It’s as simple, and as
complicated, as that.
The release of The Shriver Report,
a study of the status of women in the
The second was the publication of
The Art of Manliness,
a book of advice on manhood
▪ (See DUSTIN WAX’s Review )
Women now make up half of theAmerican
and are the primary breadwinner or co-
breadwinner in 2/3 of American families.
men and women are approaching equality
Similar situation in Jamaica
Men Are Not Quite Sure
HowTo Be Anymore
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 6
has been constructed over the
almost entirely around the idea of
men as providers and protectors,
women don’t need that any more.
Women earn on average more than men.
Women are waiting longer to get
are more often the initiators of divorce
with their own incomes, they can afford
to be pickier about their spouses,
both going into marriage and when deciding
whether to continue their relationships.
elimination a great many jobs that were
traditionally the sole province of men –
the manufacturing and heavy labor jobs
that relied on a powerful physique and a
kind of working class swagger,
most of which have been either
automated or off-shored.
a new knowledge economy
has sprung up,
creativity, and self-motivation
over brawn and emotional control.
While there’s no inherent reason why
women should do better in these
emerging businesses than men,
the fact is that men have largely given
over the field
while wasting time twiddling our thumbs
over the loss of jobs
▪ where “men could be men”.
Women now make up the majority of college
and grad school students, even in many areas
in science and technology traditionally
considered to be men’s domains.
Boys almost never read –
only some 1 out of 5 young adult books are read
by boys, who have determined that reading
books is for sissies.
Boys are more likely to drop out of high
instead of learning how to be
men in a changing world,
we’ve been boys, dragged kicking
and screaming into a world where
women are increasingly equal
we’ve focused most of our energy
on simply emphasizing the
characteristics that traditionally
▪toughness and physical brawn.
the exaggerated emphasis on toughness
and physical strength are misleading –
and besides creating a great deal of
violence in our society,
they are preventing us from thinking in
constructive ways about the kind of men
we could be in today’s world.
the changes we’re living in are largely positive
men are, or could be, much more connected with
their families and their partners,
women are getting the opportunity to
develop identities that aren’t solely defined
and the workforce is getting a much larger pool of
people to draw talent from.
The code of manhood fluctuates
according to the abundance of resources
in a given society.
The scarcer the resources,
the more the code of manhood is
the more men need to be good at
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 17
Men’s greater expendability, physical
strength, and predisposition towards risk-taking,
competition, and status-seeking
are needed to procure hard-to-attain resources,
and to protect them once they’ve been secured.
Differentiation between gender roles increases,
as a particular division of labor offers a survival
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 18
the 3 P’s of Manhood represented what
societies needed most from men.
They were the tenets of being good at being
Protection, procreation, and
were the vital imperatives that helped societies all
around the world survive and grow.
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 20
served as the foundation for the code of
nothing else was possible if men failed in this charge.
Once the perimeter was secure,
the population was growing steadily,
and there was enough food and resources to feed the
men could then start to concentrate on
cultivating higher virtues of character and
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 21
what societies most needed from men were not
fierce warriors or skilled hunters,
but hard-working husbands, loving fathers,
honest politicians, wise philosophers,
and clever innovators.
The tactical virtues of
strength, courage, mastery, and honor
were lifted off the battlefield and applied more
abstractly to the tasks of heading
families, running governments, and building
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 23
Still contained a requirement to
cultivate courage, to marry and have children, and
to provide for one’s family.
But unlike the pre-modern version,
this new definition of manliness wasn’t as directly
related to anything unique about men’s biological
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 25
Men were expected to be as virtuous
and chaste as women,
providing often did not involve any
danger or the need for physical
Being a good man
wasn’t dramatically different from being a
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 26
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 31
DENY YOUTH ACCESS TO PRODUCTIVE MEANS
The Economist, Sept 28, 1996
begins when the one egg released
for the month by a woman
unites with one of the millions of
sperms produced by a man in the
Only the fittest of the fittest
Between conception and birth
reproductive waste is largely male.
This struggle continues until
4/25/2014 www.SlideShare.net/LSemaj 33
4/25/2014 www.jobbank-ja.com 34
Men smoke more lung-
Men drink more cirrhosis-
Men take more mind
bending hard drugs
4/25/2014 www.jobbank-ja.com 35
Men have higher death
rates for all 15 leading
causes of death;
from accidents to AIDS
Men eat more
disease producing red meat
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Men expose themselves to
more on-the-job disabling
Men account for 94% of all
Drive faster and more
to kill and be killed
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Men possess more firearms
and other deadly weapons
to take each others lives
Men have more stress and
tension building competitive
Women complain of a shortage of
and they will be right!
More men at the bottom of the
economic ladder than women
And more men involved in crime
The following 7 essential attributes of an
alpha male come from the book
Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha:
A RealWorld Guide to an Unreal Life,
▪ written by fitness experts and celebrity trainers Adam
Bornstein and John Romaniello.
Here’s the problem:
ALPHA is a term that comes with a lot of
connotations, many of them negative.
The goal is to reclaim it
to redefine what it means to be an Alpha,
make it a positive term that bespeaks a
level of high evolution and purpose.
In order for you to fully grasp our
meaning and definition of what it
means to be an Alpha,
we must first strip away everything
that is currently tied to that word
simply means the most
dominant within a group,
or the strongest in a group or the
most confident in a group.
Not a person who is necessarily
strong or confident in the
just someone who, in a given
group of people, most
outwardly projects strength or
the problem with the definition of
Alpha isn’t really the assumed
aggression or implied cockiness;
it’s the fact that the entire
foundational principle for self-value
is comparative analysis.
the entire assessment of self
is based on where you fall
relative to others in this
imagine hierarchy that exists
in your mind.
We want to take
back the concept
and use it as we
believe it should
This is someone who is
not just assertive,
You want to focus on
the things you can
The number one thing
you can control…
you need to improve internally and
externally because you want to be
better than you were and -- not be
better than someone else.
That is beingThe Alpha.
Or, as I call it
▪The Alpha version of you.
a man who takes the
natural competitive drive
inherent in the masculine
and directs it towards the
fulfillment lofty goals
and the accomplishment of
rather than wastes it on
These are the traits you’ll find in a
man who’s looking to make himself
better so that he can best serve the
the traits of an Alpha.
The drive to become successful isn’t simply a
means to a narcissistic and individualistic end.
The Alpha understands that taking care of his
primary goals is only part of creating the life he
the other half is influencing and shaping the world he
It’s taking what you’ve learned
the good and the bad
and being able to pay that knowledge forward and
make the world a better place.
TheAlpha gives advice and encourages
but he does not look to do things for them.
He understands that they need to do things
on their own, and while they sometimes may
theAlpha realizes that if he were to overstep
his bounds and solve the problems for them,
they wouldn’t learn.
The previous incarnation of the Alpha was
always thought of as cocky, as the guy who
put others down to elevate himself.
The redefinedAlpha is not characterized by
some overt cockiness that is projected to hide
deeper insecurities but rather by a true
an honest assessment of his strengths and
weaknesses as well as what he can immediately
achieve and what he needs to work on.
to display his confidence in his ability to share
thoughts, ideas and plans
that can positively influence the world around him
and the people in it.
If you have good ideas,
you should share them.
If you think you can help people,
then you should take action.
Good-looking people can go a little farther in
It’s not a hard-line rule,
but it is a general observation that has been
proven over and over again.
Men who are rated as more attractive also
happen to make more money in their jobs
and have higher positions.
is a good thing because it’s really just a
manifestation of wanting to take care of
When you look good, you feel good.
When you feel good,
you exude an energy that improves your world
and the world of the people you interact with.
The difference between pride and arrogance is a
fine line but one that separates those men who
inspire from those considered assholes.
Everything depends on how you react to your
Do you share your successes as a means to
promote more creative and progressive thought
or do you expect things to happen because of what
you’ve already accomplished?
is assuming that, because you’ve reached a
you’re entitled to certain privileges and
On the other hand,
pride is acknowledging your success but always
retaining the mindset that you have to earn every
opportunity, hustle for every success, and prove
yourself over and over again.
Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us
Most importantly, it keeps us hungry.
Understanding that you are smart is essential to building
the confidence you need to achieve;
reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver
that will help you learn more and become even smarter.
The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little
self-deprecating is taking life -- and himself -- too
He’s humble and hungry,
but he gives himself credit where it’s due.
And he never, ever loses faith in himself.
You’re going to have to put up with some crap in life
Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers or
bosses, part of life is dealing with crap.
Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding
your place in the world, as is being comfortable with
opposing opinions and beliefs.
Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be
argumentative with everything that goes against your
worldview and values.
You have to be tolerant of people’s
mistakes, shortcomings, and personal opinions.
Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole
And you don’t want to be an asshole.
You know the workaholic as the guy who stays
late at the office and works himself to the bone.
Doesn’t matter if it’s Monday at 11 a.m. or
Saturday at 2 a.m. –
the workaholic is a machine designed to get things
On one hand, we admire these people.
There’s something to be said about a great work
ethic, hustle and desire to take on seemingly
On the other hand, there’s an aspect of the
workaholic that we pity.
to their families, friends, health and,
most of all, to themselves.
They are dedicated to improvement,
but they are not tied to a narcissistic
view that impairs their ability to create
a rich, multifaceted existence.
1. A man is self-sustaining and resourceful
He can do everything required for his survival
2. A man understands that greater happiness
lies in helping others, not helping himself.
3. A man doesn’t stand still while the world
passes him by,
he continually pushes himself.
4. A man is a leader
in at least one aspect of his life, whether this
means his family, with his friends or just in
But he can also follow.
Great Leaders know when to just shut-up!
"One of the most important leadership lessons is
realizing you're not the most important or
intelligent person in the room at all times". -
5. He Processes life
through the lens of HEAD (Sound Judgment)
(Good Feelings - without Pathological Attachments)
There is a reason why the head is located above the
sound reasoning should always take priority over good
When you bring your head down to the level of your heart,
we call that rationalization.
When you elevate your heart to the level of your head,
that is maturity and wisdom
6. Has integrity:
This means he will stay true to his word and true
If he tells you that he is going to do something,
▪ he will do it.
This is also the kind of man you can rely
on, knowing that he will always be there for you.
7. Is A Protector:
A man should be able to protect
himself and his family physically.
He should be willing to do whatever
it takes to keep his family safe and
8. A man lives for something;
a purpose beyond his own personal
This can come with time, and with
It doesn’t always happen right away.
9. He Knows when to hold,
when to fold,
when to walk away,
when to run
10. Is Honest:
An honest man will tell you the truth and not just
what you want to hear.
he will tell you what he will do and how he feels
It’s true that brutal honesty can be offensive
▪ but it’s better to have a man that tells you the truth than
one that fills you with lies.
11. Is FaithfulTo His Word:
Faithfulness may be one of the most important
characteristics when it comes to great men.
Men don’t cheat because they don’t feel loved
anymore, they cheat because they need sex.
Some men need to sleep with other women ‘while
others cheat because the sex is gone in the
12. A man takes pride
in how he looks and lives his life.
He’s not ashamed by who he
is, what he does or how he looks,
even if he’s trying to change one of the
13. Is Mature:
Being mature means a man is able to care of himself
and approaches problems with a calm and collected
He understands the importance of being a man, being
independent and values what he has.
A mature man doesn’t have to be rich,
▪ but needs to know how to handle his money.
Also, a mature man will be able to carry himself in a
public setting in a respectable manner and
understands his adult role.
14. Has a Positive Attitude:
A good man should have a positive attitude which
may be difficult to find since we live in such a negative
With a positive attitude, people will want to be around
him and to have fun around him.
A good man will be happy with his life and the world
around him and he will want to look out for others
and to help them.
A negative person will always be complaining and
seeing the bad side to everything and after a while
they can be very hard to be around and they tend to
turn you into a negative person also.
15. Is Self-Confident:
A good man will be confident in himself and who he is.
This is an important characteristic in a good man because
when they are self-confident, they are less likely to change
who they are and to stay true to themselves.
A man with self-confidence will not be deterred from what
he believes to be true and will not be easily pressured into
doing things that he does not believe in.
Self-confidence makes a man happy and fun to be around
because he will not be constantly questioning himself or
others around him.
16. A man learns from his mistakes.
Although he might take a few cracks at it.
17. A man does what is necessary.
Even if it’s the hardest decision,
or the most unpopular one.
18. A Man Should be Financially Sound
A characteristic of a good man isn’t that he makes
a lot of money,
but that he handles his money well.
He does well with what he has.
19. A man thrives on competition.
20. Is A Gentleman:
A great man needs to be
polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a
This also includes the classic gentleman behavior
such as pulling a woman’s chair, walking on the
car side of the street, taking her coat etc.
if all men had were gentlemen we would live in a
Today, things are not like that making the mans
that have this quality stand out.
lack independence, are ruled by
insecurity, lack self-respect,
throw tantrums, have princess
don’t have strong values or boundaries
and can’t hold yourself on your own
then expect that you will attract only
knows your worth and value,
has a strong moral compass,
is considerate and an able
and doesn’t let insecurity dominate
then you should be dating a man.
and goes for it.
A boy may have somewhat of an
idea, but not really.
He doesn’t think too much about it,
and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to
A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
and is working towards building a
foundation and infrastructure
in order to have a family (at some
point in his life).
A boy lives only in the moment
and his plans are mostly around
which bar he’s going to hit up on the
who is supportive, grounded
encompasses a shared set of
values when choosing a partner.
A boy cares mostly only for
girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
and will take initiative to get to
A boy may make an attempt if
but gives up before ever really trying.
to have uncomfortable conversations.
He is honest with his intentions and lets people
know where they stand.
A boy avoids.
He ignores confrontation or any serious talks
Instead of dealing with a situation,
he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses
to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a
and jump in with two feet.
A boy is always “testing”
he doesn’t fully commit because he never
knows if he is quite ready.
But the truth is, because he is a boy,
regardless of who he meets,
he will never be ready due to the stage of
life he is in.
but is often busy making strides
in his career and building his life.
A boy is getting drunk with his
buddies at the bar every
on the type of man he wants to be,
the example he wants to leave and
the vision for his life.
He has put thought into his values.
A boy has not established his moral
compass or values
and consequently, is often inconsistent.
He means what he says,
and says what he means.
He has follow through and actions his
And if he can’t
he has the guts to tell you why.
but doesn’t follow through.
but will put himself out there
is afraid of rejection
and acts passive so that his pride and
ego won’t ever get too banged up.
A man is attracted to women.
Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a
I'm referring to maturity,
life vision and stage of life.
In fact, some people regardless of their age,
will never really grow up.
Also, this isn't to say that a woman won't ever have
"girlish" or immature tendencies or vice versa.
This post refers to one's maturity and most points
would also apply if you switch the genders as well.
However, if you are a man
independent, knows your worth and
value, has a strong moral compass,
is considerate and an able communicator
and doesn't let insecurity dominate your
then you should be dating a woman.
When displeased, upset or angry,
she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn't
get her way with her parents.
This often consists of screaming, pouting,
giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive
still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased,
but has cultivated the skill of responding versus
She comes to the table as an adult,
and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
and believes people should treat her like so.
She is entitled and feels that she is owed and
therefore expects more than she appreciates.
has standards (what she holds herself to)
not expectations (what she projects on to others).
A girl may be so used to feeling validated
through her looks and sexuality,
that she uses this as her primary tool to get what
she wants in life.
knows her worth is beyond her physicality.
A woman bases her value on her intelligence,
her strength, her integrity, her values, her
contributions, her humanity.
plans to be financially independent
she banks on... herself.
And if she so happens to enter a
relationship dynamic where it makes
sense for her partner to be the primary
it's considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
She competes and will even tear down
another in order to secure resources or a
helps other women.
She knows that there's plenty enough to go
and takes the high road of integrity to get what
and is proud of the fact that she cannot
cook or clean.
understands that being domestic is not a duty, but
understands that it is one way of taking care of
herself and others.
She also understands that in the event she
wants to create a family,
having a person in the household who can
contribute domestically is important.
a woman wants respect.
“A girl wants to be adored by many.
▪ wants to be adored by one."
She has not yet understood that
her body and heart are sacred,
and that it's important to be
mindful of how she treats it and
who she shares it with.
"A girl cherishes
handbags, diamonds and her shoe
collection as her prize possessions.
cherishes her health, her sense of
self, and her talents as her greatest
to reflect on the type of human she wants to
the example she wants to leave and the vision for
She has put thought into her values and what
she stands for.
has not established her moral compass or values
and consequently, is often inconsistent.
"After spending time with a girl, you feel
exhausted because she takes more than she
After spending time with a woman,
you feel invigorated, because she empowers you
with possibility, and a passion for life.”
that prioritizes superficial qualities above
Here is an example of how this checklist may
Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over six feet tall,
High integrity, intelligent, kind, good
communicator, emotionally available...