Chapter FiveOh My Plumbbob! Holdyour llamas! Veronicameets Consort! Sowhat does that meanfor the series? Hmm…
Welcome back to FindingConsort Redux by Kelyns!It’s the same old silly story,now in PowerPoint! Thischapter was originallyChapter 7 Parts 1 and 2, incase anyone waswondering, and let’s get toit. I believe we left off withVeronica planning tocowplant Dagmar…Ch 5:Aarghh!!
But first an announcement! This chapter’s a bit different from previous chapters; infact, this chapter’s going to be narrated by me, Kelyns. Or rather, my simself.Veronica’s taking a little break—“What?!”
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT HOSTING THIS CHAPTER? This is MY story! And I dontwanna take a break!
Sorry, Veronica, but parts of this chapter require a different narrator this time. So...take a break. If you dont like it, tough.
Well, I never! How dare you! Ive never been so insulted! After all Ive done for you,you cant just-
And thats enough out of you for now. Say bye, bye Veronica. Now, where was I?Right. Narrating. Ahem. So, last time in Finding Consort, I left off...
Here. I was calling someone in the Capp family who could introduce Veronica toConsort.“Kelyns! Whats up?"
"Well, actually... I need a favor, ol buddy ol pal...""Oh, yeah? What kind of favor?"
"Well, no matter how many times she goes downtown, Veronica just cant seem tofind Consort. So, I was wondering if you could introduce her to your father.""Hmm, let me think about it..."
“No.""Oh, come on! Why not?“"No, you come on! Are you kidding me? Youre seriously asking me to introduce myfather to some woman who is trying to steal his money and consequently myinheritance?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Veronica isnt just some woman! You guys are best friends!And you shouldnt be worried about money, youre very well off-"
"Oh, yeah? Well off, huh? You call living in a half renovated house with only a fewthousand simoleons to my name and four kids to send to college well off? And,might I add, those kids are still at home driving me bonkers. Albany and I neverhave time alone... And anyway, you want me to just hand over my futureinheritance to some hussy straight out of CAS?"
"Hmm... well... I guess I did forget about playing your family for a while... But look atthe bright side! Most people leave you in the sim bin; I bet a few even delete you...But youve got a roof over your head, a warm bed, and you got to watch yourchildren grow into the wonderful adolescents they are now."
"Are you kidding me? You expect me to buy that crap? Look, my house is EMPTY. Idont even have lights, which is why all my pictures are so dark! Im living on thebarest necessities and cheapest skilling equipment! Im fortune, ok? I want STUFF.And Im not doing anything unless something is in it for me.""Oh, alright, fine. What do you want?"
"Thats more like it. I want you to finish my house- I mean fully furnished andrenovated.""Is that all?""Heck, no. Send my kids to college; get them outta here. And not to one of thoseshoddy dorms either, someplace nice.""Ok, ok. Done and done. And youll introduce Veronica at your birthday party in aweek."
A week later, here is Goneril Capps house. Yup, nice car AND a pool. It didnt takelong, as both Goneril and her husband Albany were near the top of their careersand brought in a substantial income everyday.
Heres the first floor, lots of space, big kitchen/dining room...
And heres the second floor. Master bedroom in the middle, with a study off to theside, and a master bathroom. On the other side, there are three, yes, THREE guestbedrooms, for when her kids visit, and a guest bathroom. Sigh. The things I do for mysims.
"Alright everybody, its party time! Come on over!"
"Okay, KB, everyones here. Though, I cant believe youre actually making me growup. You know, some sims get to live forever."
"Hey, you got a pretty nice house here, dont push it.""And Im grateful. But now that Veronica and Consort are in the same room, my jobis done here, so I think Ill just examine that nice shiny new bar in the corner..."
"Wait a minute, just hold on. Youre jobs far from done. Hmm... Since you dont havethat introduce to option, how bout you influence Consort to talk to Veronica?""But wwwhhhyyy?""Oh, come on, Goneril, you really didnt think Id go to all this trouble to put thosetwo in the same room and not make sure they actually met one another?"
Sigh. "Well, I was hoping they would spend the entire party avoiding one another...""Fat chance.""Hmpf, fine."
"Ah, theres the birthday girl... Happy birthday, Goneril; long time no see.""Thanks, Dad. Its good to see you, too.""You know, I never thought Id see the day my eldest became an elder."
"Yeah, well neither did I. Listen, Dad, theres someone I want you to meet. Shes, um,a big fan of yours."
"Oh, really? Is she one of those aspiring fortune sims looking for advice? Cuz I getthat all the time; these young sims are just so enamored of me."
"Um, sure, Dad, lets go with that.""I even have a fan club, you know. Plenty of women are just dying to meet a man ofmy caliber."
"Look, Dad, could you just talk to her? Shes a business tycoon, and with you beinga CEO, Im sure you two can find something to talk about."
"Sure, I guess I wouldnt mind giving a youngster some pointers.""Uh, Dad, shes a business tycoon. I think she knows a bit more than you-""Nonsense, you youngsters can always benefit from a few words of wisdom from anolder, more talented, and much more experienced sim such as myself.""Yeah, ok, Dad, just go talk to her."And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment youve all been waiting for: VeronicaFINALLY meets Consort!!!!!
"Well, hello there-"V: *Groan* "Aw, man...""What? What did I say?"
"Nothing, Im sorry sir, please continue.""Right, well my name is Consort Capp, and..."What Veronica is really hearing: "Blah, blah, blah, blah-bitty blah, blah..."
"And Goneril told me you wanted some advice from a legendary, successfulbusinessman such as myself, and so I would be happy to give you a few pointers.For example..."What Veronica hears: "Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah-bittyBlah."
V, thinking to herself: Oh my Plumbbob! I cant believe I actually wanted to marrythis sim.Yup, Veronica actually gagged after Consort tried to talk to her. Confused as to whyVeronica doesnt like him? Yeah, me, too. Pissed off that after seven chapters, whenVeronica finally meets the man of her dreams, she hates him? Yeah, me, too.
Consort: "Oh, it was horrible, horrible I tell you... How could you want me to meetsuch a rude uptight sim?"Goneril, thinking to herself: YES! Thank you karma.KB: "So howd it go?"Goneril: "Apparently not well-"C: "Horrible, horrible!"G: "But you cant blame me, I did my part."
KB: "Dont try to weasel out of this, G. Fix it!"C: "Ive never been so insulted!"G: "Why?"KB: "Because if you dont Ill sell all your fancy new stuff and send you spiraling intoaspirational failure seconds before your birthday."G: Sigh.C: "Absolutely horrible!"
"Such rudeness... oh, it was horrible, I tell you...""DAD, stop whining! You are rude and uptight!""And I have every right to be after the way she treated me. Doesnt anybody teachyoung people manners nowadays?"*Rolls eyes* "Listen, Dad, why dont you try again? Im sure she didnt mean to berude, shes probably just not feeling well. Try a different approach.""Hmph, fine, but Ill have you know Im only doing it because its your birthday."
C: "Uh, so... what some of your interests? ...do you like to play doctor? Because meand my wife loved to play doctor."V: "Are you kidding me?"C: "No... Isnt that what young sims like to do these days? Role Playing? My wife andI got into it, too. She used to dress up and..."
V thinking to herself: Doctor? EEEWWW! I cant believe I signed up for this...
"What? You dont like to play doctor? Well, I suppose you could dress up as a maidor pirate, but dont you think theyre a little overdone?""Are you serious? Im not dressing up for you; you just met me, you perv!""Ill have know that there are hordes of women who would like to play doctor withme! Why just last week Mrs. CrumpleBottom said that I make a very dashing doctor,and Mrs. Jacquet believes that I could have my own sitcom!""Good! Go bother one of them!" *Storms off*
"Look, I give up, KB. I tried, but I guess they just dont have any chemistry..." *Giggleswith glee*"Oh, no, Goneril, Im not giving up on them just yet."
"Everything, if you ask me.""Shut up, Goneril. Look, V, dont you want to marry Consort? Havent you beendreaming of meeting him for the past month? Isnt the want to marry a rich simlocked in your want panel as we speak? Isnt meeting and falling love with him thewhole point of this story?""Um, yeah...""Then what the heck is wrong with you?"
"Uh, I dont know exactly... Something just feels off... Maybe if *I* were narrating..."
"But anyway, come on, KB, can you blame me? He asked me if I wanted to playdoctor! And hes not even romance! I mean I know hes lonely and all... But thatsjust disgusting... and pervy... and creepy... but mostly disgusting."
"Well, maybe he didnt mean it like you thought.""Pfft, yeah, sure."Sigh. "Look, V, I can only do so much, so if youre serious about marrying Consort,this is your chance. Theres still some time left before this party ends to turn thingsaround. Otherwise... I guess you can always call Dagmar...""HEY! Not funny!""Well, what do you say, then? Do you want give it another try?"
"Of course. I have to prove Dagmar wrong, dont I? I WILL marry Consort."
"Ok, V, Im supposed to influence you to talk to Consort, but are you sure? You canstill change your mind, you know...""Thats okay, Goneril.""Really, are you positive?""Yeah.""Are you sure youre positive?"
"Yes.""Are you sure youre sure?""Goneril!""Okay, okay, sheesh."
V, to herself: Its all for the money, V. Its all for the money...V: "So, Consort-"
"Hey, wha?""Hmph, Im not talking to you. Not after you insulted me twice."
"Oh, come on, I just want to talk to you! I could really use some advice from abrilliant, successful, upstanding sim like you...""Nope, you had your chance, missy; too late."
V, to herself: Oh, crud! What am I gonna do now?
"Yippee! This is going better than I thought it would!"
"No, its not. This is an absolute disaster. My only condolence is that I get to watchyou crustify!"
"Right, well... Lets get on with it, shall we?"
Hmm, what should I wish for? ...How about for Veronica to stay away from myinheritance?
Well! Now, I dont look too bad at all, if I do say so myself.
After the cake and festivities, I asked Consort to reconsider being nice to Veronica."So, Consort... Do you think you could reconsider talking to Veronica? I sure if youjust give her another chance, youd find that you two are totally compatible..."
"Absolutely not! Ive lost enough precious moments of my life talking to that prude.Ive got a whole horde of gorgeous ladies fawning over me, I dont need to wastemy time with her."
*Rolls eyes* Yeah, right buddy... only in your mind..."Look, Consort, maybe you dont know who I am-"
"And maybe you dont know who I am! I run this town, lady, and I dont have toanswer to you or anyone else!" *Storms off*Whoa! I couldnt believe that old looney treated me like that... Its time I had atalking to with him. But time was running out for the party, so... time for Plan B.
"Hey, Juliette! You dont know me, but I just wanted to make sure I talked to youbefore the party ended so I could call you later...""And, like, why would I let you call me?""So you can get airtime in this story, duh!""Hmm... Like, well, I guess its okay."But before the party ended, I had Goneril influence Consort to talk to Veronica onelast time. I just couldnt believe that these two disliked each other so much.
But Consort didnt get to talk to her because she was too busy playing chess. Thatdidnt stop her from giving him nasty looks though.
Sigh. What am I going to do? The party was a complete disaster... Actually, it was aroof raiser, but Veronica and Consort practically hate each other...
So when I got back home, I put plan B into action right away.*Ring Ring*
"Look at me... Im so pretty... I dont know why Romeo would be rolling wants tomeet new people when his girlfriend is, like, the hottest teen in town.."*Ring Ring*"SOMEBODY GET THAT!"*Ring Ring*"IM BUSY!"
*Ring Ring*"STILL BUSY!"*Ring Ring*"Sigh. Must I do everything myself?"
"Yeah, hello?""Juliette! Its me, KB! We met at your aunts birthday party, remember?""Oh, yeah.... Whadda you want?""Actually, I was wondering if you could invite me over-""Ugh! Like, NO! What for?""I need to talk to your grandfather, but we had a little disagreement, so hes notlikely to invite me...“"Yeah, well, I, like, fail to see how this is, like, my problem."
"This may not be your problem, but Tybalt beating the snot out of your boyfriend onfree will is. If you invite me over, I can guarantee that your boyfriend will remain inone piece. Ill tell your brother to go skill or something." (Yeah, skill on body points.But she didnt have to know that.)
"Wha? Like, no way, not uh, theyre not fighting!"
"Like, yeah, huh. See, Juliette? Youre pathetic boyfriend is crying after gettingslapped around by your brother."Romeo: "WAAH! He, like, h-h-hit me! Why does he have to be so mean?" *Sniff*"If you invite me over now, it will all stop."
"Like, no way, I know all about you; like, my aunts told me. Youre, like, trying tosucker me into giving away my inheritance money! But, like, not uh! Like, Im notgoing to, like, let you trick me. Besides, like, my boyfriend can, like, take care ofhimself."
"So, theres, like, no way Im, like, going to fall for your stupid tricks."Hermia: "Whos that on the phone, Juliette?""That writer lady chick Aunt Goneril and Aunt Regan warned us about. But its, like,no problem. I, like, got everything under control."
"Oh, really? Check the dining room again, Jules."
Tybalt: "How many times do I have to tell you?... Stay away from my sister, youtwerp!"Romeo: "Dont hurt me! Dont hurt me! Please, dont hurt me!""Are you enjoying the show, Juliette? I know I am. I think Ill get some popcorn."
Tybalt: "Now, get outta here, punk, or Ill kick your butt again."Romeo: "Ow... Juliette! Help please!""Want to place bets on how long itll take for Tybalt to fight Romeo again? Ill offeryou good odds..."
"Ew, like, no. Look, like, my boyfriend may be, like, a wimp, but hes, like, my wimp,and Im, like, still not inviting you over."
"Hmm, well, alright... I guess you cant be persuaded..." *Sigh* "Well, I guess I bettergo, you probably want to spend as much time with Romeo as you can, as A)Tybalts about to kill him and B) youre gonna go off to college soon and hes notgoing with you..."
"WHAT DO MEAN ROMEOS NOT COMING WITH ME? Like, were supposed to conquerSim State together! And you, like, cant split us up, were, like, the main story line!""Uh, like, yes I can.""But you cant, hes, like, the love of my life!""Whos destined to stay a teen forever.""But, like, WHHHYYYY?""Uh, like, because I dont like him."
"Besides, hes bad for you. Trust me, you deserve much more. I mean, hes romance,for Plumbbobs sake! Its practically a guarantee that hell cheat on you.""But, like, you dont, like, know that for sure...""Sweety, denial is not a river in Egypt... Trust me, youll be much better off... Ofcourse, I might think about reconsidering if you invite me over..."
*pouts* "Uh, like, when can you, like, come over?"
"Thats the spirit, J!""Im still, like, not going to forget this!""So?"
True to her word, Juliette invited me over that night."Juliette! How good to see you!""So, like, does this mean Romeo can, like, come to college with me?""No.""Wha? BUT YOU, LIKE, PROMISED!" *Pouts*
"Noooo, I promised Id think about letting him go with you. I thought about it. Andthe answers still no.""BUT THATS, LIKE, NOT FAIR!""My lifes not fair, kid, why should yours be? Now, run along with your precious littleboyfriend... I gotta speak to your grandfather.""Hmph! CHEATER!"
It didnt take me long to find Consort. (Pause for irony.) And I didnt waste a momentto start my lecture."YOU! Whats your problem buddy?"
"Hey, what are you doing in my house?! Interrupting my painting time, too! Leave orIll call the police!"
"The police? Please. They cant even catch common Re Nyu Orb-stealing criminals.They cower before me, and you will, too."
"Listen, here, missy. I think youve been hitting up the bubbles too hard in university.Let me tell you who I am. I am the most successful fortune sim the sim world hasever known. I kicked Patrizio Montys butt, married the belle of the neighborhood,and built my legendary fortune and established the beginnings of a great legacy.Lady, I am Consort Capp, and I run this town. I cower before no one."
"THATS IT! Shut up and listen; Ive had enough out of you. Now let me tell yousomething about who I am. I am the writer. Im the force that tells you what to do.Plumbbob has nothing on me. I control you and every other playable sim in youruniverse. And if I so wish it, I can control all the townies as well. Ive been playingthis game and controlling sims just like you for six years, and let me tell yousomething, arsonist is my middle name and boolprop is my best friend. I run thistown, buddy, and every other town in this game. I am in charge here, and you willstop yapping and listen, or so help me Plumbbob, prepare to meet the reaper."
"I dont buy that baloney for a second. What game are you talking about? I thinkyou need a sim shrink; youre a little whacked..."
"And no one comes into my house and tells me what to do.”ARGH! One click. Just one click and he could be gone. Or maybe I should makehim suffer and die nice and slow... Oh, if only there was a rocket set like in the Sims1... rocket + indoors + carpet = kaboom + pretty flames + me happy... Sigh. Focus,KB, focus. This is for Veronica, remember...
"Listen. You. Sorry. Old. Man. Im going to give you one last chance, before I telleveryone that youre a fraud.""What are you talking about I-""You are a nobody. Contessa Capp was an heiress; she had all the money. Youwere just a regular sim; you had nothing. The fortune you have now: hers. Themansion you live in: hers. The prestigious Capp family name: hers. I mean, hello!Your name is Consort, for Plumbbobs sake, and thats exactly all you are. A consort.In fact, I reckon the only one who knows the truth is Patrizio Monty, your former bestfriend... But if the truth were to get out..."
"No, please! My reputation would be ruined!""Im glad to see youve reconsidered."Sigh. "How did you find out?""Duh, I told you, I run this world. Lets just say Im omnipotent and omniscient. So,listen, up-"
"Wait, wait, wait, let me just make one thing clear. Im still the man. Men fear me,and ladies love me."
"Oh, brother. Are you kidding me? The only one who fears you is Romeo. And whatladies? Are you mental?""The ladies in my fan club, remember? Theres Mrs. CrumpleB-""Oh, geez. Nevermind. I dont want to hear about your fantasy fan club, ok? Imhere to talk about Veronica.""Oh, alright, fine. Just make it snappy.""Right, so... Whats your deal with Veronica? Shes a good sim."
"Really? I just dont think shes quite my type. And shes fortune, so that makes me abit suspicious. Ive heard about the Caliente sisters; what if Veronicas trying toundermine my family and steal my money, too?""Oh, please, Veronica doesnt have a mean bone in her body. Shes got seven nicepoints. And her being fortune just means you two have lots of things in common.And why would she want your money? Shes young, but shes already been to thetop of two careers, so she could easily make her own fortune." (Please buy thatcrap, please buy that crap.) "Plus, youre a scorpio, and shes a pisces. So, shesexactly your type." (I should know; I tweaked both your personalities...)
"I dont know... I kinda like being a bachelor-""Listen, Consort. Let me break it down for you. Youre old. Youve lived a long, fulllife. You aint got much time left. The way I see it, you got two choices. You can staya sorry, lonely, cranky, old, looney until you die..."
"Or, you can spend the rest of your days with a nice, pretty, young sim who will loveyou and care for you and-"
"And we can woohoo, right?""Yeah, well I suppose-""Good, because I heard that Veronica has ten body points, and theres nothing likesweet ten body point lovin."
"Ew! WAY too much information. Thats an image I could do without for a lifetime..."
"What? You said it yourself: Im a lonely old man. An old man who hasnt hadwoohoo in years..."
"Hmm, you know KB, Im starting to think youre right. I may just have to reconsiderVeronica."*Rolls Eyes* "Yeah, whatever. Look, if you want to give your relationship withVeronica a chance, theres a ReNuYu Porta-Chug in your inventory. That shouldhelp patch things up between you two. Its up to you... Use it or lose it."And with that, I left. I did all I could here, and I have a feeling things will be lookingup for Veronica and Consort.
Meanwhile..."Oh, Contessa, what should I do? You know I loved you with all my heart. But itsbeen years since youve passed on... Now everyone, including my own family,expects me to live the rest of my life all alone..."
Sigh. "But what if Im tired of living alone? What I just want some companionship? Itwould be nice to have someone who would care for me... To have someone tolove... To have someone to spend the rest of my days with... I guess Ive decidedthen, huh?"
"Heres to you, Contessa. I hope youre happy where ever you are now... But Im notgoing to spend the rest of my life alone in sorrow..."
Okay, readers, now it’s back to me. It’s been a few days since Goneril’s birthdayparty, but I don’t wanna dwell on that right now. Right now, it’s time to focus—timeto get ready and get devious. Yup, it’s finally time to deal with this pesky Dagmarproblem. Operation Cowplant Dagmar is finally getting underway.
So, Gilbert came over the day before C-day, cowplanting-day, to get the materialshe needed to set his place up. I realized that Dagmar would become a playablesim after being resurrected, and that was way too much power for CrumpleBottomsright hand man. Or rather, woman. Anyway, I decided that Dagmar would stay withGilbert, who could keep an eye on her and make sure that her thoughts consistedof nothing more than cheddar, parmesan, and mozzarella. I had my doubts aboutGilbert; he could barely keep his mind off woohoo, after all. But hes really a goodsim, and I know that hed never intentionally try to hurt me.
"Alright, Gilbert, heres the cowplant, a ReNuYu Orb, and the bone phone, curtesy ofRavi. You know what to do, right?""Yeah, yeah, yeah. Snot that hard, V. All I gotta do is take the stuff out of myinventory and put in my front yard."
"Dont forget the gate, Gilbert! This is serious stuff, here. You cant fool around! If youdont put the gate up, anyone, and I mean anyone, could be eaten!""Okay, just relax, Veronica. You worry too much."
"I worry for a reason! I know you, Gilbert; youre lazy and forgetful. Youll get hungryand instead of making yourself some lunch, youll look outside the window and goHey, that cake hanging from the cowplants mouth looks mighty tasty and the nextthing you know I have to explain to your mother why all thats left of you is a glass ofmilk! Smarter sims than you have fallen to the cowplant before, Gilbert. You musttake every precaution available!"
"Okay, okay, geez. I got it, alright? Ill put up a gate, sheesh!"*Sigh* "Good. But theres one more rule I have to tell you, and theres to beabsolutely NO exceptions, ifs, ands, or buts. And I dont care what thecircumstances, even if youre on your deathbed or you just had a nervousbreakdown from aspiration failure, you mustnt ever, ever, EVER break this rule,okay? And I mean NEVER! I mean it Gilbert, no matter, what-"
"THERE IS TO BE NO WOOHOO! Zip! Nada! Zilch! Absolutely none whatsoever!"
"I know what you romance sims are like; always distracted by the mere possibility ofwoohoo... Especially you, Gilbert, you cant focus on anything serious for more thanfive minutes-""Hey!""Its true! KB told me bout the filth in your want panel. Well, Im not going to let youget distracted. Dagmar is highly dangerous and sneaky; shes CrumpleBottoms topagent for a reason, you know."
"You break this rule, Gilbert, and Dagmar will break you.""Veronica, relax. Shell be too busy thinking about cheese to plot anything. Youknow grilled cheese sims, theyre very single minded people.""Dont take any chances, Gilbert, you never know with Dagmar. Just stay away fromher, okay? Find your aspiration fodder somewhere else."*Sigh* "Fine.""I mean it Gilbert! Promise!""Okay, okay, I promise."
The next day, I met Gilbert at his house. Ravi would be by soon to call Dagmar over,since Dagmar and I were still furious with each other and Gilbert didnt knowDagmar yet. I was very nervous. I was nervous about a lot of things, actually. Afterall, my meeting with Consort was a disaster. What if something went wrong today,too? I mustnt think this way, though; I have to be positive. Today was the day Idfinally be rid of Dagmar... I hoped.
"Okay, V, everythings set up just like you asked.""Thanks again for doing all this, Gilbert.""By the way, how did you get your mother to agree with all of this? I never wouldhave guessed shed let you move in some girl shes never even met."
"Oh, thats the best part- it was a stroke of genius, really. I told my mother all aboutthe Dagmar situation, and how Dagmar wouldnt have a place to stay after she wascowplanted; and she was really sympathetic. She totally agreed to let Dagmar stayhere. Especially when I told her that Dagmar could be our new, and completelyfree, live-in maid.""NO WAY! Really?""Yup."
"Gilbert, I think this may the best idea youve ever had. Oh, I can see it now: Alifetime of torture for Dagmar spent cooking, cleaning, washing, and gardening,with freedom oh so close, but always just a bit out of reach... Wow, Gilbert, youmade my day!"
"And the best part is that my mother will finally have someone other than me to nag!Ill be totally free to actually go out and have fun on weekends, maybe even fit in adate or two! All by myself! I actually wont have to bring my mother! I havent had aFriday night all to myself in years..."
"Thats nice, Gilbert, but just make sure that Dagmar doesnt have too much time toherself. We dont want her running all around the house, skilling up and makingsecret evil plans."
"Mm hmm, I thought you might say that. But not to worry, V, my mother be watchingher like a hawk. In fact, theyll even be sharing a room... For safety, of course, notbecause I want to keep the attic all to myself...""No way! Are you kidding me? Sharing a room with your mother would make anysim go crazy!"
"You know, Gilbert, I have to admit you are. I love you so much right now, I couldkiss you.""Really?!""No. But this plan is great; I couldnt have come up with a better one myself."
"Tee hee, Thanks. Wanna see her room?""Do I?! You bet!"
"Here it is, Veronica. So what do you think?""Hmm... Its small and cramped, with absolutely no privacy, and completely overlydecorated in a sickeningly sweet pink... Dagmar will probably hate this room...”Veronica paused. “So naturally, I think its perfect.""I thought so, too. And Mother absolutely loves it; she said that her new room wasone of the best mothers day presents ever. Apparently all the pink makes her feelyoung again."
"Really? Who would a thunk it?"Seeing Dagmars new living quarters really cheered me up. Today really was turningout to be one of the best days ever!"So whered you put the cowplant?"
"Here it is, with the gate and everything, just like you said. And, as you can see, itshungry, too."
"You know, Gilbert, I underestimated you. Youve obviously got everything undercontrol. Now, you do remember what I said yesterday, right? The golden rule?""Er... What was that again?"
"Gilbert! No woohoo with Dagmar!""Oh, yeah, right, right. That, yes, of course.""Im serious Gilbert, dont mess with her!"
"Okay! Geez, Veronica, you think Id actually be stupid enough to let Dagmarseduce me? Come on, give me some credit!"
"Alright, but Im trusting you, Gilbert. From here on out, theres no going back, andyoure the only thing- er, sim- thatll be between me and Dagmar on a rampage forrevenge, so-"
"Veronica, Ive got it, okay? I am perfectly capable of keeping my hands offDagmar."
"You can trust me, I promise.""Sorry, Gilbert, I didnt mean to imply that youre not trustworthy, its just... Well, Imnervous; I dont want anything to go wrong. Forgive me?""Of course. And here comes Ravi, youd better go inside til Dagmar gets here.""Okay."
"Where have you been? Youre late!""I had class, and chill out, will ya?""Chill out? If something goes wrong today, we could all be in danger. Ive been upall night making preparations. And what have you been doing? Huh? Nothing."
"May I remind you who got the cowplant and the bone phone in the first place? Ivedone my part already.""Humph, I still dont see why Veronica needs you here. Youre useless.""As opposed to you, the romance sim who cant stop thinking of woohoo every fiveseconds? Yeah, right. I dont know why Veronica trusts you. Try not to screw thingsup, will ya?""Why you little-""Just give me the phone; we can argue with each other later."
And soon, there she was: Dagmar. Look at her. Doesnt she look like an evil,scheming, no good, back stabbing- Ahem. Sorry, forgot myself for a moment there.
"Ravi! So good to see you. Howve you been? I thought for sure you wouldnt want tobe friends after Veronica and I- er, stopped talking to each other.""Yeah, Dagmar, about that... I didnt ask you here because I wanted to catch up..."
V: "He means he called you here so we can kick your butt. Its time for a littlerevenge, Dagmar. Youre finally going down."G, trying to sound tough: "Yeah, what she said."
"What!? Ravi, how could you do this to me? I thought we were best friends!""Sorry, Dagmar, but Veronica comes first. And what you did to her was wrong. Youtried to trick her into falling in love with you.“D: "Grr, fine. I dont need you anyway! And, you, Veronica! To think I was going tobe lenient and give you some time to rethink my marriage proposal... No matter, Illjust take you now; a few spells and youll never know the difference."
V: "Listen, you crazy lunatic, Im not going anywhere with you!"G: "Yeah, the only one going anywhere is you! And youre going straight to hell!"V: "Hey, nice comeback, Gilbert."G: "Thanks, you know, Ive been working on my witty banter-"D: "Ugh, shut up, you moron. And I refuse to be sucked into whatever little trap youpea brains came up with. You think you can stop me, well, think again-"
"I kicked your butt once before, Veronica, and I can do it again.""I dont think so; this time will be different. And theres no way Im marrying aderanged psycho like you. Just the thought of it makes me sick."
"What did I tell you about insulting me and our love?!" *SLAP,SLAP,SLAP*
"And what did I tell you about hitting me, weirdo?" *Shove*
"THATS IT! Its time to teach you some respect!" *Tackles her*
"Maybe after I rearrange your face, youll appreciate my love for you!""You whack job! Why would I fall in love with you after you smacked me?" *Shove*"Its called tough love!" *Slap* "Youll thank me when youve come to your senses!"*Smack*G: *Gasp* "Who knew girls could be so violent?"
"NEVER!" *Slap*"THEN DIE!" *Tackles*G: "Oh, gosh, I cant look..."
*Gasp* "Cant... Breathe...""See what happens when you disobey me? You suffer! Why-" *Smack* "You-"*Whack* "Gotta-" *Slap* "Make-" *Bashes* "Me-" *Punch* "Wanna-" *Throttles* "Killyou?" *Smothers*"Argh, GET OFF!"R: "Come on, V, you can do it! Dont give up now..."
"Your stupid tricks wont work on me anymore, Dagmar!" *Shove* "This time, Imbringing you down for good!" *Tackle*G: "Oh, the violence! Is it over?"R: "I dont know, I cant watch either."
V: "Ha! Not so tough now, are we?"G: "Must... Stop... Watching..."R: "Cant... Its like a car accident... You wanna stop looking, but you just cant stopwatching..."G: "Cars can have accidents?"R: "Oh, brother, never mind."
"And thats what happens when you cross Veronica Norwood!" *Kick*G: "Hey, watch where youre throwing deranged psychos! You could hit me!"R: "Thats the idea! Come on, V! You almost got him!"
"This fight is about hurting Dagmar, not Gilbert, Ravi. You two settle your differencessome other time. Now as for you... Payback hurts, doesnt it Dagmar? Whats thatsaying? You know about things coming back to you threefold?""Oh, you are SO not getting away with this! Ill get you! ...As soon as my back stopshurting... and my knees start working..."
"Unfortunately for you, Im not going to wait that long. Its cowplanting time! Enjoyyour cake...""NOOO!"
G: "Nice toss!"R: "Excellent form."G: "Landing could use work, though. I give it an 8.5."R: "Meh, Ill give her bonus points for the hostile victim; 9.5."
D: "Ugh! Ill remember this! And Ill remember all of you! Especially, you, Ravi! Illremember your treachery!"V: "Oh, hush up. You wont remember anything in a few minutes." And even after webring her back, she wont have time to think of anything but cheese. But no sensetelling her that now. Might as well let her suffer a little and think shell be biting thedust for good.
G: "So what do we do now?"V: "Well... We wait for her to grab the cake."R: "Oh, come on. Shes too smart for that; she knows grabbing the cake will kill her."V: "Well, either shell get so hungry, shell be desperate enough to try for the cake,or... shell die of starvation."G: "Ooo, lets watch!"
D, to herself: What am I gonna do... The stupid gates locked and sims cant jump!*Sigh* The only way outta here is through the cowplant... Curse this stupid cake! Itsevery sims one undeniable weakness! But I wont give up... "I dont care how long ittakes; I refuse to eat this cake!"
True to her word, Dagmar used every ounce of will power to stall the inevitable. Ithelped that Free Time brought plenty of things for idle sims to do... *Grumble* *Sigh*Apparently, Dagmar likes science, my supposed natural talent.D: See? This proves were made for each other.Quiet, Im narrating. Anyway, she took so long, the rest of us started to get bored.
R: "Can we hurry this up already?"V: "Im afraid not. We just have to wait."R: "Then Ill wait inside, thank you very much. TVs got to be more entertaining."
I tried to stick it out, but... Okay, okay, nature called, alright? And maybe I gotdistracted by the TV on the way from the bathroom...
As for Gilbert... Well, he was daydreaming. In fact, I have no clue what he wasthinking about here, and you know what? I really didnt want to know. Anyway as ithappens, Gilbert ended up wandering inside, too, after a while.
And then, when she was out here all alone, with no one to witness her sorry demise,Dagmar went for the cake.
I guess she was too embarrassed to go for it with her enemies watching anddecided to get things over with after everyone was gone.
Or maybe she just got hungry and couldnt resist the temptation of a nice tastypiece of cake? Who knows?
But trust her to try and thwart my plans any way she knows how.
In a flash, she was gone, with no one the wiser.
In fact, the only one to see anything was Tybalt, who happened to be walking by.G: "Aw, man! We missed it!"T: "Dont worry, you didnt miss much."G: "But we didnt even get to watch her suffer!"V: "Dont worry, Gilbert. There will be plenty of time for that later, after shesresurrected."
R: "Veronica, Dagmar was your greatest enemy; I think its only fitting if you do thehonors."V: "Me? Well, okay..."
Dagmar put up a good fight, but I finally got her in the end. And all I got to show forwinning-
-Is a cold glass of milk. Hmm... I wonder what shell taste like? I guess that dependson what shes made of...
Well, theres only one way to find out... Cheers...
Its hard to be sure, but Im thinking it was a dash of sugar, a pinch spice, and aquarter cup of evil... No, wait, make that two cups of evil... and maybe a drop ofchemical X*...*Oh, come on. Do I really need to say where this is from? Think hard now. Okay,okay. Anyone remember The Powerpuff Girls? Or, as my teacher used to say, ThePowder-puff Girls. *Rolls Eyes* Geez. Old people.
Wow! If I can reduce Dagmar to a skimpy glass of milk, I can do anything! Look outworld, here I come!
Ahem. Now later on that day, Gilbert got out the bone phone and resurrectedDagmar. It wasnt me because, I, uh, was busy...
...Having a chess tournament with Ravi..."You still think you can beat me, V? Even after I toasted your butt last time?""Best two out of three!"
V, to herself: Hmm, now are those rooks or pawns... And which way do they goagain? Drat! I can never remember...
"Hello, Grim? ...Yeah, Id like to bring someone back, but before we begin, whatsyour policy on returns?"
"Whoa! He didnt tell me hed need to open a portal to hell on my back patio! Icould so sue for this!"D: "Uggnnnhh"Just kidding, shes no zombie. It was a perfect resurrection. Not that she deservedit...
"Wha? Im back? Im back! Wait, how many fingers? One, two, three..."
"And now I can use my new freedom to take over the WORLD! Muwahahaha!"
"HOLD IT! Stop right there! And enough with the evil laugh, too!"
"Um, I hate to break it to you, but youre not exactly free... In fact, youre actually aprisoner... Sorry.""Um, excuse me, but Ive just been to hell and back, so there aint nothing you cando to stop me now. Besides, whats a puny sim like you gonna do?“"I can kick your butt in two seconds. And now that Im a playable sim, I haveunlimited power at my disposal!"
"Oh, please, like Im scared of you. Youve been a playable for what? Two seconds?Besides, I never said that I was going to stop you. Veronica is. With that nice shinyray gun in her hand.""WHAT?" *Whirls around*
"Yup, and in a few moments, your only coherent thoughts will be about cheese.Now, step into the ReNuYu Orb, please. I dont wanna have to get violent."
"Oh, please. I thought you had a real weapon. That thing only scans fingerprints!""Are you sure? Youve only been a playable for a minute or two and townies neveruse it... How do you know its second function doesnt involve ripping off your face?""Well..."
"Just step inside the orb, and no one gets hurt. Think of it this way: youll get to live...Unless, of course, you want to be hostile. Then Ill have to give the Grim anothercall."*Gulp* D, to herself: Cat dirt! Im trapped again. I guess changing my aspirationwouldnt hurt... Its got to be better than death... Plus, this way, I can bide my timeand think of a better plan to get Veronica. *Sigh* I just have to believe that my lovefor Veronica is stronger than the power of cheese. Ill get through this... I hope...
"Humph, fine. I do it." *Sticks head in Orb*V, to herself: Aw, man, she fell for that? I cant believe she thought this thing wouldsuck her face off... Wait... Can this thing suck your face off? Hmm...
"AAAAHHHH Y-Youll p-p-pa-y for this-s-s-s!""Thats what you think! But you wont have any spare thoughts for anything otherthan cheese."
"Whoa!"V, to herself: Did it work? Should I blast her?
D, to herself: But- cheese. Wasnt I- cheese! suppose to- cheese, cheese. do-CHEESE! Oh, crap, cheese is taking over my mind... CHEESE!!! Okay, okay, Ill eatsome stupid cheese...
But I still feel like I was supposed to get re-re- ...Mm, grilled cheese. I think Ill gomake a sandwich...
"You know, Gilbert, I had my doubts, but she really cant think of anything butcheese!"
"I know! Between cheese and chores, she wont have time to plot revenge!"
G: "Shell definitely be easy to take care of now."V: "I agree. Can you imagine the look on her face when she learns shes your newmaid?"
"HA! This is gonna be good... Im gonna go, got to get ready for a party at Gonerilstomorrow-""Oh, yeah? Howd the meeting with Consort go?"*Makes a face* "Not so good. Gonerils anniversary party is my second chance,though, so Im giving it 110%... But anyway, if Dagmar gives you any trouble use thesim vac. That should keep her in line."
"You got it, V. And good luck tomorrow.""Thanks. See ya."
"Alright, alright, laugh all you want! But now that Ive had some grilled cheese, I canfinally think a bit, and Im definitely still gonna get back at you!"
"Really! So watch out! ...Right ...after I have another sandwich..."
"Okay, okay. Youve made your point. The ooey-gooey scrumptious and delectablepower of cheese has taken over my life. Its practically in all my thoughts! So can Igo now?
"I mean, what more can you do to me?""Its funny you should say that... Dagmar, Id like you to meet my mother, DeniseJacquet."
"Well, now young lady. Its nice to meet you."
"Im-""Denise, I know, your son just-""No, no, no! Call me Mrs. Jacquet, or madam; I didnt give you permission to call meby my given name!"
"Sheesh, what does a sim have to do to get a little respect around here? Is this anyway to treat your elder? Imagine, the help calling the mistress of the house by hergiven name! In my day-"
"Oh, my son didnt tell you? Youre our new live-in maid. Youll get no wages, ofcourse. After all, this is supposed to be a punishment. I cant tell you how long Ivebeen wishing to get someone to help me out around here-""Oh, no. No, no, no. Sorry lady, but Im nobodys maid."
"I dont do housework, and I certainly dont have the skills required for the job."
"So, you see, I really cant be your maid. Sorry.""No, no, dont apologize; Im sorry. I forgot to inform you that you dont have achoice."
"Heh, heh... Are you serious? Youre not actually going to keep me here against mywill are you? Surely, we can come to some other arrangement! Besides... Well, Imean, come on, whats an old lady like you gonna do?"
"Excuse me! Ill have you know Im a black belt. Many a sim has cowered beforeme! And call me Mrs. Jacquet, ma’am, or madam!""Oh, come on, ma’am. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"Missy, just what, exactly, do you think happen to my husband?"*Gasp* "No...""Yes. Oh, I loved him, at first. Truly, I did. But then, after we got married, he tried totake over my bakery. My bakery, the one I started, the one I built up, my thriving,successful, bakery. Said a womens place was at home, that I, or any women forthat matter, had no idea what I was doing in business. He said that, for a woman, Iddone okay, but now that we were married, Id best stay home and stick to cleaninghouse and making babies...”
“Let a real man take care of the business, he said. And if that wasnt enough, thenhe started using my money, my hard-earned money from the bakery, andsquandered it, gambling and buying favors for women all over town. Well, backthen, you couldnt get a divorce like you could now... So I did what my best friendOlive would do—”*GASP* "No way... Not Olive Specter?”
“Why, yes. Olive and I are best friends; we went to school together. She taught me athing or two about death—people in her family were always murdering andbackstabbing left and right. So, I killed my husband; he and his lover drowned in apool. The idiot police force never did find out what happened to the ladder... It wasafter that I found out was pregnant with Gilbert. I wasnt a fool, though; I wasntabout to let another controlling male dictate my life. I raised him and continued mybusiness alone."
Dagmar swallowed. "If Gilbert knew—”"Oh, please, my son is a twit. Hes sweet, innocent, and loyal, but sadly, an idiot.”*Sigh* “Perhaps I spoiled him too much... Anyway hed never believe you. And whatwould he do without his dear, sweet mumsy to run his life? Dont you think he hadtried to leave before? But I stopped him; convinced him he still needs his mommy.Well, really, he didnt need convincing... The one day I leave him alone at thebakery, the place goes up in flames..." *Sigh*
"Ugh, men... Anyway, it was after that, I decided to start over, train Gilbert to start hisown business, and retire someplace nice and quiet. Its why we moved here. And ofcourse, I have to help him find a nice girl to settle down with. You wouldnt believethe tramps he wants to go out with... Have to watch him all the time... But, I digress.Gilbert isnt leaving, and neither are you. And if you try to cross me, believe me, Iwill hunt you down and make you suffer-"*Gasp*"Because I never forget a grudge. Never."
"I-Im not afraid of you!" *GULP* "CrumpleBottom will-""CrumpleBottom? That ninny? Hows she doing; Gilbert told me you worked with her.I knew her in school. Didnt think much of her then, though. Nothing upstairs, I tellyou... Now I hear shes running around town, whacking people with her purse.Always knew shed end up a loony, that one...""Youre, uh, not afraid of CrumpleBottom?"*Snort* "No... The only reason why I put up with her is because the Grim has a softspot for her..."
"Such a sweet guy, too. Way too good for her... Eh, what do you expect? Hes a manafter all... No sense whatsoever..."D, to herself: Cat dirt; what am I gonna do now? All my leverage is gone... "Listen,about what I said earlier-""Shut it. Youll do what I say, unless you wanna end up as the main ingredient in mymince meat pie. Now, where was I? ...Oh, yeah. Clean up the kitchen, then Ill showyou where you can wash up before you go to bed. You have a full days worktomorrow."
"Yes, ma’am…""And I suppose since that ninny has been training you, youre a empty-headed twitas well?""I have some skills..."*Rolls eyes* "Right... Well, I suppose Ill just have to train you..."
"Geez, whats the world coming to? Young ladies these days are complete half-wits... Dont know anything... Why, when I was youre age, every young lady hadsome cooking and cleaning skills... *Sigh* What are you standing there for? Get towork, girl!"
D, to herself: Oh... My... Plumbbob! *Sniff* How am I gonna get outta here? If I try toescape, Ill end up as- as pie! And w-w-why does s-she have to b-b-be so m-mean?...*Whine*Dagmar, it seems, is going through a lot. Its very stressful, after all, to be killed,brought back to life, then told youll virtually be slave for the rest of your life....Popcorn, anyone?
"Humph, what a ninny... young sims these days... So incompetent... and absolutelyno backbone whatsoever..."
"Eh, at least Ill have fun torturing and humiliating her..."Oh, Denise, how Ive underestimated you. You made Dagmar cry. Youre anexperienced sim murderer. And youre a bossy old lady who never takes no for ananswer or lets anyone tell you what to do. I like you.Well, folks, chapter five is over, and chapter six is sure to be fun, fun, fun and filledwith Dagmar torture. Until next time, happy reading. Later, simmers!
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