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Being a man in the 21st century


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The Alpha This is someone who is not just assertive, …

The Alpha This is someone who is not just assertive,
but evolved. You want to focus on the things you can control.
The number one thing you can control… is you.
To achieve success that you strive for, you need to improve internally and externally because you want to be better than you were and -- not be better than someone else.
That is being The Alpha. Or, as I call it The Alpha version of you.

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  • 1. Leahcim Semaj, PhD
  • 2. Mobile: 876.383.5627 Skype: LSemaj Office: 876.948.5627 Twitter: LSemaj Email: Facebook: Leahcim Semaj Blog: 10/30/2013 2
  • 3. It’s as simple, and as complicated, as that. 10/30/2013 3
  • 4.  The release of The Shriver Report,  a study of the status of women in the United States.  The second was the publication of The Art of Manliness,  a book of advice on manhood ▪ (See DUSTIN WAX’s Review ) 10/30/2013 4
  • 5.    Women now make up half of the American workforce, and are the primary breadwinner or cobreadwinner in 2/3 of American families. Today’s workplace  men and women are approaching equality  Similar situation in Jamaica 10/30/2013 5
  • 6. men are not quite sure how to be anymore. 10/30/2013 6
  • 7.  has been constructed over the last century  almost entirely around the idea of men as providers and protectors,  and frankly,  women don’t need that any more. 10/30/2013 7
  • 8.    Women earn on average more than men. Women are waiting longer to get married, and are more often the initiators of divorce with their own incomes, they can afford to be pickier about their spouses,  both going into marriage and when deciding whether to continue their relationships. 10/30/2013 8
  • 9.  elimination a great many jobs that were traditionally the sole province of men –  the manufacturing and heavy labor jobs that relied on a powerful physique and a kind of working class swagger,  most of which have been either automated or off-shored. 10/30/2013 9
  • 10.  a new knowledge economy has sprung up,  privileging communication, creativity, and self-motivation  over brawn and emotional control. 10/30/2013 10
  • 11. While there’s no inherent reason why women should do better in these emerging businesses than men,  the fact is that men have largely given over the field   while wasting time twiddling our thumbs over the loss of jobs where “men could be men”. 10/30/2013 11
  • 12.   Women now make up the majority of college and grad school students, even in many areas in science and technology traditionally considered to be men’s domains. Boys almost never read –  only some 1 out of 5 young adult books are read by boys, who have determined that reading books is for sissies.  Boys are more likely to drop out of high school 10/30/2013 12
  • 13.  instead of learning how to be men in a changing world,  we’ve been boys, dragged kicking and screaming into a world where women are increasingly equal players. 10/30/2013 13
  • 14.  we’ve focused most of our energy on simply emphasizing the characteristics that traditionally defined masculinity,  namely toughness and physical brawn. 10/30/2013 14
  • 15. the exaggerated emphasis on toughness and physical strength are misleading –  and besides creating a great deal of violence in our society,  they are preventing us from thinking in constructive ways about the kind of men we could be in today’s world.  10/30/2013 15
  • 16.  the changes we’re living in are largely positive –  men are, or could be, much more connected with their families and their partners,  women are getting the opportunity to develop identities that aren’t solely defined by motherhood,  and the workforce is getting a much larger pool of people to draw talent from. ▪ Win-win-win! 10/30/2013 16
  • 17. 10/30/2013 19
  • 18. 10/30/2013 20
  • 20. Male Young Uneducated Unmarried Unemployed Unemployable The Economist, Sept 28, 1996 10/30/2013 22
  • 21. MURDERS SHOOTING 72% 10/30/2013 77% ROBBERY BREAKING RAPE CARNAL ABUSE 75% 60% 67% 66% 23
  • 22. MURDERS SHOOTING ROBBERY BREAKING RAPE 47% 54% 40% 25% 50% 10/30/2013 24
  • 23. Fatherless boys commit more crimes  A man in the home is more important than any other single factor  10/30/2013 27
  • 24.  84%  born to unmarried parents  38%  have no fathers name on birth certificate  66%  live with only one parent 10/30/2013 28
  • 25. Children living with:  Both parents – 58%  Mother & Step-father – 13%  Father & Step-mother – 4%  Mother only – 19%  Father only – 5% ▪ 1957 10/30/2013 29
  • 26. begins when the one egg released for the month by a woman unites with one of the millions of sperms produced by a man in the same month.  Only the fittest of the fittest survives.  Between conception and birth reproductive waste is largely male.  This struggle continues until death.  10/30/2013 30
  • 27. Men smoke more lungcancer-causing cigarettes  Men drink more cirrhosisof-the-liver-producing alcohol  Men take more mind bending hard drugs  10/30/2013 31
  • 28.  Men have higher death rates for all 15 leading causes of death;  from accidents to AIDS  10/30/2013 Men eat more unhealthy, cardiovascular-disease producing red meat 32
  • 29. Men expose themselves to more on-the-job disabling hazards  Men account for 94% of all on-the-job fatalities  Drive faster and more recklessly   to kill and be killed 10/30/2013 33
  • 30.  Men possess more firearms and other deadly weapons  to take each others lives  10/30/2013 Men have more stress and tension building competitive personalities 34
  • 31.  Women complain of a shortage of marriageable men  and they will be right!  More men at the bottom of the economic ladder than women  And more men involved in crime 35
  • 32. 10/30/2013 36
  • 33. Chapter 2
  • 34. 10/30/2013 38
  • 35.  The following 7 essential attributes of an alpha male come from the book  Man 2.0 Engineering the Alpha:  A Real World Guide to an Unreal Life, ▪ written by fitness experts and celebrity trainers Adam Bornstein and John Romaniello. 10/30/2013 39
  • 36. Here’s the problem: ALPHA is a term that comes with a lot of connotations, many of them negative.  The goal is to reclaim it    to redefine what it means to be an Alpha,  make it a positive term that bespeaks a level of high evolution and purpose. 10/30/2013 40
  • 37.  In order for you to fully grasp our meaning and definition of what it means to be an Alpha,  we must first strip away everything that is currently tied to that word and idea. 10/30/2013 41
  • 38.  simply means the most dominant within a group,  or the strongest in a group or the most confident in a group.  Not a person who is necessarily strong or confident in the absolute sense;  just someone who, in a given group of people, most outwardly projects strength or confidence. 10/30/2013 42
  • 39.  the problem with the definition of Alpha isn’t really the assumed aggression or implied cockiness;  it’s the fact that the entire foundational principle for self-value is comparative analysis. 10/30/2013 43
  • 40.  the entire assessment of self is based on where you fall relative to others in this imagine hierarchy that exists in your mind. 10/30/2013 44
  • 41.  We want to take back the concept of The Alpha  and use it as we believe it should be used. 10/30/2013 45
  • 42.  This is someone who is not just assertive,  but evolved.   10/30/2013 You want to focus on the things you can control. The number one thing you can control… is you. 46
  • 43. you need to improve internally and externally because you want to be better than you were and -- not be better than someone else.  That is being The Alpha.   Or, as I call it ▪ The Alpha version of you. 10/30/2013 47
  • 44.  a man who takes the natural competitive drive inherent in the masculine psyche  and directs it towards the fulfillment lofty goals  and the accomplishment of great things,  rather than wastes it on petty envy. 10/30/2013 48
  • 45.  These are the traits you’ll find in a man who’s looking to make himself better so that he can best serve the world  the traits of an Alpha. 10/30/2013 49
  • 46.   The drive to become successful isn’t simply a means to a narcissistic and individualistic end. The Alpha understands that taking care of his primary goals is only part of creating the life he wants;  the other half is influencing and shaping the world he lives in.  It’s taking what you’ve learned  the good and the bad  and being able to pay that knowledge forward and make the world a better place. 10/30/2013 50
  • 47.  The Alpha gives advice and encourages others,  but he does not look to do things for them.   He understands that they need to do things on their own, and while they sometimes may need assistance, the Alpha realizes that if he were to overstep his bounds and solve the problems for them,  they wouldn’t learn. 10/30/2013 51
  • 48.   The previous incarnation of the Alpha was always thought of as cocky, as the guy who put others down to elevate himself. The redefined Alpha is not characterized by some overt cockiness that is projected to hide deeper insecurities but rather by a true confidence,  an honest assessment of his strengths and weaknesses as well as what he can immediately achieve and what he needs to work on. 10/30/2013 52
  • 49.  to display his confidence in his ability to share thoughts, ideas and plans  that can positively influence the world around him and the people in it.  If you have good ideas,  you should share them.  If you think you can help people,  then you should take action. 10/30/2013 53
  • 50.   Good-looking people can go a little farther in this world. It’s not a hard-line rule,  but it is a general observation that has been proven over and over again.  Men who are rated as more attractive also happen to make more money in their jobs and have higher positions. 10/30/2013 54
  • 51.    is a good thing because it’s really just a manifestation of wanting to take care of yourself. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good,  you exude an energy that improves your world and the world of the people you interact with. 10/30/2013 55
  • 52.    The difference between pride and arrogance is a fine line but one that separates those men who inspire from those considered assholes. Everything depends on how you react to your success. Do you share your successes as a means to promote more creative and progressive thought  or do you expect things to happen because of what you’ve already accomplished? 10/30/2013 56
  • 53.  is assuming that, because you’ve reached a certain level,  you’re entitled to certain privileges and opportunities.  On the other hand,  pride is acknowledging your success but always retaining the mindset that you have to earn every opportunity, hustle for every success, and prove yourself over and over again. 10/30/2013 57
  • 54. Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us grounded.  Most importantly, it keeps us hungry.  Understanding that you are smart is essential to building the confidence you need to achieve;   reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver that will help you learn more and become even smarter. The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little self-deprecating is taking life -- and himself -- too seriously.  He’s humble and hungry, but he gives himself credit where it’s due.  And he never, ever loses faith in himself.  10/30/2013 58
  • 55.        You’re going to have to put up with some crap in life Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers or bosses, part of life is dealing with crap. Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding your place in the world, as is being comfortable with opposing opinions and beliefs. Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be argumentative with everything that goes against your worldview and values. You have to be tolerant of people’s mistakes, shortcomings, and personal opinions. Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole And you don’t want to be an asshole. 10/30/2013 59
  • 56.   You know the workaholic as the guy who stays late at the office and works himself to the bone. Doesn’t matter if it’s Monday at 11 a.m. or Saturday at 2 a.m. –  the workaholic is a machine designed to get things done.    On one hand, we admire these people. There’s something to be said about a great work ethic, hustle and desire to take on seemingly impossible projects. On the other hand, there’s an aspect of the workaholic that we pity. 10/30/2013 60
  • 57.  to their families, friends, health and,  most of all, to themselves.  They are dedicated to improvement,  but they are not tied to a narcissistic view that impairs their ability to create a rich, multifaceted existence. 10/30/2013 61
  • 58.
  • 60.  lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect,  throw tantrums, have princess syndrome,  don’t have strong values or boundaries  and can’t hold yourself on your own  then expect that you will attract only boys.
  • 61.  independent, ambitious,  knows your worth and value,  has a strong moral compass,  is considerate and an able communicator  and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche,  then you should be dating a man.
  • 62. and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really.  He doesn’t think too much about it,    and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it.  A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  • 63.  and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure  in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment  and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  • 64. who is supportive, grounded  encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner.  A boy cares mostly only for   girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  • 65. and will take initiative to get to know her.  A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky,   but gives up before ever really trying.
  • 66. to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand.  A boy avoids.  He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings.  Instead of dealing with a situation,    he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  • 67.  and jump in with two feet.  A boy is always “testing”  he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready.  But the truth is, because he is a boy,  regardless of who he meets,  he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  • 68. but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life.  A boy is getting drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend. 
  • 69.  on the type of man he wants to be,  the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life.  He has put thought into his values.  A boy has not established his moral compass or values  and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  • 70.  He means what he says,  and says what he means.  He has follow through and actions his promises.  And if he can’t  he has the guts to tell you why.  A boy makes promises  but doesn’t follow through.
  • 71.  but will put himself out there anyway.  A boy is afraid of rejection  and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
  • 72.  A man doesn’t.  (We mean mind games).
  • 73.  is a relationship and lifestyle columnist.  To read more of her articles, 
  • 74.
  • 75. Between Dating A Girl And A Woman
  • 76.    A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I'm referring to maturity,  life vision and stage of life.  In fact, some people regardless of their age,  will never really grow up. Also, this isn't to say that a woman won't ever have "girlish" or immature tendencies or vice versa.  This post refers to one's maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well. 
  • 77.  However, if you are a man  independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass,  is considerate and an able communicator  and doesn't let insecurity dominate your psyche,  then you should be dating a woman.
  • 78.  When displeased, upset or angry,  she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn't get her way with her parents.  This often consists of screaming, pouting,  giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing.  A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased,  but has cultivated the skill of responding versus reacting.  She comes to the table as an adult,  and communicates clearly what is bothering her.
  • 79.  and believes people should treat her like so.  She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to)   not expectations (what she projects on to others).
  • 80.  A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality,  that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life.  A woman,  knows her worth is beyond her physicality.  A woman bases her value on her intelligence,  her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.
  • 81.  A woman plans to be financially independent  she banks on... herself.  And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner,  it's considered a bonus, not the expected life line.
  • 82.    She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there's plenty enough to go around  and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.
  • 83.    and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family,  having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.
  • 84.  a woman wants respect.  “A girl wants to be adored by many.  A woman wants to be adored by one." ▪ anonymous
  • 85.  She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred,  and that it's important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with.
  • 86.  "A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions.  A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.“
  • 87.  to reflect on the type of human she wants to be,  the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life.   She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values  and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  • 88.   "After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.”
  • 89.   that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look:  Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over six feet tall, rich..  This is the checklist of what a woman may look for:  High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available...
  • 90.  A woman doesn't.
  • 91.   is a relationship and lifestyle columnist. T o read more of her articles, 
  • 92. 1. A man is self-sustaining and resourceful  He can do everything required for his survival and sustenance  2. A man understands that greater happiness lies in helping others, not helping himself.  3. A man doesn’t stand still while the world passes him by,  he continually pushes himself. 10/30/2013 97
  • 93. 4. A man is a leader  in at least one aspect of his life, whether this means his family, with his friends or just in general.   But he can also follow. Great Leaders know when to just shut-up!  "One of the most important leadership lessons is realizing you're not the most important or intelligent person in the room at all times". Alfred Campbell 10/30/2013 98
  • 94. 5. He Processes life through the lens of HEAD (Sound Judgement)  and HEART  (Good Feelings - without Pathological Attachments)  There is a reason why the head is located above the heart,  sound reasoning should always take priority over good feelings.  When you bring your head down to the level of your heart,  we call that rationalization.  When you elevate your heart to the level of your head,  that is maturity and wisdom 10/30/2013 99
  • 95.  6. Has integrity:  This means he will stay true to his word and true to himself.  If he tells you that he is going to do something, ▪ he will do it.  This is also the kind of man you can rely on, knowing that he will always be there for you. 10/30/2013 100
  • 96.  7. Is A Protector:  A man should be able to protect himself and his family physically.  He should be willing to do whatever it takes to keep his family safe and happy. 10/30/2013 101
  • 97.  8. A man lives for something;  a purpose beyond his own personal gains.  This can come with time, and with family.  It doesn’t always happen right away. 10/30/2013 102
  • 98.  9. He Knows when to hold,  when to fold,  when to walk away,  when to run 10/30/2013 103
  • 99.  10. Is Honest:  An honest man will tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear.  he will tell you what he will do and how he feels about something.  It’s true that brutal honesty can be offensive sometimes ▪ but it’s better to have a man that tells you the truth than one that fills you with lies. 10/30/2013 104
  • 100.  11. Is Faithful To His Word:  Faithfulness may be one of the most important characteristics when it comes to great men.  Men don’t cheat because they don’t feel loved anymore, they cheat because they need sex.  Some men need to sleep with other women ‘while others cheat because the sex is gone in the relationship. 10/30/2013 105
  • 101.  12. A man takes pride  in how he looks and lives his life.  He’s not ashamed by who he is, what he does or how he looks,  even if he’s trying to change one of the aforementioned. 10/30/2013 106
  • 102.  13. Is Mature:  Being mature means a man is able to care of himself and approaches problems with a calm and collected manner.  He understands the importance of being a man, being independent and values what he has.  A mature man doesn’t have to be rich, ▪ but needs to know how to handle his money.  Also, a mature man will be able to carry himself in a public setting in a respectable manner and understands his adult role. 10/30/2013 107
  • 103.  14. Has a Positive Attitude:  A good man should have a positive attitude which may be difficult to find since we live in such a negative society.  With a positive attitude, people will want to be around him and to have fun around him.  A good man will be happy with his life and the world around him and he will want to look out for others and to help them.  A negative person will always be complaining and seeing the bad side to everything and after a while they can be very hard to be around and they tend to turn you into a negative person also. 10/30/2013 108
  • 104.  15. Is Self-Confident:  A good man will be confident in himself and who he is.  This is an important characteristic in a good man because when they are self-confident, they are less likely to change who they are and to stay true to themselves.  A man with self-confidence will not be deterred from what he believes to be true and will not be easily pressured into doing things that he does not believe in.  Self-confidence makes a man happy and fun to be around because he will not be constantly questioning himself or others around him. 10/30/2013 109
  • 105.  16. A man learns from his mistakes.  Although he might take a few cracks at it.  17. A man does what is necessary.  Even if it’s the hardest decision, or the most unpopular one. 10/30/2013 110
  • 106.  18. A Man Should be Financially Sound  A characteristic of a good man isn’t that he makes a lot of money, but that he handles his money well.  He does well with what he has. 10/30/2013 111
  • 107.  19. A man thrives on competition.  But remember, 10/30/2013 112
  • 108. 20. Is A Gentleman:  A great man needs to be polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs.  This also includes the classic gentleman behavior such as pulling a woman’s chair, walking on the car side of the street, taking her coat etc.  if all men had were gentlemen we would live in a better world.  Today, things are not like that making the mans that have this quality stand out. 10/30/2013 113
  • 109. A Wuss, A Saps, A Pus*y (
  • 110. Guys have a big problem thinking wimpy behaviors equate to nice-guy behaviors.  While you're patting yourself on the back, the people around you are rolling their eyes because you're such a pushover.  10/30/2013 115
  • 111.  10/30/2013 but you have to be careful that you're not falling into a certain routine of actions because you're scared. 116
  • 112.  Women won't fall for you and men won't respect you. 10/30/2013 117
  • 113. 10/30/2013 118
  • 114. 10/30/2013 119
  • 115. 10/30/2013 120
  • 116. 10/30/2013 121
  • 117. 10/30/2013 122
  • 118. 10/30/2013 123
  • 119. 10/30/2013 124
  • 120. 10/30/2013 125
  • 121. 10/30/2013 126
  • 122.      People who are willing to speak up for their ideas and opinions are valued. You're remembered. Speaking up makes it seem like you have conviction. Guys who won't stand up for their beliefs will be seen as soft or as someone who doesn't have much to contribute. Don't be a wimp -- take a leap with your ideas. 10/30/2013 127
  • 123. Are You The Evolved Man?
  • 124. 10/30/2013 129