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Getting Men Out Of Their Heads (And Into Their Lives)
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Getting Men Out Of Their Heads (And Into Their Lives)

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  • 1. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  • 2. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  • 3. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR HEADS (AND INTO THEIR LIVES) Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC Counselor for Men and Couples Saturday, May 2, 2009
  • 4. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY
  • 5. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY Why I Counsel Men On Relationships with Women Myths and Messages about Men and Masculinity How Men Usually Cope Men and Anger The Gestalt Therapy Approach Counseling Men
  • 6. MEN ARE FROM EARTH, WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH Guys are Emotional Beings; We Want What You Want! Connect/Disconnect Cycle and its Problems Autonomy vs. Avoidance The Critical Tools and Right Languaging
  • 7. THEMES OF MASCULINITY Boys to Men Cultural Schizophrenia Denial of Authentic Self Video Clip: Disney and Masculinity
  • 8. FATHERS AND SONS Father/son relationships as seeds for growth/ stagnation in relationships Understanding our roles and needs as sons; the concept of learning to parent ourselves. The Role of the Absent Father Harry Chapin clip:Cats In The Cradle
  • 9. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN
  • 10. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS) ABOUT BEING A MAN Not “being a man” by asking for help “I’m weak if I have to ask for help.” Reducing your “image” to friends, family “Strong, silent type” of man (Tony Soprano) The OWC Philosophy (“Only Women Cry”) “I can handle it myself/I’m in control of it.”
  • 11. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE Avoidance of people, situations, and self Seven Deadly Sins: Sports, Alcohol, Drugs Pornography, Intellectualization Work, Gambling The use of control Depression Repression of anger
  • 12. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE Avoidance of people, situations, and self Seven Deadly Sins: Sports, Alcohol, Drugs Pornography, Intellectualization Work, Gambling The use of control Depression Repression of anger
  • 13. MEN AND ANGER Bad Phone Call 2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg) Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems
  • 14. MEN AND ANGER Bad Phone Call 2 traditional ways men get angry: Stuff it (the internalizer), or build up and explode (the powderkeg) Cultural messages + learned behaviors + personality = problems
  • 15. MEN AND ANGER Fear of anger is sometimes worse than the anger Learning to access felt sense of anger Talk talk - lessons of languaging The Apple and Tree Satisfying, not suppressing, our needs and feelings Being vs. doing: sitting with & unfolding of “what is”
  • 16. THE GESTALT THERAPY METHOD
  • 17. KEY IDEAS IN GESTALT THERAPY The Role of Awareness The Paradoxical Theory of Change The Here and Now - The Present Moment A short clip with Fritz Perls: The Gestalt The Use of Creative Prayer Experiments How, Not Why Identifying Polarities
  • 18. APPLYING GESTALT TO WORKING WITH MEN Keep them in their experience, not in their head Work with the resistance Compassionate Feedback Invest in the “I/Thou” relationship; counselor authenticity Analysis “feeds the beast” Collaboration, not collusion Tease out the polarities (i.e. Top Dog/Underdog)
  • 19. POWER AND KNOWING Residing in the unknowing place Power/control vs. being: gender differences Working with “what is” in discovery of the emptiness Control as a defense against pain, sadness, helplessness
  • 20. MORE ON WORKING WITH MEN IN COUNSELING Interpersonal homework assignments Risk taking in session, and at work and home Exploring what works, and what doesn’t, and how Identification of values, and how authenticity arises from living in synch with them
  • 21. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY
  • 22. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY On Relationships with Women How Men Negatively Cope Myths and Messages about Being a Man & Masculinity The Role of Anger in Mens’ Lives The Gestalt Therapy Approach Working with Men in Counseling
  • 23. THANK YOU, AND HAPPY COUNSELING