MONDAY AUGUST 3RD, 2009
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA

[It was a hot, humid summer day in Richmond, Virgina. The blacktop shimmers in...
Amp: LMMFAO(YES, Amp actually says LMMFAO)!! General Magnificent Lee.

Carnage: Yeah, something like that.

Amp: This shou...
Biden: Sorry for the snatch and run, but we couldn't risk your role in our master plan being
compromised.

Magnifcent: Wha...
WEDNSDAY AUGUST 5TH, 2009
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA

[The Richmond University Library was silent save for the two men cruising th...
[So much for having Carnage by his side for the Bar Room Brawl seeing as the first ever One
World Champion had just been t...
Amp: Wait....LSD?

Barack: Prior to the events of November 18th, Mr. Jones would run mock mass suicide... drills if
you wi...
Amp: Quit joking.

Barack: I wish. My personal intelligence squad....

Amp: You have a PIS?

Barack: Cheny had a personal ...
[At the entrance to the tent, a voulenteer pokes his head in and informs Amp that they are ready
to get started. He nods a...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------...
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August 09 Bar Room Brawl 1

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Amp vs. Magnificent in the August 2009 Bar Room Brawl

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Transcript of "August 09 Bar Room Brawl 1"

  1. 1. MONDAY AUGUST 3RD, 2009 RICHMOND, VIRGINIA [It was a hot, humid summer day in Richmond, Virgina. The blacktop shimmers in the heat and as he walks Amp can swear he feels the rubber slowly melting off the bottom of his shoes. He didn't have the foggiest of ideas why he was in Richmond when the AWA was closing it's doors, but where ever the Bar Room Brawl goes, Amp was determined to be there and FINALLY bring home the championship.] Carnage: Could it be any freaking hotter out here? Amp: I doubt it. Carnage: Oh what are you complaining about? Your used to it. Amp: If the next thing you say is about picking cotton I swear I'll kill you right here and now and say f*** the BRB. Carnage: .......... [Amp stops and waits. Carnages face twists up in obvious pain as he changes his train of thought.] Carnage: I'm just saying because your from New York....it get hot up there sometimes. Amp: Sure you were. Carnage: Seriously dude! I'm here to help you win, not make fun of your ancestors trials and tribulations. Amp: Well, any clue why we're here? Carnage: Something about a Civil War re-enactment. I thought you were paying attention so I sort of spaced. Amp: Civil War? Who's the funny man that puts the black guy in the Civil War reenactment? Carnage: Heh...you know...I didn't think about that, but it is kind of funny. Amp: Did black people even fight in the Civil War? Carnage: Sure. They made up the entire front line most of the time. Operation Human Shield they called it. Amp: Oh that's bull. Amp doesn't fight on the front lines. I'm more of a General type. Carnage: Perfect, because according to this flyer you'll be playing General Ulysess S. Grant. Amp: Ulysess S. GrAmp. Carnage: Clever. Amp: Thanks. What role did Fagnificent get? Carnage: General Robert E. Lee.
  2. 2. Amp: LMMFAO(YES, Amp actually says LMMFAO)!! General Magnificent Lee. Carnage: Yeah, something like that. Amp: This should be.....dude.... Carnage: How is something "dude"? Amp: No, no....I mean...dude. Carnage: Oh.......... what? Amp: Do you know anything about the Civil War? Carnage: Er...it was about slavery. Amp: It was between the north and the south. Carnage: Bloodiest war in American history. Amp: That's about it on my end. Carnage: Mine too. Amp: Dude, how are we supposed to participate in a Civil War reenactment if we don't know anything about the Civil War? Carnage: Um.....library? Amp: OOOH! Even better. [The two look at each other and an unspoken communication passes between them. Not the type of non verbal communication that passes between Battlestone and the guy he's cruising at the club, but a TOTALLY hetero non-verbal exchange of ideas.] Amp/Carnage: WIKIPEDIA! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ CLASSIFIED TIME CLASSIFIED LOCATION [Waking up in a strange place was an especially jarring experience. Even more so when you don't know how you got into the glow of the single lightbulb swinging from a chain above you and are unable to move your arms and legs, which is exactly the situation that Magnificent finds himself in. One moment he was stepping off a plane in Los Angeles, ready to light the new SHOW on fire as only he could and the next.....well.....the next moments we're all a bit of a blur. He remembered a man in a suit approaching him, possibly talking to the gentlemen for awhile and then.....nothing up until...] ???: Glad to see you finally came around. [Magnificent looks towards one of the four dark corners of the room. He hears the shuffling of feet and slowly the sillouhette of a man clad in well pressed black suit with a matching black tie. His very plain dress betrays the severity of the situation as Magnificent finds himself face to face with Vice President Joseph Biden.]
  3. 3. Biden: Sorry for the snatch and run, but we couldn't risk your role in our master plan being compromised. Magnifcent: What the hell is this all about? What am I doing here? Biden: I'll answer you in a moment, but first let me ask how familiar you are with Project MK- ULTRA? [Magnificent didn't have a clue what Biden was talking about. If it didn't have to do with wrestling, he could really care less. Even so, it would seem that understanding the MKULTRA project that this man was talking about would play an integral role in the events to come and possibly even his eventual release from this place so....] Magnificent: Not a f***ing thing. Biden: Oh of course you do. Ever heard of "The Manchurain Candidate"? Magnificent: Er...yeah. The movie with Denzel Waashington. Biden: The '62 version with Sinatra and Landsbury is better for my money, but to each his own. Magnificent: What does that have to do with anything? Biden: Well Mr. Magnificent, "The Manchurian Candidate" was originally a book, written by a recently unemployed CIA Agent who worked on Project MKDELTA, which evolved into Project MKULTRA and Project ARTICHOKE, all of which had a single ultimate goal. To create and perfect the perfect killing machine. [Magnificent watches Biden as he begins to walk around him in a circle, arms clasped behind his back as he continues to speak.] Biden: During the mid 1920s and early 1930s, the United States was still coming out from under the dust of the Great War....World War One as we know it today. Our greatest concern in the unstable political climate was that another country would find a way to not only infiltrate our military and government, but assinate our top officials in an effort to weaken our country before an attack. Our greatest fears came true in September of 1933 when Franklin Roosevelt was shot by John Schrank. What the American public was never told, was that Schrank was a Nazi sympathizer who had been sent by the German government to weaken our governments upper echelon givin the mounting concern over a second Great War erupting, as well as the already stong German desire to expand the nations borders. John Schrank was the only SUCCESSFUL attempt at a Manchurian Candidate. Well....until now that is. [Biden is suddenly back in front of Magnificent and leans down, looking directly into his eyes as Magnificent pulls back just a bit because Joe Biden has ass breath. Seriously, I've met the man and he should invest in a Tic-Tac factory.] Biden: Mr. Magnificent, your going to kill Barack Obama. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4. 4. WEDNSDAY AUGUST 5TH, 2009 RICHMOND, VIRGINIA [The Richmond University Library was silent save for the two men cruising the internet in the very back of the computer room. Every so often the head librarian looks back over her half-frame glasses and shakes her head in disgust.] Amp: Now try "Burnt + Nazi". Carnage: Ok, ok.... [Carnage types in the search term and the two fall down in hysterics as a photoshop of Hitler with a wife beater pops up. The caption informs them that "Burnt is a Nazi" and the devil horns sticking from his head only enhance the image.] Amp: Alright...now do, "Icehawg + Favorite Sayings". Carnage: Oh yeah! This should be good. [Again, Carnage queries and the computer spits back some information.] Carnage: Number 5: Cause it would take too long to code. Amp: Number 4: See number five. Carnage: Number 3: Didn't I tell you to see number five. Amp: Number 2: Sieg Heil! Carnage: I knew that one would be on there. What's number one? Amp: Icehawgs number one favorite saying: All d@*k!3$ enter through the back. Carnage: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Amp: F*** you both! Carnage: Hey dude, don't be mad at me. You told me to search it! Amp: Aren't we supposed to be doing something here? Carnage: Um....I think so....something about the Civil War? Maybe? Amp: Ex.... [The Human Highlight Reel is cut off by the sound of a group of men clad in black suits entering the room. Carnage spots them first and his eyes go wide.] Carnage: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! F*** THE IRS!! [With that insane declaration, Carnage takes off at a full run towards one of the many floor to ceiling windows lining the outside walls of the library. He leaps forward with an arm in front of his face and crashes into the glass....then bounces back to the floor unconcious.] Amp: Whoa....
  5. 5. [So much for having Carnage by his side for the Bar Room Brawl seeing as the first ever One World Champion had just been taken out by a plate glass window. Turning his attention back to the mysterious new library guests, Amp is more than a little surprised when President of the United States of America, Barack Obama walks in through the archway.] Amp: Whoa.... [Barack strides up to Superman and holds out his hand, which Amp is slow to take. I mean....he's surounded by a bunch of Secret Service. You don't just lunge at the President when the Secret Service is around.] Barack: It's a pleasure to meet you William. Amp: Um...it's Amp. Barack: Of course. Amp, I need your help. Amp: Of course! Anything for you. Barack: In two days, at the Richmond Historical Society Civil War Reenactment, we have VERY credible information that your opponent will make an attempt on my life. Amp: Who? Magnificent? I doubt that. Barack: Amp, I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't have 1000% credible information. I've been threatend, taunted and made to feel inadequate since the day I took office and we fear that this weekend will be the culmination of all of that. Not only that, but the final test of nearly eighty years of research. Amp: Research....into what? Barack: What do you know about Project MKULTRA? Amp: MKULTRA? It was reportedly a top secret CIA program that studied the effects of various amounts and different drugs to the human psyche. It branched out into full on mind control and hynosis eventually. Barack: Hmm...have you ever heard of Jonestown? Amp: Of course. The Peoples Temple, headed up by Jim Jones...more specifically the land leased by Jones and the events that occured. Barack: Exactly. How do you know so much about these things? Amp: *shrugs* I love to know about government screw ups. This one wasn't EXACTLY a government screw up, but it was damn near....I'm sure some would argue that it was. Barack: You and me both. The bigger picture however, is the fact that Jim Jones was successful in getting a massive number of people from all walks of life to follow him to the end of the earth and then convinced them that killing themselves was the only way to find true happiness when the end was near. The hidden picture was how he managed to do it. Amp: How? Barack: Lysergic acid diethylamide
  6. 6. Amp: Wait....LSD? Barack: Prior to the events of November 18th, Mr. Jones would run mock mass suicide... drills if you will. A large number of members would be gathered and told to drink what they were led to believe was cyanide laced FlavorAid. Of course, these trial runs were a sort of brainwashing tactic for the ultimate eventuallity. Amp: Of course. Run the drills so they get used to the idea, and then when it really is time to "drink the Kool-Aid" they aren't as apprehensive...in fact, they'll probably still think it's a drill until it's too late. Barack: Exactly, but prior to these mock suicides, the members would ingest large amounts of LSD. Men, women and children all on LSD and led to believe they were making the ultimate sacrifice for happiness. Amp: So...what does that have to do with me....and a plot to kill you? Barack: Well, shortly after the Congressional hearings regarding the mass suicide at Jonestown and the events leading up to it, it was discovered that roughtly one hundred and fifty Jonestown residents had been taken away from the camp mere hours before the mass suicide. We were able to track a few of them, and discovered that they took flights to the United States and the United Kingdom where they vanished into thin air. The oldest of them would be about 45 years old by now. Amp: I'm still lost. Barack: Rumor has it, and let me be the first to say that this is just a RUMOR, that Jim Jones succeded in finding the correct dosage and potency of lysergic acid diethylamide to reveal a persons subconcious mind. Once that mind was revealed, Jones allegedly "washed" keywords into their conciousness. If these reports are true, there are anywhere from 50 to 100 ticking time bombs out there, just waiting to get the word, at which point they will....well...we really don't know what they are programmed to do...or if they even exist as I've said. Amp: Still lost. Barack: We...the American government, have always been concerned with this threat, but more so in recent years due to some developments of our own. Amp: Let me guess. You found Jones' notes and you've also perfected this....this LSD brainwashing technique? Barack: You should come and work for the Government. [Amp keeps his mouth shut, not caring to tell Barack that it was he who had saved the Commander in Cheif from a horde of vicious aliens just last week.] Amp: Now the government believes that this discovery has fallen into enemy hands and.... Barack: AH! Not ENEMY hands, but the hands of one of the most respected people in this country. A man I THOUGHT I could trust. Amp: Who? Barack: Joseph Biden. [Amp waits for the punchline to the joke, unfortunantly Obamas face is deadly serious.]
  7. 7. Amp: Quit joking. Barack: I wish. My personal intelligence squad.... Amp: You have a PIS? Barack: Cheny had a personal HIT squad. I think in the posistion I'm in historically, a little extra information is a valuable thing. Amp: Touche. So what does this have to do with Biden.....and me? Barack: My intelligence shows that since just prior to the Democratic National Convention, Biden began to put into motion a plan to create a unwitting assasian. A person who would live a normal, productive life day to day. When the time was right however, this person could be....activated if you will...to take out his assigned target. Amp: You mean....a Manchurian Candidate? Get the f*** outta here my n****. Barack: My intelligence also reveals that Biden has picked a day, and a candidate. Amp: When? Barack: This Friday. [That wasn't a good thing. This Friday was his Bar Room Brawl match with Magnificent and if Obama was trying to whisk Amp away on some mission....] Barack: And the candidate is YOUR opponent, Magnificent. Amp: ..............................................Oh s***. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FRIDAY AUGUST 7TH, 2009 RICHMOND, VIRGINIA [The battlefield has been set and the recreators are dressed in full garb. In the Union tent, General GrAmp looks out at the mass of people slowly forming in the stands and spots the special box seats set aside for the President and Vice President. On the desk in front of him, a general layout of the days events. He skims it over once again and his eyes stop on the large red dot that marks the most bloody part of the recreation, the point at which the President fears his life will be in danger.] Amp: Why me? Carnage: Because Clive Windsor has a sick sense of humor. You know, black guy in the Civil War reenactment. Amp: Not that...I mean why do I have to save the presidents life? Again? I feel like I'm stuck in a real s****y episode of 24. Carnage: Aren't they all s****y. Amp: Touche.
  8. 8. [At the entrance to the tent, a voulenteer pokes his head in and informs Amp that they are ready to get started. He nods and places his Union issue hat atop his head and holsters his sabre.....because REAL soliders TOTALLY fight with swords. At center field, the Master of Ceremonies has stepped forward to set the stage. His scraggy beard and wild hair have been trimmed neatly and a large, black stove pipe hat placed atop his drunken head to give the impression of President Abraham Lincoln.] President Hoolincoln: May, 1864. The start of the most bloody series of battles during the Civil War. Right here in Richmond Virginia, General Robert E. Lee of the Confederate Army.... [Magnificent steps forward and takes a bow to the cheers of the assembled crowd.] President Hoolincoln: ....and General Ulysess S. Grant... [Amp steps forward and takes a bow to the cheers of the assembled crowd....except Carnage who secretly boos because he's totally sick of having to play goodie goodie.] President Hoolicoln: ....embarked on the most vicious and arguably senseless battles of the Civil War, the first of which was right on this spot. General Lee inflicts a massive number of casualties on the Union Army, 60,000 in total. Thankfully for General Grant, he was able to replace his men faster than Lee could kill them. In the end, General Lee retreats, but leaves in his wake the single greatest loss of Union life during the war. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you....The Battle of the Wilderness. [President Hoolincoln steps back and the two generals step forward and face each other. In loud, booming voices for the crowd to hear, they go through their assigned lines.] General Magnificent Lee: General Grant, you shall NOT advance any further beyond this point. This is Confederate territory and you have no right to invade it. General Ulysess S. GrAmp: General Lee, you are in direct violation of Executive Order number 2453, the order to cease and desist the practice of slavery in the lower 11 states of the United States of America. General Magnificent Lee: The right to own and trade slaves is a long standing Southern tradition General, and we will not give it up without a fight. General Ulysess S. GrAmp: Well then, sir, you leave me no choice. [Amp reaches to his waist and unsnaps his sabre. Behind him, the Union Army levels their weapons and prepares to charge. Amp flourishes the sword into the air, but drops it unceromoniously as he eats a stiff right from Magnificent. Maggy drops to the ground next to Amp and rolls him onto his back.] Magnificent: Not today bitch. If you think your just going to waltz to the win because your the Union, guess again. [Magnificent drops another hard blow on Amps skull and rears back for another. He is stopped by a surging Union Armyman who thrusts the but end of his rifle into Magnificents chest, forcing the air from his lungs and giving Amp the chance to scramble back towards the rear of the advancing army before Magnificent can do anymore damage. He sneaks a glace over at the Presidential Press Box and his worst fears come true. While President Obama is seated, watching with great interest as the events on the field unfold, Vice President Biden is nowhere in sight.]
  9. 9. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biden: Are the plants in place? CIA Agent: Yes sure Mr. Vice President. We've rounded up the last of the stragglers and gave them the perscribed amount of LSD. They are waiting in the crowd for your oders. Biden: Excellent. That prick Obama thinks I'm going to rule in his shadow for the next eight years, he is SADLY mistaken. If Magnificent can't take him out, I know that these sick f***ers will. BWAHA....BWAHAHAHA....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [You know, Biden may be a bit of a tool, but you must admit he has an AWESOME evil laugh.] --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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