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Being a man in the 21st century april2014


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Being A Man in the 21st Century …

Being A Man in the 21st Century

Leahcim Semaj

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  • 1. Leahcim Semaj, PhD
  • 2. Mobile: 876.383.5627 Skype: LSemaj Office: 876.948.5627 Twitter: LSemaj Email: Facebook: Leahcim Semaj 4/25/2014 2
  • 3. It’s as simple, and as complicated, as that. 4/25/2014
  • 4.  The release of The Shriver Report,  a study of the status of women in the United States.  The second was the publication of The Art of Manliness,  a book of advice on manhood ▪ (See DUSTIN WAX’s Review ) 4/25/2014
  • 5.  Women now make up half of theAmerican workforce,  and are the primary breadwinner or co- breadwinner in 2/3 of American families.  Today’s workplace  men and women are approaching equality  Similar situation in Jamaica 4/25/2014
  • 6. Men Are Not Quite Sure HowTo Be Anymore 4/25/2014 6
  • 7.  has been constructed over the last century almost entirely around the idea of men as providers and protectors,  and frankly, women don’t need that any more. 4/25/2014
  • 8.  Women earn on average more than men.  Women are waiting longer to get married,  are more often the initiators of divorce  with their own incomes, they can afford to be pickier about their spouses,  both going into marriage and when deciding whether to continue their relationships. 4/25/2014
  • 9.  elimination a great many jobs that were traditionally the sole province of men –  the manufacturing and heavy labor jobs that relied on a powerful physique and a kind of working class swagger,  most of which have been either automated or off-shored. 4/25/2014
  • 10. a new knowledge economy has sprung up, privileging communication, creativity, and self-motivation  over brawn and emotional control. 4/25/2014
  • 11.  While there’s no inherent reason why women should do better in these emerging businesses than men,  the fact is that men have largely given over the field  while wasting time twiddling our thumbs over the loss of jobs ▪ where “men could be men”. 4/25/2014
  • 12.  Women now make up the majority of college and grad school students, even in many areas in science and technology traditionally considered to be men’s domains.  Boys almost never read –  only some 1 out of 5 young adult books are read by boys, who have determined that reading books is for sissies.  Boys are more likely to drop out of high school 4/25/2014
  • 13.  instead of learning how to be men in a changing world, we’ve been boys, dragged kicking and screaming into a world where women are increasingly equal players. 4/25/2014
  • 14.  we’ve focused most of our energy on simply emphasizing the characteristics that traditionally defined masculinity,  namely ▪toughness and physical brawn. 4/25/2014
  • 15.  the exaggerated emphasis on toughness and physical strength are misleading –  and besides creating a great deal of violence in our society,  they are preventing us from thinking in constructive ways about the kind of men we could be in today’s world. 4/25/2014
  • 16.  the changes we’re living in are largely positive  men are, or could be, much more connected with their families and their partners,  women are getting the opportunity to develop identities that aren’t solely defined by motherhood,  and the workforce is getting a much larger pool of people to draw talent from. ▪ Win-win-win! 4/25/2014
  • 17.  The code of manhood fluctuates according to the abundance of resources in a given society.  The scarcer the resources,  the more the code of manhood is emphasized  the more men need to be good at being men. 4/25/2014 17
  • 18.  Men’s greater expendability, physical strength, and predisposition towards risk-taking, competition, and status-seeking  are needed to procure hard-to-attain resources,  and to protect them once they’ve been secured.  Differentiation between gender roles increases,  as a particular division of labor offers a survival advantage. 4/25/2014 18
  • 19. 4/25/2014 19
  • 20.  the 3 P’s of Manhood represented what societies needed most from men.  They were the tenets of being good at being a man.  Protection, procreation, and provision  were the vital imperatives that helped societies all around the world survive and grow. 4/25/2014 20
  • 21.  served as the foundation for the code of manhood  nothing else was possible if men failed in this charge.  Once the perimeter was secure,  the population was growing steadily,  and there was enough food and resources to feed the burgeoning tribe,  men could then start to concentrate on cultivating higher virtues of character and spirituality. 4/25/2014 21
  • 22. 4/25/2014 22
  • 23.  what societies most needed from men were not fierce warriors or skilled hunters,  but hard-working husbands, loving fathers,  honest politicians, wise philosophers,  and clever innovators.  The tactical virtues of  strength, courage, mastery, and honor  were lifted off the battlefield and applied more abstractly to the tasks of heading families, running governments, and building businesses. 4/25/2014 23
  • 24. 4/25/2014 24
  • 25.  Still contained a requirement to  cultivate courage, to marry and have children, and to provide for one’s family.  But unlike the pre-modern version,  this new definition of manliness wasn’t as directly related to anything unique about men’s biological make-up. 4/25/2014 25
  • 26.  Men were expected to be as virtuous and chaste as women,  providing often did not involve any danger or the need for physical strength.  Being a good man  wasn’t dramatically different from being a good woman. 4/25/2014 26
  • 27. 294/25/2014
  • 28. 304/25/2014
  • 30. Male Young Uneducated Unmarried Unemployed Unemployable The Economist, Sept 28, 1996 324/25/2014
  • 31.  begins when the one egg released for the month by a woman  unites with one of the millions of sperms produced by a man in the same month.  Only the fittest of the fittest survives.  Between conception and birth reproductive waste is largely male.  This struggle continues until death. 4/25/2014 33
  • 32. 4/25/2014 34  Men smoke more lung- cancer-causing cigarettes  Men drink more cirrhosis- of-the-liver-producing alcohol  Men take more mind bending hard drugs
  • 33. 4/25/2014 35  Men have higher death rates for all 15 leading causes of death;  from accidents to AIDS  Men eat more unhealthy, cardiovascular- disease producing red meat
  • 34. 4/25/2014 36  Men expose themselves to more on-the-job disabling hazards  Men account for 94% of all on-the-job fatalities  Drive faster and more recklessly  to kill and be killed
  • 35. 4/25/2014 37  Men possess more firearms and other deadly weapons  to take each others lives  Men have more stress and tension building competitive personalities
  • 36. 38  Women complain of a shortage of marriageable men  and they will be right!  More men at the bottom of the economic ladder than women  And more men involved in crime
  • 37. 4/25/2014 39
  • 38. Chapter 2
  • 39. 4/25/2014
  • 40.  The following 7 essential attributes of an alpha male come from the book  Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha:  A RealWorld Guide to an Unreal Life, ▪ written by fitness experts and celebrity trainers Adam Bornstein and John Romaniello. 4/25/2014
  • 41.  Here’s the problem:  ALPHA is a term that comes with a lot of connotations, many of them negative.  The goal is to reclaim it  to redefine what it means to be an Alpha,  make it a positive term that bespeaks a level of high evolution and purpose. 4/25/2014
  • 42.  In order for you to fully grasp our meaning and definition of what it means to be an Alpha,  we must first strip away everything that is currently tied to that word and idea. 4/25/2014
  • 43.  simply means the most dominant within a group,  or the strongest in a group or the most confident in a group.  Not a person who is necessarily strong or confident in the absolute sense;  just someone who, in a given group of people, most outwardly projects strength or confidence. 4/25/2014
  • 44.  the problem with the definition of Alpha isn’t really the assumed aggression or implied cockiness;  it’s the fact that the entire foundational principle for self-value is comparative analysis. 4/25/2014
  • 45. the entire assessment of self is based on where you fall relative to others in this imagine hierarchy that exists in your mind. 4/25/2014
  • 46.  We want to take back the concept ofThe Alpha  and use it as we believe it should be used. 4/25/2014
  • 47.  This is someone who is not just assertive,  but evolved.  You want to focus on the things you can control.  The number one thing you can control… is you. 4/25/2014
  • 48.  you need to improve internally and externally because you want to be better than you were and -- not be better than someone else.  That is beingThe Alpha.  Or, as I call it ▪The Alpha version of you. 4/25/2014
  • 49.  a man who takes the natural competitive drive inherent in the masculine psyche  and directs it towards the fulfillment lofty goals  and the accomplishment of great things,  rather than wastes it on petty envy. 4/25/2014
  • 50.  These are the traits you’ll find in a man who’s looking to make himself better so that he can best serve the world  the traits of an Alpha. 4/25/2014
  • 51.  The drive to become successful isn’t simply a means to a narcissistic and individualistic end.  The Alpha understands that taking care of his primary goals is only part of creating the life he wants;  the other half is influencing and shaping the world he lives in.  It’s taking what you’ve learned  the good and the bad  and being able to pay that knowledge forward and make the world a better place. 4/25/2014
  • 52.  TheAlpha gives advice and encourages others,  but he does not look to do things for them.  He understands that they need to do things on their own, and while they sometimes may need assistance,  theAlpha realizes that if he were to overstep his bounds and solve the problems for them,  they wouldn’t learn. 4/25/2014
  • 53.  The previous incarnation of the Alpha was always thought of as cocky, as the guy who put others down to elevate himself.  The redefinedAlpha is not characterized by some overt cockiness that is projected to hide deeper insecurities but rather by a true confidence,  an honest assessment of his strengths and weaknesses as well as what he can immediately achieve and what he needs to work on. 4/25/2014
  • 54.  to display his confidence in his ability to share thoughts, ideas and plans  that can positively influence the world around him and the people in it.  If you have good ideas,  you should share them.  If you think you can help people,  then you should take action. 4/25/2014
  • 55.  Good-looking people can go a little farther in this world.  It’s not a hard-line rule,  but it is a general observation that has been proven over and over again.  Men who are rated as more attractive also happen to make more money in their jobs and have higher positions. 4/25/2014
  • 56.  is a good thing because it’s really just a manifestation of wanting to take care of yourself.  When you look good, you feel good.  When you feel good,  you exude an energy that improves your world and the world of the people you interact with. 4/25/2014
  • 57.  The difference between pride and arrogance is a fine line but one that separates those men who inspire from those considered assholes.  Everything depends on how you react to your success.  Do you share your successes as a means to promote more creative and progressive thought  or do you expect things to happen because of what you’ve already accomplished? 4/25/2014
  • 58.  is assuming that, because you’ve reached a certain level,  you’re entitled to certain privileges and opportunities.  On the other hand,  pride is acknowledging your success but always retaining the mindset that you have to earn every opportunity, hustle for every success, and prove yourself over and over again. 4/25/2014
  • 59.  Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us grounded.  Most importantly, it keeps us hungry.  Understanding that you are smart is essential to building the confidence you need to achieve;  reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver that will help you learn more and become even smarter.  The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little self-deprecating is taking life -- and himself -- too seriously.  He’s humble and hungry,  but he gives himself credit where it’s due.  And he never, ever loses faith in himself. 4/25/2014
  • 60.  You’re going to have to put up with some crap in life  Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers or bosses, part of life is dealing with crap.  Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding your place in the world, as is being comfortable with opposing opinions and beliefs.  Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be argumentative with everything that goes against your worldview and values.  You have to be tolerant of people’s mistakes, shortcomings, and personal opinions.  Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole  And you don’t want to be an asshole. 4/25/2014
  • 61.  You know the workaholic as the guy who stays late at the office and works himself to the bone.  Doesn’t matter if it’s Monday at 11 a.m. or Saturday at 2 a.m. –  the workaholic is a machine designed to get things done.  On one hand, we admire these people.  There’s something to be said about a great work ethic, hustle and desire to take on seemingly impossible projects.  On the other hand, there’s an aspect of the workaholic that we pity. 4/25/2014
  • 62.  to their families, friends, health and,  most of all, to themselves.  They are dedicated to improvement,  but they are not tied to a narcissistic view that impairs their ability to create a rich, multifaceted existence. 4/25/2014
  • 63. 1. A man is self-sustaining and resourceful  He can do everything required for his survival and sustenance  2. A man understands that greater happiness lies in helping others, not helping himself.  3. A man doesn’t stand still while the world passes him by,  he continually pushes himself. 4/25/2014
  • 64. 4. A man is a leader  in at least one aspect of his life, whether this means his family, with his friends or just in general.  But he can also follow.  Great Leaders know when to just shut-up!  "One of the most important leadership lessons is realizing you're not the most important or intelligent person in the room at all times". - Alfred Campbell 4/25/2014
  • 65. 5. He Processes life through the lens of HEAD (Sound Judgment)  and HEART  (Good Feelings - without Pathological Attachments)  There is a reason why the head is located above the heart,  sound reasoning should always take priority over good feelings.  When you bring your head down to the level of your heart,  we call that rationalization.  When you elevate your heart to the level of your head,  that is maturity and wisdom 4/25/2014
  • 66.  6. Has integrity:  This means he will stay true to his word and true to himself.  If he tells you that he is going to do something, ▪ he will do it.  This is also the kind of man you can rely on, knowing that he will always be there for you. 4/25/2014
  • 67.  7. Is A Protector:  A man should be able to protect himself and his family physically.  He should be willing to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe and happy. 4/25/2014
  • 68.  8. A man lives for something;  a purpose beyond his own personal gains.  This can come with time, and with family.  It doesn’t always happen right away. 4/25/2014
  • 69.  9. He Knows when to hold, when to fold, when to walk away, when to run 4/25/2014
  • 70.  10. Is Honest:  An honest man will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear.  he will tell you what he will do and how he feels about something.  It’s true that brutal honesty can be offensive sometimes ▪ but it’s better to have a man that tells you the truth than one that fills you with lies. 4/25/2014
  • 71.  11. Is FaithfulTo His Word:  Faithfulness may be one of the most important characteristics when it comes to great men.  Men don’t cheat because they don’t feel loved anymore, they cheat because they need sex.  Some men need to sleep with other women ‘while others cheat because the sex is gone in the relationship. 4/25/2014
  • 72.  12. A man takes pride  in how he looks and lives his life.  He’s not ashamed by who he is, what he does or how he looks,  even if he’s trying to change one of the aforementioned. 4/25/2014
  • 73.  13. Is Mature:  Being mature means a man is able to care of himself and approaches problems with a calm and collected manner.  He understands the importance of being a man, being independent and values what he has.  A mature man doesn’t have to be rich, ▪ but needs to know how to handle his money.  Also, a mature man will be able to carry himself in a public setting in a respectable manner and understands his adult role. 4/25/2014
  • 74.  14. Has a Positive Attitude:  A good man should have a positive attitude which may be difficult to find since we live in such a negative society.  With a positive attitude, people will want to be around him and to have fun around him.  A good man will be happy with his life and the world around him and he will want to look out for others and to help them.  A negative person will always be complaining and seeing the bad side to everything and after a while they can be very hard to be around and they tend to turn you into a negative person also. 4/25/2014
  • 75.  15. Is Self-Confident:  A good man will be confident in himself and who he is.  This is an important characteristic in a good man because when they are self-confident, they are less likely to change who they are and to stay true to themselves.  A man with self-confidence will not be deterred from what he believes to be true and will not be easily pressured into doing things that he does not believe in.  Self-confidence makes a man happy and fun to be around because he will not be constantly questioning himself or others around him. 4/25/2014
  • 76.  16. A man learns from his mistakes.  Although he might take a few cracks at it.  17. A man does what is necessary.  Even if it’s the hardest decision,  or the most unpopular one. 4/25/2014
  • 77.  18. A Man Should be Financially Sound  A characteristic of a good man isn’t that he makes a lot of money,  but that he handles his money well.  He does well with what he has. 4/25/2014
  • 78.  19. A man thrives on competition.  But remember, 4/25/2014
  • 79. 20. Is A Gentleman:  A great man needs to be polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs.  This also includes the classic gentleman behavior such as pulling a woman’s chair, walking on the car side of the street, taking her coat etc.  if all men had were gentlemen we would live in a better world.  Today, things are not like that making the mans that have this quality stand out. 4/25/2014
  • 80.
  • 82.  lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect,  throw tantrums, have princess syndrome,  don’t have strong values or boundaries  and can’t hold yourself on your own  then expect that you will attract only boys.
  • 83.  independent, ambitious,  knows your worth and value,  has a strong moral compass,  is considerate and an able communicator  and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche,  then you should be dating a man.
  • 84.  and goes for it.  A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really.  He doesn’t think too much about it,  and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it.  A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  • 85.  and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure  in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment  and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  • 86.  who is supportive, grounded  encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner.  A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  • 87.  and will take initiative to get to know her.  A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky,  but gives up before ever really trying.
  • 88.  to have uncomfortable conversations.  He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand.  A boy avoids.  He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings.  Instead of dealing with a situation,  he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  • 89.  and jump in with two feet.  A boy is always “testing”  he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready.  But the truth is, because he is a boy,  regardless of who he meets,  he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  • 90.  but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life.  A boy is getting drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  • 91.  on the type of man he wants to be,  the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life.  He has put thought into his values.  A boy has not established his moral compass or values  and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  • 92.  He means what he says,  and says what he means.  He has follow through and actions his promises.  And if he can’t  he has the guts to tell you why.  A boy  makes promises  but doesn’t follow through.
  • 93.  but will put himself out there anyway.  A boy is afraid of rejection  and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
  • 94.  A man doesn’t.  (We mean mind games).
  • 95.  is a relationship and lifestyle columnist.  To read more of her articles, 
  • 96. women_b_4174422.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003
  • 97. Between Dating A Girl And A Woman
  • 98.  A man is attracted to women.  Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person.  I'm referring to maturity,  life vision and stage of life.  In fact, some people regardless of their age,  will never really grow up.  Also, this isn't to say that a woman won't ever have "girlish" or immature tendencies or vice versa.  This post refers to one's maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
  • 99.  However, if you are a man  independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass,  is considerate and an able communicator  and doesn't let insecurity dominate your psyche,  then you should be dating a woman.
  • 100.  When displeased, upset or angry,  she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn't get her way with her parents.  This often consists of screaming, pouting,  giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing.  A woman  still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased,  but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting.  She comes to the table as an adult,  and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
  • 101.  and believes people should treat her like so.  She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates.  A woman,  has standards (what she holds herself to)  not expectations (what she projects on to others).
  • 102.  A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality,  that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life.  A woman,  knows her worth is beyond her physicality.  A woman bases her value on her intelligence,  her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
  • 103.  A woman  plans to be financially independent  she banks on... herself.  And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner,  it's considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
  • 104.  She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate.  A woman  helps other women.  She knows that there's plenty enough to go around  and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
  • 105.  and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean.  A woman  understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others.  She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family,  having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
  • 106. a woman wants respect.  “A girl wants to be adored by many.  A woman ▪ wants to be adored by one." ▪ anonymous
  • 107.  She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it's important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with.
  • 108.  "A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions.  A woman  cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.“
  • 109.  to reflect on the type of human she wants to be,  the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life.  She has put thought into her values and what she stands for.  A girl  has not established her moral compass or values  and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  • 110.  "After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives.  After spending time with a woman,  you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”
  • 111.  that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else.  Here is an example of how this checklist may look:  Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over six feet tall, rich..  THEWOMAN’S checklist:  High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available...
  • 112.  A woman doesn't.
  • 113.  is a relationship and lifestyle columnist. 
  • 114. AreYouThe Evolved Man?
  • 115. 4/25/2014