Bashful People : Because shy people expect others to draw them out, they place emotional demands on everyone they’re with. If they don’t receive this attention, they tune out. Most shy people aren’t aware of this negative behaviour, nor of the demands it places on others around them.
Anxious People : Because they lack confidence, they are nervous chatterers. They worry about what they’re going to say next, which leaves little room for listening others.
Thorough advance preparation is especially valuable when you’re
having problems with those in a position of power, such as your
Supervisor, a boss, a parent or an older person.
Determine the problem : Identify the specific behaviour that’s
Unacceptable, who is affected by the behaviour, and how frequently
it occurs. Concentrate on behaviour the person can do something
about. If the problem occurs only with one person, it’s most likely a
personality conflict rather than difficult behaviour.
2. Examine relationships : Clues to the possible causes of the negative
behaviour will be found by examining how the difficult person
interacts with others. Determining why the behaviour occurs and why
it’s annoying you will help find solutions.
3. Determine the cost of the problem behaviour : Whether it’s a lost productivity, general discomfort or lower morale, difficult behaviour always carries a cost. The behaviour should be ignored if you can’t determine any costs. 4. Prepare for the confrontation : Should you have determined the costs are too high, it’s now time to speak to the offender. What special concerns do you have about the problem ? What difficulties might you experience in the discussion ? How will you handle these problems ? Be ready for most situations you may face. Determine what you want to accomplish, then set up a meeting where you’ll have privacy and enough time to discuss the situation.
5. Rehearse thoroughly : Rehearse the trying situation before hand with a friend. Your friend should have as much knowledge of the situation as possible. This way, he or she can formulate good arguments and be able to anticipate what the other person’s objec- tions or reactions might be. The adage that practice make perfect works here. Remember that the person you’re eventually going to deal with has not had the opportunity to practice. 6. Find a solution : In a non-accusatory manner, explain why it concerns you. Give specific facts. Try not to offer your opinion as understanding. Identify the change in behaviour you’re seeking. Be open to changing your solution, if it’s inappropriate. Listen to the person’s ideas about how he or she can solve the problem. Express confidence in the person’s ability to change.
7. Agree on a plan of action : Work towards a solution acceptable to both parties. 8. Obtain a commitment : Get agreement on specific actions the person will take, and set a deadline for these actions. Ask the person to confirm that he or she will do what’s been agreed upon. 9. Follow up with the person : Recognise and comment on any progress you’ve observed. Re-evaluate the action plan and revise it if necessary. If there’s been no change, repeat the process.
You were too tired mentally to work at paying attention.
There were outside noises and distractions.
The speaker had poor delivery – slow, windy, irrelevant, rambling or repetitious.
Something the speaker said intrigued you, you thought about it,
and when you tuned back in, you’d lost the thread.
The speaker had an accent that you found difficult to understand.
You tuned out because you thought you knew what the speaker’s
conclusions were going to be.
You forgot to use paraphrasing and feedback in listening
You felt you were being given far too much information.
How to improve your Listening Skills ? 1. You must care enough to want to improve. Without this motivation it’ll be too much effort. 2. Try to find an uninterrupted area in which to converse. Keeping your train of thought is difficult when there are obstructions to concentration. 3. Try not to anticipate what the other person will say. 4. Be mindful of your own biases and prejudices, so they don’t unduly influence your listening. 5. Pay careful attention to what’s being said. Don’t stop listening in in order to plan a rebuttal to a particular point. 6. Be aware of ‘red flag’ words that might trigger an over-reaction or a stereotyped reaction. Examples of this are ‘women’s libber’ or or ‘male chauvinist’
7. Don’t allow yourself to get too far ahead of the speaker by trying to understand things too soon. 8. At intervals, try to paraphrase what people have been saying. Give them the opportunity to learn what you think you’ve heard them say. 9. When you have difficulty determining the point of the speaker’s remarks, say, ‘Why are you telling me this?’ 10. Watch for key or buzz words if you find you’ve lost the train of the conversation. This happens particularly when the speaker is long-winded or has a tendency to ramble. 11. Don’t interrupt to demand clarification of insignificant or irrelevant details.