How to deal with Aspies
By : Khawar Nehal
8 Nov 2013
How to deal with Aspies
Aspie is a short form of Asperger's.
Asperger's is a part of neurodisorders.
Neurodisorders are of two types.
Restriction of development which is termed
neurodevelopmental disorders and Degeneration
after development which are called
Most neurodisorders are cause by environmental
factors, but research is directed away from them
by accepting reviews of research as real
research priority is given to genetics based
research which is unable to find cures because
of the false premise.
Cures to most neurodisorders can be done by
finding the major environmental causes and
eliminating them. The development takes about
5 years and then another 5 years are required to
learn about society or motor skills via practice.
How to deal with Aspies
To be able to deal with people with such
conditions, it is useful to read up on the
differences in behavior and limitations they have.
Many have to live a life where they have to act
normal so they do not tell you the differences.
Some aspies do not even know that their
thinking is different and live a life wondering why
other people think so differently or are so against
them for no reason.
How to deal with Aspies
As more research is and misinformation is
directed to genetic causes and environmental
causes are ignored, you can expect more autistic
and aspergers and parkinsons to prevail.
To cure it many need to open their minds to real
Use your association with the person to learn
what they can tolerate in regard to social
interaction. Often people with Asperger's are
easily overloaded, and since social give-andtake is more effort for them, they are easily tired,
and don't find gracious ways of indicating that.
But the sense of a connection with you is very
important to them.
You will see in your aspie a tendency to say or
do things that are socially inappropriate at the
time, such as saying something out loud most
people have learned to keep in their heads,
getting too close to someone else, or cutting in
line -- this is because they don't see the larger
social picture, most of the time, and don't
understand what other people are thinking or
feeling. You can tell them, if you can do so
without judgement -- we can't cut the line here,
all these other people have been waiting.
People with Asperger's are not closed off socially
like some people with Autism are. Asperger's is a
high-functioning condition, and the people who
have Asperger's typically have near normal
language skills and near-normal development
skills. But many of those with Asperger's may
find it hard to strike up a conversation when first
encounting a one to one situation. It helps them
to be able to talk about their interests, and for
you to share your own without being asked
(people with Asperger's might not think to ask).
They have been taught by society all the time to
“be normal.” They spend most of their mental
resources trying to come up with formulas and
short cuts to real world inputs and responses
which are appropriate.
Don't treat your friend any differently than you
want to be treated. It's embarrassing and
insulting and makes them feel as if they are
failing to be normal in a world that demands it to
even be present in any place. Approaching,
attempting conversation, sitting next to,
introducing to others, etc. as if the person is any
different is not only ignorant, it is grossly
disrespectful, and expresses a careless
disregard for the other person's feelings. Don't
think they won't notice.
Aspies are very suspicious of people trying to
make them look or appear different.
They have been hurt many times by people
calling them “different” and resulting in the being
rejected or ejected from the group or party.
They already have a tough time blending in and
being introduced as different makes it almost
impossible to be “normal.” So if you introduce an
aspie as different into any new group, then
expect some strange hostility from them in the
long run especially if they want to be in their
target group or place for the long run.
Talk to your friend like you would talk to anyone
else. As you do, you will pick up on clues
regarding what they are comfortable with. Use
those clues to direct your behaviour. They can
tolerate a lot of simple normal topics like wasting
time on politics or on an game which has no
value to the future and benefit in the real world.
They might want to discuss science or business
or something which they think is not so much a
waste of time.
Aspies want to play other characters as
entertainment. Especially aliens, superheroes, or
anything which is different from the common
world. They are “playing” the common person all
their life and want to show off their skills of
almost perfect acting by taking on a different role
and show of perfection. You may find that their
attention to details is too much and “such a big
Assuming something makes an “A** out of U and
me.” A**-U-Me. This is the hard lesson learned
by all aspies early in life so it becomes a hard
rule. No assumptions until you have something
Don't lay your emotions bare to your aspie friend
without an explanation of why you feel this way.
You would be alluding to something, and they
may not necessarily comprehend what your point
is. Even if they get it, they shall feel they need a
confirmation before accepting anything.
Telling them how you feel, even when you think
it's patently obvious, is a commonly used social
skill, but don't expect them to do the same. This
sort of interaction is so foreign that it is
frightening. They have so much experience in
getting into so much trouble, that they cannot
even think about doing such behavior.
Additionally, If you are going to get "touchy feely"
it can sometimes be very helpful to instigate this,
but please don't surprise them.
Always ask before you hug your aspie friend.
If they say "no," respect that, it's not necessarily
personal; they could well find some sensory
experiences unusually overwhelming.
If you feel that they are acting strangely, don't
draw attention to it (unless it is dangerous or you
can see that it is drawing attention that might get
them into trouble).
You'll be best off saying something that you
would say to anyone else, if you do it in a friendly
way, such as "that's bothering me," or "please
don't do that."
If there is enough humour and affection in your
relationship and/or your tone, you can tell them
"that looks a little odd."
If they ask why, explain without condescension,
the way you might explain to a new driver how to
merge onto a highway -- people with Asperger's
don't tend to pick up on such things, as smart as
they may be or look.
They are considered geniuses but also look like
totally dumb jerks when it comes to social skills.
Although some behaviors are out of the ordinary,
they are usually not serious.
Sometimes they shall swivel from side to side in
an office chair or rock back and forth like a
pendulum while in an important meeting and not
even know they are doing it. Really they don't.
For normal people that is considered rude and
even ruder to act like you did not know that you
were doing such actions without intent.
Of course you can offer to introduce them to your
other friends! Like most of us they may act
differently in the presence of your friends, or their
friends. Social interaction is generally hard work
and emotionally exhausting for Aspies.
They may enjoy the social interaction or find too
much to cope with. If the situation is socially
awkward and a bit clumsy, it may not be
Asperger's, they could simply not get along.
However, don't try to force them to get along with
your friends. They will probably be most outgoing
only when encountered one-on-one.
To get better social interaction from an aspie, it is
better to make sure they are well rested. For
them a party is like a marathon. If they have less
sleep, you can expect them to make more
“mistakes” and blow up and have to leave the
party because they cannot take it. “Take it”
means perform like normal long enough for
others to get to know them a bit.
You will notice that they shall turn down
invitations to even very important events if they
feel they cannot get enough rest.
Do not give alcohol to an aspie. There is a very
high chance they shall let down their guard and
tell everything about them and their close ones
with extreme detail. Aspies are very good
knowing the values of others by observing others
behavior. Their lack of communication skills is
the thing which makes others outside think they
do not know much about the other people.
Aspies can predict better what another person
who is around them is going to do, sometimes
even before or better than the person being
predicted about. The reason is that to be able to
live with others, they have to learn more about
what the others's values are in order not to step
over them. It is like living with tigers and learning
where their tails are all the time so as not to step
over them ever.
Use caution when getting close to people with
Asperger's simply because they develop
relationships differently. You will find that you will
develop a liking for them just the same as you
would anyone else. Just don't push it. Once they
trust you, they shall do more for you than normal
people do for others.
Do not use their weaknesses against them. If
they find out 100% confirmed that you were
using their weaknesses against them and
misusing their trust then expect to be dumped for
life and they will remember to place you in their
permanent records as blacklisted.
They shall also inform others forever and beyond
to stay away from you. Unlike normal people
who will forget after a few years.
A person who is shy, but generally not
considered disordered will take a little while to
adjust to social environments. We call that a
shell, and when these people become outgoing
and comfortable we say 'They have come out of
their shell.' People with Asperger's have multiple
shells. Others think they have come out of a
shell and for aspies it is just another shell which
acts more open. Let them adjust on their own, or
not at all.
The shells are like the onion example given in
Shrek says ogers are like onions.
Then donkey has to act normal and doesn't get it
so the oger has to give up trying to explain.
As in all forms of Autism, Asperger's effects
everyone differently. When dealing with them,
don't try to keep a catalog in your head of 'when
he does this, I need to do this.' or 'When she
says this, I need to do this.' You used that
technique when you were little and learning
subconscious social actions, but you don't need
However aspies have to keep on making a
complicated list of responses like people do
when they were small.
That is why they act childish sometimes, very
mature when they are well rested, like geniuses
when they keep quite in a social setting and
complete jerks if they are asked their opinion
about the real world.
Well you did ask them for “real.” They do not look
at the world through rose tinted glasses. They
see more reality because they want to be more
careful of other's values.
Above all, be a friend. No one is more aware of
the social differences between you than they are.
Friends care about others. Not take advantage of
them or ridicule or hurt them.
Being aware of an individual who has Asperger's
preferences may help you be a better friend to
them but don't point these differences out to
them repeatedly or in a group. They know they
are different and they will resent being treated
differently if attention is drawn to it.
The good thing is that if they call you a friend
and tell others, then they really believe you are
their friend. They shall do more than they can to
keep you as their friend. Even if you do not do
much of anything for them.
Aspies tend to take things literally. (Unless they
have already learned and are sure that what is
being said is slang or means something else).
They may take some time to make sure the
statement is true before taking drastic action.
In some cases, where they do make the mistake
of assuming that what is being said is actually
meant, it is the responsibility of the sender of the
message to be responsible for the literal
meaning. Saying that is not what was meant is
not going to get digested easily or at all
especially of you are dealing multiple aspies
accepting the message literally.
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