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Lee%20 henke%20correspondence%20jrv%20comments

  1. 1. m-ProviseMarch 16, 2011Lori Hunt, Supervisorm-Provise Inc.Dear Ms. Hunt:Enclosed are two response letters to the complaints in Group A and Group B. I seekyour revision or approval before I proceed in sending them to the respectableaddresses.Sincerely,Lee HenkeLee Henkem-Provise Bus. Comm. Internlee.henke@mnsu.eduEnclosure: Two Response Drafts
  2. 2. m-ProviseBusiness Communications March 16, 2011Mr. Jason Neivens412 Nowhere Ave.Fresno, CA 93650We are sorry to hear of your displeasure with our metallic water bottles. We atm-Provise believe our products are of the highest quality; hearing of disapproval fromour customers will help us correct the error and improve our future products. Weappreciate your help in locating an malfunction. I wish we could have corrected thismanufacturing error during the design or test process and for that we are deeply sorry.We promise to make you happy and restore you confidence in our company and ourproducts. Please enjoy this new and improved metallic water bottle in which we added aredesigned gasket for the lid.Mr. Neivens, we would like to thank you for drawing our attention to the problem andhelping us improve the quality of our products. Thank you for taking the time to writeand we hope we have restored your confidence in our company and products. Yours truly, Lee Henke Lee Henke Business CommunicationsEnclosure: Water Bottle m-Provise
  3. 3. Business Communications March 16, 2011Mr. Robert Johnson240 Somewhere Dr.Marshall City, IA 55525Dear Mr. Johnson,Thank you for your letter stating your concerns.We are sorry to hear of your recent disapproval of our Pulitzer-prize winning Novel,Brokeback Mountain. In your letter you stated you were expecting a Western of the likesof John Wayne. There is a detailed description of the novel located on the back coverand on the inside of the front cover. We can not take full responsibility for this claimbecause of the lack of consumer research.However, we would like to extend a gift card for half the amount you initially sent for theBrokeback Mountain Novel to show our willingness to please all of our customers.Again, we are sorry to hear of your disapproval but we hope this helped restore yourconfidence in our company’s appreciation for all customers.Sincerely,Lee HenkeLee HenkeBusiness CommunicationsEnclosure: Gift Card
  4. 4. I know that the assignment may have confused you because the specs on page 1asked you to select from Group A and Group B, but there was no Group A or Group B inthe samples. I believe that I mentioned in the chat that I clarified the issue. Since thisassignment fell over Spring Break and you had two weeks, I asked you to respond to allfour. Several people made this error, and I am asking all of you to please revise andresubmit the assignment to respond to ALL of the complaints.Elements of Refusals (see pp. 330-331)• Open by establishing the context for your response.• Review the facts and provide an explanation of the bad news.• State the refusal concisely and without apology.• Establish/reestablish goodwill by providing an option, assuring the reader of your highopinion of them as a customer, offer a friendly remark, or wish the reader success.In spite of meeting these criteria, the letter still needs a revision to address thecomments above.Tactful Adjustment Letters (p. 339)• Uses a respectful tone and word choice.• Offers adjustment clearly and early in the letter.• Expresses appreciation for calling attention to the problem.• Explains the cause of the problem and any steps you are taking to solve it.• Avoids recalling the problem in the closing.Goodwill and "You" Viewpoint (p. 282) in ALL Business Communication• Be tactful, clear, and concise.• Provide sufficient detail.• Emphasize the readers needs or benefits to encourage the reader to act.• Write from the readers perspective. Use second person pronouns (you, your) morethan first person pronous (I, we, our, us).• Dont overdo it. Avoid writing that is fawning and insincere.GradingAssignments will be evaluated holistically based upon five categories: ability torecognize and satisfy the rhetorical situation (audience, purpose, context); a messagecontaining sufficient, accurate information and arguments based upon reliable,documented evidence; clear, logical organization that provides coherence within thedocument; professional style and syntax that adheres to the conventions of both thegenre and your discipline; and professional, usable design of the information adheringto both principles of document design and conventions of the genre and featuringvisuals when appropriate and useful. The score on a project reflects a holistic evaluationusing the guidelines below.A = Superior Accomplishment. An employer would be impressed with theprofessionalism and clear understanding of purpose, audience, content, expression,organization, style, and mechanics. No errors or revisions needed. Excellent analysis ofthe writing situation. The document is ready to be presented to the intended audience.
  5. 5. B = Commendable. The document is geared toward an audience and is well organized.Goes beyond requirements. Content could be more specific. There may be stylisticproblems. A supervisor or employer would require minor revisions before presentingthe document to the intended audience.C = Competent. The document meets the basic criteria of the assignment but witherrors that must be revised before presenting it to the intended audience. Thedeficiency in content, arrangement, concept of audience, mechanics, and/or style needattention. A supervisor or employer would be disappointed in the project. He/she wouldhave to take time out of his or her schedule to correct the work or send it back forrevision.D =Needs Improvement. The document does not fulfill all of the specifications.Significant defects in rhetorical situation, material, organization, expression, orcorrectness. The employer will be looking for someone to replace the employee on thisproject. This document would not be presented to the intended audience withoutsignificant revision.F = Unacceptable. Inadequate treatment of the assignment or does not meetassignment criteria. Glaring defects in material (content, purpose), organization (form,structure), expression, word choice, or correctness make the document inappropriatefor the rhetorical situation.