Because my mouth Is wide with laughter, You do not hear My inner cry? Because my feet Are gay with dancing, You do not know I die? from "The Minstrel Man" by Langston Hughesa story about thedownward spiral ofdepression, addictionand dreadcreated by:hermina dubekerry tinga &rinako wasaki
james is a high school student. like most kids his age, he feels that nobody understands him.he spends all his time in his room. behindhis books, he hides from the sunlight,from the people and everything else inthe world. escaping from life, he still feels depressed. nobody even notices his absence... not his parents, who are on the brink of a divorce. theyre too busy fighting over trivial matters. not his classmates. too occupied with their friends to notice a loner kid who longs to be part of their groups and cliques.
i wonder… if i wiped myself from the face of the earth… would anybody shed a tear? maybe my dad… having to pay for a hole to dump my rotting body in...time passed... and james emotionswere bottled up. he never cried... or whined... or said anything to anybody but himself eventually, his father relinquished custody over him in the divorce, wanting to focus on his new family. he and his mother moved to new york for her job, and there everything changed...
the new big city school he moved into was different from the municipal school hecame from. once he stepped in, he felt a sense of belonging. every corner wasfilled with a weirdo and loner who hated the world as much as he did... hey, im jimmy! james... Let me guess, youre new? Come on, ill show you around.so they went around school, jimmy showingJames "how everything worked". theypassed "the cliques every school has" and a couple of days passed… then after"the people you shouldnt get involved class on a monday jimmy broughtwith". james to where his friends hung out.the wholeexperience was new.james didnt knowwhether to bescared or intriguedby what he saw. thepeople stared at himtill jimmy claimedthat "the new kidscool, hes with me."and they all wentback to their ownbusiness.
james was uncomfortable, he didnt knowwhat to do. this could be the new start hehad been waiting for and he didnt want toblow it.looking around in panic, he found jimmy againand walked to him. so this is really cool jimmy. cool? james, the party hasnt even started! what do you mean? you havent met adam yet! adam?
the shock on james face was enough of a hint for jimmy to realize the situation that he was in.jimmy produced several pillsfrom his pockets. dont tell me you never tried candy before? i mean, you give off this whole "i hate the world" vibe... but you never tried to do anything about it? now, i know asa first timer itll be weird... but when you take it, youll be able party like theres no tomorrow! come on... just take it, so we can get to the club before the crowd. reluctant, insecure and longing to fit in, jimmy swallowed the pill. before he knew it, there was loud music pumping and people all around him. he was dancing. him dancing! he couldnt believe it. he saw a girl from school that johnny claimed was "cool" and they began to dance. he he couldnt believe was getting dizzy but he it. who was this ignored that. sweating james? he was doing all over he kept on things he thought he dancing. at one moment in would never be able the night, everything was to do with people blurry and he couldnt who he thought see a thing, but he kept on wouldnt even give taking the pills jimmy gave him the time of the him. day...
james didnt know what happened next but he ended upin his bed. his alarm clock began shouting and hismother entered his room. SO... James, YOU WERE OUT WITH FRIENDS? THATS... THATS GOOD. I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE SINCE YOU WERE HAVING trouble AT YOUR OLD SCHOOL... THIS CHANGE IN PACE, THIS LARGER SCHOOL WAS WHAT YOU NEEDED. AND... I THINK IT WAS. OH, IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU james! but... coming home that late was... i know youre a teen and teens usually dont tell their parents about... i trust you. okay, please remember that i trust you and i love you.
with that, james went to school. he felthorrible and couldnt remember what hadhappened the night before. finding aplace where he could be alone duringlunch, he realized he felt worse thanbefore he came... after classes ended,he found jimmy looking for him. not now jimmy… i feel... i know how you feel, i felt it this morning. all you need is another happy pill! what?? its 5! but remember how great you felt the other day??
everything in his body ached... so he took another pill. he wanted to be cool... so he took another pill. his father wanted to forget about him and his mother... so he took another pill. he wanted to get away from everything, by going to a club... so he took another pill. he took another and another. to have fun and to forget. he took another and another... he didnt sleep anymore, not that he could. his eyes were always bloodshot and open, his feet moving on their own in clubs... suddenly, instead of pumping music he heard the pumping of his heart. all he saw was a white room and his mother with tears on her face. his mother was crying… and a man in a white coat was there too. the man was saying things about his liver and brain… and… and then he heard nothing…
"back in the day circa 1996" november 30, 1996. taken by kevin merideth (lomovek). via flickr."depressed in the dawn" july 25, 2007. taken by jana eriksson (iiana). via flickr. "pink hear for bri" february 19, 2008. taken by aeracrescent. via deviant art."boy" may 20, 2011. taken by sidney hoggard (shoggard3). via deviant art. "rainbow books" april 19, 2006. taken by bluemarla. via flickr."crowd" september 26, 2004. taken by luigi scuderi (minotauro9) via deviant art. "covering up the bang" december 23, 2010. taken by ben hussman. via flickr."stop fighting" october 2, 2011. taken by adrian sommeling. via flickr. "friends" january 24, 2006. taken by yupanki. via flickr."no standing" october 6, 2008. taken by taylor anne (taylor anne photography). via flickr. "depressed" february 3, 2006. taken by rachmad66. via deviant art."a painting of paster colors - new york from the rock at sunset" taken by 1982chris911 (thank you 100.000 times).via flickr. "senior high school" september 20, 2006. taken by neko-of-lotherian. via deviant art. "high school cheerleaders - 8437" december 4, 2010. taken by azdew. via flickr. "these city streets - new york city alley at night - tribeca" december 23, 2011. taken by vivienne gucwa. via flickr."a corner of the lost" january 6, 2005. taken by jon mathias (bubblesofdeath88). via deviant art. "lips like heroin" december 27, 2009. taken by Cecilia mae (missshade). via deviant art."joonas eye" march 31, 2007. taken by heikki luhtala (digikuva). via flickr. "smoke" february 25, 2009. taken by andrew magill (amagill). via flickr. "speaking" september 24, 2010. taken by amanda rhoades (manders369). via deviant art. "now thats pretty smart" march 22, 2009. taken by rauta bogdan (bodixxl511). via deviant art.
"mmmmm. pills." january 18, 2009. taken by everett glovier. via flickr. "smile" may 29, 2010. taken by dani ayu. via flickr."party" may 31, 2009. taken by philipp berndt. via flickr. "alarm clock woke up" september 16, 2006. taken by julie rivard. via flickr."day 150 of 365" may 30, 2010. taken by adriana glackin. via flickr. "high school" january 15, 2008. taken by geraldin aldeux (aldeux). via deviant art."high school 2006" march 20, 2006. taken by ricardo guitiarez (xtraviado). via flickr. "hospital" december 12, 2007. taken by jose goulao. via flickr."eyes wide open" may 15, 2007. taken by isha reyes (ishe* [soluztrella]). via flickr.