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Working with Difficult People

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  • Working with Difficult People 8/20/02 STC Orange County Chapter presented by Deirdre A. Murr
  • Transcript

    • 1. Working with Difficult People
    • 2. Let’s Know……
      • Why people are difficult
      • Types of difficult behavior
      • Coping skills and techniques to help you communicate
    • 3. Why Are People Difficult?
      • People feel
        • Rushed — not enough time
        • Insecure
        • Angry
        • And have some need or interest
      • Stressed!!!
    • 4. Scenario 1
    • 5. A Difficult Person Can Be ...
      • Hostile-Aggressive
      • Know-It-All
      • Yes-Person
      • Whiner
      • Never-Say-A-Word
      • Indecisive Staller
      • No-Person
    • 6. Hostile Aggressive AKA “The Tank”
      • Bullies their way toward the results they want.
      • Belittles you in front of anyone.
      • Tries to convince you that you are doing a poor job when you are doing fine.
    • 7. The Know-It-All
      • Controls people and events by dominating conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments.
      • Tries to find flaws in everything.
    • 8. The Yes-Person
      • Answers “Yes” to every request without thinking about what is being promised .
      • Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of resentment.
      • Seeks approval and avoids disapproval.
      • And even if all the promises can be kept, the Yes-Person no longer has a life!
    • 9. The No-Person
        • Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable
        • Deadly to morale
    • 10. The Whiner
      • Avoids taking responsibility.
      • Wants sympathy.
      • Has negative view of the world.
      • It’s important for these people to get their opinions across. If you ignore them, they increase their protests.
    • 11. The Never-Say-A-Word AKA “The Clam”
      • Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain.
      • Wants to avoid conflict or hurting anyone.
      • Often feels angry because “the wrong decision” was made.
      • Some can’t relate authentically or speak honestly.
    • 12. The Indecisive Staller
      • Could be an overwhelmed “Yes-Person.”
      • Could be a procrastinator.
      • Has reservations about the project.
      • Doesn’t organize or prioritize work.
    • 13. Difficult Person :Coping Plan 1.Assess the “Situation” 2. Stop wishing they were “different”! 3. Get distance between you and the difficult behavior 4. Formulate a plan for interrupting the interaction 5. Implement strategy 6. Monitor coping process 7. Modify or abandon plan, if necessary
    • 14. Dealing with “The Tank”
      • If possible, get them to sit down.
      • Don’t back down. Let them vent. Don’t take it personally. Step away from the emotion.
      • Identify their issue–the facts of the matter.
      • Explain benefits of your point of view. Express your side in factual terms.
      • Allow aggressor to “save face.”
    • 15. Dealing with the Know-It-All
      • Know your facts. Be prepared.
      • Listen carefully and paraphrase the main points.
      • Use questions to raise issues.
      • If necessary, subordinate yourself to avoid static and commit yourself to building a more equal relationship in the future.
    • 16. Dealing with the Yes-Person
      • Work to get to the underlying issues.
      • Tell how much you value them as people.
      • Give them permission to say “No.”
      • Ask them to tell about any aspect of your product that is not as good as the best.
      • Listen to their humor -- hidden messages?
    • 17. Dealing with the No-Person
      • Work to get to the underlying issues.
      • Find out the reason for disagreement
      • Show the other side
      • Show the benefits
    • 18. Dealing with the Whiner
      • Don’t respond if they are blaming you. Don’t sympathize if they are at fault.
      • Make a list of all complaints from constant complainers before you discuss problem.
      • Make sure the facts are correct.
      • Make the Whiner propose solutions to fix the problem.
    • 19. Dealing with “The Clam”
      • Try to draw them out about topics that are non-threatening.
      • Ask open-ended questions.
      • Wait for a response -- calmly. (Don’t fill the silence with your chatter.)
      • If you get no response, comment on what’s happening. End your comment with an open-ended question.
    • 20. Dealing with the Staller
      • Help document their goals and deadlines
      • Listen for indirect words, hesitations.
      • Ask them how you can help them achieve their goals.
      • Follow up on intermediate deadlines. Hold them to the deadlines.
      • Make it easy for them to tell you what is preventing their action.
    • 21. Scenario 2
    • 22. And What About You...
    • 23. It’s All About ATTITUDE!
      • You are not going to change THEM.
      • You will have to work with THEM.
      • You are the one who can make the change.
      • Make it happen!
      • Be Positive
    • 24. Principles of Human Behavior
      • All people are motivated .
      • You cannot motivate others ; you can provide the environment, skills, etc.
      • People do things for their reasons, not ours.
      • We are all different ... Relationships should complement and complete each other.
    • 25. Communication Is The Key...
      • Be clear about what is to be done.
      • Be clear about who is to do it.
      • Two parts to the message
        • Speaker has an image
        • Listener has an image
        • Are they the same?
    • 26. Offline Coping Techniques
      • Don’t take their behavior or words personally.
      • Write down details of what annoys you.
      • Think about why it annoys you.
      • Which of your buttons does this person push? Why do you respond to them in the way you do?
    • 27. Offline Coping Techniques (continued)
      • How would you like to respond? List the advantages of different responses.
      • Monitor yourself.
      • Give yourself positive feedback when you succeed in not getting caught up in the emotions of difficult people.
      • Be a happier person by handling all those you encounter with charm and grace.