Vision for a Healthy BlessedMarriageBuilding a Strong & LovingRelationship
Marriage Is a BlessingFor God and the world       For the partners• “The union of man and     • “Your spouse is your  woma...
How Is Your Marriage a Blessing?• For others?        • For ourselves?
How Our Marriage Is a BlessingFor others                   For ourselves• God’s joy                  • Moral and spiritual...
How Is Blessed Marriage a Challenge?• “Fundraising duty or witnessing is a light burden compared to harmonizing one heaven...
Three Secrets of Strong Marriages              1. Keep both dimensions strong              2. Handle conflict wisely      ...
1. Keep Both Dimensions Strong
Two Dimensions of Strong Marriages  Horizontal:                   Vertical:  Friends & Lovers              Partners in Pur...
Partners in Purpose1. Commitment                        2. Purpose•   Pledge of loyalty                • Shared ideals•   ...
Friends & Lovers3. Friendship                     4. Passion• Enjoying each other’s company   • Physical• Safety and comfo...
Which Dimension Is Stronger in Your                Relationship Now?Horizontal:                   Vertical:Friends & Lover...
2. Handle Conflict Wisely
Conflict Is a Normal Stage of EarlyMarriage
Signs of the Conflict Stage• You want more private time and space       • You feel• Loving gestures—notes, flowers,       ...
Many Couples Do Not Grow Past theConflict Stage                             Resignation                             “I giv...
Lasting Love Is Built & MaintainedThrough Character, Skills & Insight
Strong Couples Build True Lovebased on Acceptance and Appreciation
3. Keep Positives Greater thanNegatives
Happy Couples See More Positives thanNegatives in Their RelationshipKeep a high ratio of positives to negatives1. Maintain...
High Level of Positives MakesNegatives Less ImportantAll couples have negative aspects to deal with                       ...
Reduce the Negatives• Accept differences and disagreements as natural• Follow shared ground rules for managing conflicts w...
What Actions & Experiences Help                Generate Love?
Build Up the Positives 1             1. Serving and meeting each other’s                needs             2. Nearness, fam...
Build Up the Positives 25. Pursuing common ideals;   mutual respect6. Shared suffering,   and relying on one   another7. S...
Three Secrets of Strong Marriages1. Keep both dimensions strong2. Handle conflict wisely3. Keep positives greater than   n...
Tool: Goal SettingIndividually, set 1 to 2 clear goals for you to gain todayand for the relationship.•Make them small, spe...
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Vision for a Strong Marriage: Secrets of Strong, Loving Couples

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  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Friendship: Emotional Passion: Physical Commitment: Volitional Purpose: Spiritual
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com Friendship: Emotional Passion: Physical Commitment: Volitional Purpose: Spiritual
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage JohnWilliamsCounselor.com (5) Speaking of teams, when we partner up with others in solving a problem, we tend to like such people afterwards. (6) Doing fun things with others obviously generates a good feeling towards them. Also, sharing positive experiences; we are fond of those who went through memorable experiences with us. (7) Ironically, suffering together also is bonding. When we share an ordeal with someone, we may never forget them. That’s why camping is the most bonding family activity—plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong, and to have to suffer through it together. (8) And physical affection and sex are famous for creating a bond, even when that bond was not intended. So these are some of the ways we can engineer the feeling of love in a relationship, when we decide to. We don’t have to wait for love to land on us, like some elusive butterfly. In fact, this is what wise spouses do in the relation to the person they decide to marry—and what they also avoid doing with the wrong people before they marry, and after they marry.
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage JohnWilliamsCounselor.com (5) Speaking of teams, when we partner up with others in solving a problem, we tend to like such people afterwards. (6) Doing fun things with others obviously generates a good feeling towards them. Also, sharing positive experiences; we are fond of those who went through memorable experiences with us. (7) Ironically, suffering together also is bonding. When we share an ordeal with someone, we may never forget them. That’s why camping is the most bonding family activity—plenty of opportunities for things to go wrong, and to have to suffer through it together. (8) And physical affection and sex are famous for creating a bond, even when that bond was not intended. So these are some of the ways we can engineer the feeling of love in a relationship, when we decide to. We don’t have to wait for love to land on us, like some elusive butterfly. In fact, this is what wise spouses do in the relation to the person they decide to marry—and what they also avoid doing with the wrong people before they marry, and after they marry.
  • Vision for a Strong, Loving Marriage John R. Williams, MFT, MRE JohnWilliamsCounselor.com
  • Vision for a Strong Marriage: Secrets of Strong, Loving Couples

    1. 1. Vision for a Healthy BlessedMarriageBuilding a Strong & LovingRelationship
    2. 2. Marriage Is a BlessingFor God and the world For the partners• “The union of man and • “Your spouse is your woman is the union of second messiah.” heaven and earth.” • “Neither man nor woman Father can touch God’s highest love by themselves.” Father
    3. 3. How Is Your Marriage a Blessing?• For others? • For ourselves?
    4. 4. How Our Marriage Is a BlessingFor others For ourselves• God’s joy • Moral and spiritual growth• Parents’ and ancestors’ • Companionship hope • Productivity and• Children’s security parenthood• Backbone of the family • Health, longevity, wealth• Stabilizer for the community• Bridges different worlds
    5. 5. How Is Blessed Marriage a Challenge?• “Fundraising duty or witnessing is a light burden compared to harmonizing one heavenly home here on earth. Perfecting your love in your home is not easy!” Father Moon
    6. 6. Three Secrets of Strong Marriages 1. Keep both dimensions strong 2. Handle conflict wisely 3. Keep positives greater than negatives
    7. 7. 1. Keep Both Dimensions Strong
    8. 8. Two Dimensions of Strong Marriages Horizontal: Vertical: Friends & Lovers Partners in Purpose • Friendship • Commitment • Passion • Purpose Purpose Friendship Marital Passion Love Commitment Adapted from Robert Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love
    9. 9. Partners in Purpose1. Commitment 2. Purpose• Pledge of loyalty • Shared ideals• Team up against and meaning problems • Common• Investment Purpose projects, service and of one’s sacrifices best efforts Marital • Mutual respect Love • Personal growth Commitment
    10. 10. Friends & Lovers3. Friendship 4. Passion• Enjoying each other’s company • Physical• Safety and comfort attraction• Sharing of joys and hardships • Romantic feelings Friendship Marital Passion Love
    11. 11. Which Dimension Is Stronger in Your Relationship Now?Horizontal: Vertical:Friends & Lovers Partners in Purpose• Friendship • Commitment• Passion • Purpose Purpose Friendship Marital Passion Love Commitment
    12. 12. 2. Handle Conflict Wisely
    13. 13. Conflict Is a Normal Stage of EarlyMarriage
    14. 14. Signs of the Conflict Stage• You want more private time and space • You feel• Loving gestures—notes, flowers, deprived and massages—are falling away disillusioned• Sacrificing is not as easy anymore • You try to make each act• Conversation is no longer as automatic as you used to• Small habits, once endearing, are now • You start annoying whining,• You notice bad traits you overlooked nagging, before and fighting
    15. 15. Many Couples Do Not Grow Past theConflict Stage Resignation “I give up” Escape “I’ll invest elsewhere ”
    16. 16. Lasting Love Is Built & MaintainedThrough Character, Skills & Insight
    17. 17. Strong Couples Build True Lovebased on Acceptance and Appreciation
    18. 18. 3. Keep Positives Greater thanNegatives
    19. 19. Happy Couples See More Positives thanNegatives in Their RelationshipKeep a high ratio of positives to negatives1. Maintain and promote 2. Prevent and reduce the positive aspects of the negative aspects the relationship • Couples are happy when they believe that there are more positives than negatives
    20. 20. High Level of Positives MakesNegatives Less ImportantAll couples have negative aspects to deal with • Low level of positives makes negatives look worse Marriage Positives Marriage Negatives Negatives
    21. 21. Reduce the Negatives• Accept differences and disagreements as natural• Follow shared ground rules for managing conflicts well• Use a safe way to talk about difficult issues
    22. 22. What Actions & Experiences Help Generate Love?
    23. 23. Build Up the Positives 1 1. Serving and meeting each other’s needs 2. Nearness, familiarity and common history 3. Shared fun and novel, positive experiences 4. Teamwork in solving a problem; learning together
    24. 24. Build Up the Positives 25. Pursuing common ideals; mutual respect6. Shared suffering, and relying on one another7. Sharing secrets and weaknesses8. Resolving a conflict together; forgiveness9. Physical affection and sex
    25. 25. Three Secrets of Strong Marriages1. Keep both dimensions strong2. Handle conflict wisely3. Keep positives greater than negatives
    26. 26. Tool: Goal SettingIndividually, set 1 to 2 clear goals for you to gain todayand for the relationship.•Make them small, specific and expressed in a positiveway: • “I want to learn to disagree calmly” rather than “I want to stop getting so angry.”•Keep them private or share them if you both wish to.

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