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Being an Emotional Coach to Gifted Children
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Being an Emotional Coach to Gifted Children

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Copyright @ 2011 Christine Fonseca

Copyright @ 2011 Christine Fonseca


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  • 1. Giftedkids.ie Webinar SeriesBeing an Emotional Coach to Gifted Children Presented by Christine FonsecaAuthor: Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids Supported by Social Entrepreneurs Ireland, C.T.Y.I. & N.C.T.E.
  • 2. Being an Emotional Coach to Gifted Children A Guide for Parents and Educators Presented by: Christine N. Fonseca, MS PPS Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids
  • 3. Learning TargetsIn this presentation, you’ll learn:• Why gifted children need emotional coaching• A clear understanding of the attributes of effective coaching• Specific strategies for coaching gifted kids Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 4. Characteristics of Giftedness• Intellectual • Personality/Emotional – Exceptional reasoning ability – Insightful – Intellectual curiosity – Need to understand – Rapid learning rate – Need for mental stimulation – Facility with abstracts – Perfectionism – Complex thought processes – Need for precision or logic – Vivid imagination – Excellent sense of humor – Early moral concern – Sensitivity/empathy – Passion for learning (not – Intensity necessarily for school) Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 5. Potential problems with being gifted• School: – Easily bored/frustrated in – “Tunnel” vision; stubborn, school poor switching of tasks or – Problem focusing on the changing of sets mundane – Lack of sufficient challenge in – Scattered; disorganized; too schoolwork many projects at once – Can not finish assignments; – Reads at the expense of social hard time making decisions development – Poor Study habits – Boredom in school; resist – Resists sameness and routine repetitive assignments; tasks; insists on intellectual inaccurate or sloppy work challenges – Little to no patience for – Poor risk taking regular math work or showing – Wonders off subject work in math Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 6. Potential problems with being gifted• Peers: – Impatient; arrogant – “Loner”; resistant to – Can’t connect with fitting in with class, peers; stubborn popular culture or peers – Social avoidance – Poor communication – Talks too much; seems with peers conceited; listening – Isolation from peers problems – Seems bossy; nonconformist; Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 7. Potential problems with being gifted• Emotional: – Emotionally intense – Impatient; sees too much – Unrealistic expectations of – Disruptive; class clown self and others; perfectionist; – Uses humor to seek attention depression; – Excessive questioning (why, – Excessively competitive why) – Low frustration tolerance – Goes too far; seems – Easily hurt disruptive; – Feels powerless to solve – unable to accept help world problems Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 8. Emotional Intensity – A closer look• Emotional Intensity is expressed as: – Intense feelings • Positive • Negative • Both together • Complex emotion the moves rapidly from one to another • Extreme empathy Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 9. Emotional Intensity – A closer look• Emotional Intensity is expressed as: – Body reaction • Stomach aches • Blushing • Heart palpitations • Headache • nausea – Inhibition • Timid • Shy Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 10. Emotional Intensity – A closer look• Emotional Intensity is expressed as: – Affective Memory • Relive feelings over and over again – Fears – Anxieties – Feelings of guilt Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 11. Emotional Intensity – A closer look• Emotional Intensity is expressed as: – Feelings of being out of control – Depressive moods – Strong emotional attachments to people and things – Critical self-evaluations • Feelings of inadequacy Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 12. Extroversion• Highly verbal• Peer relationships – Problems understanding social cues – Problems with competition – Overall impact of peer difficulties Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 13. Introversion• Two personas – Public – Private Learn by watching• Become grouchy if around people for too long• Need down time – Need personal space• Easily humiliated• Rarely interrupt – Hate being interrupted• Quiet with some people – Need significant “warm up” time Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 14. What does this have to do with coaching?“Coaching moves away from telling a child what do to, and focuses on giving him or her the tools necessary to independently figure things out (Cook, 1999).” - Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students, page 125. Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 15. What does this have to do with coaching?Coaching enables the parent or educator to reach the child and TEACH specific strategies so THEY can learn to self monitor and adjust behavior.In short, being an emotional coach helps the child build their emotional intelligence (EQ). Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 16. Global Attributes of an Effective Coach• Understands the child • Knows how to at a deep level communicate• Seeks new information effectively when needed • Consistent discipline• Understands the nature • Leads by example of giftedness • Is committed to the• Knows how to motivate process of growth• Knows how to listen Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 17. Effective Communication• Understand your child. • Communication• Clearly express your happens in both verbal needs and wants to and nonverbal ways. your child without Pay attention to both. blaming. • Learn to deal effectively• Practice active listening with roadblocks as the skills and teach them to come up. your child Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 18. Roadblocks to Communication• Typical child-based • Typical adult-based roadblocks roadblocks – Whining – Threatening – Yelling or crying – Shaming – Making judgments – Ignoring Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 19. Effective Facilitation• Focus on the teaching • Use modeling and the following to the prompting techniques child: to teach desired – Recognizing intense outcomes feelings and behaviors – Understanding the • Focus is on teaching source of those feelings how to think, not what – How to redirect the to think. feelings into more productive behaviors Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 20. Inspiring Others• Start with a strong • Be a source of commitment to both motivation. the child and their • Demonstrate unique growth process. unconditional high regard for the child, no• See difficult times as matter how hard things opportunities to make get. positive growth. • Provide the foundation needed to navigate through the hard times. Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 21. Appropriate issues for “coaching”• Self monitoring of behavior• Understanding the meaning of being gifted• Dealing with intensity – both cognitive and emotional• All of the potential problems outlined earlier are good for this type of technique Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 22. Specific Strategies• Emotional: – See emotional intensity as a NORMAL part of being gifted – Use intellect to develop self-awareness and self- acceptance – Discuss feeling openly – Consistent discipline – Relaxation techniques – Teach an appropriate outlets for frustration
  • 23. Final Thoughts• Give yourself a break – parenting and educating gifted kids is both rewarding and challenging!• Seeking additional resources if things are overwhelming – Books – Schools – Mental Health professionals Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 24. Questions?• Questions?• Contact Information: Christine Fonseca Website – http://christinefonseca.com Blog – http://christinefonseca.wordpress.com Email – christine@christinefonseca.com Presentation is the sole property of Christine Fonseca. No parts may be reproduced without expressed permission
  • 25. Christine Fonseca – Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids. Christine Fonseca has worked in the field of education for more than 10 years. Relying on her expertise as a school psychologist, she has been a resource to parents and educators for understanding the social and emotional needs of gifted children. She holds a master’s degree in school psychology and has served as a school psychologist, speaker, consultant, parenting coach and trainer. Currently, Christine conducts trainings for parents and educators in the Southern California area, where she lives with her husband and gifted daughters. Her recent release, Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students (Prufrock Press, 2010) has received great reviews from both parents and educators. In addition to writing books related to giftedness, Christine writes novels for teens that deal with the often intense emotions felt during adolescence When she is not directly working with children and parents, she spends her time at her favorite coffee house, writing her next book. If you would like to learn more about Christine, please visit: www.christinefonseca.com.
  • 26. Christine Fonseca – Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids. Designed to provide support for the difficult job of parenting and teaching gifted children, Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings provides the resource parents and teachers need to not only understand why gifted children are so extreme in their behavior, but also learn specific strategies to teach gifted children how to live with their intensity. •AVAILABLE THROUGH PRUFROCK PRESS, AMAZON, AND OTHER FINE RETAILERS WHAT READERS ARE SAYING… “I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. Ms. Fonsecas understanding, compassion, and enthusiasm for gifted and talented children shines in this easily understood read. Her amusing and sometimes heart breaking examples explain the frustration and brilliance of the gifted in a way Ive never seen before. Parents, Teachers, you need this book.” -Julie R Fedynich, parent “Simply put, buying and reading this book will be one of the best investments a parent or educator can ever make as they guide the gifted children in their care.” -Lisa Conrad, parent and author Pssst! Want to know a secret? 101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids: The Ultimate Handbook is a must-read for gifted kids ages 8 to 12 who want to find success in school and life. If you’re a gifted kid or you know gifted kids, you need the 101 awesome secrets, tips, and tricks included in this book! •AVAILABLE MAY 1, 2011. PREORDER NOW THROUGH PRUFROCK PRESS, AMAZON AND OTHER FINE RETAILERS
  • 27. Connect . . – http://www.twitter.com/Giftedkidsie – http://www.facebook.com/Giftedkids.ie – http://www.facebook.com/MissionV ‒ http://www.slideshare.net/Giftedkids ‒ http://www.youtube.com/GKie1