作文讲评

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作文讲评

  1. 1. How to Write a Better Composition 作文讲评
  2. 2. 扣分原因 <ul><li>1. 与内容无关。如: Australia is a very beautiful country. I am shy, I like quietness. I am good at cooking. I don’t like Australian food. </li></ul>2. 句子构架搭不起来,意思出不来。如: First, about the traffic. Second, about the room. If have people take me? 3. 行文不连贯。如:人称使用前后矛盾 (I am glad to hear from your letter) ,词频度过高 (I want to know/ I hope/ I like…) ,不会用连接词语 (students which from different countries/ I want to know that if… / I go there, what traffic to take…) 。
  3. 3. 4. 缺少谓语动词或过多使用谓语动词。如: I have some questions want to ask you. / I want the room has a kitchen. / students who ( are/come ) from various countries. 5. 拼写错误,行文潦草,无法看清、看懂。如: chicken (kitchen), recive/ receive (receive), Austrilia (Australia), along (alone)… 6. 语言不得体:不看对象,不看场景,用语不当。 I want to live alone. I want a kitchen. I don’t want to be interrupted. I hope I can have a good time…
  4. 4. 7. 标点混乱;人称代词及时态、语态乱用。 I’m glad to receive yours letter. / many countries’ students / other countries’ cultures / when I arrived there / I hope to come to you school 8. 内容要点不全,缺项,整体结构不完整。 9. 文段多于或少于规定的字数。 10. 格式不规范,如书信体中漏缺开首词和结尾语等。
  5. 5. 得分条件 <ul><li>1. 行文连贯流畅 — 人称、时间、地点、情节交待有层次。 </li></ul><ul><li>2. 恰当使用连接词语。如: and/or/but/so/not only…but also…/however/besides/otherwise/ like/in the same way/unless/in case/as long as/on one hand, on the other hand 等词或短语。 </li></ul><ul><li>3. 语句简明扼要,无或少词语重复。 </li></ul><ul><li>4. 行文整洁,字体规范,会增加好印象。 </li></ul><ul><li>5. 尽量写出与题目有关的词语。 </li></ul>
  6. 6. Read the version below and give it a proper mark.
  7. 7. I am so glad to have the chance to go to your school. To tell the truth, nothing in the world can delight me so much as receiving a letter from your school. I’d like to be punctual for school in September. Happy though I was, still there is something I have to inquire about. First of all, I wonder if someone is going to meet me at the airport when I arrive in Australia, and what kind of transportation I will take to get to the school. In addition, I hope the school may allow me to live alone. If there is a kitchen in my room, it will be very comfortable and I will be thankful. What’s more, I hope I can study in a class with students from other countries. If so, I think we will get on very well with each other. Thanks for reading. Hope to receive your letter as soon as possible. Best wishes!
  8. 8. Can you write a composition like that?
  9. 9. I am so glad to have the chance to go to your school. ( 李奕霖 ) To tell the truth( 孙侨 ), nothing in the world can delight me so much as receiving a letter from your school.( 秦嘉 ) I’d like to be punctual for school in September.( 史晓蓉、孙侨 ) Happy though I was( 孙侨 ), still there is something I have to inquire about.( 王雪扬 ) First of all( 邹孟荷 ), I wonder if someone is going to meet me at the airport when I arrive in Australia, and what kind of transportation I will take to get to the school.( 宫贺、毕然、赵心如、周楠、李伯震、杨戈、招继楠 ) In addition( 毕然 ), I hope the school may allow me to live alone.( 李晓雯 ) If there is a kitchen in my room, it will be very comfortable and I will be thankful( 王梦雪、王蕾、宫贺、李贤雯 ) ( 王雪扬版 )I’m looking forward to living by myself in a room equipped with a kitchen where I can cook meals instead of eating in the canteen.
  10. 10. What’s more( 王梦雪、邹孟荷 ), I hope I can study in a class with students from other countries.( 武真如、王雅雯 ) If so, I think we will get on very well with each other.( 吕高阳 ) Thanks for reading. Hope to receive your letter as soon as possible.( 李伯震 ) Best wishes!( your English Teacher ) Do you want to learn the skills to write such kind of compositions?
  11. 11. 牢记文法概要 <ul><li>行文要连贯流畅 </li></ul><ul><li>语句要严谨、准确 </li></ul><ul><li>表达要简明、清楚 </li></ul><ul><li>句型结构要有变化 </li></ul><ul><li>语言使用适当得体 </li></ul>
  12. 12. 五步作文法: 一、审题 二、搭架子、填内容 三、写出连接词 四、点题、扣题、突出中心 五、检查、润色
  13. 13. 一、审题 <ul><li>审人称、体裁(交际目的) </li></ul><ul><li>审时态 </li></ul><ul><li>审内容要点 </li></ul><ul><li>审字数 </li></ul>
  14. 14. 二、搭架子、填内容 <ul><li>连词成句 — 给出时间、地点、人称、主要词组或句型。 </li></ul><ul><li>连句成文 — 组句搭架、打好草稿。 </li></ul>
  15. 15. 三、写出连接词 <ul><li>时间 </li></ul><ul><li>方位 </li></ul><ul><li>因果 </li></ul><ul><li>转折 </li></ul><ul><li>承接 </li></ul><ul><li>总结概括 </li></ul><ul><li>对比 </li></ul>
  16. 16. 四、点题、扣题、突出中心 <ul><li>注意首尾呼应,突出中心思想。 </li></ul>
  17. 17. 五、检查、润色 <ul><li>确保每个句子有主语、谓语。 </li></ul><ul><li>确保恰当地使用 </li></ul><ul><li>1. 并列句 </li></ul><ul><li>2. 状语从句 </li></ul><ul><li>3. 分词结构作定语或作状语: </li></ul><ul><li>When arriving in Australia…/ There are </li></ul><ul><li>someone to pick me up </li></ul><ul><li>4. 介词短语作定语或作状语: </li></ul><ul><li>the students from all over the world </li></ul><ul><li>5. 定语从句: </li></ul><ul><li>A room with a kitchen where I can cook </li></ul>
  18. 18. <ul><li>确保动词时态 </li></ul><ul><li>确保主谓一致 </li></ul><ul><li>确保点题、扣题,突出中心 </li></ul><ul><li>确保字数不少于要求 </li></ul><ul><li>确保标点和大小写正确。 </li></ul>
  19. 19. 2007 年 4 月 29 日上午 10 点到 11 点,全国亿万学生阳光体育活动在各地大中小学校同时进行,我省 1,100 万学生积极参与了这项活动。教育部倡导学生:每天锻炼一小时;健康工作五十年;幸福生活一辈子。 请你根据以上提示,用英语准备一份发言稿,向同学们讲述一下阳光体育活动的有关情况,并就高三学生是否需要每天花一小时锻炼,谈谈你的看法及理由。 注意: 发言稿应包括以上所有信息,要有适当发挥。 词数: 120 左右。发言稿的开头和结尾已经写好,不计入总词数。 参考词汇:阳光体育活动 a national student sports program; 教育部 the Ministry of Education Good afternoon, everyone, ____________________________________________________________________ Thank you!
  20. 20. 一、审题 体裁: 人称: 时态: 要点: 词数: 发言稿 第一、第三人称 现在时 1. 活动介绍 2. 教育部倡导 3. 个人看法 120 左右
  21. 21. 二、搭架子、填内容 <ul><li>连词成句 — 给出时间、地点、人称、主要词组或句型。 </li></ul><ul><li>连句成文 — 组句搭架、打好草稿。 </li></ul>时间: 地点: 人称: 词组句型: On the morning of April 29, 2007, from 10:00 to 11:00 primary, middle schools and universities all over China students, the Ministry of Education, senior 3 students 参与 ( 积极地 ) ;倡导;锻炼;工作;生活
  22. 22. 三、写出连接词 <ul><li>时间 </li></ul><ul><li>方位 </li></ul><ul><li>因果 </li></ul><ul><li>转折 </li></ul><ul><li>承接 </li></ul><ul><li>总结概括 </li></ul><ul><li>对比 </li></ul>
  23. 23. 四、点题、扣题、突出中心 <ul><li>注意首尾呼应,突出中心思想。 </li></ul>
  24. 24. 五、检查、润色 <ul><li>确保每个句子有主语、谓语。 </li></ul><ul><li>确保恰当地使用 </li></ul><ul><li>1. 并列句 </li></ul><ul><li>2. 状语从句 </li></ul><ul><li>3. 分词结构作定语或作状语 </li></ul><ul><li>4. 介词短语作定语或作状语 </li></ul><ul><li>5. 定语从句 </li></ul><ul><li>确保动词时态 </li></ul><ul><li>确保主谓一致 </li></ul><ul><li>确保点题、扣题,突出中心 </li></ul><ul><li>确保字数不少于要求 </li></ul><ul><li>确保标点和大小写正确。 </li></ul>
  25. 25. Good afternoon, everyone,     On the morning of April 29, 2007, from 10:00 to 11:00, hundreds of millions of students from primary, middle schools and universities all over China joined in a national student sports program. Eleven million students in Shandong took an active part in this program.     The Ministry of Education calls on students to exercise for an hour every day, in the hope that they will have good health to work fifty years and enjoy the whole life.     Personally, I think it a good idea for us senior 3 students to have daily exercise. Although we take an hour a day for exercise, it is well worth it. Taking exercise helps us build up our body and keep a clear mind. Therefore, we can work more efficiently.     Thank you!

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