Flaws and Weaknesses Trump Polish and Poise Leaders want their teams to see them at their best–nice clothes, nice haircuts and nice presentations. But employees don’t need to see perfect, they need to see real. When you have bad news or need to admit to a mistake, how tempting is it to diminish its importance or avoid discussing it completely? While opening up to others may seem like a bad idea or even a sign of weakness, it’s actually a courageous act. Check out a new way to view your vulnerability and see some of the surprising people who have shared parts of themselves that you wouldn't expect.

1. CONNECT
WITH YOUR
VULNERABILITY
Reap rewards from exposing your
weaknesses, mistakes and
insecurities.
​Slide Doc byJeri Dube
​jeri@mindpulseinc.com
​ @jeriteed

2. 2|
A New Perspective –
vulnerability as a
communications tool for leaders
03
table of contents
Vulnerability at Work – benefits
of showing flaws and
weaknesses
09
Historic Displays – leaders who
braved vulnerability16
Stepping Up to Vulnerability –
enlarge your life25
Acknowledgements –
recognizing those who inspired
and contributed to this slide doc
27

3. A New
Perspective
Piercedveneer
Isn’tvulnerabilityabad
thing?
Whatdoesitmeanto
showyourvulnerability?
Admission:Vulnerabilityis
uncomfortable
Anewwaytolookat
vulnerability

4. 4|
Pierced Veneer
​Long before I ever thought about
vulnerability as a part of a leader’s
communication toolkit, I wrote a flash
fiction piece that tapped into an
employee’s desire to connect with
her company’s top executive.
​In the story, fate brings an ambitious
but unrecognized saleswoman face
to face with her CEO in an elevator.
His attitude of superiority makes her
so unsure of herself that she can’t
figure out how to engage this master
of the universe in a conversation
during the ride. Desperate to break
through his icy polish and poise, she
plants a passionate kiss on his lips
just before the doors open on his
floor.
​While this fictional woman’s
approach was far to the left of
appropriate, her feelings are
common. Employees want a view of
their leaders that often remains
hidden—the human side.
​Two and half years ago when she
had joined a Big Four Accounting
Firm, Margo Hackel heard a top
leader strike the right balance
between professionalism and
humanity for the first time in her
career. And she had been working
with Fortune 50 companies for more
than 10 years.
​When a leader connects with his
people, he engages them. One brief
but meaningful encounter can do
wonders for an employee’s
motivation.
​This slide doc makes a case that
publically revealing vulnerability is a
worthwhile and worthy business
practice. And if done correctly, it can
help you avoid inappropriate elevator
encounters!

5. 5|
Isn’t “vulnerability” a
bad thing?
​“Yes, I really mean
communicate your
vulnerability.”
​When I mentioned the idea of
making vulnerability a part of leaders’
communication repertoire, especially
when addressing their teams, a
fellow communications professional
wasn’t sure he heard me right.
​He was astounded that I wanted to
advise executives to leave
themselves open to harm as a way to
communicate with employees. He
then proceeded to read me the
definition below (omitting #4.)
​It took me a while to explain that I
didn’t want leaders to make
themselves vulnerable, but rather
leverage the vulnerability that every
human experiences. And by sharing
at this level—revealing a personal
weakness, admitting ignorance or
apologizing for a mistake—better
connect with their team.
​While I was initially taken aback that
my colleague didn’t immediately
recognize what I was asking leaders
to do, I now understand why we
surprised each other. Revealing
vulnerability is a paradox: Yes, it can
expose you to harm, but it’s actually a
display of strength and a powerful
means of expression.

6. 6|
Showing your
Vulnerability
It’s as much about intent as content.
What it isn’t What it is
A sign of weakness. The courage to admit weaknesses, mistakes or
ignorance. A heroic win over the impulse not to address it
at all.
A way to manipulate others’ emotions. A guileless admission that lets people see you or your
situation more clearly.
A dramatic display of emotion. A sincere sharing that may or may not be emotion-filled.
Sincerity, rather than intensity, is what matters.
An attitude or perhaps veneer of humility. A revelation of something that most people don’t know
about you and that isn’t obvious from appearances.

7. 7|
Revealing
Vulnerability is
uncomfortable
​Just because something’s
uncomfortable doesn’t mean
you shouldn’t do it.
​Researcher, psychologist and
vulnerability/connection expert Brené
Brown says:
​Vulnerability is the combination of
uncertainty, risk and emotional
exposure.
​So, of course revealing it is
uncomfortable. The fact that it is hard
and maybe even painful is why
communicating with vulnerability isn’t
a sign of weakness. Taking on an
emotionally difficult task takes
courage and self-confidence.

8. 8|
Anew way to look at
“vulnerability”
​When you intentionally reveal
vulnerability, you are reaching
out to connect.
​After having studied it for years, Dr.
Brené Brown has concluded that:
​Vulnerability is the origin point for
innovation, adaptability,
accountability, and visionary
leadership.
​Dr. Brown’s research shows that ―we
try to ward off disappointment with a
shield of cynicism, disarm shame by
numbing ourselves against joy, and
circumvent grief by shutting off our
willingness to love.‖ She teaches us
to become aware of these patterns
so we see how much we “sacrifice
in the name of self-defense.”
​She asserts that you will gain if you
have the courage to drop the shields
that protect you from feeling
vulnerable. And that gain is huge
because it opens you up to the
experiences that bring purpose and
meaning to your life.

9. Vulnerability
at Work
Enrichyourenvironment
Teaming
Scientificsupport
Commonsense
BradSmith
LaurenDixon

10. 10|
When you make
yourself Vulnerable
you enrich your
environment with…
​Exposing your vulnerability keeps
you real in the eyes of those who
work for you. It demonstrates you
trust them.
On the flip side, when you don’t keep
it real, people recognize it as a
façade. They know that you’re not
telling them everything. And your lack
of trust makes them mistrustful.
If you can talk about when you
weren’t at your best and then how
you worked through that period, you
inspire your people. It helps them get
through their own hard times and
motivates them to work harder for
you.
And contrary to what many think,
showing your warts makes you more
likeable. Nobody likes someone
who’s perfect because everyone
knows that’s not real.
​When you admit to your team that
you’ve made a mistake, it sends a
huge message. “IT’S OKAY TO
MESS UP.”
​When employees see that
sometimes failure is an option, they
aren’t afraid to try something new.
And by the way, making a mistake is
one of the ways humans learn best.
​So if you want to nurture a learning
environment, showing your
vulnerabilities is as useful as
encouraging experimentation and
providing feedback.

11. 11|
Your vulnerability
can make or break
your team
​Certified master coach Keith Rosen
asserts that the performance level of
your team depends on creating an
environment where you and
everyone else are comfortable
showing vulnerability.
​Think how powerful your team can be
if they are deeply connected because
they understand each other’s
strengths and weaknesses,
successes and failures as well as
passions and fears.
​“The most powerful leaders
are the ones who are willing to
risk losing face in front of their
team in order to encourage an
atmosphere where their
people would be willing to
take the same risks
themselves.”
​Keith Rosen – named one of five
most influential coaches by Inc.
Magazine and Fast Company

12. 12|
Supporting
Evidence from
Science
​Self DeterminationTheory
​Daniel Pink writes about the many
studies performed by a global
network of scientists organized and
established by University of
Rochester professors Edward L. Deci
and Richard M. Ryan. They found
that human beings ―have an innate
drive to be autonomous, self-
determined and connected to one
another. When that drive is liberated,
nourished and encouraged people
achieve more and live richer lives.‖
Vulnerability is one way you can
release that innate drive. It’s the part
that feeds connection!
Vulnerabilityiswhat
feedsconnectionand
compassion.
​Studies of Compassion
​In a study out of Wharton, Sigal
Barsade and co-author Olivia O’Neill
uncovered that units in a long-term
care facility with higher levels of
compassionate love had less burnout
and absenteeism. When the work
culture promoted compassionate love
employees were more engaged,
better at teaming and more satisfied.
​Although the initial work was in a
health care facility, the researches
followed up with a study that included
seven different industries and more
than 3,000 employees. The
conclusion from the second project
was that ―a culture of compassionate
love positively correlated with job
satisfaction, commitment to the
company and accountability for
performance.‖
​There’s a natural link between
vulnerability and compassion.
Vulnerability must be present
wherever there’s compassionate
love.

13. 13|
Common Sense ​Intent
​Keith Rosen cautions people about
being sincere with their vulnerability.
​He says, ―Your display of
vulnerability must be genuine and
authentic or you will risk losing the
trust that may have already been
present.‖
​Inauthentic vulnerability or rather
giving the appearance of being
vulnerable is simply manipulation.
​Relevance
​One year at a kickoff, a new sales
leader let down his armor and
became very emotional about an
employee who was fighting a losing
battle with cancer. In the audience of
about 2,000 people, probably 30
knew who the leader was talking
about and so most people didn’t
understand this display of
vulnerability. It’s not that they were
cold and heartless, they just weren’t
sure why this was part of the
presentation.
​The sales leader wasn’t wrong to
share his sadness and worry. He just
didn’t choose the right audience. Had
he gathered the team who worked
closely with this sick colleague, it
would have been a very powerful and
emotional moment.
Alwaysknowyourreason
forsharingvulnerability
anditsrelevancetoyour
audience.

14. 14|
Brad Smith shows
his vulnerability
​Intuit is consistently ranked as one of
the 100 best places to work.
​In a LinkedIn article Brad Smith
writes, ―Deep down inside, each of us
is painfully aware of the chinks in our
own armor… and having the strength
to express this common truth makes
your teams feel better about both
you, and themselves.
​Showing vulnerability does not
undercut a leader’s capacity to
inspire teams, but rather it enhances
it. Role modeling that life is an
experiment, openly admitting and
learning from your own shortcomings
and mistakes creates an environment
for others to do the same. It is one of
the ways we move forward and grow
as individuals, and as teams.‖
​When you show your
vulnerability, you sacrifice a
little bit of pride for the good
of your team. It’s not only
brave, it’s unselfish.
CEO and President

15. 15|
Lauren Dixon shows
her vulnerability
​Dixon Schwabl has been recognized
as one of the Top 25 Best Small
Companies To Work For In America
by the Great Place to Work Institute
for the past nine years.
​When it comes to having the tough
conversations Lauren does it sooner
rather than later. And when she
does, it’s with complete transparency
so that no one gets the chance to fill
in any blanks.
​Last summer Lauren’s firm had to let
go of several leaders, when even
after months of coaching they still
didn’t align with the company’s core
values. On the day these people left,
Lauren brought the entire company
together to explain and admit that
hiring this misaligned crew had been
a mistake.
​In her crisis communications
work, Lauren tells her media
relations clients that the more
transparent you are with bad
news, the faster the story dies.
This holds equally true when
dealing with with employees.
CEO
​Her candidness and speed paid off
when only days later, the atmosphere
throughout the building was
cleansed. Everyone was energized
and much happier.

16. Historic
Displays of
Vulnerability
SojournerTruth
WoodrowWilson
GeorgePatton
Richard Nixon
JesseJackson
SteveJobs
JohnMcCain
GloriaSteinem

17. 17|
Sojourner Truth
​Sojourner Truth, an advocate for equal rights for all women and men, was
born into slavery 95 miles north of New York City as Isabella Baumfree. She
escaped from her owner in her late twenties, a year before New York State
emancipated all slaves.
​At the May 29, 1851 Women’s Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio, she spoke
extemporaneously. In the excerpt below, which gave the Ain’t I a Woman
speech its name, she shares some of the indignities and hardships she
endured as a slave and a 19th century American black woman.
​That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages,
and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody
ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any
best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have
ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head
me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a
man—when I could get it—and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a
woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to
slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus
heard me! And ain't I a woman?

18. 18|
Woodrow Wilson
​In his 1917 War Message to the Congress, President Wilson admits his initial
instinct, to stay out of the war in Europe, was incorrect. Here are two excerpts:
​When I addressed the Congress on the 26th of February last, I thought
that it would suffice to assert our neutral rights with arms, our right to
use the seas against unlawful interference, our right to keep our people
safe against unlawful violence. But armed neutrality, it now appears, is
impractical.
​…Armed neutrality is ineffectual enough at best; in such circumstances
and in the face of such pretensions it is worse than ineffectual: it is likely
only to produce what it was meant to prevent; it is practically certain to
draw us into the war without either the rights or the effectiveness of
belligerence. There is one choice we cannot make, we are incapable of
making: we will not choose the path of submission and suffer the most
sacred rights of our nation and our people to be ignored or violated. The
wrongs against which we now array ourselves are no common wrongs;
they cut to the very roots of human life.

19. 19|
George S. Patton Jr.
​Some consider General Patton’s speech to the third army the best
motivational speech of all time. In this excerpt, Patton doesn’t reveal a hidden
part of himself, but he tells of a time when he didn’t say the right thing and he
got on a soldier’s nerves.
​One of the bravest men I saw in the African campaign was on a
telegraph pole in the midst of furious fire while we were moving toward
Tunis. I stopped and asked him what the hell he was doing up there. He
answered, 'Fixing the wire, sir.' 'Isn't it a little unhealthy up there right
now?' I asked. 'Yes sir, but this goddamn wire has got to be fixed.' I
asked, 'Don't those planes strafing the road bother you?' And he
answered, 'No sir, but you sure as hell do.'
​Now, there was a real soldier. A real man. A man who devoted all he
had to his duty, no matter how great the odds, no matter how seemingly
insignificant his duty appeared at the time.

20. 20|
Richard M. Nixon
​Most people don’t consider Richard Nixon the show-your-vulnerability type of
guy, but in 1952 when he was accused of misappropriating campaign funds,
he let it all hang out to the 60 million Americans who watched him on TV. In
what’s known as the Checkers Speech, Nixon painstakingly reviewed his
complete financial picture–the money he made, what he owed, everything. He
left it up to the Republican National Committee whether or not he should
continue as Eisenhower’s running mate.
​Nixon’s candidness, as shown through this excerpt, led to a huge outpouring
of support from the public and the Republicans kept him on the winning ticket.
​I have made an average of approximately $1,500 a year from
nonpolitical speaking engagements and lectures. And then, fortunately,
we've inherited a little money. Pat sold her interest in her father's estate
for $3,000 and I inherited $1,500 from my grandfather.
​We live rather modestly. For four years, we lived in an apartment in Park
Fairfax, in Alexandria, Virginia. The rent was $80 a month. And we
saved for the time that we could buy a house.
​Now, that was what we took in. What did we do with this money? What
do we have today to show for it? This will surprise you, Because it is so
little, I suppose, as standards generally go, of people in public life. First
of all, we've got a house in Washington, which cost $41,000 and on
which we owe $20,000. We have a house in Whittier, California, which
cost $13,000 and on which we owe $3,000.

21. 21|
Jesse Jackson
​This excerpt from Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition keynote at the 1984
Democratic National Convention is a not-so-direct response to charges that he
was anti-Semitic. Had he been more concrete, the reaction by the Jewish
community may have been stronger than it was. But his apology helped
―somewhat‖ according to the New York Times article, Jews Cautiously Hail
Talk by Jackson, published two days later.
​If, in my low moments, in word, deed or attitude, through some error of
temper, taste or tone, I have caused anyone discomfort, created pain, or
revived someone’s fears, that was not my truest self. If there were
occasions when my grape turned into a raisin, and my joy-bell lost its
resonance, please forgive me. Charge it to my head, and not my heart.
My head — so limited in its finitude; my heart which is boundless in its
love for the human family. I am not a perfect servant. I am a public
servant, doing my best against the odds. As I develop and serve, be
patient. God is not finished with me yet.

22. 22|
Steve Jobs
​In his commencement address to the 2005 Stanford graduating class,
technology icon Steve Jobs talked about his youth, his success and his cancer
diagnosis. This excerpt covers the time when the Apple board fired him.
​The impulse to share so openly came from within him. Jobs wrote this talk,
which is considered one of the top ten graduation speeches ever given, by
himself.
​I was lucky—I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started
Apple in my parents’ garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10
years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2
billion company with over 4,000 employees. We had just released our
finest creation—the Macintosh—a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.
And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started?
Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented
to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well.
But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we
had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him.
So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of
my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

23. 23|
John McCain
​At the peak of political success, in his acceptance speech at the 2008
Republican National Convention, McCain talked about his youthful arrogance
and the time in his life when he was most vulnerable.
On an October morning, in the Gulf of Tonkin, I
prepared for my 23rd mission over North
Vietnam. I hadn't any worry I wouldn't come
back safe and sound. I thought I was tougher
than anyone. I was pretty independent then,
too.
I liked to bend a few rules and pick a few fights
for the fun of it. But I did it for my own
pleasure, my own pride. I didn't think there was
a cause that was more important than me.
Then I found myself falling toward the middle
of a small lake in the city of Hanoi, with two
broken arms, a broken leg, and an angry
crowd waiting to greet me.
I was dumped in a dark cell and left to die. I
didn't feel so tough anymore. When they
discovered my father was an admiral, they took
me to a hospital. They couldn't set my bones
properly, so they just slapped a cast on me.
And when I didn't get better and was down to
about a hundred pounds, they put me in a cell
with two other Americans.
I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even feed
myself. They did it for me. I was beginning to
learn the limits of my selfish independence.
Those men saved my life.

24. 24|
Gloria Steinem
​For a segment on PBS’s Makers, feminist Gloria Steinem talked about early
reactions to the women’s movement and the indignities she endured as a
young attractive reporter. She also mentions that she had an abortion.
​
The predominant reaction to the women's
movement was ridicule. It took us a long time
to be taken seriously enough to be opposed.
When it came to assignments, as a freelance
writer, I was assigned things about fashion,
and food, and makeup, and babies, or, the low
point of my life, textured stockings.
When I delivered the articles to my editor at the
Sunday Times Magazine, he generally gave
me a choice, like, either I could go to a hotel
room with him in the afternoon or mail his
letters on the way out. Needless to say, I
mailed the letters, but I just assumed you had
to put up with this.
I don't think I understood the need for a
movement until I went to cover an abortion
hearing. I had had an abortion when I first
graduated from college and had never told
anyone.

25. Step Up to Vulnerability

26. 26|
Enlarge your life.
​The flash fiction story I mentioned at
the beginning of this slide doc was
prompted by a line from Walt
Whitman:
​Of life immense in passion,
pulse and power.
​This phrase makes as much sense in
the context of showing your
vulnerability as in the story I wrote. If
you want to enlarge your life by
connecting to people, sharing what
makes you vulnerable is what you
have to do.
Vulnerability can put you and your
team on a path toward passion, pulse
and power—in the best sense of all
these words.
​And the title of the poem that is
source of this line, One’s Self I Sing,
is significant too. When you speak
openly about yourself without hiding
what you’re afraid for others to know,
you are connecting with your
audience. You are leading with
courage. You are singing out your
true self.
Singoutyourtrueself
andconnect.

27. Acknowledgements

28. 28|
Interviews Research
Laurie Allan
Lauren Dixon
Dee Ann Gosda
Margo Hackel
Bob Whipple
Mark Yanow
Brené Brown
SigalBarsade& Olivia O’Neill
Steve Jobs
John McCain
Richard Nixon
Daniel Pink
Kevin Rosen
Gloria Steinem
Brad Smith
Sojourner Truth
Woodrow Wilson
Thefollowingpeoplesharedtheirstoriesandinsightseither
directlyorthroughtheirpublishedwork.Ithankthemfortheir
candor,braveryandwisdom.
Special thanks to Duarte for the slide doc templates.