I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

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An enterprise software vendor quoted someone on twitter saying "<product> helps solve the DevOps Porblem". Well, I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One.

Apologies to Jay-Z

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  • I've Got 99 Problems But DevOps Ain't One

    1. 1. I got 99 Problems butDevOps Ain’t One
    2. 2. Why?“…helps solve the DevOps problem…”
    3. 3. 1. ACLs2. Firewalls3. Routing Tables4. SDN5. VLANs6. VXLAN7. Contexts8. Line Cards9. iptables
    4. 4. 10.File Systems11.Stale NFS mounts12.fsck13.My filesystem developer killed someone(ReiserFS)14.selinux
    5. 5. 15.Ruby16.Python17.PERL (?)18.PHP19.register_globals=on20.JavaScript21.NaN22.Node23.nohup node server.js &
    6. 6. 24.MySQL25.MySQL Replication26.Corrupt DB table27.No transactions28.SQL29.No SQL30.No Indexes31.Oracle32.Oracle33.Oracle
    7. 7. 34.AWS US-EAST-135.Schrödinger’s Instance (up and down at sametime)36.Forgetting to destroy 2 TB of EBS volumes onyour personal credit card37.Cloud Bursting38.Speed of Light
    8. 8. 39.Viruses40.Spyware41.My Mom’s computer and viruses42.My Mom’s computer and SpyWare43.My anti-virus developer is high in Belize andkilled someone
    9. 9. 44.Amdahl’s Law45.Consistency46.Availability47.Partitioning48.Fallacies of Distributed Computing49.Where I woke up this morning50.And who’s goat is this?
    10. 10. 51.Java52.JVMs53.Heap Allocation54.Stack Allocation55.Garbage Collection56.HotSpot Errors57.Java
    11. 11. 58.svn59.Team Foundation Server60.Rational61.Mercurial62.GitHub (going down)63.ci
    12. 12. 64.Vendors65.Recruiters66.LinkedIn67.Marketing68.Marketing69.Marketing70.Scanning your badge at a conference andthen getting endless emails trying to sell yousomething
    13. 13. 71.Linux Kernel Panics72.Mac OS X Kernel Panics73.Windows Blue Screens74.Kernel Patches75.Firmware Updates76.OS Patches77.Patch Tuesday78.Not patching (ever)
    14. 14. 79.The CEO80.Investors81.Seed Round82.A Round83.B Round84.IPO85.Stock Options86.Not getting paid market rate, but “look at allthe options we gave you”
    15. 15. 87.DNS88.Domain Keys89.Sender Policy Framework90.Reverse Lookups91.BIND92.Pretentious DNS Developers (djbdns)93.Windows DNS94.WTF is my IP (wtfismyip.com/json)
    16. 16. 95.CloudStack96.OpenStack97.Eucalyptus98.Open Cloud99.Software Defined Everything
    17. 17. If you’re having code problems Ifeel bad for you son, I got99problems but DevOps ain’t one

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