Southernology 25 things about the south

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A presentation given at The Research Club in NYC to educate people about Southerners and Atlanta

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Southernology 25 things about the south

  1. 1. 25 Things Y’all Need To Know About The South Mark Michelson Born in Atlanta, Raised Throughout The South
  2. 2. 1. Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
  3. 3. 2. There are at least 8 distinct Southern dialects and hundreds of distinct cultures. (Ain’t no place like Louisiana)
  4. 4. 3. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either – but they can tell if you ain’t from ‘round here.
  5. 5. 4. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ole," as in “big ole” truck or "big ole" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
  6. 6. 5. The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
  7. 7. 6. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay clear out of the way.
  8. 8. 7. The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes, The South has fried green ‘mater samiches.
  9. 9. 8. The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads. Pinch the tails and suck the heads
  10. 10. 9. The North has coffee houses and diners. The South has Waffle Houses. Open everywhere 24 hours a day
  11. 11. 10. The North calls soft drinks pop or soda. In the South all soft drinks are referred to as Co-Cola.
  12. 12. 11. The worlds largest drive-in "The Varsity" serves two miles of hot dogs, a ton of onions, 2,500 pounds of potatoes, 5,000 fried pies and 300 gallons of chili every day
  13. 13. 12. It’s “Cheese Grits”, not “Cheesy Grits” and they go with just about anything
  14. 14. 13. There are 71 streets in Atlanta with a variant of "Peachtree" in their name.
  15. 15. 14. Marta (our subway) will get you close, but you can’t get from here to there
  16. 16. 15. And if you do take Marta, don’t expect to stand on the street wavin’ at taxi’s and have them actually stop for you
  17. 17. 16. Atlanta has the busiest airport in the world. Even if you die in the South you will likely have to change planes in Atlanta.
  18. 18. 17. DELTA is an acronym for Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport A.K.A. Delaying Everyone, Lying To All
  19. 19. 18. We are polite to a fault - case in point: When we say “bless her heart” we really mean “she’s a stupid idiot.”
  20. 20. 19. When a Southern lady accommodates your request with a sweet, sweet ”Sure thing honey." She really means, “OK bitch."
  21. 21. 20. When someone says “Yes sir” or “Yes ma’am” it doesn’t mean they think you are old
  22. 22. 21. Not all music from the South is country REM, B-52’s, OutKast, Allman Bros, Widespread Panic, Ray Charles, John Mayer, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Black Crowes, ZZ Top
  23. 23. 22. Many of the largest brands in the world are from the South
  24. 24. 23. Newt Gingrich is not from Georgia – he was born in Pennsylvania
  25. 25. 24. Not all Southern belles sit under the shade umbrella on the porch sipping mint juleps
  26. 26. 25. There are Yankees and Damn Yankees: Yankees come to visit Damn Yankees come to stay
  27. 27. All y’all come back now, ya hear!

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