The Great Minnesota Tweet-Up


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A collection of my Minnesota State Fair tweets, PowerPointed (

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The Great Minnesota Tweet-Up

  1. 1. The Great Minnesota Tweet-Up<br />By @FlyoverJoel<br />
  2. 2. Bacon on a stick is a popular item at the Minnesota State Fair, but honestly I’m holding out for bacon as the stick.<br />Bacon wrapped bacon on a bacon stick would be the best item at the Fair.<br />
  3. 3. I don't understand why this cow birthing video says "previously recorded" instead of "recorded in front of a live studio audience"<br />Percentage of arm up to the shoulder inside the Cow:<br />100%<br />
  4. 4. The Great Minnesota Saturday Morning Greasy Food Hangover Cure On A Stick Get Together. #MNStateFair<br />You people who swear by some kind of McDonald’s cure would be shocked and amazed at what a deep fried pizza on a stick will do when you find yourself suddenly still drunk at 8:25 on a Wednesday morning.<br />
  5. 5. I was going to clip my toenails before going to the Minnesota State Fair but realized I might need them in a fight or flight situation.<br />Never underestimate the value of going feral when fighting for your place in the deep fried cheese curd line with a family that has a triple-wide stroller.<br />
  6. 6. I hate seeing chickens in cages rather than in their natural habitat of being slathered in wing sauce. #MNStateFair<br />In five years of living in Minnesota, I’ve learned that people do an excellent job with beef but their skills at making tasty wings are significantly lacking.<br />Dinner.<br />
  7. 7. Two days until the Minnesota State Fair which means the locals are all busy dropping off their fanciest Vikings jersey at the dry cleaners.<br />The Great Minnesota Get Together is a unique event that our state should be proud of. Where else do millions of people gather over ten days to gorge on mini-donuts and back sweat?<br />Not that kind of Viking jersey.<br />
  8. 8. I love trying new foods at the Minnesota State Fair but I couldn't find chupacabra on a stick anywhere.<br />Stick? Straw? Whatever, I guess I wasn’t looking hard enough for the finest in fresh meats.<br />
  9. 9. When walking around all day at the Minnesota State Fair, for maximum comfort, remember to apply a little deodorant to the underbelly area. <br />+<br />=<br />When your friend’s bellybutton starts dripping like a leaky faucet and yours is dry, you’ll thank me for this advice<br />
  10. 10. It's the first day of the Minnesota State Fair. More than 100,000 people will pass through the turnstiles today to see goats copulate.<br />The animals at the fair hop on each other with no shame. It’s like hippies at a Dave Matthews concert.<br />
  11. 11. I deep fried our cat food to share my excitement about the Minnesota State Fair, but I didn’t put it on a stick, because that’s ridiculous. <br />Do you realize how many calories are in wood? This satanic looking little pudgeball doesn’t need any more weight.<br />
  12. 12. I'm no expert but I think the sheep judging competition just went to overtime after a controversial call. #MNStateFair<br />When you hear comments like “she’s got a flat butt but nice hips,” you can’t help but think it’s a teaser for the new Playboy Club show on NBC and not an anthropocentric animal judging competition.<br />Don’t we all look like future sweaters and shepherds pie?<br />
  13. 13. Nigerian Dwarf goats are one of my favorites at the Minnesota State Fair, but not one offered me $10M in wire transfers this year.<br />
  14. 14. My senses are so good I don't need a divining rod to find beer at the Minnesota State Fair. <br />Who am I kidding? I don’t need a super power to find beer when it’s always in my fridge.<br />
  15. 15. I just learned the Minnesota State Fair's blue ribbon bone in ham is not related to pigs mating.<br />The amount of food categories where ribbons are awarded is mind boggling. But as we all know, just participating makes you a winner. A winner with the delicious ham coated salty tears of losing.<br />Boy Pig<br />Piglet<br />Piglet<br />Girl Pig<br />
  16. 16. The Wife bought a child harness leash to keep me from running at the State Fair. Too bad I’ll exceed its weight limit after my 2nd corndog.<br />With the way I navigate through heavy foot traffic, I really missed my calling as a slow and portly punt returner. My wife often has to chase me like that same punter who is the only one between me and the end zone corndog.<br />
  17. 17. I’m going back to the Minnesota State Fair to steal one of those giant pumpkins. I’ll need a place to live if The Wife ever kicks me out.<br />I’d totally have the most bitching Halloween pad, right? Also, if I got really hungry I could make pie.<br />
  18. 18. Saw a morbidly obese couple on scooters wearing American Flag shirts & devouring corndogs & was reminded my vote only cancels one of theirs. <br />At least the scooters beep when they back up, which makes baby strollers the real silent killer at the Fair.<br />You can buy seven corndogs for only $21. An amazing deal! Either you can find six friends, or eat them all yourself. Only you can decide.<br />
  19. 19. I may be returning to the Minnesota State Fair tonight because I’m a glutton for punishment. I mean corndogs, glutton for corndogs.<br />One of the most contentious debates in the Twin Cities is the preference between corndogs and Pronto Pups. We clearly don’t have enough to do in Minnesota.<br />
  20. 20. With all the politicians here at the Minnesota State Fair, you know there are some corporations buying a Congressman on a stick.<br />How else could Michele Bachmann afford to get that corndog she stuffed in her inflammatory pie hole during unflattering photo number 2? <br />Although, Ron Paul was sporting an impressive 27 inch CRT with built in VHS player in his booth.<br />
  21. 21. 2 weeks until the MN State Fair. I’m looking forward to the miracle of birth barn, but not the miracle of teen conception behind the barn.<br />I wish the farmers that leave their kids sleeping in the animal pens would at least have the decency to slap some kind of blue ribbon on them.<br />Future dinner or current dinner for time travelers.<br />
  22. 22. Your food may be "World Famous" but any meatballs on a stick are somewhat suspicious outside the cattle barn. #MNStateFair<br />While this isn’t actually outside the cattle barn, there are enough meatball on a stock vendors that at least one has to be related to a fraternity initiation. <br />
  23. 23. The Minnesota State Fair is an entire week of revenge for my colon over its jealousy of all the fun my liver has on New Year’s Eve.<br />Thanksgiving is for eating, Christmas has gift giving, and New Year’s involves boozing it up. The Fair is like all of those wrapped into one. I just need to sit on the lap of the furry mammal to the left and let him know what six pack to leave me under the State Fair Fern.<br />
  24. 24. When it comes to the Minnesota State Fair, you can say I left it all on the field tonight-except for the 3500 calories and the 0.12 BAC.<br />At the end of your last visit to the Fair, all you can do is unbutton your pants, hope your trousers don’t fall off and wait for the sweet relief of your indigestion to subside.<br />People at the Fair DON’T eat apples that aren’t covered in caramel.<br />
  25. 25. This has been a presentation from:<br /> @FlyoverJoel<br />Eating six or seven banquets on a stick since 2006<br />