Beyond Consequenceland

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Beyond Consequenceland

  1. 1. Beyond Consequenceland<br />Skill Deficits Are Not Willful Non-compliance<br />Lynne Kenney, PsyD<br />www.lynnekenney.com<br />The Family Coach Method<br />
  2. 2. How America Turned Parenting Upside Down<br />
  3. 3. Consequences<br />SKILL SETS<br />FOUNDATION Our Culture of Respect<br />
  4. 4. Brain-Based Parenting Skills<br />Today we will explore:<br />How America is caught in The Discipline Trap<br />How we can move out of damage control into skillful living<br />The role of the amygdala in executive function<br />How to teach the words, thoughts and actions to build new skills<br />
  5. 5. 1.0 “Hey Mommy! WELCOME TO MY BRAIN”<br />The Thinker and The Caveman<br />The Thinker: Executive function, organization and planning<br />Inhibition<br />Shift<br />Self-regulation<br />Self-modulation<br />Planning<br />The Caveman: Safe Vulnerable Dangerous/Fight Flight Freeze<br />Amygdala<br />Don’t reason with me when I am firing<br />
  6. 6. What is A Skill Set?<br />The Family Coach Method Definition: Skill Set <br /> (n.) The cognitive functions, words, or behaviors needed to accomplish a specific task. <br />The Family Coach Method Definition: Skill deficit(n.) A child’s inability to exhibit a expected behavior in this time-frame and under these circumstances.<br />The Family Coach Method Definition: Willful Non-compliance(n.) When a child who possesses a necessary skill set, obstinately and deliberately chooses not to exhibit behaviors required within a specific social, work, cultural, academic or family setting.<br />
  7. 7.
  8. 8. q q q<br />NEEDS/ EXPECTATIONSSKILLS OUTCOME<br />Your child has a need and you have a behavioral expectation. You both need the skills to encourage a positive outcome. <br />Communicate the landscape of your family values.<br />Clarify expectations so that your children can succeed.<br />Collaborate with your children for positive outcomes.<br />Offer opportunities to re-do behaviors that are not within your values.<br />Model peace and calm in your interactions.<br />
  9. 9. You Cannot Punish A Child Into A New Behavior<br />What is the Eb?<br />Can He/She Do it?<br />If Yes, Expect it<br />If No, Teach it<br />
  10. 10. Become A Behavioral Detective<br />Understand the who, what, when, where and how of the behavior<br />Consider how the stage was set (temperament, demeanor, tone)<br />Did you open the opportunity for success (eat, sleep, stimulation, distractions)<br />A B C<br />
  11. 11. Collaboration Build Brains and Relationships<br />Step 1: Empathize with your child’s need set.<br />Step 2: Clarify the behavioral expectation.<br />Step 3: Talk about what is getting in the way of solving the challenge.<br />Step 4: Talk about solutions to the challenge.<br />Step 5: Agree on a solution.<br />Step 6: Set a time-frame for task completion.<br />Step 7: Review how the solution will help the child and the relationship.<br />
  12. 12. Resources<br />The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science (James H. Silberman Books) by Norman Doidge<br />The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Sharon Begley<br />A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future by Daniel H. Pink<br />Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell<br />
  13. 13. www.lynnekenney.com<br />

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