You realize by now that self-defense is morethan hitting and kicking, right?
Middle School tends to be a time when girlschange friends a lot, which causes a lot of stressBullies tend to be girls with poor social skills, sothey are not good at handling things whenrelationships changeBullies, while they seem confident, really feelbadly about themselves, and try to buildthemselves up by putting others down
Spreading Gossip or Rumors Criticisms on AppearanceAccusations of a lack of loyalty as a friendIsolating someone from friends (by threatening someone that they will be bullied if they hang out with someone else)
First, realize that standing by and watching givesthe bully increased feelings of powerSecond, realize that standing by and watchinggives the victim feelings that a whole group isagainst herThird, realize that standing by and watching,glad that it is someone else and not you,doesn’t work. As we said before, relationshipschange and you could be next.
A study (Underwood, 2003) showed that avictim challenging a bully when it washappening totally WORKED to stop thebehavior. This means standing up and saying tothe bully that you know what is happening andthat you will tell teachers, etc.
The other thing that worked was for thoseobserving bullying to step in and do the samething… confront the bully. Would you stand byand watch while someone was beaten? Whywould you stand by and watch while someone isverbally abused?
As said before, say something! You will feelbetter about yourself, and you will makeyourself less of a victim in the future(remember…bullies AND predators look for theeasy victim)Realize that the bully is doing what they aredoing because they have problems that theydon’t know how to handle. It’s not anexcuse, but it can help you realize that you feelbetter about yourself than they do aboutthemselves
ATTITUDE : By Charles Swindoll, cont.“We cannot change our past, we cannot change thefact that people will act in a certain way. We cannotchange the inevitable. The only thing we can do is playon the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I amConvinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and90% how I react to it. And so it is with you….we are in charge of our attitude.”So at the same time you are trying to change theatmosphere (by confronting the bully), realize that youcannot directly change THEM. You can change you.
First, admit it to yourself, and then give yourselfcredit for having he courage to admit it!Apologize. Being genuinely sorry goes a longway to mending a relationshipStudies have shown that about 40% of bulliesand victims go on to be friends if they talk aboutwhat happened. Even if a friendship isn’tpossible, an apology is a good thing for both.
If you are being bullied, tell yourcommunity…that means your friends, teachers and parentsIf you SEE someone being bullied, do the samething….tell someone. Isn’t that what you wouldwant someone to do if you were the victim?And if you find yourself bullying, find someoneto talk to (teacher, parent, adult friend, pastor,neighbor). People are willing to help you gainthe skills you need to succeed as a friend.