GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
 HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
         LIVES)




        Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
     Counselor for Me...
GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
 HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
         LIVES)




        Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
     Counselor for Me...
GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
 HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
         LIVES)




        Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
     Counselor for Me...
WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY
WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY
Why I Counsel Men

On Relationships with Women

Myths and Messages about Men and Masculinity

How Me...
MEN ARE FROM EARTH,
WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH
Guys are Emotional
Beings; We Want What
You Want!

Connect/Disconnect
Cycle and i...
THEMES OF MASCULINITY


Boys to Men

Cultural Schizophrenia

Denial of Authentic Self

Video Clip: Disney and
Masculinity
FATHERS AND SONS


Father/son relationships as seeds for growth/
stagnation in relationships

Understanding our roles and ...
MESSAGES (AND MYTHS)
 ABOUT BEING A MAN
MESSAGES (AND MYTHS)
        ABOUT BEING A MAN

Not “being a man” by asking for help

“I’m weak if I have to ask for help....
HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE
Avoidance of people, situations, and self

Seven Deadly Sins:

    Sports, Alcohol, Drugs

    Pornogr...
HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE
Avoidance of people, situations, and self

Seven Deadly Sins:

    Sports, Alcohol, Drugs

    Pornogr...
MEN AND ANGER

Bad Phone Call

2 traditional ways men
get angry: Stuff it (the
internalizer), or build
up and explode (the...
MEN AND ANGER

Bad Phone Call

2 traditional ways men
get angry: Stuff it (the
internalizer), or build
up and explode (the...
MEN AND ANGER

Fear of anger is sometimes worse than the anger

Learning to access felt sense of anger

Talk talk - lesson...
THE GESTALT THERAPY
     METHOD
KEY IDEAS IN GESTALT
           THERAPY
The Role of Awareness    The Paradoxical Theory
                         of Change...
APPLYING GESTALT TO
    WORKING WITH MEN

Keep them in their experience, not in their head

Work with the resistance

Comp...
POWER AND KNOWING


Residing in the unknowing place

Power/control vs. being: gender differences

Working with “what is” i...
MORE ON WORKING WITH
  MEN IN COUNSELING

Interpersonal homework assignments

Risk taking in session, and at work and home...
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY
WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

On Relationships with Women

How Men Negatively Cope

Myths and Messages about Being a Man & Mascul...
THANK YOU, AND HAPPY
    COUNSELING
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Getting Men Out Of Their Heads (And Into Their Lives)

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Getting Men Out Of Their Heads (And Into Their Lives)

  1. 1. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  2. 2. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  3. 3. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  4. 4. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY
  5. 5. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY Why I Counsel Men On Relationships with Women Myths and Messages about Men and Masculinity How Men Usually Cope Men and Anger The Gestalt Therapy Approach Counseling Men
  6. 6. MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH Guys are Emotional Beings; We Want What You Want! Connect/Disconnect Cycle and its Problems Autonomy vs. Avoidance The Critical Tools and Right Languaging
  7. 7. THEMES OF MASCULINITY Boys to Men Cultural Schizophrenia Denial of Authentic Self Video Clip: Disney and Masculinity
  8. 8. FATHERS AND SONS Father/son relationships as seeds for growth/ stagnation in relationships Understanding our roles and needs as sons; the concept of learning to parent ourselves. The Role of the Absent Father Harry Chapin clip:Cats In The Cradle
  9. 9. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN
  10. 10. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN Not “being a man” by asking for help “I’m weak if I have to ask for help.” Reducing your “image” to friends, family “Strong, silent type” of man (Tony Soprano) The OWC Philosophy (“Only Women Cry”) “I can handle it myself/I’m in control of it.”
  11. 11. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE Avoidance of people, situations, and self Seven Deadly Sins: Sports, Alcohol, Drugs Pornography, Intellectualization Work, Gambling The use of control Depression Repression of anger
  12. 12. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE Avoidance of people, situations, and self Seven Deadly Sins: Sports, Alcohol, Drugs Pornography, Intellectualization Work, Gambling The use of control Depression Repression of anger
  13. 13. MEN AND ANGER Bad Phone Call 2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg) Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems
  14. 14. MEN AND ANGER Bad Phone Call 2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg) Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems
  15. 15. MEN AND ANGER Fear of anger is sometimes worse than the anger Learning to access felt sense of anger Talk talk - lessons of languaging The Apple and Tree Satisfying, not suppressing, our needs and feelings Being vs. doing: sitting with & unfolding of “what is”
  16. 16. THE GESTALT THERAPY METHOD
  17. 17. KEY IDEAS IN GESTALT THERAPY The Role of Awareness The Paradoxical Theory of Change The Here and Now - The Present Moment A short clip with Fritz Perls: The Gestalt The Use of Creative Prayer Experiments How, Not Why Identifying Polarities
  18. 18. APPLYING GESTALT TO WORKING WITH MEN Keep them in their experience, not in their head Work with the resistance Compassionate Feedback Invest in the “I/Thou” relationship; counselor authenticity Analysis “feeds the beast” Collaboration, not collusion Tease out the polarities (i.e. Top Dog/Underdog)
  19. 19. POWER AND KNOWING Residing in the unknowing place Power/control vs. being: gender differences Working with “what is” in discovery of the emptiness Control as a defense against pain, sadness, helplessness
  20. 20. MORE ON WORKING WITH MEN IN COUNSELING Interpersonal homework assignments Risk taking in session, and at work and home Exploring what works, and what doesn’t, and how Identification of values, and how authenticity arises from living in synch with them
  21. 21. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY
  22. 22. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY On Relationships with Women How Men Negatively Cope Myths and Messages about Being a Man & Masculinity The Role of Anger in Mens’ Lives The Gestalt Therapy Approach Working with Men in Counseling
  23. 23. THANK YOU, AND HAPPY COUNSELING

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