  • 25. PROBLEM SOLVING 1 THE TWO MOST DANGEROUS WORDS TO AVOID WHEN TRYING TO SOLVE A PROBLEM ARE….
  • 26. YOU ALWAYS! And YOU NEVER!
  • 27. PROBLEM SOLVING 2
    • Make communication part of solution
    • Start the discussion in a positive way
    • Use questions to invite the solution
    • Work on one problem at a time
    • Keep the problem the problem
    • Find solutions together
    • Agree to partner towards the solution
  • 28. PROBLEM SOLVING 3
    • Listen don’t just hear what’s being said
    • Make sure you understand the other
    • If you don’t, ask for repetition
    • Accept another’s EMOTIONS
    • Don’t jump to conclusions
    • Don’t interpret what’s being said
    • Be honest. Don’t say yes instead of no
    • Show RESPECT
  • 29. BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION There will always be barriers to our effective communication and these are based on a few things
  • 30. SUGGESTION INSTEAD OF PROBLEMS WHY NOT LOOK AT THEM AS PUZZLES?
  • 31. IT IS EASIER AND ITS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO DO PUZZLES THAN TO SOLVE PROBLEMS AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO BE STUCK WITH APROBLEM
  • 32. Is it true that men and women are not equal when it comes to communicating?
  • 33. The American Psychological Association Believes That Men and women are not actually as different as we might think. A review of dozens of studies found out that both sexes are basically alike when it comes to personality, Thinking ability and leadership The differences that may exist may reflect Social expectations and not Biology
  • 34. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1
    • Emotional barriers – this is mostly based on Fear, Mistrust and Suspicion. NO one comes into marriage already armed with these
    • Cultural barriers – in this age of cross cultural marriages culture can be a barrier. And we find ourselves faced with having to do major cultural adjustments
  • 35. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 2
    • Language barriers – in verbal communication language is not only speaking but also the level / intensity or altitude of speaking
    • Language is made up of different WORDS
    • EXAMPLE – There is Corporate language, Military language, Street lingo. etc.
    • Make sure you understand each other
  • 36. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 3
    • Gender barriers – There are distinct differences between the speech patterns in Men and women
    • THE REASON IS BECAUSE WOMEN AND MEN’S BRAINS ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY
  • 37. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 4
    • Men and women see the same things differently
    • Solve problems differently
    • Approach challenges differently
    • THEREFORE THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW EACH FUNCTIONS AS THIS WILL HELP THEM IN SOLVING THINGS
  • 38. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 5
    • When a MAN talks, the speech is located in the LEFT side of the brain but in NO SPECIFIC area
    • This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and compartmentalized way.
    • This is typical of left brain function
  • 39. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 6
    • When a WOMAN talks, the speech is located in BOTH hemispheres and in TWO specific locations
    • Women talk more freely mixing LOGIC
    • and EMOTIONS.
    • It also explains why women talk for much longer than men
  • 40. FACT A woman speaks between 22,000 and 25,000 words a day A man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000 words a day This explains why women feel that men don’t want to listen and men feel that women never stop talking
  • 41. HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 1
    • Appreciation goes a long way – and everybody likes to be appreciated.
    • When you make your partner to feel good about the few things they do right and help them to overcome their disabilities you are most likely to witness a change in them
  • 42. HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 2
    • Our partners are like vending machines – you must put something in to get something out.
    • A little praise goes a long way
    • Instead of, “it was time you did something too”
    • Rather say “wow, Thank you”
  • 43. HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 3
    • Always package what you say well, before saying it
    • Let them know that you love them. Do it verbally and use other Methods as well
    • Never stop dating
    • Pray for one another
    • Show concern when they are challenged
  • 44. FEAR GOD, AND DO HIS WILL AND HE WILL ESTABLISH YOU AS A STRONG FAMILY MVK
  • 45. For a Complete Report About This Workshop Please visit http://montoedikotu.blogspot.com From 21 September 2010 AND PLEASE FILL IN THE FEEDBACK FORM AND LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE