Watch how you tell your stressful story!

Watch How You Tell Your Stressful Story!When bad things happen to good people (you), there is an irresistible urge to share the load bytalking about it. This can have two good results: You relieve yourself of some of the pressure by sharing You may have insights into a problem when talking with someone else.It feels comforting to rush to friends or loved ones to tell them all the bad things that have beenhappening to you, but it can backfire. Along the way, you may mentally rehearse everythingyou’re going to tell them, making sure not to omit any details. It can be calming to see the lookof sympathy in the eyes of someone else, and to hear their consoling words.When you tell your story in all its intensity, you are reliving the event. If it was stressful when ithappened, your recounting of the story may bring back the same physical stress. Even yourmental rehearsal may do that.The fact is, an estimated 10% of our stress is due to what happens to us; the other 90% is due tohow we think about what happens to us, or how we habitually react to what happens. So for onereal stressful event, you may experience the same reaction many times. It’s like getting a lot ofbang for your buck, except it’s much less desirable than a buck. Each time you go through yourstory, you are undermining your physical health and your happiness, too, by putting your bodythrough the same raised heart rate and blood pressure, muscular tension, troubled digestion, andmental confusion.How can you get the release of telling your troubles to others in a way that is healthy?First, position yourself as a problem-solver, not a victimInstead of saying something like, “Why ME?” or “Things like this always happen to me?”, trysomething like, “This was a real test of my ingenuity.” Or “Once I calmed down, I figured itout.”Find some humor in the situation – particularly when you’re in the middle of the situation.When my garage door froze shut, I cobbled together all the extension cords in the house, pluggedmy hair dryer into the end, and trudged out through the snow to warm up the lock. No power! Ihad to giggle when I realized that I had to go back in and plug the other end of the cords into anoutlet in the house, and I giggled even more when I had to make another trip to push the re-setbutton.Which brings me to the next point:The joke’s on you. It happens to everyone, at one time or another – stress leaves us feeling soconfused that we overlook simple details and make obvious mistakes. I like to say that StressMakes Us Stupid. It’s not the fickle finger of fate poking us once again; it’s a fairly natural andpredictable process – but it can be avoided.

When you find yourself blocked at implementing a simple solution during a stressful period,pause, take a deep breath, and think the whole process through before you make a move. Don’trush because you want to the stress to end – it’ll just make it worse.Determine in advance whether you’re asking for advice or help.Be careful who you choose as a listener. Some people just have to jump in and solve yourproblems. Other people (often, but not always, men), see the disclosure of your feelings as a callfor helpTell your listener what you want. Say, “I’m not asking for help in finding a solution at this time/I really just need to get this off my chest right now.”Express gratitude to your listener for listening to you.“Whew, it’s great to have a friend like you. Thanks for listening.”Make it a two-way streetNeedless to say, being a good listener who doesn’t make judgments or give unwanted advicewhen other people tell their stories is a great way to get reciprocity.When you tell your story the right way, other people will be willing to listen to you again andagain rather than avoiding you. You will emerge feeling stronger and more relaxed.Regarding that frozen week of minor crises that I mentioned at the start; I figured I must havetold my story right when the friend I e-mailed wrote back, saying, “That’s the funniest story I’veheard all day.” ****Lynette Crane, M.A.(Psychology) and Certified Life Coach, has more than 30 years experiencein the field of stress management. She currently works to provide stress and time pressuresolutions to harried women, those women who seek "Islands of Peace" in their overly-busy lives.Visit her website at http://www.creativelifechanges.com/ to see more in-depth articles and toview her programs.

Watch how you tell your stressful story!

by Lynette Crane

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Watch how you tell your stressful story! Document Transcript