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Laser Sharks By Matthew Bird 1 Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
When most people think of sharks, they picture a large sea predator with razor sharp teeth and a ferocious appetite. Few people realize, however, that these dangerous fish pale in comparison to their radioactive cousins, the Laser Shark. 2 Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
3 To understand the destructive power of Laser Sharks, we must first understand the difference between a laser and a shark. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Lasers 4 A laser is a device that emits light through a process of optical amplification based on the stimulated emission of photons. In short, it amplifies light. The term “laser” is an acronym for Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Lasers in Action 5 Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Sharks 6 Sharks are carnivores: however, their diet remains varied to include plankton. Sharks are believed to be relatively intelligent. They can learn to adopt patterns of behavior and recognize certain people and objects. They have many rows of razor sharp teeth that replace themselves when lost, so they have no need of a dentist. A group of Laser Sharks during feeding time. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Types of Sharks 7
Flat body like stingray, and not as nice as they sound.
2nd largest shark, not related to the K9 family.
About 12ft long, and actually happy most of the time.
3rd most dangerous, and talks a lot of smack.
Very rare shark, likes to scare children.
Rarely attacks people, useless in construction industry.
Most dangerous, lasers attached to heads.
And many more!
Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
History of Laser Sharks 8 Nobody knows where Laser Sharks came from, or how they acquired photon weaponry, but we do know that Laser Sharks are responsible for the deaths of 7 million people each year. 8 million if you include French people. Classified picture of a Laser Shark shooting a pterodactyl, taken from the S.S. Rick James. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Combating Laser Sharks 9 In 1953, president Dwight Eisenhower enacted the Laser Shark Defense Initiative (LSDI), in an attempt to rid the world of Laser Sharks. He gathered the worlds greatest physicists and engineers to develop a way to combat the Laser Sharks. Finally a lesser known physicist known as Albert Einstein came up with a potential solution. He called them Sonic Dolphins. Sonic Dolphins succeeded in repelling the Sharks’ lasers, but didn’t stand a chance against their razor teeth. Today, there is no known protection against Laser Sharks. Sonic Dolphin stretching before battle. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Laser Shark FAQ Q: How do Laser Sharks Hunt? A: The laser shark will spot its prey, then fry it with their laser. Q: What do Laser Sharks eat? A: Laser Sharks eat fish, humans, dolphins, whales, other sharks, sea serpents, ships, submarines, crocodiles, underwater unicorns, giant squids, and dinosaurs. Q: What should I do if I see a laser shark? A: Kill yourself. That way, you won't have to suffer the pain of being fried to death with a laser. 10 Laser Shark frying the person who dared to capture it. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Top 10 Most Dangerous Animals 10) Cape Buffalo 9) Polar Bear 8) Elephant 7) Saltwater Crocodile 6) African Lion 5) Great White Shark 4) Australian Box Jellyfish 3) Asian Cobra 2) Mosquito 1) Laser Shark 11 Matthew Bird 12/10/2010
Conclusion 12 Lasers are not toys, and sharks are not friends. Together they make a monstrous beast capable of destroying anything in its path. Now that you know the dangers of Laser Sharks, know that the only way to avoid being killed by a Laser Shark is to never go near the sea. Matthew Bird 12/10/2010