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3.The Mentoring Conversation
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3.The Mentoring Conversation

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Getting The Most Out Of Mentoring 3. The Mentoring Conversation

Getting The Most Out Of Mentoring 3. The Mentoring Conversation

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  • Music
  • Hi I'm Ann Rolfe of Mentoring Works, welcome to How To Get The Most out Of Mentoring, Module Three. Previously we’ve talked about what it’s like to be mentored, a mentor’s role and why you’d want to be involved in mentoring. We looked at a definition or framework for mentoring, the differences between mentoring and coaching, and a practical model for mentoring. Now we’ll discuss how you apply that in The Mentoring Conversation.


  • There is a worksheet for this module. So if you haven’t already done so, pause the presentation, download and print it now.
  • You will remember that the mentoring process is based on a natural learning cycle. You reflect on experience, gather information, decide on action which creates a new experience.

  • You will remember that the mentoring process is based on a natural learning cycle. You reflect on experience, gather information, decide on action which creates a new experience.

    At the heart of the mentoring conversation are four fundemenatl questions. You will be very familiar with these questions. They are commonly used in strategic planning, career planning and any sort of planning to achieve goals. As we reflect on experience,
  • question number one is: where am I now. Then we ask question number two. We are talking about planning and looking to the future, so guess what the second question will be? Question number one is where am I now, so question number two will be,
  • where do I want to be? Having made that decision, what do you think question number three will be?
  • Yes, How do I get there? Now we all can and do use this process all the time, concsiously or unconciously when we set goals. However, the old saying goes: Two heads are better than one! And let me ask you, Have you ever set a goal, planned how you’d achieve it and then not followed through? Or started but soon stopped? Most of us have at one time or another and there are lot’s of reasons but one reason I want to explore is this.
  • Human beings are creatures of ... habbit. Try this: just for a moment fold your arms. Now look and notice which of your arms is resting on top? Now have a big stretch, stretch and slowly fold your arms with the other arm resting on top. How does that feel? Most people feel uncomfortable. Stretch again and fold your arms the normal way. Notice which arm rests on top. Would you have known before doing this exercise? Probably not. Most people are unaware, this is an automatic behaviour. Roughly 50% of people fold their arms with the right on top and 50% with the left on top. So it’s got nothing to do with whether you are right-handed or left-handed. It’s got nothing to do with right brain or left brain. it’s got everything to do with habbit! When you were a very young child you learned to fold your arms. Who knows why you put one arm on top of the other. You repeated and repeated you own way of doing it and it became a habbit, automatic, unconscious. Now, when you do it differently, it feels uncomfortable. In fact most people will quickly rearrange themselves back into their comfortable pattern of behaviour. this is why chang is difficult. Gyms know this, that’s why they try to sign you up for a twelve month membership. Oh, one more time fold your arms the less comfortable way and note that for 50% of people this feels normal, natural and comfortable.
  • Yes, How do I get there? Now we all can and do use this process all the time, concsiously or unconciously when we set goals. However, the old saying goes: Two heads are better than one! And let me ask you, Have you ever set a goal, planned how you’d achieve it and then not followed through? Or started but soon stopped? Most of us have at one time or another and there are lot’s of reasons but one reason I want to explore is this.
  • It in is the fourth question, that mentoring becomes even more useful. As you start do implement your plan, do something different, change in some way, a mentor will be there to ask: how is it going? To have a conversation about what you have done and how it has worked for you. Maybe, if you haven’t implemented your plan to discuss why. Are there obstacles? If so, what do you need t do about them? If things aren’t working, do you need to persist or desist? Will perseverance and patience pay off, or actually is the goal not really what you want, or too great a cost?

    Pase the presentation now and complete the diagram of the mentoring conversation on your worksheet.
    MUSIC
  • Pause for a moment and complete the diagram of the mentoring converastion on your worksheet now.


  • There is another reason why mentoring is so important
    Sometimes when we look in the mirror we don’t see the powerful, courageous, strong person that we are. We need someone to reflect it back to us. I don’t know about you but I have been so fortunate in my life, at times, to have people around me who believed in me, more than I believed in myself.What happens to you when people - people who you respect, who are credible and genuine - who tell you: You can do it! You have the competence! You are up to it! Yes, you respond and lift yourself to a higher level.
  • On the other hand, a mentor can be a reality check. Is there another way of looking at the situation? A mentor can offer a different point of view, perhaps play “devil’s advoacate” and challenge one’s perspective.
  • Those four fundemental questions guide mentoring conversation. They’re not necessarily the actual questions you’d use but ones that are easy to hold in your mind as you frame the particular questions you want to ask.You’ll find this expanded model on page 32 of The Mentoring Conversation.


  • In the first phase of the conversation, having established rapport,
    The mentor asks questions aimed at:
    Clarifying current situation
    Taking stock of personal factors
    Imagining future possibilities

  • Moving from refelection on the current situation, from the question of “where am I now” the conversation moves to “where do I want to be?”
    Gathering information
    Exploring options
    Setting goals
  • This allows people to make informed decisions about their actions. The mentor can then assist with:
    Developing plans
    Considering strategies
    Gaining support

  • And as plans are actioned, the mentor is around to ask that all-important fourth question, how is it going? During the phase of
    Implementing
    Experimenting
    Learning



  • Congratulations! You have now completed three modules of Getting The Most Out Of Mentoring. You’ve got the basics. In Module, 4 we’ll talk about The Mentoring Relationship - Getting Started. You might also want to view modules in The Mentoring Toolkit. This is Ann Rolfe,goodbye for now.


  • This is Ann Rolfe of Mentoring Works, signing off till next time.
    (Music)

  • Transcript

    • 1. Getting The Most Out Of Mentoring The Mentoring Conversation Ann Rolfe www.mentoring-works.com
    • 2. How To Get The Most Out Of Mentoring The Mentoring Conversation Ann Rolfe!
    • 3. Mentoring “An alliance that creates a space for dialogue that results in reflection, action and learning” Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp 11. Mentoring Works
    • 4. The Mentoring Conversation Download the worksheet
    • 5. Learning From Experience Experience Experience Reflection Action Ah Ha! Information
    • 6. The Mentoring Conversation Experience 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 Information
    • 7. The Mentoring Conversation Experience “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 Information
    • 8. The Mentoring Conversation Experience “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 “Where do I want to be?” Information
    • 9. The Mentoring Conversation Experience “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Information
    • 10. The Mentoring Conversation Experience “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Information
    • 11. The Mentoring Conversation Experience “How am I doing?” “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Information
    • 12. Complete the diagram of the mentoring conversation
    • 13. How we see ourselves in a situation …
    • 14. Could it be different from another point of view?
    • 15. The Mentoring Conversation “How am I doing?” Current Reality “Where am I now?” 4 1 Action Reflection 3 2 “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Informed Decisions Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp32 Mentoring Works
    • 16. The Mentoring Conversation “How am I doing?” Current Reality “Where am I now?” •Clarifying current situation •Taking stock of personal factors 4 1 •Imagining future possibilities Action Reflection 3 2 “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Informed Decisions Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp32 Mentoring Works
    • 17. The Mentoring Conversation “How am I doing?” Current Reality “Where am I now?” •Clarifying current situation •Taking stock of personal factors 4 1 •Imagining future possibilities Action Reflection 3 2 •Gathering information •Exploring options •Setting goals “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Informed Decisions Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp32 Mentoring Works
    • 18. The Mentoring Conversation “How am I doing?” Current Reality “Where am I now?” •Clarifying current situation •Taking stock of personal factors 4 1 •Imagining future possibilities Action Reflection 3 2 •Developing plans •Gathering information •Considering strategies •Exploring options •Gaining support •Setting goals “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Informed Decisions Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp32 Mentoring Works
    • 19. The Mentoring Conversation “How am I doing?” Current Reality “Where am I now?” •Implementing •Clarifying current situation •Experimenting •Taking stock of personal factors •Learning 4 1 •Imagining future possibilities Action Reflection 3 2 •Developing plans •Gathering information •Considering strategies •Exploring options •Gaining support •Setting goals “How do I get there?” “Where do I want to be?” Informed Decisions Rolfe, A. (2006) The Mentoring Conversation pp32 Mentoring Works
    • 20. Learning by experience ... ... the decision-making process
    • 21. “Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;teach a person how to fish and they can feed themselves for a lifetime” 22
    • 22. Summary Ann Rolfe 1. Introduction To Mentoring 2. How Mentoring Works 3. The Mentoring Conversation
    • 23. End of Presentation Ann Rolfe www.mentoring-works.com

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