Icebreaker: Tongue Twisters “Whether the weather is cold, or whether the weather is hot. We’ll be together whatever the weather, whether you like it or not.”
Speak the Truth in LoveRead Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.
When We have Conflict in a Relationship Conflict is inevitable and necessary in establishing deep and meaningful relationships. How you respond then is crucial. Jesus commands us to respond by speaking the truth in love. “But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)
What Comes Out of the Mouth Camefrom the Heart Matthew 12:34-35 The words you speak reflect the real condition of your heart. Matthew 15:11 An angry person speaks hateful words; a hurting person speaks hurting words. In the same way, the tongue also impacts the heart.
We have to Control Our Tongue Both cursing and blessing can come out of the same mouth (James 3:8-10). For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well (James 3:2).
Let’s be Careful with Our WordsMatthew 12:36-37“…for every careless word that people speak, theyshall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment,for by your words you will be justified, and by yourwords you will be condemned.Proverbs 18:21 Our words are bound to impact the lives of otherseither negatively or positively. They play an importantrole in our relationships so let us choose our wordswisely. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Let’s Speak the Truth in LoveSpeaking the truth in love meansyou are willing to humble yourselfand to address the issue at hand.
Nathan and DavidRead 2 Samuel 12: 1-14Who is your Nathan?Nathan the prophetNathan means "He gave", or "gift of God."
How to Speak the Truth in Love 1. Mind Do not be quick to react. Process the situation first.
How to Speak the Truth in Love2. HeartCheck your motive If you want to correct the person outof anger, envy or selfishness, don’tspeak at allYour heart must be motivated by lovein restoring the person
How to Speak the Truth in LoveTiming Make sure the timing and the environment are appropriate. Do it when both of you are relaxed and are not pre-occupied with other agendas.
How to Speak the Truth in LoveTone of voice. Choose your wordscarefully and deliver them in a gentleand loving manner. Do not be on thedefensive; do not raise your voice. “Agentle answer turns away wrath, but aharsh word stirs up anger.”
The foundation of love is TRUST.Therefore say what you mean and mean what you say.Prov. 20:19; 29:5Avoid flattery, gossip and slanderEphesians 4:29Show love by speaking words that are true and thatbuild others up in Christ-likeness. “Let no unwholesomeword proceed from your mouth, but only such a word asis good for edification according to the need of themoment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love
1. Check your motives• What is the right motive? to help not to hurt• 2nd Corinthians 12:19 “We tell you this as Christ’s servants...Everything we do, dear friends, is for your benefit.”
2. Think Before You Speak and should be out of Love• Proverbs 16:23 “intelligent people think before they speak; what they say is then more persuasive.”• 2nd Corinthians 2:4 “For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.”
3. Plan the Right Timing• Don’t say it when the person is: • Tired • Under Pressure • In a hurry
The best Time is When….• Plan when to say it• Say it when... • it is the best timing for the person • the person is rested and ready to hear it • you both are at your best • you have privacy
4. Plan What You Will Say• Proverbs 25:11 “the right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.”
Start with Humility and Gentleness• Introduction: how you introduce a touchy subject will determine whether it’s going to be received well or rejected. • Don’t start with sarcasm and anger • Do start with humility and gentleness
Choose Illustrations that will make the Person UnderstandsIllustrations: help the person picture what you want to say • choose illustrations the person understands • don’t choose illustrations you like
5. Plan How You will Say it• Plan how you are going to say it• Proverbs 12:18 “ thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal.”• Proverbs 15:1 “a soft answer turns away wrath”
Don’t Say it in this Manner• say it thoughtlessly, or it will hurt the person• say it offensively or it will be received defensively
Do Say it in this Manner • lower your voice • say it in a gentle and a humble way
Your Word Can Transform Truth +Tact + timing = Transformation
6. Give Affirmation• Proverbs 12:25 “a word of encouragement does wonders!”• Affirm that: • you deeply love and care for the person • you will pray for them and help them • you believe they can change • the relationship can be better and that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation
7. Risk Rejection• 2nd Corinthians 7:8-9,12 Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— 9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 12 So even though I wrote to you, it was neither on account of the one who did the wrong nor on account of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are.
Steps in Speaking the Truth in Love1. Check your motives2. Think before you speak and should be out of love3. Plan The right timing4. Plan what you will say5. Plan how you will say6. Give Affirmation7. Risk Rejection
Speak the Truth in LoveEphesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.
Discussion Questions:Tongue Temperature. How are you in the area of your tongue? How can you control your tongue? (ReadProv. 18:20)1. True Lies. How does one lie? By exaggeration, silence, or dishonesty. What is the worst lie you said that affected your relationship/s negatively? What did you learn from your experience?2. Fight or Flight. Is God calling your attention to correct someone? Do not attack nor withdraw, but speak the truth in love. How will you apply what you are learning about speaking the truth in love in this situation? What would you do differently?