VO for Learning English Writing

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  • 1. Project : Learning English WritingSubject Name : Revising & EditingScript Writer :File Name : Revising & Editing SOPPParallelismSco 1_1 Learning ObjectivesAt the end of this lesson, learners will be able to:Apply parallelism in a sentencesSco 1_1 IntroductionV1: Welcome to Lesson 4 topic 1 - ParallelismV2: At the end of this topic, learners should be able to apply parallelism insentencesSco 1_2 Defination of ParallelismV1:  Definition   of  Parallelism.  The  balance   between   two  or  more  similar  words,   phrases   or  clauses   is  called  parallelism   in  grammar.  Parallelism   is  also  called  parallel   structure   or  parallel   construction.   Parallel  construction   prevents  awkwardness,   promotes   clarity  and  improves   writing   style  and  readability.    V2:       Examples:   a.   Nancy  likes  playing   the  piano,  the  trumpet   and  play  the  guitar.  [non-­‐-­‐-­‐parallel]     Nancy  likes  playing   the  piano,  the  trumpet   and  the  guitar.   [parallel]     b.     She  played   basketball,   had  a   shower   and  gone  to  school.   [non-­‐-­‐-­‐parallel]   She  played   basketball,   had  a   shower   and  went  to  school.   [parallel]   c.   You  can  apply  to  the  job  by  filling  this  form  or  apply  by  telephone.   [non-­‐-­‐-­‐parallel]     You  can  apply  to  the  job  by  filling  this  form  or  you  can  apply  by  telephone.  [parallel]  Sco 1_3 Rules of ParallelismV1:  Rules  of  Parallelism.V2:   1.   Parallelism   is   used  to  balance   nouns  with  nouns,  prepositional   phrases   with  prepositional     phrases,  participles   with  participles,   infinitives   with  infinitives,  clauses   with  clauses.   2.   Parallelism   is   used  with  elements   joined  by  coordinating  conjunctions.     My  mother   likes  cooking   and  to  read.  [NON-­‐-­‐-­‐PARALLEL]   My  mother   likes  cooking   and  reading   [PARALLEL]   3.   Parallelism   is   used  with  elements   in  lists  or  in  a   series.     This  task  can  be  done  individually,   in  pairs,  or  can  be  done  in  groups   of  four.  [NON-­‐-­‐-­‐PARALLEL]   This  task  can  be  done  individually,   in  pairs,  or  in  groups   of  four.  [PARALLEL]  
  • 2. 4.   Parallelism   is   used  with  elements   being  compared.     She  is  mad  about  watching   TV  more  than  to  read  a   book.  [NON-­‐-­‐-­‐PARALLEL]   She  is  mad  about  watching   TV  more  than  reading   a   book.  [PARALLEL]   5.   Parallelism   is   used  with  elements   joined  by  a   linking   verb  or  a   form  of  be     To  learn  is  understanding   the  world.  [NON-­‐-­‐-­‐PARALLEL]  To  learn  is  to  understand   the  world.   [PARALLEL]   6.   Parallelism   is   used  with  elements   joined  by  linking   words.     The  teacher   not  only  wants  his  students   to  keep  quiet  but  also  to  do  the  task.  [NON-­‐-­‐-­‐PARALLEL]   The  teacher   wants  his  students   not  only  to  keep  quiet  but  also  to  do  the  task.  [PARALLEL]  Sco 1_4 Activity on Parallelism V1: Activity on Parallelism. In this topic, learners will do an exercise on the use of parallelism and click on the button to check the answersProject : Learning English WritingSubject Name : Revising & EditingScript Writer :File Name : Revising & Editing SOPPConsistent Point of ViewSco 1_1 Learning ObjectivesAt the end of this lesson, learners will be able to:Apply consistent point of view in the sentencesSco 2_1 IntroductionV1: Welcome to Lesson 4 topic 2 - Consistent   Point  of  View.V2:       At   the  end  of   this  topic,  learner  should  be   able  to  apply  consistent   point  of   view  in   the  sentences.Sco 2_2 Defination of Consistent Point of View V1:  Definition   of  Consistent   Point   of  View.   Point  of  view  refers  to  the  perspective   from  which  the  sentence   is  told.  When  we  discuss   point  of  view,   we  use  a   term  called  “person,”   meaning   “who  (or  what)  is   the  focus  of  the  sentence.”   There  are  three  points  of  view:  first  person,   second   person,   and  third  person.   1.   First  person   refers  to  the  narrator   being  referred   to  as  I;     2.   Second   person   is  you  or  one  (this  isn’t  used  for  narration);     3.   Third  person   is   he,  she,  it   or  they.     The  most  common   mistakes   of  this  type  involve   using  you  when  another   point  of  view  is   required.  
  • 3. a.   If   one  wants  to  improve   oneself,   you  should   make  improvements   to  your  body,  mind,     and  soul.   If   one  wants  to  improve   oneself,   one  should   make  improvements   to  one’s  body,  mind,   and  soul.   b.     Once  upon  a   time  there  was  a   young  girl  named   Cathy,  and  I  liked  to  write  stories.   Once  upon  a   time  there  was  a   young  girl  named   Cathy,  and  she  liked  to  write  stories.   c.   The  panda  bear  sat  in  the  corner  of  the  cage,  and  they  ate  the  bamboo   leaves  listlessly.     The  panda  bear  sat  in  the  corner  of  the  cage,  and  he  ate  the  bamboo   leaves  listlessly.   Personal   and  impersonal   points  of  view  should   also  be  considered.  Formal   writing   insists  on  use  of  the   third  person,   which  means  there  shouldn’t   be  any  I’s  in  the  writing.   Be  sure  to  keep  formal  or  academic   writing   impersonal.   d.     I  did  an  informal   experiment   to  explore   the  effects   of  sodium   chloride   on  stone.   The  author   did  an  informal   experiment   to  explore   the  effects   of  sodium   on  stone.   An  informal   experiment   was  conducted   to  explore   the  effects   of  sodium   on  stone.  Sco 2_3 Activity V1:  Activity   on  Consistent   Point  of  View.  In  this  topic,  learner   will  do  the  exercise   on  the  use  of  consistent  point  of  view.  Rewrite   each  sentence   to  eliminate   any  mixed  point  of  view.Project : Learning English WritingSubject Name : Revising & EditingScript Writer :File Name : Revising & Editing SOPPActive VerbsSco 1_1 Learning ObjectivesAt the end of this lesson, learners will be able to:Apply appropriate active verbs in the sentencesSco 3_1 Defination of Active VerbsV1: Welcome to Lesson 4 topic 3 – Active  Verbs.  V2:  Definition   of  Active  Verbs.   Active  verbs  form  more  efficient  and  more  powerful  sentences   than  passive  verbs.   •     The  subject  of   an  active  voice  sentence  performs   the  action  of   the  verb:     “I   throw  the  ball.”   • The  subject  of   a   passive  voice  sentence  is   still  the  main  character   of   the  sentence,   but   something   else  performs   the  action:  “The  ball  is   thrown  by   me.”  Sco 3_2 How to recognize active verbs and passive sentencesV1:  How  to  Recognize   Active  and  Passive   Sentences.   1.   Find  the  subject   (the  main  character   of  the  sentence).     2.   Find  the  main  verb  (the  action  that  the  sentence   identifies).     3.   Examine   the  relationship   between   the  subject   and  main  verb.    
  • 4. • Does  the  subject   perform   the  action   of  the  main  verb?  (If  so,  the  sentence   is   active.)   • Does  the  subject   sit  there  while  something   else  —   named   or  unnamed   –perform   an  action   on  it?  (If  so,  the  sentence   is   passive.)   • If   the  main  verb  is  a   linking   verb  (“is,”  “was,”   “are,”  “seems   (to  be),”  “becomes”   etc.),  then                                                the  verb  functions   like  an  equals   sign;  there  is  no  action  involved   —  it   merely   describes   a                                                   state  of  being.    V2:  Example:     The  sentence   is  active.  “I   love  you.”   1.   subject:   “I”     2.   action:   “loving”     3.   Relationship:   The  subject   (“I”)  is  the  one  performing   the  action  (“loving”).     Example:   This  sentence   is   passive.   “You  are  loved  by  me.”   1.   subject:   “you”     2.   action:   “loving”                                                            3.                Relationship:   The  subject   (“You”)   sits  passively  while  the  action  (“loving”)   is  performed       by  somebody   else  (“me”).Sco 3_3 Differences between passive voice and past tenseV1:  Differences   Between   Passive   Voice  and  Past  Tense.  Many  people   confuse   the  passive   voice  with  the  past  tense.  The  most  common   passive   constructions   also  happen   to  be  past  tense  (e.g.  “I’ve  been  framed”),   but  “voice”   has  to  do  with  who,  while  “tense”   has  to  do  with  when.    V2:  Imperative   –   Active  Commands  A   command   (or  “imperative”)   is   a   kind  of   active  sentence,   in  which  “you”  (the  one  being  addressed)   are  being  ordered  to  perform   the  action.  (If   you  refuse  to   obey,  the  sentence  is  still  active.)   •   Get  to  work  on  time.     •   Insert  tab  A   into  slot  B.     •   Take  me  to   your  leader.                        •                     Ladies  and  gentlemen,   let  us   consider,  for  a   moment,  the  effect  of   the  rafting  sequences                             on   our  understanding   of   the  rest  of   the  novel.Sco 3_4 Sloppy passive constructions V1:   Sloppy   Passive   Constructions   Because  passive  sentences   do   not  need  to   identify  the  performer   of   an   action,  they  can  lead  to   sloppy  or  misleading   statements   (especially   in     technical writing).  Compare   how  clear  and   direct  these  passive  sentences  become,  when  they  are  rephrased   as   imperative   sentences.   To   drain  the  tank,  the  grill  should  be   removed,  or   the  storage  compartment   can  be   flooded.   Because  they  do   not  specify  the  actors,  the  passive  verbs  (“should  be   removed”   and  “can  be   flooded”)  contribute   to  the  confusing   structure   of   this  sentence.   Does  the  sentence   1)   offer  two  different  ways  to   drain  the  tank  (“you  may  either  remove  the  grill  or   flood  the   compartment”)?   …or  does  it   2)   warn  of   an   undesirable   causal  result  (“if  you  drain  the  tank  without  removing   the  grill,  the   result  will  be   that  the  storage  compartment   is   flooded”)?  
  • 5. Revision  1:   Drain  the  tank  in   one  of   the  following   ways:   • remove  the  grill   • flood  the  storage  compartment   Revision  2:     1)   Remove  the  grill.   2)   Drain  the  tank.  Warning:  If   you  fail  to   remove  the  grill  first,  you  may  flood  the  storage  compartment   (which  is  where  you  are  standing  right  now).Sco 3_5 Linking VerbsV1:  Linking   Verbs  –   Neither     Active  Nor  Passive  When  the  verb  performs   the  function   of  an  equals   sign,  the  verb  is  said  to  be  a   linking   verb.  Linking   verbs  describe   no  action   —  they  merely  state  an  existing   condition   or  relationship;   hence,  they  are  neither  passive   nor  active.    V2:  The  Passive   Voice  is  Not  Wrong   Passive  verbs  are  not  automatically   wrong.  When  used  rarely  and  deliberately,   the  passive   voice  serves  an   important   purpose.   •   When  you  wish  to   downplay   the  action:     Mistakes  will  be   made,  and  lives  will  be   lost;  the  sad  truth  is   learned  anew  by   each   generation.   •   When  you  wish  to   downplay   the  actor:     Three  grams  of   reagent  ‘A’   were  added  to   a   beaker  of   10%  saline  solution.   (In  the  scientific   world,  the  actions  of   a   researcher   are  ideally  not  supposed   to   affect   the  outcome  of   an  experiment;   the  experiment   is   supposed   to   be   the  same  no   matter   who  carries  it   out.  I  will  leave  it   to   you  and  your  chemistry   professor   to   figure  out   whether  that’s  actually  true,  but  in   the  meantime,   don’t  use  excessive  passive  verbs   simply  to   avoid  using  “I”  in   a   science  paper.)   •   When  the  actor  is   unknown:    The  victim  was  approached   from  behind  and  hit  over  the  head  with  a   salami.Sco 3_6 Tricky ExamplesV1:  Tricky  Examples   Punctuality   seems  important.   1.     subject:  the  phrase  “punctuality”   2.     action:  “being”  (“seems”   is   short  for  “seems  to   be”)   3.     relationship:   The  subject  does  nothing  at   all;   the  verb  “is”  functions   as   an   equals  sign:“punctuality   =   important”.    This  sentence   describes   a   state  of   being  (neither  active  nor  passive).   (If   you  replace  the  single  word  “punctuality”   with  the  phrase   “Getting  to   work  on   time”  or   “The  sum  total  of   the  knowledge   of   tribes  of   prehistoric  America  collected   by   amateur  
  • 6. archeologists   during  the  latter  half  of   the  nineteenth   century,”   the  grammar   of   the   sentence  does  not  change.)  Remember   to   brush  your  teeth.   1.subject:   (You)  This  is   an  order;  the  subject  is   the  person  being  ordered.   2.action:  “remember”   (not  “brushing”)   3.relationship:   The  subject  is   supposed   to  do  the  remembering.   Whether  the   subject  actually   obeys  the  command   is   irrelevant   to  the  grammar   of   the   sentence.  This  sentence   gives  an   order.  Active.  (It   may  be   grammatically   possible  to   give  an   order  with  a  passive  verb,  such  as   a   Shakespearean  curse  like  “Be  damned!”  But  most  commands   you  encounter   will  be   active.)Sco 3_7 Activity V1:  Activity   on  Active  Verbs   In   this  topic,  learner  will  do  the  exercise  on   the  use  of   active  verbs.     Rewrite  the  following   sentences   in   the  text-­‐ -­‐-­‐areas  provided   so  that  passive  constructions   have  been  changed  to   active  verbs.   WARNING!   Some  of   these  sentences   do   not   use  passive  verbs  or  are  better  off   left  in   the   passive,  so   this  exercise  will  also  engage  your   attention   in   recognizing   passive  constructions   and  in   using  them  when  appropriate.     When  you  are  finished  with  each  sentence  (or,  if   you  wish,  wait  until  youve  done  them  all),  click   on   Grammars   Version,  which  will  reveal  how  we  might  have  rewritten   the  sentence  (when   appropriate)   to   achieve  a   more  vigorous  and  concise  statement.  (You  might  notice,  too,  that   changing   from  a   passive  to   an   active  construction   does  not  always  improve   a   sentence!)    
  • 7. Project : Learning English WritingSubject Name : Revising & EditingScript Writer :File Name : Revising & Editing SOPPConcise WordsSco 1_1 Learning ObjectivesAt the end of this lesson, learners will be able to:Apply appropriate concise words in sentencesSco 4_1 Introduction V1: Welcome to Lesson 4 topic 4 - Concise   Words.       V2:  Pruning   the  Redundant.   Avoid  saying  the  same  thing  twice.    •  Many  uneducated   citizens  who  have  never  attended  school   continue  to  vote  for  better          schools.Sco 4_2 Pruning the redundantV1:   A   phrase  that  repeats  itself—like   "true  fact,"  "twelve  noon,"  "I   saw  it   with  my  own  eyes"—is  sometimes   called  a   pleonasm.   Redundant   phrases  are  bad  habits  just  waiting  to   take  control  of  your  writing.  Beware  of   the  following.     Redundancy   The  Lean  Version   12   midnight   midnight   12   noon   noon   3   am  in   the  morning   3   am   absolutely   spectacular/phenomenal   spectacular/phenomenal   a   person  who  is   honest   an   honest  person   a   total  of   14   birds   14   birds   biography   of   her  life   biography   circle  around   circle   close  proximity   proximity   completely   unanimous   unanimous   consensus   of   opinion   consensus   cooperate   together   cooperate   each  and  every   each   enclosed   herewith   enclosed   end  result   result   exactly  the  same   the  same   final  completion   completion   frank  and  honest  exchange   frank  exchange   or   honest  exchange   free  gift   gift   he/she  is   a   person  who  .  .  .   he/she    
  • 8. Sco 4_3 Pruning the redundantV1:   A   phrase  that  repeats  itself—like   "true  fact,"  "twelve  noon,"  "I   saw  it   with  my  own  eyes"—is  sometimes   called  a   pleonasm.   Redundant   phrases  are  bad  habits  just  waiting  to   take  control  of  your  writing.  Beware  of   the  following.     Redundancy   The  Lean  Version   important/basic   essentials   essentials   in   spite  of   the  fact  that   although   in   the  field  of   economics/law   enforcement   in   economics/law   enforcement   in   the  event  that   if   job  functions   job  or   functions   new  innovations   innovations   one  and  the  same   the  same   particular   interest   interest   period  of   four  days   four  days   personally,   I  think/feel   I  think/feel   personal  opinion   opinion   puzzling  in   nature   puzzling   refer  back   refer   repeat  again   repeat   return  again   return   revert  back   revert   shorter/longer   in   length   shorter/longer   small/large   in   size   small/large   square/round/rectangular    in   shape   square/round/rectangular   summarize   briefly   summarize   surrounded   on   all   sides   surrounded   surrounding   circumstances   circumstances   the  future  to   come   the  future   there  is   no   doubt  but  that   no   doubt   usual/habitual   custom   custom   we  are  in   receipt  of   we  have  received  Sco 4_4 Reducing clauses to phrases, phrases to singleV1:  REDUCING   CLAUSES   TO  PHRASES,   PHRASES   TO  SINGLE   Be  alert  for  clauses   or  phrases   that  can  be  pared  to  simpler,  shorter   constructions.   The  "which   clause"   can  often  be  shortened  to  a   simple   adjective.   (Be  careful,   however,   not  to  lose  some  needed   emphasis   by  over-­‐-­‐-­‐pruning;  the  word  "which,"  which  is   sometimes   necessary   [as  it   is  in  this  sentence],   is  not  evil.)   •     Smith  College,   which  was  founded   in  1871,  is  the  premier   all-­‐-­‐-­‐womens  college   in  the   United   States.   •     Founded   in  1871,  Smith  College   is  the  premier   all-­‐-­‐-­‐   womens   college   in  the  United   States.   •     Citizens   who  knew  what  was  going  on  voted  him  out  of  office.   •   Knowledgeable   citizens   voted  him  out  of  office.     •     Recommending   that  a   student   copy  from  another  students   paper  is   not  something   he   would  recommended  
  • 9. •     He  wouldnt   recommend   that  a   student   copy  from  another   students   paper.     (Or  "He  would   never  tell  a   student   to  copy  .  .  .  .")   Phrases,   too,  can  sometimes   be  trimmed,   sometimes   to  a   single  word.   •     Unencumbered   by  a   sense  of  responsibility,   Jason  left  his  wife  with  forty-­‐-­‐-­‐nine  kids  and  a   can   of  beans.   •     Jason  irresponsibly   left  his  wife  with  forty-­‐-­‐-­‐nine  kids  and  a   can  of  beans.  (Or  leave  out  the   word  altogether   and  let  the  act  speak  for  itself.)    V2:   INTENSIFIERS   THAT  DON’T  INTENSIFY  Avoid  using  words  such  as   really,  very,  quite,  extremely,  severely  when  they  are  not  necessary.   It  is   probably  enough  to   say  that  the  salary  increase  is   inadequate.   Does  saying  that  it   is   severely  inadequate   introduce   anything  more  than  a   tone  of   hysteria?   These  words  shouldnt   be  banished  from  your  vocabulary,   but  they  will  be   used  to  best  effect  when  used  sparingly.Sco 4_5 Avoiding Expletive ConstructionsV1:  AVOIDING   EXPLETIVE   CONSTRUCTIONS   This  sounds   like  something   a   politician   has  to  learn  to  avoid,   but,  no,  an  expletive   construction   is  a  common   device   that  often  robs  a  sentence   of  energy   before   it  gets   a   chance   to  do  its  work.  Expletive   constructions   begin  with  there  is/are  or  it   is.   •     There  are  twenty-­‐-­‐-­‐five  students   who  have  already  expressed   a   desire  to  attend   the  program   next  summer.  It   is  they  and  their  parents   who  stand  to  gain  the  most  by  the  government   grant.                      •                              Twenty-­‐-­‐-­‐five  students   have  already   expressed   a   desire  to  attend   the  program   next  summer.   They                                and  their  parents   stand  to  gain  the  most  by  the  government  grant.  V2:  PHRASES   YOU  CAN  OMIT  Be  on  the  lookout   for  important   sounding   phrases   that  add  nothing   to  the  meaning   of  a   sentence.   Such  phrases   quickly   put  a   reader   on  guard  that  the  writer  is  trading   in  puffery;   worse,  they  put  a   reader  to  sleep.   all  things  considered   All  things  considered,   Connecticuts   woodlands   are  in  better   shape  now  than  ever  before.   All things considered,   Connecticuts   woodlands   are  in  better   shape  now  than  ever  before.   as  a   matter   of  fact   As  a   matter   of  fact,  there  are  more  woodlands   in  Connecticut   now  than  there  were  in  1898.   As a matter of fact,  There  are  more  woodlands   in  Connecticut   now  than  there  were  in  1898.   as  far  as  Im  concerned   As  far  as  Im  concerned,   there  is   no  need  for  further   protection   of  woodlands.   As far as Im concerned, there  Further   protection   of   woodlands   is  not  needed.   at  the  present   time   This  is  because   there  are  fewer  farmers   at  the   present   time.  This  is  because   there  are  fewer   because   of  the  fact  that   farmers   now.   Woodlands   have  grown   in  area  because   of  the  fact  that   farmers   have  abandoned   their  fields.   Woodlands   have  grown   in  area  because   farmers   have   abandoned   their  fields.  
  • 10. by  means   of   Major  forest  areas  are  coming   back  by  means   of  natural   processes.  Major  forest  areas  are  coming   back  through   natural   processes.   (or  naturally)   by  virtue  of  the  fact  that   Our  woodlands   are  coming   back  by  virtue  of  the  fact  that  our   economy   has  shifted   its  emphasis.   Our  woodlands   are  coming   back  by virtue of the fact that   because   our  economy   has  shifted   its  emphasis.   due  to  the  fact  that   Due  to  the  fact  that  their  habitats   are  being  restored,   forest   creatures   are  also  re-­‐-­‐-­‐establishing  their  population   bases.   Due to the fact that  Because   their  habitats   are  being   restored,   forest  creatures   are  also  re-­‐-­‐-­‐establishing  their   exists   population   bases.   The  fear  that  exists  among   many  people   that  we  are  losing  our   woodlands  is   uncalled   for.   The  fear  that exists  among   many  people   that  we  are  losing  our   woodlands  is   uncalled   for.  Sco 4_6 Phrases you can omitV1:  PHRASES   YOU  CAN  OMIT  Be  on  the  lookout   for  important   sounding   phrases   that  add  nothing   to  the  meaning   of  a   sentence.   Such  phrases   quickly   put  a   reader  on  guard  that  the  writer  is  trading   in  puffery;   worse,  they  put  a   reader  to  sleep.   for  all  intents   and  purposes   The  era  in  which  we  must  aggressively   defend   our  woodlands   has,  for  all  intents   and  purposes,   passed.   The  era  in  which  we  must  aggressively   defend   our  woodlands   has, for all  intents and purposes,   passed.   for  the  most  part   For  the  most  part,  peoples   suspicions   are  based  on  a   misunderstanding    of  the  facts.   For the most part,  Peoples   suspicions   are  based  on  a   misunderstanding    of  the  facts.   for  the  purpose   of   Many  woodlands,   in  fact,  have  been  purchased   for  the  purpose   of   creating  public  parks.   Many  woodlands,   in  fact,  have  been  purchased   for the purpose of creating   have  a   tendency   to   as  public  parks.   tendency   to  isolate   some  communities.   This  policy  has  a   This  policy  has a tendency   tends  to  isolate   some  communities.   in  a   manner   of  speaking   The  policy  has,  in  a   manner   of  speaking,   begun  to  Balkanize   the   more  rural  parts  of  our  state.   The  policy  has, in a manner of speaking,   begun  to  Balkanize   the   more  rural  parts  of  our  state.   in  a   very  real  sense   In  a   very  real  sense,  this  policy  works  to  the  detriment   of   those  it   is  supposed   to  help.   In a very real sense, This  policy  works  to  the  detriment   of   those  it   is  supposed   to  help.   in  my  opinion   In  my  opinion,   this  wasteful   policy  ought  to  be   revoked.  In my opinion,   This  wasteful   policy   in  the  case  of   ought  to  be  revoked.   In  the  case  of  this  particular   policy,  citizens   of  northeast   Connecticut  became   very  upset.   Citizens   of  northeast   Connecticut   became   very  upset  about  his   policy.    
  • 11. Sco 4_7 Phrases you can omitV1:  PHRASES   YOU  CAN  OMIT  Be  on  the  lookout   for  important   sounding   phrases   that  add  nothing   to  the  meaning   of  a   sentence.   Such  phrases   quickly   put  a   reader  on  guard  that  the  writer  is  trading   in  puffery;   worse,  they  put  a   reader  to  sleep.   in  the  final  analysis   In  the  final  analysis,   the  state  would  have  been  better  off   without   such  a  policy.   In the final analysis,   The  state  would  have  been  better  off   without   such  a  policy.   in  the  event  that   In  the  event  that  enough   people   protest,   it   will  probably   be   revoked.  If   enough   people   protest,   it   will  probably   be   in  the  nature   of   revoked.   in  the  nature   of  a   repeal  may  soon  take   Something   place.  Something   in the nature of  like  a   repeal  may   in  the  process   of   soon  take  place.   Legislators   are  already   in  the  process   of  reviewing   the   statutes.  Legislators   are  already   in the process of   it   seems   that   reviewing   the  statutes.   It   seems   that  they  cant  wait  to  get  rid  of   this  one.  It seems that  They  cant  wait  to   manner   get  rid  of  this  one.   the  activities   of  conservationists   in  a   They  have  monitored   cautious  manner.   They  have  cautiously   monitored   the  activities   of  conservationists.   the  point  I  am  trying  to  make   The  point  I  am  trying  to  make  is  that  sometimes   public  policy   doesnt  accomplish   what  it   set  out  to  achieve.   The point I am trying to make is that  Sometimes   public  policy   doesnt  accomplish   what  it   set  out  to  achieve.   type  of   Legislators   need  to  be  more  careful   of  the  type  of  policy  they   propose.  Legislators   need  to  be  more  careful   of  the  type of   what  I  mean  to  say  is   policy  they  propose.   What  I  mean  to  say  is  that  well-­‐-­‐-­‐intentioned  lawmakers   sometimes   make  fools  of  themselves.   What I mean to say is that  Well-­‐-­‐-­‐intentioned  lawmakers   sometimes   make     fools  of  themselves.  V2:  Eliminating   Clichés   and  Euphemisms  A   cliché  is   an  expression   that  was  probably,   once  upon  a   time,  an  original   and  brilliant   way  of  saying  something.   Imagine   being  the  first  person   to  say  something   as  clever  as  "She  fell  head  over  heels  in  love"  or  "Shes  cool  as  a   cucumber."      Sadly,  though,  such  expressions   eventually   lose  their  luster  and  become   trite  and  even  annoying.   Writers  who  indulge   in  tired  language   are  not  being  respectful   to  their  readers,   and  writers   return   the  compliment  by  losing  attention   and  going  on  to  something   else.  Sco 4_8 Activity V1:  ACTIVITY   ON  CONCISE   WORDS  In  this  topic,  learner   will  do  the  exercise   on  the  use  of  concise  words.   Rewrite   the  following   sentences   in  the  text-­‐-­‐-­‐areas  provided.   When  you  are  finished   with  each  sentence   (or,  if   you  wish,  wait  until  youve   done  them  all),  click  on  Grammars  Version,   which  will  reveal  how  we  might  have  rewritten   the  sentence   to  achieve   a   more  concise   statement.